TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

The Definitive Guide to Scarcity and Abundance in Dating

Avery
October 23, 2017

Most of the pain men experience in their dating lives comes from one pernicious source: a scarcity mindset. This is problematic because most of us donât even know what a scarcity mindset is; we wouldnât even know if we did have one.

Thatâs where this article comes in. Iâm going to explain why scarcity is the source of so much pain and frustration with women, show you the common signs of a scarcity mindset (so you can know if this is affecting you), and provide an outline for how to break out of scarcity if you are in it. Letâs start by looking at the scarcity mindset in a nutshell:

 

Sex and Scarcity

What does scarcity have to do with dating? Like it or not, itâs not inaccurate to look at people as a sexual resource. If you have an abundance of options with women, then you wonât really care if you can have sex with any particular woman. You have plenty of options. Thereâs no reason to fret over Suzie, youâve still got Amanda, Sarah, and Jessica.

On the other hand, if you have a scarcity of options with women, you can very easily start to think obsessively and neurotically about one particular girl you like. This is a pattern most modern man fall into at one point or another, and although the emotions scarcity creates are real, theyâre really nothing more than a trick of the mind that can lead to endless frustration (and an unfulfilling dating life).

Read this article to learn:

  1. How men get into a scarcity mindset with women.
  2. How to determine if you are in scarcity yourself.
  3. How to replace a scarcity mindset with an abundance mindset.

 

How Scarcity Acts as A Psychological Trap

 

In reality, women are an abundant resource in the modern world. In every major city there are thousands (if not millions) of women, many of which are attractive and available. But men still get into a scarcity mindset with women because of their mindset and their social environment.

Letâs say you work with a cute girl (weâll call her Tatianna). You see her every day, sheâs the prettiest girl at work, and so, naturally, you develop a crush on her. What could possibly be bad about that? Well, assuming you donât photograph models for a living, thereâs probably not a lot of attractive girls at your job, only a few. Tatiannaâs your number one choice among these few attractive girls.

Guess what, thereâs a lot of pressure. If you fuck it up with Tatianna, you just lost your chance with the hottest girl who is a regular part of your day-to-day life. Sure, there are thousands of hot girls in your city, but how often do you interact with them? For most men the answer is rarely, if not never.

Even though thereâs technically a limitless number of options, thereâs only one girl you both really like and actually interact with. So, naturally, youâre going to put her on a pedestal. Youâre going to fantasize about dating her. Youâre going to wait for the âperfect opportunityâ to make a move. Youâre going to talk to your friends about her. All this because she represents a scarce resource to you: attractive women. Sheâs the most attractive girl that you actually interact with.

So, now, your mindâs going to play tricks on you. Youâre going to think Tatiannaâs âspecialâ, that sheâs âNot like these other girlsâ. Youâll think things like, âI should take it slow with her, and get to know her first because I really like this girlâ Bullshit thoughts like these are going to trick you into playing it safe.

 

Scarcity Is A Mindset

 

Scarcity isnât based on objective reality (it can be, but unless you live in a small town, women are abundant), itâs based on a mindset. Itâs not that there arenât many women available, itâs that there arenât many women you think you can get.

If you donât interact with a lot of attractive women, and/or you donât think youâre the kind of guy attractive women like, youâre going to get wrapped up in negative thinking like, âIâm just not attractive enough,â âI need to get a better job before I get a girlfriend,â etc. Additionally, because youâre in scarcity, as soon as you do get positive attention from a girl, youâre going to desperately latch on to her.

The girl who gives you attention might be attracted to you, she might just be friendly, but either way, her positive response to you is going to make you think, âMaybe she likes me, maybe I have a chance to get her!â Because this is such a rare opportunity for you, youâre going to go all in. Unfortunately, sheâs going to sense your desperation, which is the biggest turn off for women in existence.

So, the scarcity mindset is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You rarely get opportunities with women, and when you do, you act desperate and neurotic, so you donât get the girl. Then, you get more deeply entrenched in your scarcity mindset because you didnât get yet another girl, and this goes on and on in a downward spiral until you end up settling for an equally desperate girl (or buy a sex doll).

Abundance Mentality

You meet Tatianna, the cutest girl you work with. You think, âSheâs cool, sheâs attractive, I should ask her out,â so you invite her to get coffee with you. She says no. You think, âToo bad, but itâs no big deal.â And that ends there. You donât keep thinking about her, you donât worry about what the rejection means about you, you donât use it as an excuse to avoid putting yourself out there again. Youâre in abundance.

When youâre in abundance, asking a particular girl out or making a bold move isnât scary. You know that even if this particular girl rejects you, you wonât have trouble meeting and attracting another girl later that night.

If you go out regularly, meet a lot of women, get some phone numbers, go on some dates, and have sex with women on a regular basis, any particular girl isnât going to have a huge emotional impact on you. Youâre not going to get neurotic, overthink, or shoot yourself in the foot with a woman. Youâll just think a girl is attractive and make a move. You know you might get rejected but you genuinely donât care because you know some other girl is not going to reject you in the near future.

Tatianna was a big deal for the guy in scarcity, so he had absolutely no chance with her (a girl can smell desperation like a police dog can smell drugs). That guy may waste weeks or even months obsessing over her and imagining the life he and her could have together.

The guy in abundance will, instead, spend that same time sleeping with and dating other attractive women. Tatianna may be a cool girl, but thereâs plenty of fish in the sea, and he doesnât give a fuck about his ability to sleep with any particular girl.

 

Second level scarcity

Thereâs an important nuance to mention in regards scarcity and abundance. It is possible to be in abundance with some women, but not others. If youâve had success with women who are attractive, but not your version of a â9â or â10,â then you might be in abundance with all girls except those that are particularly attractive to you. As soon as you see one of those girls, youâll start thinking, âShit, I need to get this girl,â then when you meet her, youâll probably shoot yourself in the foot by putting her on a pedestal and acting desperate.

 

The Way to Abundance

 

If you see yourself in the above examples of a scarcity mindset with women, the first step towards change  is awareness. If you realize that the only reason youâre obsessing over one particular girl is the fact that youâre in scarcity, then you free yourself to take the necessary steps to break out of scarcity and into abundance.

But if you donât recognize that thinking as scarcity thinking, youâre going to think, âThis girl really is special,â and youâre going to keep investing your time, emotions, and energy into a cause that isnât going to go anywhere.

As soon as you realize youâre in scarcity, the way out is to interact with a lot of women. To go out, approach girls, and start to teach your brain that there are many options.

The second step towards abundance is to start asking attractive girls out. Youâll get rejected a lot, but if you learn from your mistakes and keep putting yourself out there youâll start to build self-confidence and youâll eventually get dates with attractive girls.

Your mindset will start to change from the toxic scarcity mindset, into a liberating abundance mindset.

Now, this is a very simple outline of how to do this, if you want a step-by-step guide, check out, The Trial: Transform Your Dating Life In Eight weeks.

The underlying purpose of âPUAâ content, is to take you from a scarcity mindset into an abundance mindset with women. Once this happens youâll have a lot more success with women, but youâll also be able to think more clearheadedly about sex and dating too, you wonât get neurotic or emotional in very self-defeating ways. For a lot of modern men, dating isnât fun, as soon as you make the shift from a scarcity to an abundance mindset with women, that will change.

 

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the blog Red Pill Theory.

Red Pill Theory archive

Download the post

Want to save the post for offline use on your device? Choose one of the download options below:

Post Information
Title The Definitive Guide to Scarcity and Abundance in Dating
Author Avery
Date October 23, 2017 1:21 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Blog Red Pill Theory
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/Red-Pill-Theory/the-definitive-guide-to-scarcity-and-abundance-in.22725
https://theredarchive.com/blog/22725
Original Link https://redpilltheory.com/2017/10/23/637/
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter