When you meet a girl you’re attracted to, your conversation with her should be more like an interaction between lovers than one between friends. One of the most common themes I’ve noticed among the men I’ve coached is that they often approach a girl, talk about safe and friendly topics, then get her number. These men are then surprised when the numbers they get don’t lead to dates.
Well, if you talk to a girl like a friend and then invite her on a date, she has little incentive to go out with you – she might like you as a friend, but it’s unlikely she will feel any real desire for you, and so, she will decline your invitation.
That’s why it’s important to learn to talk to women in a way that triggers a powerful emotional response in her. You want a girl to feel something for you – you’re different from other men: you’re bolder, riskier, even more sexual.
Doing this tactfully is a skill that takes practice to learn, but the rewards for your effort will be worth it. Once you know how to create sexual tension in your conversations with women, your ability to consistently get dates (and even sex) will be vastly improved.
I don’t want to oversimplify this, sexual tension isn’t created solely through what you say, your nonverbal communication matters too. Your eye contact, vocal tonality, and body language can all influence whether a girl sees you as a potential friend or a potential lover. But what you say does matter, to ignore this aspect of dating is to ignore a wealth of opportunities to create intrigue and sexual attraction.
In the following section, you are going to learn how to spark sexual attraction with your words.
Men and women are both keenly aware of their social status, it’s in our nature (whether we admit or not).
When an opportunity to increase our status presents itself, we are quick to jump at it. And when our status is challenged, we become viscerally uncomfortable.
Imagine you were out in a club and your friend said, “You look fat in that shirt.” Unless you are unusually confident in your physique, your emotional state would be affected by that comment. You might even stop wearing the shirt.
When someone judges your clothes, your appearance, or your personality as inferior in some way, you are going to feel a pang of discomfort. Your social status has been questioned, this doubt makes you want to prove yourself – they’re wrong, you actually are a cool person.
Now, you shouldn’t go around insulting women to make them doubt their status – that would be cruel.
However, challenging a girl is a useful strategy for getting her to emotionally invest in the interaction. There’s an important quirk in human psychology: when something is handed to us freely, we assume it has little value. Conversely, when we have to work for something, we assume it must be worth fighting for.
Research has shown, for example, that when pledges for a fraternity are forced to go through a humiliating week of hazing, they actually rate themselves as enjoying being a part of fraternity more than people who don’t have to go through a ‘hell week.’
Usually, when a man is talking with an attractive woman, he supplicates to her: he is nice, agreeable, and even submissive. He makes himself easy to get, but humans don’t value things that come to us freely.
By creating a sense of challenge, you will flip the usual dynamic on its head – now the girl wants your approval, she wants to prove that she is good enough for you. Flirting – at it’s core – is challenging a girl in a fun way.
There’s a right way to challenge a girl and a wrong way to challenge a girl. If you do this poorly, you will make women feel insecure and they’ll lash out at you. Your goal isn’t to make a girl feel attacked, but to feel challenged.
There’s a profound difference between saying, “Your hair looks terrible, do you even own a brush?” And saying, “That’s a unique hair style.”
The first line is directly insulting, so there’s a high risk that a girl would take offense to it.
The second line, however, isn’t directly insulting the girl. It’s unclear what you mean by the word unique. Do you mean her hair is avant-garde? Or do you mean her hair is unique in that it looks weird? This room for interpretation will make the girl feel a tinge of doubt about her social status, but she won’t have a good reason to blame you for it – you didn’t actually insult her.
Generally, the best way to challenge a girl is by using insinuation: you’re not outright putting women down, you’re simply implying that she might have a less than ideal quality.
To challenge a girl, you must first understand how she wants to be perceived. Then, you find a way to make her doubt whether that perception is accurate.
As a rule of thumb, women want to be seen as beautiful, intelligent, funny, stylish, and successful. Anything you say that makes a girl question whether she has those qualities will have an impact on her ego.
Here’s a few specific examples:
You: “You seem pretty smart for an ASU student.”
You: That was clever, you could be the next Amy Schumer!” (although Amy Schumer is a successful comedian, very few people like her or want to be like her)
You: “You’re very cute in a non-threatening way.” (if she asks what you mean by that, say, “I don’t know, I just feel comfortable talking to you.”)
You: “I have to say, you’re pretty weird, but in a good way.”
You: “You know who would be perfect for you? See that guy over there?” (Then point at a guy who she’ll think she is way too attractive for) “Yeah, you and him would be great together. Shall I introduce you?”
Girl: “I’m from Portland”
You: “You would be from Portland.”
(You can use “you would be” as a template to challenge a girl based on nearly anything she says, her job, her hobbies, or even her favorite book.)
If your challenging statement affects the girl, she’ll most likely either laugh or ask you to elaborate, (“What do you mean, I’m weird?”)
Challenging a girl takes some tact, if you come across as overly aggressive, she’ll respond negatively. However, with enough practice this will rarely happen.
I’m very challenging in my interactions with women, yet I can’t think of the last time I actually offended a girl. And although challenging a girl is taking a slight risk, it’s actually less risky than being completely agreeable and friendly. Being overly nice might get a girl to like you as a friend, but it will rarely make her feel sexual attraction for you.
Imagine a 5th grader challenged you to a game of basketball. There would be no point in playing against such an easy opponent (hopefully). Basketball is most enjoyable when you’re playing against someone of a roughly equal skill level: the challenge is what makes a game fun.
Dating works the same way. If you don’t challenge a girl in some way, there’s no reason for her to be fully engaged; she already knows she has all the power. Presenting yourself as a challenge to a woman is like meeting an equally skilled opponent in basketball – now she has a reason to put in a real effort.
Flirting is about creating sexual tension. Tor there to be any tension, there has to be a sense of risk: the possibility of failure. If a girl knows she can sleep with you, there won’t be much tension. By challenging a girl, you make her wonder, “Is this guy really into me, or does he not find me attractive?” This causes sexual tension to build because now sex is a possibility, but not a certainty.
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|Title||Flirting Tips For Guys – How To Attract Women With Your Words|
|Date||January 12, 2019 2:29 AM UTC (3 years ago)|
|Blog||Red Pill Theory|
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