Cover image by Louis Hansel.
In preparation for my How I Beat my Approach Anxiety article, I was going through some of my old journal entries. I found the old logs I wrote leading up to my vasectomy back in 2016, so I thought I’d share them in their unedited form so we can all have a laugh together. They’re pretty amusing.
I also have a Q&A section at the end if you’re contemplating a vasectomy yourself.
So, a vasectomy was something I knew I’d eventually get – once I’d worked up the courage to have a doctor hack open my most tender area. I’ve never wanted kids, I’ve always known I’ll never want kids; so a vasectomy was an inevitability for me.
But I was scared – so bloody scared. I put it off for years, telling myself, “I’ll do it when I’m ready.” Finally I came to the following realisation during an LSD trip on 17th May, 2016 (the following is from a diary I wrote in during the LSD trip):
This is the fucking SECRET TO LIFE: You don’t have to be amazing, or productive, or successful. You have to be BUSY, and you don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to have all the right answers, you don’t have to have everything planned out before you start. You just START, and you FIGURE IT OUT ALONG THE WAY.
You just fucking TAKE ACTION and then figure out the answers along the way. Even this LSD trip right now – I was not ready, I mean I didn’t have anything planned out… But I jumped right in.
And holy fuck, have I forgotten the first time I took LSD? It was the day before flying for my grandfather’s funeral, remember??? Holy fuck… The day before. That was the worst time to take it, I was not ready. But I thought “fuck it, jump right in.” And it was the BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE – I was so zen and at peace when I arrived to his funeral. Everything was ok, everything made sense, and I was able to accept his death.
That attitude, that “fuck it, let’s just jump in and do it” attitude, that risk-taking, THAT is masculinity. We take risks. We jump right in. We do insane shit. Before we’re ready. Before we’ve thought it through. Before we have all the answers. But somehow, we figure things out along the way, and we’re better off for the experience.
I need to do the same shit with my vasectomy. It’s time to just jump straight in and DO IT.
Yep, an LSD trip gave me the courage to do it. (LSD has given me courage to start a lot of my goals/missions).
I did a tonne of research, found the best vasectomy clinic in my city, and booked it in so I couldn’t chicken out. The following are all the journal entries I wrote over on the Good Looking Loser Forums back in 2016, leading up to the vasectomy.
[I had a few people ask me on the GLL Forums if I was absolutely sure about the vasectomy. Here’s my reply]:
“Are You Sure?” (01 Jun 2016)
To repeat, “When I was 16 I knew… I would never have kids. Ever.”
Appreciate the “are you REALLY sure about this” from you guys though. I 100% fully realise it’s something I can never take back. I accepted that a long time ago, have just been working up the courage to actually do this.
Day Before (02 Jun 2016)[At this point I was nervous as hell, but I knew I’d made a good choice with the doctor I chose. I’d done my research, his clinic had amazing reviews; all that was left to do was wait.]
Quick update: Tomorrow is my vasectomy. Nervous, obviously (a doctor is going to hack into my nuts), but this is something I’ve put off for a few years now so it needs to be done.
I’ve honestly become totally paranoid and completely fucking OCD during sex these last few months. I can’t enjoy sex – I check the condom like 5 times during sex to make sure it hasn’t broken (I had one break when a girl wasn’t on the pill about 6 months ago, I nearly had a heart attack). I make sure I always bust my nut in the girls mouth and make her swallow it lol – that’s how paranoid I am about getting a girl pregnant. I can’t even cum on her body any more without freaking out – and I sure as hell can’t cum inside her (even while wearing a condom). It’s at the point where sex is becoming less enjoyable because all I can think is “this could potentially make her pregnant, I’m playing with fire”.
My life is starting to come together, I have my own apartment, job I love, I’m getting fit, starting to chase girls, learning to cold approach – I would fall apart if I ever got a girl pregnant.
I’m going to feel SO much better after the procedure, I’ll be able to relax again.
The Day Of (3 Jun 2016)[I woke up extremely nervous, but just wanting to have it over and done with. I posted this on the forums to keep myself distracted while I waited for the doctor to
Nervous, but really I just want to fucking have it done so I can relax. Will post an update tomorrow.
@RogerRoger: It’s 3 months – you gotta keep using condoms for 3 months to “clear the pipes” of any residual sperm. After that you get your cum tested to make sure there’s no sperm.
Still gonna keep using condoms after that (for STDs) but I’ll be able to relax, not have to be paranoid if one breaks, not be paranoid about cumming on the girl’s tits, etc.
Last night I got laid, it was almost “accidental”. So this girl I mentioned earlier, the one I kissed in the busy shopping mall. I’d made tentative plans to meet her last night, but I completely fucking forgot about it (been more focused on the vasectomy). She texted me yesterday to ask if we’re still on. I was so tempted to say no, but thought fuck it, could use the distraction. So we meet.
I had absolutely NO plans to try and get laid – my apartment is a mess, there’s vasectomy paperwork everywhere, and my mind was on other things. So I just took her for a walk around my area, we went to a park and just sat on the swings chatting, etc. Felt more like 2 friends hanging out rather than a date. I was cool with that – was just grateful for the distraction. And she’s pretty easy and relaxed to talk to, she’s interested in my life, etc.
We’re walking back towards the train station, I’m about to walk her home. At some point I kiss her, pretty passionately, squeezing her ass hard, and she’s REALLY into it, moaning and doing that thing girls do where they “melt” and you kinda have to support them so they don’t fall over lol. We keep walking to the train station and in my head I’m debating – should I take her to my apartment, or to the train station? I thought “fuck it” and walked her to my apartment. She doesn’t even say anything (normally girls will nervously say “Oh, are we going to your place….”)
In my apartment, sitting on the couch, I’m STILL thinking “I don’t know if I can be bothered fucking tonight.” She’s definitely cute, not super cute but cute (6/10). Again, “fuck it” so I kiss her passionately and she’s REALLY into it. She was more into it than me. She was clearly really really nervous, shaking a little bit. I love when girls are nervous during sex, they’re so cute.
Sex was pretty awesome, only lasted about 15 minutes, her pussy felt amazing. She was really turning me on and I tend to be really rough when I’m turned on (hair pulling, choking, calling them a whore, faceslapping, etc). I wasn’t too rough with her but halfway through she told me I was. I said “It’s your fault, you’re turning me on so much, I can’t help myself.” Drove her crazy.
By the way, women get turned on by a guy being turned on. Magic words to say are things like “You drive me insane” or “I can’t stop myself” or “I just HAVE to have you” etc. Women fucking LOVE that shit.
So good sex, we chatted for a bit after, I walked her back to the station. She messaged me a few hours afterwards which was cool. Will definitely see her again but she goes back to Singapore in 3 weeks so there’s a time limit on it.
ENOUGH CHIT CHAT, TIME TO GO GET MY NUTS CUT OFF
After the Operation (3 Jun 2016)[I think the below quote says it all…]
im high as fuck guysssss
so the vasectomy was amazing. everybody from the nurses to the secretaries was friendly as hell.
i walk in, they check my paperwork and then show me an instructional video.
dr comes in, Dr Andrew, he’s super fucking cool and funny, we start chatting about my photography, his daughter is also a photographer. really chill dude, made me feel right at ease.
he asks me why i dont want to have kids, i say “Because theyre gross”, he cracks up and says “all right lets do this thing”.
so i go lay on a table, the nurse (nurse Jenny) is super fucking funny too. she and Dr Andrew and I are joking the whole time. i had my headphones to listen to music but ended up just talking shit with them the entire time. it was only about 20mins (felt like 5 mins though).
they gave me a local anaesthetic but also this drug thing called a “green whistle”. i could suck on it as much as i wanted. no shit, IT GOT ME HIGH. like legitimately fucking HIGH like having 100 BEERS. my words were slurred, i couldnt stop giggling, and my head was spinning (in a good way). the whole time cracking jokes with the dr and the nurse, got to tell my favourite joke too: “How do you know when there’s a doctor in the room? He’ll tell you.”
As for pain, NOTHING. A very very slight “pinch” when the local anaesthetic was injected but it was barely noticeable. nothing after that. i told the Dr I’d been putting off a vasectomy because i was scared of the pain. lol he said “youre a pussy, real men get vasectomies, i even gave myself my own vasectomy”.
once it was all done, they even called a taxi for me. fucking cool people, everyone there was so friendly and chilled. the whole thing from start to finish including waiting was only 1.5hrs.
so glad I did this.
so the local anaesthetic hasnt worn off yet, doc said there MAY be some pain, but only minor. some guys get no pain at all. will update tomorrow or the next day, but supposedly just panadol is enough.
there is that weird “discomfort” feeling like when you get kicked in the balls. you know how it feels “weird” in your tummy? i have that. it’s not pain, just that “weird” feeling.
(05 Jun 2016)
*rap beat starts playing*[the intro doesn’t rhyme because i’m cool as fuck and don’t even bother with that rhyming shit until later on, son]
check it, check it, it’s ya boy Andy coming at ya from the land down under
nuts are healing nicely, little tender but s’all good
lemme throw a little something at ya that I just whipped up
better lock away yo momma cause this beat will make her panties DROP, SON
alright now here we go
*music steps up*[ALRIGHT NOW WE GONNA RHYME, S’GONNA BE TIGHTER THAN YO MOMMA’S BLOWJOB SKILLZ]
kids are gross and I never wanna have ’em
a doc laid me down, grabbed my nuts and then he stab ’em
cut open my tubes so no sperm can cum out
so now i don’t have to have a condom when I spout
yeah, yeah, alright
my life would be over if I ever had a child
i’d much sooner die ’cause that’d be much more mild
all i wanna do is fuck bitches and make cash
so that’s why the doc went cut, hack and slash
my boys are still tender but they healing up nicely
can’t wait to bend yo momma over & cum in her thricely
she’ll be like “damn boy what if you get me preggers?”
I’ll tell her something wise about the choosers and the beggers.
Seriously though you guys better hide your mothers, once i’m healed up it’s time to wreck some snatch.
Resting Up (10 Jun 2016)[I rested for about a week – jsut to make sure everything was absolutely healed up. I stayed on the couch for about 5 days – I wasn’t in pain or anything, but I wanted to give myself extra time to heal. It’s my nuts, after all – the most important part of a man’s body (other than his heart (that’s so gay)).]
Been stuck at home the last week since the big V. Haven’t really been in pain, more like my nuts are “tender”. Figured I’d err on the side of caution and rest up, so I’ve barely left the house other than to go to the grocery store.
Healing up pretty well, today I feel pretty much normal. Nuts look normal, no scar (tiny slight scab but it’s healing). Tested out the plumbing today by jerking off. Was fucking terrified, to be honest – hardest orgasm I’ve ever had to have, lol. I kept backing off at the last second, scared my nuts would explode or I’d die or something haha. I had approach anxiety toward my orgasm lollll.
But nothing to worry about. Everything looked normal when I came. Same amount (slightly more than usual since I haven’t jerked off in 9 days). Same colour, same consistency, same smell, same taste (just kidding). Gonna rest up a few more days, jerk off a couple more times to make sure it’s definitely all good, then get back into cold approaching and banging my fuckbuddies.
It’s funny, girls have the worst timing. Since I’ve been out of action and haven’t seen any girls the last 2 weeks… The girl I’ve been banging for 5 months, “J”, has texted me a few times over the last 2 weeks – so has the more recent girl I banged. When girls miss you/want your attention, they use ANY random excuse to text you. They write the most irrelevant, retarded shit lol. “J” told me about some tv show she watched, texted to tell me her sister is having a baby, and other shit. The new girl “Ja” texted to tell me about some building they’re putting up across from her apartment, and some video game she saw someone playing. Totally inane stuff. Girls are fucking adorable as shit when they like you. They turn into little kids.
Pregnancy Scare (19 Jul 2016)[The following happened shortly after my vasectomy but before I’d been given the all-clear by the doctor saying it had been successful. So I still wasn’t 100% sure I was “shooting blanks”.]
so im woken up super early by my fuckbuddy “J” calling to tell me she’s missed her period and thinks she might be pregnant. cue a freakout from me. of course i remain calm on the phone and calmly tell her to buy 3 pregnancy kits and let me know the result. I’ve never cum in her by the way. and yes, i had my vasectomy, but that can take up to 12 weeks before you get the “all clear”. so my heart is racing, im in freakout mode.
after thinking about it, this may be a cry for attention. since i started the cold approaching 3 weeks ago, ive basically been ignoring “J” and havent hung out with her for 3 weeks. another girl did this to me after i stopped talking to her for 2 months.
so add those two times together with the time i had a condom break, ive now had 3 pregnancy scares in 9 months. and im not even a fucking big-time hotshot player, other guys on here are fucking way more bitches than I have been.
so when some of you say “hey bro are u sure about vasectomy? seems pretty permanent bro, you should reconsider, should wait for vasagel… THIS IS WHY I GOT A FUCKING VASECTOMY.
so i went out, no fucking intention to approach. im feeling like” i fucking hate women” right now. using “i think im pregnant” for attention is pure evil, if thats whats happening here. my mood is 0, energy is 0. but bad idea bear pushed me to do approaches. walked around for 30 min and just felt worse and worse. was like “fuck it” and did one on an asian chick. voice was monotone, i couldnt be fucked, just asked for a number with no smalltalk. no number, obviously.
feel like this is important though. 3 weeks ago if i had a day like today, i would have stayed home, cheated on my diet, watched porn and maybe even skipped my workout. instead i did a cold approach while mood+energy = 0.
so ive taught myself you dont even have to be feeling good to approach. this is the worst mood I’m ever going to be in, coupled with the fact i dont even want to talk to females right now… and i still approached.
consistency/habit will lead me to victory.
A few months later I got the all-clear from the doctor that I was now, officially,
~~~ S T E R I L E ~~~Image by Louis Hansel
Questions I Get Asked:
“What if you regret it?”
“Why don’t you want kids?”
I knew when I was 16 I didn’t want kids, or marriage. I’m 33 as of 2020; that hasn’t, and won’t, change.
“But, like, what if you change your mind?”
“No but seriously Andy, vasectomies are a huge thing. And you might decide you do really want kids later dude. I’m just warning you.”
“But I just think you might have a change of heart one day and…”
“Did it hurt?”
Fuck no. It was fun, as you can see in the story above.
“I’ve been thinking of getting one myself. Can you advise me if I should or not?”
I’m not willing to give you quick advice on such a life-changing decision. If you want to hit me up for a coaching call and cover it in-depth over an hour, we can do that. If not, then do your own research, spend a lot of time deciding if you want to do it, talk to all of your family and friends first, etc. This has to be your decision, not anybody else’s.
“I definitely want one. How should I go about finding a doctor/clinic?”
I spent months researching – I googled “Best vasectomy doctor in [my city]” and a bunch of other searches. I ended up going with one of the most expensive ones, because he’d been doing vasectomies for his entire career and knew what he was doing. His was also the only vasectomy clinic that offered anti-anxiety medicine beforehand if you were nervous (they call it “the green whistle”).
It cost me $1380 Australian Dollars – far more than all the other clinics. I’m so so glad I spent that much on it, given it was an important decision and I didn’t want anything to go wrong with my dick/balls.
Here’s the full invoice + their location details, if you happen to live in Australia and want a good recommendation:
“How long did it take to heal?”
A few days. The first day, I just stayed in bed the whole day. It wasn’t painful, just felt “weird” down there. The second day I laid on the couch most of the day just to make sure I’d definitely healed. After that I was pretty much fine. I waited a couple weeks before jerking off (they tell you to wait, then jerk off a few times to “clear the pipes” before you’re all-clear).
“Did you get a test to say you were definitely ‘shooting blanks’?”
Yep, a couple months after it was all done, I went to a pathlogy lab to give a semen sample. The test came back all-clear; the vasectomy was a success. No sperm.
“Do you notice any difference in any way – amount of semen/ejaculate, etc?”
Nope, can’t tell the difference. Looks to be about the same amount I shot as before the vasectomy. Colour looks the same, consistency is the same, girls tell me it takes like normal sperm.
If you have any other questions, drop a comment below.