How To Fuck A Woman (for the first time)

So, youâve pulled a girl a private location.

Now what do you do?

How do you escalate towards sex in a way that is both respectful and attractive?

Going home with someone can be uncomfortableâfor both you and the girl. On your end, thereâs the pressure to perform, thereâs the vulnerability of getting naked in front of someone, and thereâs the possibility of rejection. For the girl, there are all those things in addition to the physical risk of being alone with someone twice her size.

Because of this, the key to learning how to fuck a girl for the first time is this: make her feel comfortable.

So, when you arrive at your place (or the girlâs), you donât need to pick her up, throw her on the bed, and ravish her. In some cases that may be appropriateâand extremely hotâ however, in general itâs best to give yourself and the girl an opportunity to acclimate to the situation.

When I bring a girl home, I start by taking her to do whatever I sad we were going to do. If I told her I was going to make her food, I throw a pizza in the oven. If I told her we should watch a TV show, I bring her to my room and turn on the show.

If youâre cooking something or youâre getting drinks with a girl, itâs fine talk with her in the kitchen or living room for a few minutes, but generally you should bring her back to your room sooner rather than later.

To do this, I recommend that you suggest watching something (I.E. a YouTube video or a movie). Alternatively, you could tell her that you want to put on some music, or that you want to show her a book you think sheâll like, or you could even offer to play a video game together. It doesnât really matter, and even if you donât move things to your room right away, you can hang out in the living room for a while (sitting on a couch next to each other is ideal) and escalate there.

When you do sit down (whether on a couch or on your bed), if the girl doesnât immediately follow your lead, simply tell her she can sit next to you. If she doesnât want to sit on your bed or next to you on the couch, this is a sign that she isnât comfortable with you yet. This is okay, just take things slower, let her sit wherever she wants and talk for a while before making a move.

If thereâs a lot of sexual tension and youâre confident the girl wants to move things forward, thereâs no need to wait to escalate.

However, if you donât feel totally comfortable or you donât think the girl feels totally comfortable, just hang out for a whileâtalk about life, get to know her better, and show her that youâre patient and youâre not going to be pushy. After thereâs more rapport, itâs time to make a move.

Kissing Her

You donât need a fancy technique to lean in to kiss a girl for the first time, all you have to do is make your intentions clear and see how she reacts. If you wait for a girl to give you signals that she wants to be kissed, youâll likely end up waiting indefinitely because womenâs signals are easy to misread. However, if you create a situation where she has to respond to your signals, her feelings will be much more obvious.

What do I mean, exactly?

While youâre in close proximity to a girl (standing, on the couch, on a bed, etc.), hold prolonged eye contact to see how she reacts.

If she holds the eye contact with you, 9 times out of 10 that means she wants to be kissed.

If she blushes or shyly looks away for a moment but then returns your gaze, that often means she wants to be kissed as well.

If you do this but you canât tell whether a girl wants you to kiss her, you can simply say, âYou know, youâre really beautiful,â (Or you could say, âI really want to kiss you right now,â) while maintaining strong eye contact. If she wants you to kiss her, sheâll hold eye contact, if she doesnât want you to kiss her, sheâll (most likely) completely avert your gaze or make a comment to diffuse the tension.

Basically, youâre creating a situation where the girl can feel that you want to kiss her, thus giving her the opportunity to pull away or to accept the kiss.

It is possible to misinterpret these situations, but understand, leaning in for a kiss isnât offensive in itself even if the girl doesnât want you to. Youâre only being offensive if a girl rejects your kiss and you ignore her resistance. Itâs not making the move thatâs a problem, itâs ignoring a rejection once you get it.

Donât be afraid to lean in to kiss a girl, so long as you respect her reaction, youâre not doing anything wrong. Understand, not leaning in to kiss a girl could also be offensiveâif she went to your place hoping to hook up with you and you donât make a move, she might get upset because youâre not giving her what she wanted.

What if she rejects your kiss?

If you attempt to kiss a girl and she turns you down, your best move is to take a step back and find out why she rejected your kiss. For instance, you might say, âWas that too soon?â Or, âSorry, I lost control of myself, do you want to take things slow?â If she agrees, she is interested, but sheâs not comfortable with getting physical yet. In this case you can take your time, talk more (think somewhere in the range of 15-45 minutes), and then you can re-escalate when you think sheâs ready.

Alternatively, the girl might say something that implies she isnât interested. She may mention she has a boyfriend or that she just wants to be friends. The best response is to respect what she says and to assume the interaction is going to be strictly platonic.

Generally, itâs still beneficial to leave things on a positive note, you may be able to become friends with her and she may even end up introducing you to her female friends.

Now, it is possible that the girl is playing hard to get. Maybe she does have a boyfriend and she is willing to cheat on him, but she wants to take the responsibility off of herself for cheating by ârejecting youâ. Or, perhaps she is very insecure about doing anything âsluttyâ and by giving resistance she can tell herself that she wasnât doing anything wrong.

In such situations the girl may want to have sex with you, but sheâs also willing to play games, do you really want to get laid so badly that youâre going to deal with that?

The safer option is to just move on to the next girl, however, if you run into this situation and want to pursue things further, the most effective strategy is to keep hanging out with her without being pushy at all. Then, once youâve vibed with her for a while (again, this usually takes roughly 15-45 minutes), you can make a move again, she may react very differently. If you do this, make sure to get affirmative consent: she was being hesitant earlier and you want to be absolutely sure she does want to have sex with you (more on this later).

If She Accepts Your Kiss

Once youâve made out with a girl, the most important thing to be aware of is your pacing.

A lot of guys become fixated on âgetting it inâ as soon as they start kissing a girl. This is a mistake. Male sexuality and female sexuality are inherently different.

For men, an orgasm is like an itch that you want to scratch, thereâs a desire to finish as fast possible. For women, an orgasm is like a crescendo that slowly builds upâitâs not about racing to the finish, itâs about an increasing tension that gradually builds up until it reaches a point in which it needs to be released.

Many women do not have orgasms during sexual encounters. This is because if a man purely follows his instincts, he will not give her the slowly building arousal that she needs.

So, being good in bed is largely about focusing less on what you want to do and more on what the woman is experiencing. And fortunately, the more pleasure you give a woman, the more pleasure you will receive in return. This isnât about being selfless, itâs about being effective.

So, instead of rushing to the finish line, you should do two things:

1. Escalate gradually.
2. Proactively increase the womanâs arousal by balancing push with pull (or hot with cold.)

As a man, you may feel that making out or even foreplay is something you must to endure to get to the good part. As a woman, foreplay is integral to a satisfying sexual experience. When making out with a girl, Nibble at her earlobe, kiss down her neck, move your hands up and down her body gradually towards her most sensitive areas, but not quite reaching themâ youâre hinting at sex, thus making her fantasize about the possibilities of things to come.

As you are gradually escalating, you can also increase a girlâs desire for you by pulling away. For instance, you might glide your fingers up a girlâs inner thigh, making her think that youâre going to finger her, but then pull away at the last second and touch her in a less sexual area.

For women, nothing is more seductive than the thought that sex might be about to happenâhinting at sex by escalating and then pulling away will get a girl imagining the things she wants you to do to her, and once sheâs doing that, the temptation to have sex with you will be intense.

Anything you do that escalates an interaction towards sex can be pulled away to build sexual tension. When youâre fooling around with a girl, you can even completely take a break. You could mention that you need to get a drink or you can simply say , âThis is really hot, but I think we should take a break for a minute.â

The balance of escalation and de-escalation has an intoxicating effect. Doing this is also useful because it shows that you arenât going to be too pushy. Women do have the concern that you might escalate too aggressively without caring about their feelings, but by occasionally pulling back, youâre showing a woman that youâre not that kind of guy.

Basically, you should repeat this process until the girl is so aroused that sheâs practically begging you to fuck her.

Not Every Girl Is The Same

Generally, the best way to escalate towards sex is at a gradual pace. However, not every woman is the same and not every situation is the same. Some girls will want you to pick them up, throw them on your bed, and ravish them the second they get into your house.

If an interaction with a girl was extremely sexual in public, thereâs no reason to slow things down once youâre in private. Usually, the signs are clear: the sexual tension will be palpable, sheâs already so turned on that sheâs ready for sex.

So the best move isnât always to take things slow. But if youâre unsure as to what a girl is feeling, itâs better to gradually escalate because although that might not be as exciting as ravishing her, itâs unlikely to make her change her mind about sleeping with you¹⁶. Conversely, being too aggressive may make a girl uncomfortable and this could cause her to decide not to sleep with you (even though she would have otherwise).

Getting Intimate

Once youâve been fooling around with a girl to the point that she is noticeably aroused (moaning, breathing heavy, moving her hips, etc.), youâll need to start taking her clothes off.

The best way to do this is to move your hand over her pussy with her pants still on and basically finger her, but through her clothes. This will feel good, and once sheâs responding well, you can take off her pants: she will want more of what sheâs already getting, so she will probably be enthusiastic about removing layers of clothing.

If a girl is wearing a skirt or dress, you can actually finger her before taking off her clothes (by moving your hands up her legs under her dress/skirt), if sheâs wearing pants or shorts, you can start by unbuttoning the pants and then finger her over her panties a bit before taking off the pants entirely.

You can even take this a step further by kissing the girl down her neck and body and even between her thighs, essentially performing something like cunnilingus, but with her clothes still on. This does two things: first, it is in itself pleasurable, and two, it sends the message that you are going to go down on her before fucking her.

This is important because many women have lackluster sexual encounters in which the guy just took off her clothes, fucked her for a few minutes, and then rolled over and fell asleep. By miming cunnilingus, you are showing the girl that you are going to give her the full experience that she wants, you are going to give her pleasure before fucking herâthis is far more appealing to most women.

If You Get Resistance

When you start taking a girlâs clothes off, you may get some resistance. Some women will pull your hands away to let you know they arenât ready to get naked with you.

If this happens, respect her gesture and de-escalate for a while. Go back a couple steps and continue fooling around for a good 15-30 more minutes, then you can attempt to escalate again. Thereâs a good chance she will be turned on enough that sheâs ready to take things further. But sometimes, a woman just isnât ready to have sex.

In this case, your best option is to talk about whatâs happening. You can say, âAm I doing something you donât like?â Or, âIs everything okay?â This will prompt her to explain what sheâs feeling. She may say that sheâs on her period in which case you can say that itâs completely natural and it doesnât bother you (unless it does), and if she says, âokay,â you can try again.

In other cases, a girl will say that sheâs not ready to have sex, or that she doesnât know you well enough, etc. Generally, these responses mean what they sound like they mean: she doesnât want to have sex with you right now. The best way to react? Respect her desires and take things slow. Every woman is different, and some just donât want to sleep with a guy they just met.

To be fair, you might be able to change a girlâs mind in such a situation, but to me, if sex isnât really a win for a girl on every level, then itâs not worth it. Even if you could use âlast-minute resistance busting techniquesâ, I donât recommend doing so because even though they might change how a girl feels emotionally, she still may feel like you pushed her into doing something she wasnât totally comfortable with.

If you do everything outlined in this chapter, any woman who is open to the idea of having sex with you will rarely pull back or give you anything resembling a ânoâ. However, in some cases, even a woman whoâs extremely aroused may not want to have sex with you because itâs against her values or a rule she has for herself.

There are two things you can do in this situation. One is to say, âOkay, I understand. Youâve really turned me on though, could you give me a handjob/blowjob?â For many women, the idea of giving someone a handjob or blowjob is much less intimate than having sex and she may be excited to do so for you. Of course, some women will say noâin this case I would just tell her youâre going to use the bathroom to cool yourself down.

Consent

As a rule-of-thumb, if a girl gives any form of resistance within a sexual encounter, I strongly recommend you get verbal consent before having sex with her. In these situations, you canât know for certain if the girl feels that youâre being pushy and sheâs only going along with what youâre doing because she doesnât want to be rude.

On the one hand, getting affirmative consent is important legally because it takes out the ambiguity as to whether consent was given. On the other hand, itâs also important in terms of being respectful: women are taught to be agreeable and many struggle to say no (even when they want to). So, if a girl at any point gives some kind of resistance to your escalation, you should make sure that she gives you an enthusiastic âyes,â before you actually have sex with her. This way you know she isnât just letting you take advantage of her, but she really wants what you want.

The problem with affirmative consent is that itâs not exactly sexy to ask someone permission to sleep with them. It kind of misses the point of a sexual encounter, thereâs nothing primal or animistic about saying, âIs it okay if I have sex with you?â.

Thatâs why, in my opinion, getting verbal consent is only important if you have some reason to doubt whether a girl wants to have sex with you (she said no at some point earlier, she moved your hand away when you escalating, or you just arenât 100% sure that she is feeling what youâre feeling).

However, it is possible to get verbal consent in a way that isnât a complete turn off. One way is to tell a girl, âI want you to say âplease fuck me,ââ this phrase is dominant and allows you to get a verbal yes without coming across as meek. If she says the words, great. If she doesnât, say, âIâm not going to fuck you unless you say the words, âplease fuck me.ââ If she still wonât say the words, then pull back, she probably doesnât want to have sex with you in that moment.

If you donât like that particular line you can also say, âAre you comfortable with this?â (Right before entering her.) And if she doesnât yes, then pull back.

That’s everything you need to know about how to fuck a girl for the first time. Once a woman’s pants are off, the rest should be self-explanatory. Of course, getting laid is one thing, having good sex is another, that’s why I wrote this article: How To Fuck A Girl Well