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The True Measure of a Man

laidnyc
June 26, 2013

The Great Kingdom put out a search to find the greatest man in the kingdom.

Any man could apply, and there would be a test given out by the powerful and mysterious King of Ceremonies.  The announcement was vague, nobody knew what the test would be.  There was heavy debate in the kingdom of what test the King of Ceremonies would select as the true measure of a man.

On the chosen day many men gathered around to compete.  Men from all over The Great Kingdom with special talents or claims to fame decided to show up and try their luck.

There was Jacob, the strongest man in The Great Kingdom. “I can deadlift 1100 pounds raw and I bench 700 pounds”, says Jacob. “Surely the test will be one of strength, as that is the true measure of a man.”

Another man cut in, his name was Jarvis.  He towered over the others, casting a large shadow in his wake. “No. I am the tallest man in The Great Kingdom”, said Jarvis, “and I can assure you the test will be one of height, as that is the true measure of a man.”

Marcus, a man of medium build speaks up, “How primitive! I sir, have the highest measured IQ in The Great Kingdom.  I have achieved perfect scores on several standardized tests.  Surely the test will be one of intelligence, as that is the true measure of a man.”

“You’re all wrong!” says James, laughing, “I have the largest penis in The Great Kingdom.  It is nearly two feet in length. The tester will surely be measuring our dicks, as that is the true measure of a man.”

“You peasants!”, says Wesley, a man dressed in a designer suit, “I own five banks and three car dealerships.  I have vaults in my many homes filled with solid gold bars. I am the richest man in The Great Kingdom. Surely the test will be one of wealth, as that is the true measure of a man.”

Just then another man walks up and joins the hopefuls.  He appears unimpressive.  He is below average in height and dress.  He is not especially good looking or well built.

“Who are you?” asks Wesley

“The Man”, says The Man, looking him in the eye confidently.

“Do you have any amazing talents?” asks Marcus

“How big is your dick?” asks James

“You don’t look like much”, says Jarvis, “Surely you’ll be no competition in whatever the test may be.”

The Man stands calmly and self-possessed with a hint of a smirk on his face, not listening to the chatter of the others.

As the other men continue to bicker while waiting for the King of Ceremonies to arrive,  a young woman walks by the group.  She has long, flowing hair.  She has breasts of the perfect size, legs of the perfect length, and an ass with the perfect roundness and firmness.  Her dress is enticing enough to inspire lust but modest enough to imply a woman of good character and class.  Her walk is sexy enough to attract the eyes but humble and feminine enough to imply virtue.  Her face is a composite of every beautiful woman who has ever lived.  She is perfection.

Each man in the group desires her.

“She looks like she’s in a hurry” says Jacob
“She looks like a bitch” says Jarvis
“She looks like she’s walking towards that guy” says Marcus, “It could be her boyfriend”
“She looks like a slut, she’s not that hot”, says James
“She looks like she’s enjoying the music on her iPod and doesn’t want to be bothered” says Wesley
“She looks like she’s just my type” says The Man

The Man walks over to her and signals for her to take her headphones off.  He starts talking to her and she responds pleasantly, as the perfect woman would.  The other men hover intently, listenting to him speak, trying to assess his game. After they talk for a while, The Man asks for her phone number.  Sorry, she says in the most polite and sweet way you’ve ever heard, but she has a boyfriend and she is actually in a hurry to see him.  She hurries off.

The men all laugh in unison at The Man’s failure.

“Your muscles weren’t big enough for her” says Jacob
“You’re too short for her” says Jarvis
“You were too stupid for her” says Marcus
“Your dick wasn’t big enough for her” says James
“You’re not rich enough for a girl like that” says Wesley

The Man does not respond, his calm demeanor unaffected.  Its almost as if he doesn’t hear the other men at all.  He now has a visible smirk.

The King of Ceremonies appears, seemingly out of nowhere.  He is even more grand and powerful than anyone had pictured.  The men all pay their respects.

“The great King has arrived” says Jacob, “Will you be telling us what the test is now?”

“That was the test” says the King of Ceremonies, his voice booming.

“What was?” asks Jarvis

“THAT” says the King of Ceremonies, pointing at the beautiful girl still walking away in the distance.

“Ahhh, so the test is picking up chicks” says Marcus, “It appears The Man has failed!”

“Yes, so when do the rest of us get a chance?” asks James

“Silence you fools!” booms the King of Ceremonies, “The Man is the winner.  The rest of you have failed.”

“That’s ridiculous” says Wesley, “That girl rejected him.”

“Yeah” says Marcus “he tried to get her number and she wouldn’t give it.”

“You have missed the point, you blithering retard!” says the King of Ceremonies in the most regal voice you have ever heard, “The fact that the girl rejected him is irrelevant! The true measure of a man is one who overcomes his fears and doubters and goes after what he desires most in life!”

The King of Ceremonies continues, nobly: “All of you wanted that girl, and each one of you made an excuse for not going for her.  Jacob, despite your muscle you couldn’t show any strength in talking to her.  Jarvis, your great height allowed you only to tower over the other cowards.  Marcus, your great intelligence only helped you rationalize your failure intellectually.  James, your genitalia is large but so was your fear of using it.  Wesley, all your wealth couldn’t buy you confidence in yourself.”

“I get it.” said Jacob, “So the ability to overcome anxieties about talking to hot women is the true measure of a man!”

The King of Ceremonies has to resist a great regal urge to walk over and kick Jacob in the dick.  He sighs the most regal of sighs.

“Your failure to grasp the point disturbs me”, says the King of Ceremonies, “The pickup arts are merely a metaphor.  It is a microcosm of every other struggle in life.  It is one area where there is a clear goal, a clear fear, and a clear action to take all in a moment.”

The King of Ceremonies continues, with great honor, “But it applies to every struggle you will face in life.  Do you go after the career you want, or do you take an easier, more secure path because you are afraid to fail?  Do you go after your dreams of music, athletic, or creative accomplishment, or do you listen to others when they tell you to be more realistic?  Do you allow other men in work, school and play to bully you, or do you stand up for yourself and claim the status you deserve, even if it means facing conflict?  Do you start the business you dream of, or does the fear of failure and debt overcome you and bestow you to a life of mediocrity?  Do you find your one true purpose in life and live for it, or do you let your family convince you not to?”

The men nod.  It appears they finally get it.

Just as the King of Ceremonies is about to return to his noble throne to feast on the finest meats and cheeses and have the most unprotected of sex with the fairest of maidens, someone speaks up.

“But King” says James, “What does The Man win?  Does he get a trophy? Gold and riches?  Access to one of your fair maidens?  A thousand Facebook likes?”

The Man smirks at the question, already knowing the King’s response.

“You foolish braindead fuckstick!!”, roars the great King of Ceremonies, his anger now visible, his voice now deeper and louder, “A man knows that overcoming his fears and going after his true desires is its own reward.  In fact, it is the highest reward one can ever achieve.  All the gold, trophies and maidens can’t compare to the prize of a man who has conquered himself!”

With that the King of Ceremonies returned to his rightful place on the throne and left the men alone to start their journey of casting aside their fears and going after their true desires.

Even a man as powerful and noble as the King of Ceremonies could merely show them that their destiny was in their own hands.

It was up to them to seize it.

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Post Information
Title The True Measure of a Man
Author laidnyc
Date June 26, 2013 1:01 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Blog LaidNYC
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/LaidNYC/the-true-measure-of-aman.56564
https://theredarchive.com/blog/56564
Original Link http://laidnyc.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/the-true-measure-of-a-man
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