(Above: Video version of this article with hidden camera footage).
It’s true that women tend to be more discerning than men when it comes to choosing sexual partners. But they’re not as prudish as many guys think. Girls seem sexually modest around certain guys because those guys bring out their prudish side. But those same girls are wild and free-spirited around the guys who know how to bring out that side of their personality.
There is one difference between the way men and women perceive sex that is particularly important. For women, sex is often a way to deepen an emotional connection whereas for men, sex and connection are less intertwined.
That isn’t to say women don’t have sex purely for physical pleasure or that men don’t have sex to solidify an emotional connection – it’s just to say that women are generally skewed more towards having sex to connect with someone, and men are skewed more towards having sex for physical pleasure.
It’s an important difference. Understanding why women want an emotional connection before having sex, and learning how to create that connection, will make you infinitely more successful at making women want to sleep with you.
But we’ll go into that soon. All you need to understand now is that you can take women home with you from clubs consistently. As an example, I know a friend in Las Vegas who slept with a new attractive woman every night nine days straight.
If you take a lot of action and make the most out of your opportunities when you go out to meet women, you should be able to bring home a new girl at least once every couple weeks. (Maybe that’s not something you’re interested in. If that’s the case, feel free to skip this article).
So, you’re approaching women regularly, you’re consistently reaching the social hook point, and you know how to sexually escalate . . . but how often are you bringing women back to your bedroom (or hers)?
If you aren’t pulling an attractive girl home once every couple weeks, there’s room for improvement.
There are three primary reasons why you might not be pulling as often as you could:
You know you’re not going for the close properly if you don’t invite girl to your place at some point. The essential step to hooking up is getting into a bed with her – and if you’re not inviting girls to your place, of course you’re not having sex.
This sounds so obvious that it shouldn’t need to be said, but a lot of guys will get a girls number or make out with her, but don’t even consider asking her to come over to their place. This is mostly a mental barrier – a common one – and getting over it just takes some strategy (that we’ll elaborate later in this article).
It’s possible that you’re not closing because you’re not making a strong enough emotional connection with the women you meet. If you invite girls to your place, but they regularly turn you down, they might be sexually attracted to you, but they don’t trust you enough to go home with you.
If girls are rejecting you when you invite them to your place, ask yourself it it’s because they don’t want to go with you or because they can’t go with you. It is possible to get these two confused, and the solution for each is different.
If girls are rejecting you because they don’t want to go home with you, you need to establish a stronger connection. If girls are rejecting you because they can’t go home with you, you need to get better at dealing with logistics.
How do you tell the difference between when a girl can’t go home with you and when she doesn’t want to go home with you?
If a girl says something like, “Sorry, I’d love to go, but my friends need me to drive them home.” Then she couldn’t go with you. If a girl says something like, “You know, I’m feeling pretty tired, I need to get some sleep.” Then she just didn’t want to go with you.
The difference between the two excuses is that one is logistical and the other is emotional. If a girl makes an emotional excuse not to go home with you, the problem is that you didn’t get her to want to enough.
It’s not always that clear-cut, though. If a girl says something like, “I have work tomorrow morning, sorry.” She could be saying that because she takes her job seriously and wants to get some sleep, or she could be saying that because emotionally, she doesn’t want to go home with you and she just wanted to give you a logical reason (as opposed to being ‘mean’ by saying, “Sorry, not interested.”)
So, if you’re having trouble getting girls to come home with you it could either be because you’re not dealing with the logistics well enough, or because you’re not making her feel enough of a connection with you to want to go – and it’s not always easy to tell which of the two it was.
I recommend you make a habit of screening for logistics effectively, first, then work on getting better at making a strong emotional connection. Logistics are relatively straightforward, and cam be dealt with by asking a few specific questions. Making an emotional connection, on the other hand, is a fairly complicated problem, so you should work on that once you’ve mastered dealing with logistical hurdles.
Inviting a girl you just met back to your place can sound like an intimidating proposition to make. In reality, it’s essentially risk-free. Telling a girl something like, “Hey, the drink prices here are ridiculous, let’s be frugal and get a drink back at my place,” might lead to a rejection. She might say she’s not interested – but that rejection isn’t going to fundamentally change her opinion of you. She’s not going to think, “Wait, he wanted me to go to his place. That means he’s sexually attracted to me, fuck this guy.”
If the girl was interested in you before you invited her to your place, she’s going to continue to be interested in you after she rejects the invite. Maybe it’s too soon for her, maybe she doesn’t want her friends to judge her as a slut for going home with some guy she just met – regardless, going for the close is consequence free.
This means that if you ever have an interaction with a girl at a club that you’re interested in, and you don’t invite her to your place, you missed an opportunity (unless you have a rule that you don’t want to sleep with a girl until the fifth date or you are waiting for marriage or something along those lines).
If you go out, and you genuinely don’t meet a single woman who you have good chemistry with, then it makes sense that you wouldn’t invite any home with you (although, if this is the case, you might not be doing enough approaches, or you might not be approaching the women you find most attractive). But if you did meet a girl you liked, and you had a conversation that lasted for more than a few minutes, there’s no reason not to invite her to your place.
Men hesitate to do this because they assume that sex is something they “take” from the girl. It’s a win-loss mindset, “If I get a woman to come home with me, I win, and she loses.” When you see sex as something you take from a girl, as opposed to a positive experience that you can give a girl, it’s easy to hesitate to go for the close.
Of course, in reality sex is even more enjoyable for women than it is for men. An opportunity for a woman to sleep with you is something you shouldn’t deprive her of. Once you truly accept this, creating opportunities for women to have sex with you will be effortless.
It’s true that some women don’t like one-night stands. That’s fine, these girls probably won’t go home with you when you invite them to.
Fortunately, though, we live in a culture where most of the world has a fairly positive attitude towards casual sex. It’s generally accepted that people hook up and have sex with people they don’t have a strong commitment with. For example, the entire show “Sex and The City” is about a group of women going on casual sex misadventures.
Changing your mindset about the value women get from having sex with you isn’t something you can change over-night. But making that change starts with accepting the possibility that women want to have sex with you. Then, you can cement that change by getting evidence that confirms this new belief.
To gather evidence that women do want to have sex with you, you’ll have to make a habit of creating opportunities for it to happen. This means that you’ll need to be inviting women you like to a location where sex is possible – regularly.
If you’re going out consistently, you should be meeting women you’re attracted to regularly, too. This means you should be inviting women to your place on a weekly basis. Now, I understand that the main objection to this is, “I don’t want to be a player. I don’t want a string of one-night-stands. I just want a girlfriend.”
That’s perfectly fine. I’m not here to tell you what you should want, I’m just here to help you get what you want. But, even if you’re looking for a girlfriend and you don’t want to have casual sex, inviting women to your place will still be helpful.
You don’t have to sleep with every girl you invite over. If you end up going home with a girl, and she’s not up to your standards of what you want in a girl, then just hang out with her and have a good time – without adding sex into the equation.
By doing this regularly, when you do meet the girl that you really like, you’ll be able to make things happen with her smoothly and naturally.
There is another obstacle that prevents guys from going for the close. They’re having a great conversation with an attractive girl who they have chemistry with, and they realize, “She’s not the kind of girl who you just take home and have sex with, she’s special.”
Not only have I seen many of my friends use this line of reasoning not to sleep with a girl, I’ve done it myself. When we label a girl as “too good” to have sex with before getting to know her really well – we’re protecting our ego.
We like this girl a lot, we’re invested in her. To get rejected by her would be devastating. So, we come up with a logical reason to take things slow. The logic is flawed, though. We’re taught by society that if we want a serious relationship, we should take things slow.
But why? If you sleep with a girl, you’ve cemented that the relationship is sexual in nature, and there’s a much better chance that she’ll want to hang out with you again. If you want to make a woman your girlfriend, the best strategy is to sleep with her. Not sleeping with her can lead her to label you as a friend or worse, she may not want to hang out with you again because she wanted to sleep with you, but you didn’t make a move ( which made her think you aren’t interested in her or that you lack confidence).
How do you invite a girl to your place? You don’t want to be too direct, “Hey, wanna have sex at my place?” Because if a girl were to say yes to that, she would feel like a slut. Instead, you want to come up with a logical excuse to go home with her.
Here are a few excuses to home with a girl I’ve found to be effective:
The excuse you use to go home with a girl can be anything. A friend of mine once told a girl, “You have to check out my awesome book collection!” and it worked. I’ve said, “Hey, let’s play Rock Band at my place.” and that worked, too. The specific excuse you use doesn’t matter much, but if you can’t think of anything unique to you, just stick to the tried and true classics:
If the girl is into you, it’s very likely any excuse to come back to your place will work. She wants to spend more time with you, and even if she doesn’t want to sleep with you, she probably would at least like to make-out or get to know you better.
You might think this would never work in a million years, but if you try it enough, you will find that yes, some girls will be happy to go home with you.
When should you go for the close? There’s no specific time frame you need to worry about. Back in the day, the pickup artist, Mystery had a 4-7 hour rule in which he believed that you need to interact with a woman 4-7 hours before sleeping with her. But In my experience, it usually take 30 minutes to 2 hours.
You can bring up the idea of hanging out with a girl in the privacy of your own home as early as a few minutes in the interaction. For example, you might say, “Hey, there’s an after-party at my place later tonight, would you like to come?” By asking this, you’re not aggressively going for the close, you’re just find out if she’s open to the idea of going home with you later that night.
This is a useful strategy for a couple reasons. If she says something like, “Oh, definitely can’t, my boyfriend wouldn’t like that.” You know that it’s not going to happen with her, so you can move onto another girl.
Secondly, by introducing the idea of going home together early on, you’ve made it so that she won’t be taken off guard when you suggest leaving together later. If she says, “Yeah, an after-party later sounds fun.” When you bring it up again, “Hey, you ready to go that after-party I mentioned?” She will be more likely to give you a yes without hesitation.
What’s most important, though, is that you bring up the idea of going home together at some point. Whether it’s 45 minutes into the interaction or 15 minutes into the interaction doesn’t matter much.
It’s true that she’s more likely to say yes the more comfortable she is with you, but if you tell yourself, “I think it’s too soon to invite her back to my place,” you might just procrastinate on making the ask indefinitely.
I’m not saying you should invite a girl home after two minutes of conversation, but if you’ve approached a girl and you’ve passed the social hook-point, you should go for the close before she leaves.
You’ll have to use your best judgment to decide when you should go for the pull, just make sure that you don’t miss opportunities by putting it off too long.
If you live with your parents, are homeless, or for some other reason, you can’t bring girls to your place – you are at a disadvantage. However, that disadvantage is no excuse not to try to make something happen with a girl. Fortunately, in the 21st century, women have jobs and can own homes, so if you can’t take a girl to your place, you still may be able to go with her to hers.
Some of the excuses to pull don’t work when going to a girl’s place, “Hey, there’s an after-party at your house later, let’s go!” I’ve found the best excuse to use when pulling a girl to her own place is to watch a movie or TV show with her.
Sometimes a girl will live with her parents (or worse, her boyfriend), and she won’t be able to take you home with her. For that reason, it will be to your advantage to get your own place. But a lot of the time, you can still make something happen even without your own house to bring women to.
Screening for logistics allows you to know how likely it is you’ll be able to bring a girl home later. Logistics include the following:
Knowing the above information will help you decide whether you can bring a girl home with you. If it’s obvious you can’t, you can just get her number to see her later, and go talk to other girls in the meantime.
The ideal logistical situation would be:
You’re rarely going to meet girls with such ideal logistics, but knowing the logistical hurdles you have to deal with will help you overcome them. If, for example, you find out that a girl’s with her sister who’s visiting from out of town, then you know this girl probably isn’t going to ditch her sister. Therefore, you’ll want to include her sister in your plans for later or at least introduce her sister to a guy to flirt with.
You should find out the logistics of every girl you talk to. Make it a habit to ask for logistics in every interaction. You don’t want to just fire off logistical questions back-to-back, that would be awkward. Instead, sprinkle the logistical questions into the interaction over time.
The phrasing for logistical questions can be fairly straightforward:
The answers to each of these questions gives you valuable information. The most important of these questions to ask is, “What are you doing later?” So, if you can’t remember to ask all the logistics questions, at least ask that one.
If she answers, “I’m not doing anything later.” Make sure to suggest that you and her do something later (like we mentioned in the last section), this could be to go to an after-party, get some food, or watch a movie.
If she answers your question with something like, “I’m going to my friend’s house for an after-party,” then you can give her the opportunity to invite you by saying something like, “Oh, that sounds like fun.” Then pause for a moment, and if she likes you, there’s a good chance she’ll invite you to come.
Regardless of the answer, the information she gives you will give you an indication of how likely it is you can bring her home that night. If her logistics are bad, your best option may be to go with her at the end of the night (at some point she’s going to sleep in a bed)
It’s not always clear whether you should stick with a particular girl or move on. If her logistics are tough, but you have particularly good chemistry, you may want to stick with her and try to make something happen. If her logistics are favorable, but you think you could find a girl you like more, then you may want to move on to the next girl.
Just make sure that in the last hour of the night that you commit to one girl. Ideally, you don’t want to be going from girl to girl when the club’s about to close. In the first portion of a night out, you should be getting yourself into a social mood, meeting different girls, and finding one girl that you want to commit to. The end of the night should be dedicated to making something happen with that girl you decided to commit to.
If you ignore a girl’s friends and her plans, don’t be surprised if you don’t end up taking her home. Logistics matter. It’s always useful to know the situation you’re dealing with. Getting logistics is as easy as remembering to ask a few basic questions. Neglecting to deal with logistics is a silly reason to go home alone – practice asking logistical questions regularly until it becomes an automated habit.
If a woman were to fuck every guy that hit on her, she’d be at constant risk of getting drugged or murdered. On one level, women love sex, but on another level, they have to use caution when deciding who to have sex with.
As a man, you can’t fully understand the risk a woman is taking when she decides to sleep with a guy. In her mind, going home with a random guy might lead her to get stuffed in a trunk and buried in the middle of the desert.
Additionally, as we already mentioned, women are turned on by experiencing an emotional connection with a man more than they’re turned on by physicality.
As a result of these differences between men and women, it’s crucial that you learn how to make a strong emotional connection with the women you meet. If she feels connected to you, not only will she become more attracted to you, but she’ll also trust you enough to sleep with you.
There are two main reason guys don’t get women to trust them. The first is that most men don’t give women space to invest in them. Whenever a girl talks about her life, her struggles, her feelings, her wants and desires, etc. she is investing in you emotionally. That investment is powerful, it creates the space necessary for her to trust you and feel connected to you.
The second reason men don’t get women to trust them is that they are too agreeable. These men don’t speak their mind. To make a woman trust you, she has to know you’ll say what you really think – even if it’s controversial or slightly offensive.
When most men meet a girl, they make everything about themselves. Guys think things like, “What can I say to make her like me,” and “How do I get her number.” These guys focusing on their objective, but ignoring the girl’s objectives.
Instead of focusing too much on what you can get from a girl, start to think about what you can give her. No, I don’t just mean “The D,” think about how you can give her the emotions she wants to experience.
Instead of trying to make a girl think you’re interesting, make her feel like she is interesting.
Being a good listener doesn’t just mean that you pay attention to what someone says, it also means you pay attention to what they want more of. For example, if a girl is talking about how hard her job is, as a guy, your natural instinct is probably to give her advice (perhaps, “get a better job”). But when a girl is talking about her problems, she usually doesn’t want a solution, she wants to feel understood.
Instead of directing the conversation towards all the things she could do to improve her job situation, you should simply show compassion. Showing genuine interest is much more powerful than faking it. The temptation is to just say, “Yeah, that’s cool.” Without meaning it, because it’s easy. It’s much harder to really focus on what she says and to think about what it means to her: to care about how she feels. But when you do this, women will develop an instant rapport with you.
If a girl is talking about something important to her, affirm that you understand,
“That sounds tough”
“That’s really interesting,”
To be clear, being a good listener doesn’t mean being completely agreeable. Yes, you should show interest in what a girl is saying, but you should also be willing to share your own opinions.
For example, if a girl starts saying something that you think is offensive or blatantly wrong, tell her so. Once, I was talking to a girl and she said, “Yeah, it’s really hard to get an acting gig in L.A.”
I asked, “How many auditions have you gone to?”
She said, “Well, I haven’t exactly gone to any auditions.” I could have been agreeable, but to do so wouldn’t have been genuine, so I said, “You can’t really know if it’s hard to get an acting job if you haven’t gone to any auditions. It sounds like you’re afraid to take the risk.”
She agreed, and we ended up talking about her frustrations with herself, her hopes, and her fears. This was a conversation about things that mattered to her, as opposed to the surface level, agreeable small talk most guys limit themselves to.
Balance showing compassion and interest with a willingness to disagree and assert yourself. The key here is that you’re honest. Don’t tell her something she said is stupid because you think that will make her like you more, tell her something she said is stupid when you genuinely think it’s stupid.
For the most part, if you and a girl have anything in common, you should be able to get along, listen to each other, and tell your own stories. But, whenever you disagree with what she’s saying, say so.
It’s important that when you disagree, you don’t come across as frustrated or combative. If a girl were to say, “Well, I actually think the earth might be flat,” yeah, you probably will think that’s a stupid belief to have, but you don’t need to attack her to disagree with her.
In this scenario you might say, “Well, that sounds ridiculous, Pythagoras is probably rolling in his grave,” but if you decide that her belief in a flat-earth isn’t a deal-breaker, don’t harass her about the subject.
What women (and people in general) want more than anything is to feel like they’re important, like their life has meaning. If you cut a girl off, don’t listen to her, and constantly talk about yourself, then she’s going to feel unimportant to you. But, if you show genuine interest in her, she’s going to get the sense that she is important to you, which will validate her ego and make her enjoy your company more.
At the same time, she needs to know that you’re genuine. If you’re just a yes-man – a completely agreeable doormat – then she’s not going to be able to trust you either, women can sense falseness, they can tell when you have an agenda.
Most guys are either good at listening and showing interest, or they’re good at asserting themselves – few men are good at both. If you’re an overly-agreeable guy who women like as a friend, but rarely see in a sexual light, you should work on saying things that might be controversial.
The best way to make this into a practice is through using field reports. Field reports allow you to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses and identify what you need to change to become more successful with women. To get better at asserting yourself, write out a section in your field reports titled “Assertiveness”, then analyze how well you did at stating your honest opinions even when they were controversial. Here’s an example of what this might look like-
One girl I met was talking about how she loved this show, “The Vampire Diaries” I hate Vampire shows, but I just listened to her talk about it and said things like, “That’s interesting,” instead of saying what I really thought. In the future, when a girl starts talking about something that I think is silly, I want to say what I really think.
The most important components of the above example are that he A. Identified a mistake he made and B. specified what he could do differently. By writing that the next time he comes across a similar situation, he should speak his mind, it’s very likely that he will do so. If you don’t identify what you want to do differently, it’s very easy to make the same mistakes repeatedly.
Some guys need to work on being more assertive, but others need to work on showing more interest. If you’re the latter, focus on that in your field reports. Here’s what this might look like:
I noticed I have a habit of talking over girls that probably isn’t serving me. When a girl says something I’m not interested in, I stop paying attention and start thinking about what I’m going to say next. I also noticed I cut off girls – probably too much. I want to focus on making eye contact and really listening to what the girl is saying.
Whether you’re too much of a nice guy, or not showing enough interest, improving will take some real effort on your part. It’s hard to admit you’re making habitual mistakes in the way you communicate – it’s a blow to the ego. However, once you notice the mistake you’re making, change your behavior, and then start getting different results, the effort becomes entirely worthwhile.
To successfully make this change, you’ll want to create a focused section in your field reports for an extended time – at least a few weeks (the next chapter will provide you with a more in-depth guide to writing field reports).
If you decide to focus on getting better at showing interest keep actively looking ways at which you can improve. Continuously adjust your approach, test out different changes. For example, if you notice that you talk about yourself too much, practice making the conversation more about the woman.
There’s no quick fix here, learning to become a more compassionate or assertive conversationalist will take a concerted effort. Remember though, the rewards will be worth it, women will trust you and feel connected with you in a powerful way.
Bringing women home with you from bars or clubs is exciting because it’s complicated and, at times, difficult. Don’t let the challenge discourage you, use it as motivation to push yourself and constantly reflect on what you can do differently.
If you use all the strategies outlines in this book up to now, you will be able to bring attractive women home with you. It may take a number of months to be able to do so consistently because there are so many factors that go into attracting women. If you’re persistent, and you continuously get of your comfort zone, any disadvantage you think you have will cease to matter. You want to date the highest-quality women that 99% of guys consider out of their league, be prepared to push yourself harder than 99% of the guys out there, too.
This article is a segment from the book: Irresistible, which you can find on Amazon.
TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the blog Red Pill Theory.
|Title||How To Pull A Girl On A Night Out (Complete Step-By-Step Guide)|
|Date||July 27, 2018 8:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)|
|Blog||Red Pill Theory|
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