Tori Black enlightens you:
Haha. Good one, Tori.
The real question is: Who the fuck would want to date a porn star?
There’s hilarity that a girl can give it away to numerous gentleman of questionable repute, on camera, countless times, for the entire world to see and jack off to, and still think she should be treated like anything other than a dirty spunkhole.
Nobody wants to take you to Starbucks, Tori Black.
Any guy who dates a porn star is either:
1) Rich n’ Beta
2) A member of the underclass with a checkered criminal past who is fucking other girls of questionable STD status concurrently
3) A male porn star
Nobody who reads my blog should have any notion of DATING a porn star. But…what if you just want to fuck one?
I got you, playa.
Here goes:
Purge all provider committment signals. Committ as little time, emotions, and resources to a porn star as possible. Do not play white knight saving her from her shitty life. In fact, never express any empathy at all for how shitty her life is. Do not try to lure her with promises of a ride on your boat or an expensive dinner.
Don’t be a fan of her work. Tori gets this part right when she describes the concept of the “fan zone”. Awesome. The fanzone is the friendzone on steroids. When you approach a female celebrity as a fan, you are telling her that not only do you not have a mission yourself, you spend your free time fawning over how well she pursues her mission. Is there any bigger pedestal than the fan zone? The best way to deal with a female celebrity is to pretend you don’t recognize her.
Swat away her sex talk. When a porn star brings up sex around an average guy, he may be intimidated by her experience, or creaming-in-his-pants excited to talk about it. Play down her sexual skill or ignore her sexual comments completely. If she starts bragging about how well she can slob on a dick, say “we’ll see” and change the topic. Porn stars have no other source of validation in life besides being good at sex, so if you don’t give her this, she’ll have to get it from actually fucking you. Also, don’t give physical compliments.
Up the uncaring asshole game. Girls who don’t respect themselves don’t respect guys who respect them.
Be completely non-judgmental. She must never for a second realize that you are aware of the fact that being a porn star makes her a subclass human. Pretend her profession is no more disgusting than if she were a Whole Foods cashier.
Be a jacked badass. There’s probably nothing that turns a pornstar on more than beating the shit out of a guy right in front of her. It will probably remind her of her father.
Play up your artistic/spiritual qualities. In a logical world, female porn stars are low value and disgusting, so they are allergic to all logic. The mysterious abstract becomes their reality. Say you’re in a band, or you’re a photographer, or you’re into herbal energy healing or some bullshit. That old routine “The Cube” probably works like gangbusters on porn stars. Demonstrate authority over the abstract and you have authority over her.
The reality of “I fuck guys on camera for money” is probably too harsh for the female brain to accept, so a porn star will probably hamster hamster hamster that by saying she is an actress, or a performer. Try not to laugh when she says this.
If all else fails, have drugs on you. Cocaine recommended.
Use a borrowed dick, if possible.
If you succeed in fucking a porn star, immediately schedule a visit to clinic for the health of your penis and consult your pastor or spiritual advisor for the health of your soul.
