“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality”– Seneca
This counterintuitive approach is effective because, whether we realize it or not, we are more motivated to avoid pain than to seek pleasure. Traditional goal setting focuses on everything you have to gain, but what really drives us is what we want to avoid. Fear Setting frames your goals in a way that respects this psychological reality, and in doing so, prepares you for long-term success.
Fear setting has three major steps:
For this process, start by choosing a goal or important decision you want to focus on with this exercise. For our purposes, we might select: “Practice cold-approach pickup regularly so I can get a high-quality girlfriend.”
Once you have your goal, list all the things that you think could go wrong under the label ‘worst case’. For our goal, it might look something like this:
Step 1. Worst Case Scenario:
Next, you list ways in which you might be able to repair the worst-case scenarios if they happen. For our example, it might look like this:
Repair: (Every girl I talk to rejects me)
Repair: (I get a bad reputation as a ‘player’)
(PS: It’s extremely unlikely you will get a bad reputation, but if you do, you are prepared for it.)
Repair: (It turns out I’m just not good looking enough)
Repair: (I have too much anxiety to approach girls)
Repair: (I’ll meet a girl I really like and start dating her, but she’ll break my heart)
Repair: (I won’t have enough motivation to get long-term results)
The second step for fear setting is to answer the question, “What might be the benefits of an attempt/partial success?” This is important, because when we look at our goals from a binary succeed/fail perspective, the consequences of failure can seem severe. Looking at the value of an attempt or partial success makes the risk seem less damning because we’re reminding ourselves that attempting a goal has its own value. For our goal, here’s what this second step might look like:
Step 2: What Might the Benefits Be of An Attempt/Partial Success?
The third and final step of fear setting is to write down the costs of not attempting to accomplish your goal. Remember, we are more motivated to avoid pain than to seek pleasure. Writing out the consequences of not accomplishing your goal will allow you to use your powerful desire to avoid pain in a productive way.
Do this third step to specify the consequences of failure 6 months from now, 1 year from now, and 3 years from now. Here, I’ll write out an example of what this might look like for 6 months from now:
Step 3. The Cost of Inaction
I’ll be six months older, yet still without a great woman to share my life with. I’ll have spent my time interacting with video game characters instead of people in real life. I will have missed many opportunities to have fun adventures and exciting experiences.
My frustration with my inability to freely express myself with others will have built up that much more, and I’ll know I could have done something about it.
I will continue to have a lot of negative limiting beliefs that hamper the quality of my life.
That’s the process of fear setting. It’s much more pragmatic, and in my opinion, useful, than traditional goal setting. If you go through this process and come to the conclusion that your worst-case scenario is something you’re not willing to risk, email me at [email protected] and I can help you decide whether the risk is likely and if so, if it’s really something not worth facing.
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PS: This was a segment from my new book, The 23 Laws of Seduction.
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|Title||This Forgotten Technique From Ancient Greece Helps You Succeed With Women|
|Date||July 26, 2017 7:00 PM UTC (5 years ago)|
|Blog||Red Pill Theory|
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