Here’s one of the Facebook chats I had a few days ago while sipping a whiskey in the Hemingway Suite with JJ. I decided to channel him and just talk about food while insulting this Italian bird. Just for the lulz. I noticed she’d changed her profile picture.
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Me: you look like a dorky little girl in your new photo
Her: hahaha     any problem?     [she changes it]    better?     haha
Me: No. It looks like you put a broom on your head     I don’t like you anymore     I won’t have sex with you
Her: hahahaha     ok ill look for another one     D     xD  [she changes it to a full body shot]
Me: oh god, that’s even worse     you look like a hooker
Her: hahahaha     ok so ill be back to this one    [changes it back]
Me: I’ll suggest one
Her: thats for u?     but you dont have hair
Me: actually I just thought of the perfect picture     she looks like you, has the same hair, similar fashion     and equally cool
Her: hahhahaha     i dnt wear glasses
Me: I’m bored. I might keep insulting you     and then eat some sausages     I love sausages     I’m eating salami now     Sainsbury’s Basic. £1.19 for150g     thin sliced     mmmmmmmmm
Her: pfff     im eating rissotto
Me: I don’t like rissotto     I don’t like your rissotto
Her: pff     better for you     cuz i wont cook it for you
Me: and I’m not dumb enough to eat it     I’d be sick     you can’t try to bribe your way into my bed with your crappy cooking
Her: dont worry for that
Me: You scare me. If I look out my window now, I’ll probably see you crouched under a bush in my garden, using my wifi for your laptop
Her: hahaha     whaaaat
Me: I heard that. My window is open
Her: close it     i can be so dangerous
Me: Yes     dangerous like a rabbit     or a koala     or a hamster
Her: hahaahaha i prefer the koala     i live them]     love them
Me: I prefer koalas to you     they have better legs
Her: i prefer them to you as well     for lots of reasons
Me: If I was a koala     I’d bite you     eat the food in your kitchen     and shit on your floor
Her: hahaha     i would send you to the zoo then     and i would go to see you     and throw you things     but not food     roks and rubbish    for example
Me: I’d throw my shit at you     and laugh
Her: i would say to the owners of the zoo to sacrify you     cuz u are ill     and you could infect the other animals     and they’ll believe me
Me: I’d give you AIDS     koala rape
Her: you won’t have tim     you would be sacrified before
Me: I don’t like you anymore     you are mean to animals
Her: hahaha     no     i’m mean to you     well…there is no big difference at all
Me: I’m gonna get the koala army to attack you
Her: ok     i’ll be waiting for that