It’s Friday around noon and I’ve wandered into town. I’m thinking about day-creeping but not really feeling it. I open a petite Portguese girl who smiles but rushes off to meet a friend. So I wander to Trafalgar Square. I spot a slim 18yr old French girl ambling aimlessly with her camera. The daygame radar trips out so I go direct:

Me: Hi. How’s your English?
Her: I speak English. A little [really well, actually]
Me: Cool. I just noticed you there and I had to come over and talk to you. Because I find you very attractive.
Her: *tee hee etc*

I'm getting a chubby just looking at her

She hooks really easily and I find out later she’s quite the Anglophile. After ten minutes I bounce her into the National Gallery and use the paintings to escalate kino (grabbing her in to look at a picture, ask a question, then push her away – rinse repeat) and verbally by playing a game where we take turns making up a silly background story to each painting. Obviously I pick sexual paintings. After ten minutes there I bounce again, deliberately breaking the rythym

Me: Ok, I’m bored. Let’s go.
Her: Ok.
Me: Do you like Sherlock Holmes?
Her: Yes!
Me: Cool. I’ll show you something.

We sit in the beer garden at the Sherlock Holmes pub and I run deep rapport for an hour and then she has to go for a pre-arranged lunch with her friend who is in London for 2 weeks and doing some job. We swap numbers and she agrees to text when she’s done. I go up to Covent Garden to sit and read in a cafe. Halfway through coffee my girlfriend walks in with her friend. Fuck. I’d told her I was busy today. Fortunately she doesn’t see me and leaves without incident. Frenchie texts and we meet again. Wisdom is in town so he DHVs me while we are watching a street orchestra and then I take the girl to Camden market. While we are standing on a crowded bus the kino is great – I’m leaning back against the side and shes pushed into me, arms around me. I kiss close – very lightly.

Our walk through the market is brief and then we walk along the canal. I throw her over a church wall and kiss her in the cemetary before we are interrupted by the gardner, who chats to us cheerfully for ten minutes. Then we lie down in Primrose Hill and make out big time. She later reveals that was her favourite part of the holiday. She’s only in London for the weekend but I can tell she’s falling for me big time. We arrange to meet up in the evening and her to bring the friend.

Friend turns out to be unattractive and the most persistent, miserable cockblock I’ve ever seen. It’s bootcamp weekend so the RSG boys DHV me in front of the ladies and I take then into On Anon. Seated downstairs we are joined by Smooth who is dating a stripper. The five of us chat and have fun, while Suave and Moran come over occasionally to DHV us both (they are winging students in the club). Frenchie is dripping wet but can’t leave her friend. Ms Cockblock is just sitting there grumpy as fuck but not actively getting in the way. She’s a total spare wheel and knows it but won’t leave and won’t talk when we try to engage her. With my girl having known her since they were toddlers, and staying at her flat, there’s no chance of separating them tonight.

After the club I take them to my member’s bar where we are joined by Burto and his girl. DHVs are flying around. I try to fuck my girl in the toilets but she won’t let me pull her shorts off. Next day I’m teaching bootcamp then on the way home insta-date a Brazilian. On the evening we’re down in Clapham and I meet the two Frenchies at the station. Suave shows up with his Day 2, a Polish girl he pulled in salsa class, and we all jump in a minicab to the bar (my target sitting on my lap). I’m wearing my red Tyler Durden jacket and walk in with the Frenchi on my arm. Immediately an asian party girl opens me complimenting my jacket, so I let her build a nice jealousy plotline over the night as she eyeballs me and flirts from distance. I’m not interest in her but it works well on the target. Dr Becks shows up with an entourage and we all sit outside swapping DHVs. Suave’s girl is massively into him now – how couldn’t she be after all this – so he ends up banging her. I can’t get the cockblock to leave so go home with blueballs.

Frenchie is desperate to meet again and saying she’ll buy a ticket for next month to come alone. I agree, naturally. I see her off at the Eurostar on Sunday and then the next night we are chatting on Facebook to arrange the next visit. I decide I’ll go see her a week later. I’m about to book when she says “Oh fuck! That’s gonna the wrong part of the month. I won’t be able to have sex with you.” Hmmm. I think about the Libyan who is arriving soon and reply “This is really fucking crazy, but….. do you wanna meet tomorrow?” She messages back “YES!”. I book my ticket at midnight, leaving 9am the next day.