“I have a girlfriend!”
To 99% of guys, hearing this from someone they know doesn’t cause much of a ripple; “How long have you been going out?”, “Great! Where’d you two meet?”, “Is it Amy?!”
It’s general conversation for a few minutes before you move on to who watched the big game last night or whether you should make your boss’s death look like an accident?!
However, amongst the Pick Up community, a PUA announcing that he has a girlfriend or is looking to get one, is cause for concern, especially if he’s well known and has a large following. Forums, blogs & chat groups will be awash with gossip, rumours & Chinese Whispers: “He got burnt out”, “Apparently he never approached that much”, “I always knew he was into farm animals” etc..
But why does this comment cause so much consternation within the community?
When a wing or someone you look up to in the community announces that they no longer find game fulfilling, it often strikes close to home, which is why I think it causes such angst. The thought that someone who’s been on a similar journey as you, has shared the glorious highs & the despairing lows should swallow the Blue pill and do what every other guy does, hurts as it can feel like a betrayal.
This is especially true for the mature daygamer as pua’s who get girlfriends are mostly older and as such we begin to question (sometimes subconsciously) how long we too can approach. Daygamer’s have an advantage over their night game brethren here as a 50 year old guy, who’s got his grooming & style together, can chat up a 26 year old girl in a café, gallery or on a train and still make it feel congruent. The same guy approaching the same girl in a nightclub, would have a more forced feel due to the environment.
Obviously, every guy doing day game faces his own unique set of circumstances. I’m lucky to work & live in a big metropolitan city and as such have an abundance of opportunity in terms of girls, venues & foot traffic. Compare that to a guy who works in a small town and who has to travel over an hour to the nearest big city to game and who thus faces a different mind-set as he gets older. This is why many daygamers adopt the Digital Nomad lifestyle and live in countries where they like the women there to avoid such stress in their dating lives.
Despite this, all players will start to become jaded to some extent, and realise that running around shopping centres, telling girls they look French begins to lose its appeal.
I still love approaching & the joy of chatting up an attractive girl, but I am aware that I’m nearer the end of my journey than the beginning of it. In pick-up there’s a never ending deluge of advice on how to approach, chat up, date & sleep with girls but little or none on how to adjust your lifestyle (short of ‘take a break’ & “get a hobby & meet friends”) when you’ve been in the Game a long time.
As any experienced daygamer will tell you, burnout is a major problem in daygame. I know only a couple of guys who are still doing daygame from when I started it–when “Daygame.Com” started with Yad & Andy Yosha. This is because guys come into DG with their heads turned with stories of daygamers popping out to their corner-shop to buy a pint of milk and banging a Victoria’s Secret model 10 minutes later! Once confronted with the low return for a high investment that IS daygame, most drift away, disenchanted. The ones who stay generally have a more balanced approach to life and a more realistic understanding of what pickup can achieve.
Yes there are daygamers who teach pickup, who are getting older, but they seem to be the ones who suddenly announce that they want a GF or who secretly admit to having had a relationship but are now “back as they missed the pull of the streets” (or who take up religion! ☺)
Neither of these options seem ideal. Surely a better idea compared to this scattergun response, is to not hide their changing outlook but rather look to share it with their readers/followers and embrace the journey. Now obviously the main reason is that they don’t want to alienate their target demographic (20 to 30 year old guys). In the same way male pop singers don’t tell their fans they have a girlfriend, a pick up coach doesn’t want to look like he has abandoned the red pill life for a more traditional relationship which up to recently, he railed against!
For an experienced, older pua to expect to suddenly find a young girl who’s going to be stunning, good in bed, monogamous and happy with the ‘non-lover’ lifestyle is probably pushing expectations. Preaching that young girls want excitement in their dating lives and then just doing the opposite doesn’t resonate. What usually follows is that once the honeymoon period of the traditional ‘bf/gf’ relationship wears off, boredom on both sides sets in and the inevitable ‘wandering eye’ begins.
More realistic is to embrace Multiple Long Term Relationships (MLTR’S), which is what I do, whereby you spend limited time with the girl but you both do your own thing to keep the relationship fresh. Finding the balance can take some time and is different with each girl, but I’ve found that as long as you make time early on to explain why you aren’t looking for a long term traditional relationship (i.e. ‘The Talk’), it can work. I’ve been seeing two girls for the last few years, as regulars and still spend time approaching and doing my own thing.
Now this arrangement is not something that will magically work on every girl. Generally, it works best with very young girls who cannot imagine dating one guy, monogamously long term or on older girls who have come out of relationships, which became stifling or dragged on too long and thus have no great desire to jump back into a traditional relationship. The downside is that eventually the girls will drift away as they begin to feel their biological clock ticking and want something more lasting (in their eyes).
This is why I still approach, as I know I cannot rest on my laurels and presume everything is sorted, woman-wise.
Ultimately, there is no easy answer and everyone will have to make their own decision, but the choice to ‘just get a girlfriend’ should be considered very carefully if long term happiness, as an older player, is your aim.
Great post my man! Love the input and look forward to more!