Here’s my third Facebook chat with this cute little pixie of a Bengali chick. The first chat was just to establish my existence and then she literally wasn’t online the same time as me for several weeks. I get a quick chat on Sunday and bail quick when I need to go out. Finally I get a chance to work without a time constraint. Here we go….
Me – boo
Her – helloÂ Â Â Â how you?
Me – I’m eating a vegetarian duckÂ [immediately off on a slightly odd footing]
Her – hmmmmmmmmmmmmÂ Â Â Â Â sounds lovely
Me – it isÂ Â Â Â Â but I was worried it would be a real duck, that was fed lettuce or somethingÂ [joke]
Her – wat is a vegetarian duck exactly
Me – tofu?
Her – ooooooÂ Â Â doesnt sounds so good now
Me – it’s deÂ Â Â liÂ Â Â ciÂ Â Â ouÂ Â Â sÂ Â Â ðÂ Â Â what you doing?Â [playful vibe already set]
Her – on the foneÂ Â Â multitasking
Me – ok, I’ll be here a while. Come back when you’re gonna give your full undivided attentionÂ Â Â ðÂ [not gonna DLV competing for her attention]
Her – ok cool
[half an hour later]
Her – hello againÂ [Great, she reinitiates which is an IOI]
Me – ð
Her – so your a vegetarian?
Me – yeah, but I love meat. It’s not easyÂ Â Â I eat soya meat all the timeÂ [this is true]
Her – how come you decided to be a vegeterian?Â [IOI, general conversation making]
Me – I was camping in Wales with my family when I was 12Â Â Â I saw a cattle market in some small townÂ Â Â It was the first time I made the emotional connection between those Disney animals that talk like humans, and burgersÂ Â Â didn’t like it muchÂ [rapport but not making a huge moral issue out of it like so many vegetarians do. My frame is I don’t judge her unless she fails a major screening characteristic which is unlikely after I screened her in the first meeting]
Her – wowÂ Â Â so since you were 12 you havent eaten meatÂ Â Â ??Â Â Â thats a huge commitment n self restrain you haveÂ [IOI and telling me something she likes in men]
Me – thanksÂ Â Â It was quite hard when I lived in JapanÂ Â Â They have fish, pork or beef in everything Â [remind her I lived abroad]
Her – do you eat fish?Â Â Â Â do you eat eggs?
Me – Veggie. I’m nto veganÂ Â Â I tried when I was 17. Too tough
Her – well some people dont like eggsÂ [this is all simple rapport stuff]
Me – I love diary ð
Her – ðÂ Â Â lol
Me – Are you a good cook?Â [qualify her]
Her – i fink im goodÂ Â Â Â give me ingredianceÂ Â Â ingrediance*Â Â Â Â n i can make anythingÂ [she qualifies]
Me – I don’t like mushroom, onion, or peppersÂ Â Â can you handle that AND vegetarian???? ðÂ [qualify her harder]
Her – nooooooooÂ Â Â i love peppersÂ Â Â Â n mushroomsÂ Â Â Â Â ill have to feed you like a rabbitÂ Â Â thats what youve resorted me toÂ Â Â ð¦Â [she qualifies. She’s also fun, I’m really liking her girly vibe]
Me – Boo, we can’t be friends ðÂ [push pull]
Her – okÂ Â Â Â Â ð¦
Me – Maybe we’ll have to share a fruit salad from M&SÂ Â Â Sit in a park, like trampsÂ Â Â Drinking special brewÂ [future project]
Her – sounds good to meÂ Â Â looolÂ Â Â you muppetÂ [she’s confident enough to tease me but it’s basically an IOI]
Me – ME???????Â Â Â A MUPPET?????Â [mock anger]
Her – ill bake you a cakeÂ Â Â (p.s i dont know how to bake)Â [mock surrender]
Me – ok. You bake a cake and in exchangeÂ Â Â I’ll protect you from zombiesÂ [retarded vibing]
Her – yayÂ Â Â sounds like an amazing tradeÂ Â Â i do respect you alot more because i dont think id ever be able to not eat meat
Me – are you a proper carnivore? into red meat and steaks?
Her – i can be a vegetarian for a couple of day but then i start cravingÂ Â Â yYES
Me – haha, I like a girl with hearty appetites for lifeÂ [frame her for the obvious]
Her – ðÂ Â Â how was lithuania??
Me – very very good. I’m taking the gang to Latvia on Friday ðÂ [DHV]
Her – wowÂ Â Â Â im going turkey in aprilÂ Â Â but compared to your trip thats nothingÂ Â Â you seem to go away so oftenÂ Â Â im jealous ð¦Â [I am well established as the interesting worldly-wise older guy now. She is looking up to me]
Me – We go somewhere every month, for a weekÂ Â Â prepare to get jealous…….Â Â Â July was Lithuania
Her – ð¦
Me – August was FranceÂ Â Â Â September was Lithuania againÂ Â Â Â October was PolandÂ Â Â November was CroatiaÂ Â Â December was FranceÂ Â Â January was LithuaniaÂ Â Â This month is LatviaÂ Â Â Next month IrelandÂ Â Â April is SpainÂ Â Â ð
Her – ð¦Â Â Â not fair
Me – life isn’t fair, [her name]
Her – your meanÂ Â Â but true
Me – I’m a horrible man
Her – im trying to find short breaks away for next month aswellÂ Â Â but im not really sure where
Me – What type of holiday do you want?Â Â Â City, beach, adventure?
Her – short cityÂ Â Â Â warm-ish
Me – What do you do? visit the sites, sit in cafes, drink like a maniac in clubs?Â [eliciting values]
Her – anythingÂ Â Â no drinkingÂ Â Â Â i like cafeÂ Â Â Â and just chilled atmospheres enough to think and talkÂ Â Â in
Me – you never drink?
Her – nope
Me – since how long ago?
Her – since forever
Me – interestingÂ Â Â Â so when I’m drinking special brew in the park, you’ll have RibenaÂ [incorporate it into the future projection]
Her – yesÂ Â Â Â exactly
Me – or OranginaÂ Â Â maybe Tizer or Irn BruÂ [just dumbass, as if those details matter]
Her – yuckÂ Â Â i hate orange drinksÂ Â Â Â ribenas fine with me
Me – so, to recap……Â Â Â Â our first date is gonna beÂ Â Â 1. me getting drunkÂ Â Â 2. while you cook rabbit foodÂ Â Â Â 3. no oranges (I like oranges)Â Â Â Â it’ll be a disaster
Her – i like orangesÂ Â Â but not the drinkÂ Â Â yeah i think so tooÂ Â Â or i could bake a cake
Me – We’re gonna be so unhappy. It’ll be like a married couple ðÂ Â Â YES!! CAKES!!!! I’m excited againÂ [lots of rapport now]
Her – while we drink lemonade and sit and take in love warm weatherÂ Â Â the lovely*Â Â Â with a slight comforting breezeÂ Â Â ðÂ [she’s adding value]
Me – If we need warm weather, we’re gonna have to take a flightÂ Â Â where are we going [Her name]?Â Â Â a beach somewhere?Â [so it’s easy to run with it into another future projection]
Her – yes pleaseÂ Â Â barbados i thinkÂ Â Â Â ???
Me – ok, I’ll ring up my friend and organise a good beach hutÂ Â Â There’ll be a few palm trees overhanging it, mindÂ Â Â A slight danger of falling coconuts
Her – its fine
Me – Can’t guarantee twin beds. So no trying to jump me in the middle of the nightÂ Â Â I need love, trust, connection…..Â [frame her as chasing]
Her – if anything drops on me im sure youll save me some howÂ Â Â loool
Me – OK, the first morning when we wake up, we’re gonna play in the sea
Her – you muppet
Me – you fraggleÂ [establish callback humour]
Her – whats a fraggle?
Me – “what’s a fraggle?” she says……
Her – ok fine but if i drown youll try and save me right???
Me – you look like Red, from the beginning of Fraggle RockÂ Â Â Yeah, I’ll save you. Maybe splash you a bitÂ Â Â What colour bikini you gonna be wearing?Â [starting to sexualise it]
Her – hmmmm havent decided yetÂ Â Â suggest a colour?Â [telling me she wants to be led, however I do want her to do some work in this]
Me – I like girly girls usually, so maybe pink or light blue
Her – (im very indecisive)
Me – It has to match my red speedosÂ [more playfulness, getting her thinking about me naked]
Her – nooooo
Me – like in 300
Her – i hate being a girly girlÂ Â Â black it isÂ Â Â or purpleÂ Â Â well maybe pink if its a nice shade of pinkÂ Â Â (p.s love 300…best film ever…men waking around in just their underwear…genius)
Me – Did you know I was almost in that movie?
Her – whateverÂ Â Â you liar!!Â Â Â are you lying??
Me – I was gonna be Leonidas
Her – im not sure now
Me – But then they’d have to rename it “1”Â Â Â ð
Her – you muppet
Me – you fraggle
Her – so do you cook then?
Me – I like cooking when its for lots of peopleÂ Â Â not so much when its just myselfÂ Â Â I’m pretty good at Japanese food
Her – cool
Me – I’m thinking of cakesÂ Â Â So anyway, once you’ve chosen your bikini we gotta go play in the seaÂ Â Â I’m gonna have a big inflatable crocodileÂ Â Â You’ll have some little girly beach ballÂ Â Â and inflatable arm bands so you don’t drown
Her – sound wonderfully wierdÂ Â Â sounds*Â Â Â can we go to the spa pleaseÂ Â Â get a lovely massageÂ [she’s asking permission, so she definitely enjoys being led and looking to the man for approval]
Me – I’m not massaging you. Well, not unless you laugh at all my jokesÂ [I’m demanding. She’s chasing]
Her – shut upÂ Â Â your so sillyÂ Â Â and by a professional
Me – Ok, I’ll take you to the spa and leave you there so I can go to the boxing gym
Her – ok sounds like a plan
Me – I’ll be properly sweating mind. I’ll be training hard. So we’ll have to jump in a jacuzzi after
relaxÂ [more imagery]
Her – hmmmm if its relaxing why notÂ Â Â then dinner afterwardsÂ Â Â or a nap whichever really
Me – I think dinner then a nap. Food makes me sleepyÂ Â Â You’d have to change out of your bikiniÂ Â Â wear something elegantÂ Â Â ideas?
Her – nopeÂ Â Â none at all
Me – let me seeÂ Â Â …Â Â Â wait
Her – (indecisive)
Me – I found a nice red top. It actually looks like you
Her – your so meanÂ Â Â im not talking to you now
Me – ð¦Â Â Â you keep calling me a muppet
Her – thats me appreciating your funny side
Me – ðÂ Â Â I think a dark purple evening dressÂ Â Â Quite short, thin material. It’ll be hot in barabadosÂ Â Â no sleevesÂ Â Â so it’s quite sexy but not vulgar
Her – i agreeÂ Â Â i have a dress just like that actuallyÂ [qualifying]
Me – Cool. +10 points for youÂ Â Â …Â [rewarding]
Her – ð
Me – I’ll have a suit. Like James Bond.Â Â Â But not the gun
Her – damn
Me – don’t need it. My hands are deadly!
Her – a gun would have been coolÂ Â Â looolÂ Â Â how about the aston martin
Me – Maybe. But only if they have the rockets, wheel spikes, and ejector seatÂ [because these details matter]
Her – we could try and get thatÂ Â Â sounds like an adventure aheadÂ Â Â ð [she likes the idea of adventure]
Me – but you have to be my spy partner [roleplay begins]
Her – okÂ Â Â ð
Me – seducing the Russian billionaire while I open his safeÂ Â Â but don’t enjoy it too muchÂ Â Â it’s still technically our first date, so you’re still my girlÂ [sexualise, own her]
Her – hmmmmmmÂ Â Â ill try not toÂ Â Â ð¦Â Â Â but do i get to kill anyone?Â Â Â or do you get all the fun?
Me – you get to kill a few anonymous flunkies in non-descript boiler suitsÂ Â Â a few fall over railings into shark tanksÂ Â Â Â I kill the serious opposition
Her – fine then
Me – You concentrate on looking sexy
Her – but i get to fly a plane at some pointÂ Â Â loool
Me – Because after the big fight scene we move on to the do-they-don’t-they love sceneÂ [this is a natural progression in the movie. We are now talking about us having sex, but in a safe way and where I have let her know it’s not a done deal]
Her – hmmmmmmmmÂ Â Â and the credits roll in at that pointÂ Â Â Â ðÂ Â Â everyones left guessingÂ [she’s had the opportunity to show demure coyishness, which I like. Note also she never actually stated a “we won’t have sex” rejection]
Me – Or if this is too much effort for a first date, we could just go to McDonalds for a happy mealÂ Â Â and I’d keep the toyÂ [release]
Her – hate mcdonaldsÂ Â Â cant we just go to a nice turkish or Lebanese restaurantÂ Â Â you order veg n ill order meatÂ Â Â ðÂ Â Â Â have some shisha n hot chocolate n a lovely chatÂ [telling me a date she’d like to have with me]
Me – I’ll think about it. Can you dress Lebanese?Â [so I set it up for….]
Her – hmmmm ill think about it
Me – What are you wearing now?Â [….my favourite question]
Her – right now?
Me – yes
Her – my pjs
Me – cute?
Her – yhÂ Â Â funnily enough pink
Me – NiceÂ Â Â Are you in bed now?
Her – yh sitting on my bed on my laptop
Me – I’ve finished all my vegetarian duck. I’m onto the last few prawn crackers nowÂ [snip, don’t jump at the chance for more sexualisation]
Her – you fatbum
Me – I like to be fat for winter. Penguins can do it
Her – well summers coming youve got to start getting your beach body ready!!Â Â Â you dont want to be looking fat in your bikini now do you??Â Â Â ð
Me – Now I’m really shy Â Â Â How do you look naked?Â [pretty good to be asking this outright so early and not seeming uncalibrated]
Her – erm now that would be telling you too much now wouldnt it
Me – If I don’t ask, I don’t get.Â [no backtracking]
Her – you make me laugh to muchÂ Â Â too*Â [IOI, accepts the legitimacy of my question]
Me – cool. When you’ve calmed down answer the question, woman
Her – im still not gona asnwer itÂ Â Â answer*
Me – OK. Tell me a secret
Her – hmmmm dont really have anyÂ Â Â you tell me one…
Me – I asked you firstÂ [defiant]
Her – ask me a question that i can answerÂ Â Â coz i really dont have any secretsÂ Â Â talk to much to have any secrets
Me – OkÂ Â Â thinkingÂ Â Â …..Â Â Â how risque can it be before you get scared and run away like a little Ewok?Â [the false dilemma – either she answers or she’s an Ewok]
Her – dunnoÂ Â Â depends on the personÂ Â Â and what mood im inÂ Â Â ðÂ Â Â ðÂ Â Â to be honest with you im a good girl
Me – That’s indecisive, right there, that isÂ Â Â OK, I’ll give you an easy oneÂ Â Â How many boys have you kissed, with tongues?Â [sexual but not too strong]
Her – ive only ever had two guys in my life the first one did not last that long at all but the second one did so just the one
Me – I said kissed, not sexÂ [deliberate misunderstanding]
Her – hmmmm im gona scare you right now and tell you i dont sleep around
Me – why is that scary?
Her – ive never ever had sex with anyone
Me – actually, I have alot of respect for you nowÂ Â Â +100
Her – lol
Me – I’m not joking you knowÂ [reward]
Her – ok
Me – How often do you think abotu sex? You must still get horny oftenÂ [keep pushing because she’s offering only token resistance, not genuine “back off” signals. Also, this might be the first chance she’s had to talk like this to a man]
Her – loooolÂ Â Â yh i get horny but i dont think about sex all the time not that often reallyÂ Â Â i day dream too much to think about anything normal
Me – day dream about what?Â [I sense I have to back off a little, so I allow the tangent and move back into rapport]
Her – stuff…if things were differentÂ Â Â my perfect jobÂ Â Â sometimes i just go blank and just dont think at allÂ Â Â weird i know
Me – so long as you’re not driving when it happens
Her – hmmm yh that i cant promise sometimesÂ Â Â i think im the worst driver in the worldÂ Â Â attention span of a fish
Me – So what were you just thinking about?
Her – i actually dont knowÂ Â Â im trying to book tickets to the theatreÂ Â Â but i cant find any for the date that i need it for ð¦
Me – I’m printing out my Latvia boarding pass. Woohoo
Her – ð¦Â Â Â lucky youÂ Â Â are you really a drug lord?Â Â Â kingpin of some sort?Â [she loves the playful stuff and wants more]
Me – International Dinosaur Hunter
Her – is that why you travel so much?Â Â Â ð¦Â Â Â drug lord sounded abit more funÂ [she likes to pretend a risque edge]
Me – So we gonna snort coke from each other’s stomachs?Â [sexual]
Her – yh sure something new i havent tried beforeÂ Â Â ðÂ Â Â yayÂ Â Â ð
Me – Me neither. I hope you don’t have a hairy bellyÂ Â Â What’s your ass like. You never gave me a proper look when I asked?Â [out of context this would be a very unusual collection of sentences]
Her – loool noÂ Â Â theres a reason for thatÂ Â Â i dont like people looking at meÂ Â Â im a very conscious personÂ Â Â i think i have a nice backsideÂ [coy but answers]
Me – I think you’re really cuteÂ [It’s not all nudge-wink, sometimes it’s fine to just tell the girl why you like her]
Her – it looks great in nothingÂ Â Â loooolÂ Â Â thanks
Me – You’ve got big saucer eyes, which I like. Racoon eyesÂ Â Â your skin colour is niceÂ Â Â and you’ve got a slim petite figure
Her – you idiot racooneyesÂ Â Â you make me laugh
Me – I’m guessing your ass is really tight. Like prodding a rubber ball
Her – you idiotÂ Â Â erm no comment
Me – = yes
Her – = im not saying
Me – Anyway, stop talking about sex stuff. I’m not that easyÂ Â Â Tell me something elseÂ [retarded reframe like she’s escalating me]
Her – hmmmmmÂ Â Â Â whats your favourite colour in the whole world?Â Â Â whats your favourite cake?Â Â Â how many guys have you kissed ?Â Â Â how many girls have you slept with?Â Â Â whats your favourite film in the whole wide world?Â [notice the one question she really cares about]
Me – ok. wait
Her – …
Me – 1. It really depends what object it is. But generally I like dark purpleÂ Â Â 2. CheesecakeÂ Â Â 3. Don’t know
Her – ??? what do you mean you dont know
Me – Never countedÂ [I actually didn’t realise she said “guys” not “girls”]
Her – how many guys have you every kissed in you life time?Â Â Â men….
Me – men?Â Â Â zero
Her – are you serious its been that manyÂ Â Â looolÂ Â Â now you get it
Me – 5. Fight Club
Her – you didnt answer my middle question?Â Â Â ð¦Â Â Â but its okÂ Â Â what kind of cheesecake do you like?
Me – I will, if I get a good question in returnÂ Â Â StrawberryÂ [defiance, make her work because I know she wants the answer]
Her – ok go onÂ Â Â ask me anything
Me – How many times have you masturbated in 2010 (estimate)?Â [she did say anything]
Her – do you know hw you have self restrain with what you eatÂ Â Â i have the same restrain for thatÂ Â Â Â (im sitting here laughing so much)Â [she is not at all uncomfortable with this, the frame is so natural]
Me – Ok. I’m surprised. But I probably believe youÂ Â Â (you must get SO frustrated at times)Â Â Â maybe that’s why you keep going blank all the time ðÂ [frame masturbation as normal]
Her – hmmmÂ Â Â yh could explain that
Me – ok, my answerÂ Â Â I don’t know for sure, but probably 35
Her – yes………Â Â Â hmmm ok
Me – I’ll admit, I like sex. I think it’s the most natural thing in the worldÂ [an important frame for later, assuming this progresses to dates]
Her – i dont doubt thatÂ Â Â its normalÂ Â Â so how many one night stands have you ever had?Â [she’s seriously interested in my sexual history. Why? Because she’s sexually interested in me]
Me – Not so manyÂ Â Â I’ve usually been in relationships
Her – so most of them were your girlfriends?Â Â Â wowÂ Â Â how long was your longest relationship?
Me – Hang on, I get 2 questions nowÂ Â Â deal?Â [no freebies]
Her – okÂ Â Â ok
Me – wait a mo, gotta log back in
Her – ok
Me – Longest relationship was 9 years [True. Demonstrates ability to have a successful relationship]
Her – wooooooow
Me – My 2 questions
Her – ok
Me – 1. What do you most like about men?Â Â Â 2. What is the sexual thing that interests you most to do (and maybe you are too scared to try)?
Her – 1. i like silly jokes n stories
Me – haha, that’s me :O oh dear
Her – loool thats alot of guysÂ Â Â im easy to please
Me – -5 points for being easy pleasedÂ Â Â second question pleaseÂ [I don’t go for low hanging fruit]
Her – if you can make me laugh and i dont hate you then its all goodÂ Â Â ð¦Â Â Â i really have no clue about the second question
Me – you’ve seen movies, read booksÂ [make it easier for her to get the ball rolling]
Her – soÂ Â Â i dont have anything i want to tryÂ Â Â maybe when i start having sex ill be a butu more curiousÂ [“maybe when I start…” has an air of inevitability]
Me – it’s just fantasy talk. Not necessarily what you try, just what you have an interest in
Her – i genuinely don’t know
Me – Ok, I’ll rephrase
Her – ive answered your queston now right?
Me – Which movie sex scene excites you most?Â Â Â answer that, then you’ve answered my questionÂ [lead her into an easier way to answer]
Her – hmmmmmmÂ Â Â i dont knowÂ Â Â …..Â Â Â let me think
Me – cool
Her – my mind has gone totally blankÂ Â Â of i know what will help me….you tell me yours and i can think after that
Me – movie scene?
Her – yh
Me – The Thomas Crown Affair is pretty good
Her – omg yhhhÂ Â Â that was a good sceneÂ Â Â i like angelina jolie and ethan hawk taking lives
Me – haven’t seen thatÂ Â Â what’s the energy like? the emotion of the scene?
Her – very rough andjust animalisticÂ Â Â you could say
Me – aha, my favourite
Her – loool
Me – Did you get horny watching it?
Her – i am not answer anymore questions its your turn
Me – okÂ Â Â ask
Her – so youve been with soo many different girls how can you not have met the right one yet???Â Â Â what happened to your 9year relationship?
Me – It was amazing for 8 years, like in a movie. Then went bad in the last year, so we separated
Her – do you miss her sometimes?
Me – Never. I used to, especially the first 3 months afterwards
Her – thats ok then it was for the best
Me – Yeah. Breakups are hard, but if you approach them correctly you can learn from them and become a better personÂ [I’m a positive person]
Her – yh
Me – that’s text speak againÂ Â Â -5 points
Her – so what do you look for in the perfect girl?Â Â Â if you say pink ill hurt you
Me – really tallÂ Â Â white skinÂ Â Â massive titsÂ Â Â small eyesÂ [exactly the opposite of her]
Her – lolÂ Â Â i like the massive tits
Me – yours are about a handful, right?Â [sexualise]
Her – im not answering that at allÂ Â Â anywaysssssssssssÂ Â Â im gona be off to bed now coz i have to wake up bright and earlyÂ Â Â it was lovely chatting with you
Me – yeahÂ [don’t ask for the number or a date. No rush]
Her – night night sweetdreams
Me –Â ð