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Three Harsh Truths About Cold Approach Pickup

Avery
August 13, 2018

Three Harsh Truths About Cold Approach Pickup

Sheâs the most beautiful girl youâve seen in weeks: long flowing hair, a shapely figure, and the face of an angel. As she walks by, every cell in your body wants you to approach her. But you canât. Your brain is on overdrive (thinking of all the things that could go wrong). So, you freeze up, and this beauty leaves your life quickly as she entered it.

Weâve all been in the above situation â these are the moments that make us search, âHow to pick up women,â on Google. We hope that if we learn the right strategies, the next time a perfect 10 enters our life, weâll be able to date her. Thatâs the fantasy of cold approach at least, the reality is a different story.

Even a âmaster pick up artistâ doesnât sleep with every stunning girl he sees. 9 times out of 10, the beautiful women he approaches reject him.

Unfortunately, pickup artists rarely talk about the harsh truths of cold approach pickup. Reality doesnât sell, fantasy does. Thatâs why when you see infield videos on Youtube, youâre basically seeing a âhighlight reelâ of his best approaches (the many rejections are cut out).

If you want to succeed with women, you must understand the obstacles you will (inevitably) face. Yes, you can sleep with 9âs and 10âs, yes you can have an incredible amount of fun approaching women, and yes, attracting women is a skill that anyone can learn.

However, to date 9âs and 10âs, youâre going to have to wade through a lot of shit. Youâre going to have to endure countless rejections, your ego is going to get stomped on (repeatedly), and youâre going to have to get comfortable with discomfort.

In this article, youâre going to learn the 3 harsh truths of cold approach pickup. By learning the challenges youâre going to face, you will be much more likely to overcome those challenges and, ultimately, get the exciting dating life you want.

1. Most Guys Who Try to Learn Pickup Fail

Research has shown that 92% of people who get a gym membership fail to get in better shape. 90% of businesses fail in the first year. And, similarly, the vast majority of guys who learn about cold approach pickup donât end up sleeping with beautiful women.

Failure is the norm: success stories are outliers.

Just like buying a gym membership doesnât guarantee youâll get ripped, reading a pickup book an doesnât guarantee youâre going to become a modern Don Juan.

Why do most guys who try to learn pickup fail? There are a 2 primary reasons

A. They Donât Take Enough Action

If you want to date the highest quality women, youâre going to have to take more action in a year than most guys will in their entire life. If youâre serious about getting results, you should go out and meet new women every week. And when youâre out, at least 80% of that time should be spent interacting with women (as opposed to looking at your phone).

Going out once every couple months isnât enough. Approaching 3 women on a night out isnât enough. If you want results youâll have to take considerable, consistent action â just like any other skill.

Would you expect to become a skilled guitarist if you practiced once a month? No. Would you expect to get ripped if you spent 80% of your time at the gym staring at weights from afar? No.

If you want substantially better results than most men get, youâre going to have to take substantially more action.

To be fair, if all you want from pickup is a decent girlfriend, then you might be able to go out a few times, approach a few women, and get into a relationship with one of them. But that girl isnât going to be exceptional.

if you want women who are out of your league, you must be prepared to push yourself much further than most guys ever will.

B. They Donât Learn from Their Mistakes

I knew a guy who went out to meet women every day for an entire year. He approached at least 20 women per day. Despite this, he didnât get laid a single time in that whole year.

One night, I went out with this guy and watched him approach girls. It quickly became obvious why he wasnât getting results: he was so quiet that the women he approached couldnât hear what he was saying. He wasnât even getting the attention of these women, of course he wasnât sleeping with them.

If you want to get better with women, you must be ruthlessly honest with yourself. You must actively look for the mistakes youâre making.

Itâs easy to notice the mistakes other people make, but itâs hard to catch our own mistakes; itâs much easier to make excuses than it is to take responsibility:

Itâs much easier to tell yourself, âIâm not getting girls because Iâm Indian,â than it is to tell yourself, âIâm not getting girls because the only women I interact with are in online chatroom.â

Itâs much easier to tell yourself, âEvery girl rejected me last night because Iâm ugly,â than it is to tell yourself, âEvery girl rejected me last night because I was boring and awkward.â

We instinctively tell ourselves stories that make us comfortable. You do it, I do it. Itâs hard to question these stories, but as soon as you doubt them, you become empowered to make a real change.

Yes, factors outside your immediate control affect your dating life (looks, money, status), but as seductive as it is to tell yourself youâre not getting results because of external factors, the secret to success is to improve those things that are under your control.

You can blame your looks when youâre approaching 50 women a night and youâve developed your personality to the point where your charisma is a 10/10. You can blame your ethnicity when youâve spent 5 thousand hours approaching women and you still have nothing to show for it.

But that wonât happen. It never does. When someone looks for the mistakes theyâre making (e.g. âIâm not approaching enough.â âIâm not leading interactions forward enough.â âIâm not making strong eye-contact.â) and they take action to correct those mistakes, they inevitably improve their results.

2. Most women you approach wonât sleep with you regardless of what you do or say

About half the women you approach will have boyfriends. Many women you approach just wonât find you attractive. Some women are in a bad mood when you approach. Fact is, even if you do everything perfectly, the majority of women you approach wonât sleep with you.

On a really good night, I can pull about one out of every ten attractive women I approach. On an average night, itâs more like 1 in 20.

Some of these women rejected me because I did something wrong. But most of them were going to reject me no matter what I did or said. If I were willing to sleep with less attractive girls (6s/7s), my ratio would go up quite a bit (but Iâd also be selling myself short).

I havenât met a guy who sleeps with most of the women he approaches â that guy probably doesnât exist (unless you count A-list celebrities). It might sound shitty that 95% of the women I approach reject me, but it also means that if I do 20 approaches in a night, chances are Iâll end up bringing a very attractive girl home.

If you see rejections as something you should avoid, youâre not going to get better with women. The only way to succeed at pickup is to lean into rejection, to face it so often that it no longer affects you (this article gives you a step-by-step strategy for becoming numb to rejection).

Most women you approach wonât sleep with you. But youâre not going to remember your rejections, youâre going to remember the incredible experiences you had with beautiful, captivating women.

3: Your Emotions Arenât on Your Side

If you only do what feels good in the moment, youâre not going to grow. Comfort and growth are opposites. If you want to grow, you must give up momentary comfort. Every action that leads towards success with women requires you to go against your emotions.

For example, when I see a beautiful woman, I still experience approach anxiety. Although Iâm interested in this girl, my emotions are trying to hold me back. My heart beats fast, I starts sweating, and I feel like something bad will happen if he walks up to this girl.

I might experience approach anxiety, but I donât let it control me. I know that to reach my goal, I must go against my emotions. I know that I canât control how I feel, but I can control how I react to my feelings. Just because I feel like I canât approach a beautiful girl, doesnât mean I actually canât do it: I can always move one foot in front of the other and start talking to her.

And, once I act against my emotions, my emotions stop fighting me â the momentum shifts. Each approach becomes easier than the last. Until eventually, approaching women becomes effortless.

Your emotions want you to avoid doing anything that might risk rejection. The only way to change this is to get rejected (repeatedly) so that your brain realizes that nothing bad happens when you do take a risk.

The only way to improve at pickup is to accept the reality that, oftentimes, your emotions arenât on your team. Fortunately, your emotions can only control you if you let them. Itâs up to you to decide whether you want your feelings to determine your fate, or if you want to create your own fate by facing negative emotions head on.

This doesnât just apply to approaching a woman, it applies to all areas of pickup:

  • Asking a girl for her number.
  • Leaning in to kiss a woman.
  • Going out when you have a busy schedule.
  • Inviting a girl to your place.
  • Etc.

Each of these actions will be uncomfortable (especially the first few times you do them), but if you can persist through your negative feelings, you can both have an amazing dating life, and become incredibly confident in yourself.

As soon as you think you should only do what feels good right now, youâve already lost. However, when it comes to attracting women, if youâre willing to eat shit for a year, youâll be able to eat caviar for the rest of your life.

Conclusion: Three Harsh Truths About Cold Approach Pickup

If you expect picking up women to be easy, youâre going to end up disappointed and frustrated. That frustration is likely to lead you to give up before you get anywhere close to the results you want. However, if you accept the reality that pickup is hard and messy and awkward, youâll have a much higher chance of succeeding.

Accepting that you will have to make sacrifices is the first step towards success. The people who achieve their goals are those who understand pain is an unavoidable step towards greater happiness.

The moment you decide you are willing face short term pain for a long-term gain, is the moment that youâve started on the path towards success.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the blog Red Pill Theory.

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