I’m minding my own business on Facebook chat with some girls, as I’m wont to do, when a random Italian sends me a friends request. I search my memory and I’m pretty sure I’ve never met her before. She’s made a mistake.

A big mistake.

Let’s find out what sort of trouble she’s landed herself into…..

Her: are you the guy from soho???
Me: probably, I go there alot     on the street?
Her: maybe…but you are the wrong guy   [ok, that’s cleared up the mystery. Let’s see if I can reel her in]
Me: no problem     I have a common name     so who are you?  [low investment, she ought to be polite after opening me]
Her: the most common in england i think     i am [Milano]
Me: That much I already know     you look Italian   [slight defiance, make a guess – easy because of her name – and see if she’s curious about what I think of her]
Her: haha     i am
Me: like one of the crazy Sardinians   [tease, start to put her into a box]
Her: no     from milanno
Me: oh dear…..    I nearly got murdered in Milan   [bait a story, see if she wants to draw it out of me]
Her: haha     why?    mafia?
Me: I was there on business     my last job I travelled all over the world     usually Brazil, Japan etc, but we had an office in Milan     on my first night I get a taxi from the airport     as we come into the city centre, the taxi goes slow because a woman is lying in the road     this is a black mercedes. It doesn’t say “taxi”. My secretary booked it     there was a group of 10 middle-class middle-aged people near her     like they were going to the opera     very Milan-style clothes     and suddenly they attacked my taxi     shouting they were gonna kill us   [standard A2 DHV story. All true. She opened me so I can easily feign disinterest in classic Mystery manner]
Her: hahahha
Me: ð¦Â Â Â Â  I thought “Milan is full of crazy people”
Her: probably     thats why i’m not there anymore  [she’s happy to talk about herself, so I can get her to work a little]
Me: why did you come here?
Her: i dont like milan     or italy     in general     haha
Me: your food is good  [positive frame]
Her: that’s true     i’m still cooking it here
Me: oh, so you like cooking?  [ bait]
Her: yes   [hook]
Me: +10 points for you ð   [reel]
Her: hahaha
Me: women in England can’t cook     My last girlfriend was from Uzbekistan. She cooked amazing stew!   [release]
Her: uzbekistan?      omg!hahah
Me: well, she was culturally Russian     cos she lived in Moscow since she was 15 for all the shows     but cooked Uzbeki food. Yum!!!!   [preselection DHV and a chance for her to ask about me, which she doesn’t take this time]
Her: i’ve never tried that food
Me: I cook Japanese mostly   [minor DHV]
Her: japanese?     i love japanese food   [rapport seeking]
Me: I lived there. Beautiful people     have you been?   [DHV, allow commonality without jumping on it, stack]
Her: yes     once     it’s an amazing country     and culture
Me: wow +5     where did you go?   [reward, stack]
Her: tokyo, yokohama, shizouka and yamanashi     and some towns between    [she’s investing]
Me: ok, I understand the first 3 but why yamanishi?   [not completely won over]
Her: don’t remeber all the names     my friend is from there     hahaha
Me: !     So you wandered around Japan, causing trouble….     … like a ninja     or wild geisha   [put her in a box]
Her: yes     always
Me: yeah, you’re trouble
Her: i am  [she’s playing along, she knows that if we meet I’m not gonna force her to be a nice girl]
Me: I’m gonna tell my mum
Her: hahah
Me: she told me to avoid Italian girls   [flip the script – frame her as chasing me for sex]
Her: she is clever
Me: “Nick, never date an Italian” she said. “They are all perverts”     “She will kill you when you sleep”
Her: hahahah     yes, that’s what we do   [playing along, she’s attracted]
Me: So I tried dating an Italian.   [bait her to ask about it]
Her: are you british?   [she ignores bait, she wants to find out more about me – an IOI]
Me: English
Her: same…
Me: nope.     that’s like me saying you are from Greece   [defiance, and put it back onto her]
Her: no
Me: you look a bit Greek, actually   [another box she doesn’t want to be in and will qualify to climb out of]
Her: thats not the samei don’t look greek
Me: yeah you do     I found a photo of you looking greek

Burto’s Greek Flag

Her: ¬¬     idiot…     haha   [IOI]
Me: ð     So what do you do in London?   [elicit investment on a high]
Her: i found one yours as well…   [playing along, working, investing – a great sign]

Woof woof

Me: British Bulldog ð
Her: i love that dogs     they are so ugly   [IOI]
Me: hey!     that’s saying I’m ugly     my profile photo is so cuuuuuute    -3 points for Milanno   [tease disapproval…]
Her: ahahha     what u do in london?   [….which triggers rapport-seeking. She’s thinking “who is this guy I’m suddenly attracted to?”]
Me: I was an investment banker     now I’m a writer
Her: a writer?
Me: yup   [not jumping on the chance to talk about myself. I’m not gonna qualify]
Her: how many events have you written?     books     hahah
Me: 4
Her: did you sell any?
Me: One of my jobs in Japan was a fight journalist. I wrote alot about fight / boxing / martial arts     all of them ð     sold out!
Her: to your family and friends?   [she’s enjoying this and I’m happy to let her keep investing]
Me: -5 points for the cheeky Italian girl   [more teased disapproval]
Her: hahahahha
Me: If you were here, I’d spank your naughty ass     Are you a reader?   [sexualise then immediately stack, see how she reacts]
Her: yes     but i just read real books     hahahah     not boring ones     ð   [she accepts it but doesn’t expand upon it. Good sign but not a slamdunk]
Me: blah blah blah     I don’t think you read     I think you just talk alot
Her: why not     i talk a lot too
Me: this is the books you read

Grist for the mill….

It’s about you   [another box, while also letting her know the sex will be good and non-judgemental]
Her: haaha     yes    my favorite book
Me: So why London?   [need some comfort and qualification before progressing to close]
Her: i like london     its a cool city
Me: true     do you work here?
Her: yes     do you know [name of where she works]?
Me: the shoe shop?
Her: no
Me: it sounds like a club
Her: its a bar restaurant     very cool    in [west end] street
Me: ah, I know [that] st. My favourite cafe is there   [commonality]
Her: haha     well, i work there as an event cordinator
Me: oh, so you’re a very organised girl   [qualify her]
Her: yes     at least at work
Me: I just knew you were gonna say that     and your social / personal life is disorganised!
Her: exact     hahaha
Me: typical young girl….   [more boxes]
Her: haha     are u organised?
Me: extremely     too organised for you     you’d hate me   [false disqualifier]
Her: haha
Me: I’d be always telling you off for being late….. forgetting things…     … losing my stuff  [basic Mystery style]
Her: haha     do you think so?
Me: well, I’ve never actually met you…     but probably I’d need to discipline you     make you into a real elegant lady     like that Audrey Hepburn movie   [set her hoops to jump through to please me, while framing myself as above her]
Her: i am     i’m better than her   [she thinks she’s winning, but she’s qualifiying]
Me: big words
Her: haha    haha
Me: Do you work normal Monday-Friday?   [logistics, assume the sale]
Her: no
Me: when’s your days off?
Her: it depends     not always the same ones     it depends on work
Me: this coming week, I mean
Her: wedn and thursday
Me: ok, I’ll have a look at you. Give you some tips on being a proper English lady   [I’m being won over, just]
Her: i don’t want to be an english lady    [resistance is part of the game for girls]
Me: I know, it’s tough for Italians     we’ll start with some English tea   [reframe, bulldozer objections]
Her: I won’t be an english girl… never!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: I guess it’ll be mojitos then
Her: ok, better   [it’s on]
Me: text me [my number]
Her: i can’t now
Me: ok, what’s yours
Her: i’ll text you later     idon’t know my non-work phone number
Me: no probs     You’re at work now?
Her: yes
Me: obviously they aren’t working you hard enough…..
Her: hahaha     i can do two things at the same time
Me: Walking and chewing gum?
Her: yes
Me: I’m gonna have a shower  [escape the scene of the crime before the cops show up]
Her: ok…
Me: Nice meeting you Milano. Now get back to work!   [comfort and order her around]
Her: i am working     not hard at the moment     but working

Later that evening I get the “hey, it’s me!” text. Result.