While out at the Riverside Bar in Thailand, Bhodi and I were witness to perhaps the worst date-game we’ve seen all year. A textbook case of how to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. While it’s bad form to mock the misfortune of others, I was able to snap off some video for my readers’ edification. If the poor subject of this post finds it, consider it a free consultation.
We were watching the live band when a cute little island girl stood a few feet in front wearing a nice dotted top. Although no higher than a seven she was exactly my type so I paid some attention to size her up and consider an open. Perhaps I should observe her a while longer because she’s waiting in front of the gents toilets so I figured probably waiting for her boyfriend. Sure enough, five minutes later a European guy came over with her drink, said something and then leaned in to give her a no-tongues kiss on the lips. Ok, so I won’t be opening her I think, and quickly size up the guy.
- Ingratiating smile and pleading eyes
- Bad haircut that accentuates both the balding and the nerdiness
- Cookie-cutter herb dress sense
My initial thought is “well done” on getting a fairly hot bird despite these drawbacks. But then this starts……
Fuck. Me.
I simply cannot have any sympathy for a man who hands his balls over like that. He’s already lost the lay because several times the girl throws us embarrassed glances. She just wants this to end as soon as possible. He had enough smarts to realise the dancefloor escalation is failing after he leans in three times to kiss her and in each case she keeps her head flat against the post she’s leaning on and presses her lips tight together. So he leads her out onto the patio tables and to the quietest darkest corner he can find.
We get to watch over the balcony as he sits facing her and leaning in while she faces away. I hypothesise to Bhodi: “they look like they are on a first date but he’s already been able to get some light kisses on her lips. I’m guessing they met in a club a few days ago and had a drunken makeout. None of the other kino is there.” It’s obvious he hasn’t banged her. He’s dripping with neediness while she is playing gatekeeper.
Ten minutes later he pulls her up to try to ballroom dance to a slower song and again she looks helplessly up at us as we are cracking up with lulz. Poor guy. She got colder and colder and colder. By then it was 1am and we had better things to do.
