NSFW: This article contains nude pics.
Disclaimer: Everyone here is 18+. I have permission to upload every nude photo. Happy to remove pics/stories – contact me.
What does every good story need, in order to be successful?
- Neurosis.
- Clowns (minimum of 1, but more is better).
- A 3some.
Yep, it’s scientifically and medically impossible for a story to be classified as Good™ if it doesn’t contain all of the above 3 ingredients. Every great classical writer from Shakespeare to James Joyce to the people who write for Buzzfeed all know you simply cannot write a story without these 3 elements. If your story is lacking any of these 3, the only answer is to burn the story, then burn yourself at the stake for being a heretic.
I trust by now you’ve figured out the story I’ve written below will have all 3 of these prerequisites. Alright, enough fucking around; let’s dive in.
As you read it, keep in mind “Woody Allen” was the nickname I gave my girlfriend before she actually became my girlfriend. (If you don’t know who Woody Allen is, he’s a writer/director/actor well-known for playing neurotic characters). My girl started out really neurotic when I met her; just like Woody Allen.
Over time as she worked on herself and became more confident and self-assured, she became less and less neurotic, and the name Woody Allen made less and less sense. I haven’t called her that in about a year now.
So as you’re reading the following story, any time I mention Woody Allen, I’m referring to my girlfriend. I originally posted this story on the Good Looking Loser Forums back in May 2018. As always, any parts in blue are direct quotes from the old post I initially wrote.
Sup, bitches. Last night shagged 2 girls in a row, good times.
Clown Girl:
- Matched on Bumble (tinder-clone).
- She’s legitimately in a circus, dresses up like a clown, does all manner of circus shit. I’m thinking to myself how fucking funny it’d be to fuck a clown.
- She had a couple of pics of her in clown makeup, with the hair and red nose and everything. She looked pretty cute as a clown.
- Didn’t use any BDSM talk because I clearly didn’t need it – her FIRST message says she likes my bio which is “When I was little, girls hated when I pulled their hair. Funny how some things change”.
- The funny thing is because her profile made me crack up (it’s a tonne of clown photos), I wasn’t really taking the conversation seriously – I was being an idiot and kinda “trolling”, as you’ll see below. It was only at the end when I thought, “Ok, this girl’s clearly into me, and she’s cute – I should actually meet her.” Asked for the number, met her, banged.
– Ends up being super easy lay. From the start of the date she’s dropping cute little hints like “You know I don’t just dress up as a clown, I have other… more adult… costumes…” and “Hey where’s your apartment?” and shit like that.
– Took her to mine, invite her up, boom straight away it’s on
– REALLY fucking hot body. Was not expecting it, because you can’t tell from her pics. skinny, HUGE tits (E or F cups, no exaggeration).
– REALLY good lay. She was super sensitive, and went CRAZY when I grabbed her throat
Shittest picture ever, but here’s her pussy. We tried to take a better one, but neither of us could be bothered getting up to turn on the light…
So then I had to walk her back to the train station shortly after we were done, because I was seeing the second girl (see story below). But while waiting for the second girl, I ran into the first girl (clown girl) again HAHA. She was like, “Oh how come you’re out? I thought you were going home.” Good times.
Met the second girl 15 minutes later – I’ve nicknamed her, “Woody Allen Girl”.
Woody Allen Girl:
– Matched on Tinder, super easy to get her to meet me.
– She is much much much cuter in person vs her pics – she only just turned 18, so she has that cute young girl look.
– ….Then she started talking. Oh jesus. At first it was cute… she’s Woody Allen levels of neurotic. So neurotic she was actually NARRATING her own neurosis. Like everything that was in her brain, was just pouring out of her mouth, she couldn’t turn it off. “Oh my god I’m talking so much I’m so sorry, I always do this, I’m such a bad person, I am so neurotic, you’re probably thinking I’m so annoying right now, I’m so sorry for this.” And it wasn’t just a nerves thing, because we spent 4 hours together and she was STILL doing it at the end of the night.
– She was also terrified to meet me, she texted me about 5 times before we met asking if I would murder her. She also drank an entire bottle of wine in the hours before seeing me, because she was so nervous. LOL
– The sex was insane, but the neurosis is actually the most interesting part of her. It would take me YEARS to tell you guys everything that was wrong with her thinking patterns. She’s a trainwreck. But weirdly enough she’s ultra intelligent and self-aware – she’s doing an electrical engineering degree. And she KNOWS her thoughts/neurosis/etc is unhelpful, she even goes to a therapist. But she can’t turn it off.
– Several times while we were cuddling after sex, we were just lying there talking and chilling, basking in the afterglow… she kept interrupting the conversation and saying “Oh god I’m so sorry, I’m just lying here talking to you when I should be doing something. Do you want me to give you a blowjob? I’m so fucking selfish I’m not even thinking about you. I feel so guilty for not doing anything nice for you, should I clean your apartment?”
– Yes that’s right, this girl fucking asked to clean my apartment
– She spent the entire night apologising for EVERYTHING. At first it was cute but quickly became annoying. “I’m so sorry I’m not good enough” and “You deserve so much better, you’re so hot, you should be fucking girls much sexier than me I’m sorry”
– All those fucked up issues of hers meant she was hands down the MOST submissive human being I have ever come into contact with. I did EVERYTHING to her, and every time I did something more and more depraved, she THANKED ME FOR IT.
– Did every kinky thing you could imagine in the bedroom and she kept thanking me for it, wanting more.
Afterwards walked her back to her train stop, which she was very grateful for. I don’t think she’d had that before from a casual Tinder hookup.
Here’s Woody Allen tied up, with me about to spank her with a paddle:
We tried to pose for a good photo but it’s hard when the lighting is so dark with only my red lamp. I need a better phone that can take pics in low light…
Go back and read the first screenshot (with Clown Girl) – see how she mentions “My roommate thought you were creepy, but I liked it”? You can’t live your life terrified of ever doing anything that girls will say is “creepy” – because what’s incredibly hot to one girl, will be “creepy” to the next. This is literal proof of that; two girls living in the same fucking house, and one says I’m a creep while the other girl literally has sexual intercourse with me. I’ve talked about this concept before in Getting Laid Requires You to be Creepy.
You can also see both girls made it really easy for me to have sex with them. Girls who wanna bang you, will make it really easy to have sex with them. No games, no hurdles, no “shit tests“, no manipulation. It’s why I always advocate talking to more girls to find the ones who are into you, rather than “working on a girl” to “make her like you” or “build rapport”.
Mark Manson has a great article on this called: Fuck Yes or No.
A couple of weeks after the story above, I brought both girls together for a 3some. Was pretty easy – I’d already had a 3some with Woody Allen Girl. So I asked Clown Girl:
“Ever fooled around with another girl, or thought about it?”
She said she never had and was semi-curious… but she also said, “To be honest, I’m not really crazy about the idea.”
I showed her a few pics of Woody Allen Girl anyway, and she immediately changed her tune – “Oh wow, she’s really gorgeous…” I asked her if she wanted to meet her, and all of a suddent it was, “Yes, I do…” I showed Clown Girl‘s pics to Woody Allen Girl, who also thought she was cute. Then I just had to set a date, they both came over, and the rest is history.
Having a 3some isn’t hard – just do what I did. Find 2 fuckbuddies, ask them both, “Ever fooled around with another girl, or thought about it?” and see what they say. If you don’t have two fuckbuddies who say yes to this, go talk to more girls until you do.
Here’s the story I originally posted:
The Threesome:
Had another 3some, even better than the previous one.
This time was Woody Allen + Clown girl. Clown girl has never done anything with a girl so she was nervous as fuck. Woody Allen was nervous as fuck too.
I met them both in public and walked them back to my place (holding both their hands at the same time & feeling like a pimp… though everyone in public probably assumed I’m just their gay best friend or something lol). We had a few drinks, I made out with one girl, then the other, then made them kiss each other and it was game on.
Jesus fucking christ it was nuts… EVEN BETTER than the previous 3some. Like 100 times better.
Ended up lasting about 13 hours (with a few naps in between) – we went so long into the night that I’d fuck one girl while the other one slept, then fuck the next girl while the first one slept. I think I even fell asleep myself at a few points.
– Clown girl is normally submissive, but because Woody Allen is really young and really innocent and cute-faced, Clown girl took on this “motherly” role with her. It was fascinating – she was “protecting” woody allen from me… Like I’d slap woody allen and clown girl would go “Wait! Slow down! Be nicer to her” and then she’d kiss Woody Allen’s face. It was like I was the big bad wolf, and she had to protect woody allen from me.
– Eventually woody allen convinced clown girl “No please stop protecting me, I need to be hurt, it feels so good” and then clown girl went full dom… without me even telling her to. She was slapping woody allen’s face, pulling her hair, talking dirty to her, getting her on the edge of orgasm then stopping, etc – fun. She even starting saying “Good girl” when she was good, and then punishing her if she did something wrong.
– It was a lot more “intimate” this time, and much more affectionate – we spent a hell of a lot of time cuddling & making out. The two of them are really fucking sensual and it’s hot as FUCK watching them kiss and touch each other & go down on each other. For quite a lot of the time I just let them go for it, while gently stroking my cock. Hot as fuck.
– When they left and said goodbye, we were in public and they both made out with each other (with people around), then made out with me. Fuck that was cool.
Here’s a photo of woody allen going down on clown girl:
We’re definitely going to do it again. Both girls were begging me (and begging each other) to do it again.
My dick is red raw though, and I have a date tonight and a date tomorrow night. I’m not gonna fuck, I’ll just finger them and make some excuse about being tired. My dick really is too tired/sore to use.
——
More importantly:
I Can Get Laid:
Ok. I’m finally able to admit this to myself:
I am a guy who gets laid.
More to the point, I am a guy who CAN get laid. If I moved to a new city, or a new country, and had to start my life anew… I know I could get laid within 1 week, if I just put in the effort.
Online dating, cold approach, I’m absolutely comfortable with all of it.
That’s such a massive fucking thing for me to say… It’s taken me 3 years of nonstop self-improvement (every single damn day) to get there. This was my end goal when I first found Good Looking Loser. I wasn’t even sure I’d ever be able to reach this point.
Now that I’m here, I’m not sure what the next goal is. Part of me thinks, “Ok dude, you can delete your account and stop posting on the forums. You don’t need it anymore”.
I’m so tempted to do that. To just enjoy this “golden era” of my life without keeping a journal of it. But I’d miss the friendships I’ve built up with a lot of you guys.
Plus I know it’s arrogant and stupid to think just because I’m getting laid right now means “I’ve made it” and can slow down and rest. This is the time I need to push myself HARDER, not rest of my laurels.
I’ll keep doing what I’m doing – trying to get laid more and more, improving my looks, improving my body, working on my killer instinct, pushing the boundaries. There’s still a LOT on my sexual bucketlist, plus I’m just enjoying getting new pussy. I’ll keep posting on here.
Thanks for everything, you guys.
As I’ve mentioned, Woody Allen Girl went on to become my girlfriend – we’ve been together a few years now. Her neurosis completely went away as she learned to relax and listened to me and took her self-improvement seriously. She quit drinking, lost some weight, started seeing a counselling, read a tonne of self-help books, dropped out of a university degree she hated and has recently gone on to start her own business. She’s not perfect (neither am I) but she’s come a hell of a long way from that neurotic, un-self-aware girl I once knew.
I’m pretty fucking proud of her.
I also want to highlight the stuff I wrote at the bottom of that story – the fact I finally felt like a guy who could get laid. I posted that in June 2018; when I was roughly 31, about 3 years after I first started working on my sex life. At that point I’d been getting laid for YEARS, but it took my self-esteem a really long time to catch up. I mean, hell, I had to have 2 fucking threesomes before I even felt like I was a “player”.
I had Imposter Syndrome – something I’ve talked about in detail here. Sometimes you’ll be having success for many months (in this case, a couple of years) before you finally admit to yourself, “Ok. I did it. I’m successful.” The solution is to just keep pushing forward like I did, and trust that eventually your self-esteem will catch up.
It’s ok to feel like a fraud for a while; just keep on doing your thing, and eventually you’ll feel like you’ve earned your success. You’re going to find that the process of trying to get laid naturally forces you to improve yourself and become a better person. Getting laid isn’t just about getting laid. It’s about becoming a man worthy of getting laid.
