Today I was reading Roy Walker’s account about his latest trip to NY City for day game–long story short, it didn’t go all that well, but what caught me was a similarity between what he experienced and what I found during my recent slump: namely, that a lot of the girls he number closed wouldn’t go out when he asked them on the date, and a lot of girls wouldn’t give him their number outright.
In his reflection on why the trip didn’t go all that well, he made a couple of interesting observations that have been on the back of my mind ever since I’ve started doing more day game:
- “American women are broken. I’m not saying that for dramatic effect, it is the honest impression I got from them. They’re feminist zombies, addicted to their Instagram likes, soy latte frappos and daytime brunching/drinking.”
- “American women have a very strong frame. Perhaps one of the route causes of why there are broken. I can smash the odd girls frame, but it gets exhausting for an introverted chap like myself.”
His third complaint, btw, was that there were too many American women in NYC.
So, to a certain extent we all have a bias in our own favor against the girls on our own turf–Tom Torero remarked in a recent podcast about how guys always think the girls from their hometown are the hardest to game and girls everywhere else are easier.
However, here Roy is saying the opposite–that he much prefers European women (and other non-American women) to American women, and that there’s something uniquely flawed about girls from the U.S.
I honestly don’t think he’s wrong.
If I could distill it down into one statement, it’s that American women are oddly disconnected from their inner feminine nature and are generally out of touch with their natural human desires. Maybe another way to put it is that a lot of American women are artificial to the point where they don’t really even believe in who they’ve chosen to be, but they’re so far along playing the role they can’t escape.
I think this is why books like Eat, Pray, Love and Wild and even 50 Shades of Gray resonate so strongly here–because these are examples of women who chose to say fuck it and embrace who they were and what they really wanted instead of doing what they’ve been told to do by their parents and “respectable” society from day 1.
But the fact remains very few women actually have the courage to do this. And in some ways I feel bad for American girls:
On one hand, they’re told to be strong feminists (which ironically means denying their feminine nature and acting like men), told by their mothers that it’s OK to wait to start a family and have children–or in some cases that not ever having children is perfectly fine–told to focus on their education and career first, told to be skeptical of men, told that men are optional, and encouraged, both implicitly and explicitly, to seek out weak beta males who will be supplicating, ask for consent before kissing her after the 5th fucking date, “treat you like a princess/queen”, and say stupid shit like “happy wife/happy life.”
Worse, they’re told that if they do the above, they’ll be praised for this, but we all know that’s not true. Men are not attracted to power–we’re attracted to beauty–and at the end of the day, there are going to be a lot of very powerful, wealthy women who over 35 who are childless, alone, and invisible. Invisible not only to men, but to women, because women don’t honestly give a shit about another woman who’s rich–they accord status to the success of other women’s children and/or the status/looks/power of her husband.
On the other hand, everything I just described above runs contrary to their natural instincts as women, which are to seek alpha males, be submissive, have children, be compassionate instead of stoic, have a family, and work in careers that don’t require extreme rigor–not because they can’t do it, but because they choose to put family and relationships first, and some may even simply prefer to have a man make the money in terms of a power dynamic.
Basically, American women are told to deny their nature and pursue a life that–for most, or at least many of them–runs contrary to everything that will actually lead them to something that looks like happiness.
Then, when you throw in smart phone addiction, social media, dating apps and all the rest of that shit, it’s an absolute mess, along with the fact that even though American women are told to be men and to not give a fuck about marriage, children, or family, there’s still the underlying expectation that they DO, along with being pretty, feminine, etc.
In a word, it’s incongruent.
As players and/or red pill guys, we know that congruency in one’s frame is key–in some ways, congruency is the same thing as frame. Are you who you say you are and who you present as? If not, women will see right through you, you will not pass shit tests, men will not respect you, and no one will listen when you speak.
And that’s where I think Roy was half right–or maybe he just didn’t go far enough.
I agree with him that American girls have very strong frame, but unlike the successful player, that frame is utterly inconsistent with who they truly are underneath.
It’s not a strong frame–it’s a false frame. It’s a frame that’s so inconsistent and so contrived they have to cling to it desperately in order for any sense of identity to survive.
But that desperation is what makes it strong. They can’t admit they want a strong man, a dominant man, a man who leads, because the story they believe is that they should be dominant, that they’re the alpha. And, because everyone has deferred to them their whole life–the dad who told her she was a princess, the mother who saw her as an extension of herself, the nice-guy chody boyfriends who told her everything she wanted to hear–they bought it; they don’t know any other way to be.
And coming back to game it’s kind of what I wrote about basic girls the other day: if she views being picked up or giving a guy she meets her number in a one-off, random situation as slutty or not fitting into the story she’s told herself about who she is, it’s not going to work.
The reason game works is that we’re tapping into the evolutionary biology of attraction and the dynamics necessary for a man and woman to have sex–it’s something that will always work because it’s imprinted into our DNA.
That said, as Roy smartly alludes to, if you’re going to smash a girl she has to admit, at least to herself, that she wants to be smashed, and if her frame is too strong to allow her to make that leap, it’s not going to happen. American girls certainly present an issue here because their false frame is so strong.
OK… So What?
So, one of the main problems I see with the red pill community is that there’s a lot of whining and bullshit and passive misogyny (women behave like shit–and yes they do, but so do most human beings–AWALT, etc.) without any sort of actionable information or answer.
Many American women have a false frame that’s extremely strong, and that frame has to be broken before they can be gamed, so what’s a player to do?
I don’t have any certain answers, because it’s not something I’ve tackled directly…yet. However:
- I’d say that the first thing to do is not panic. There has never been a better time to be a player as RedQuest has said recently. Yes, modern feminism is fucking stupid and women are pretty fucked up these days, but they still want to fuck alpha males, game works, and if you combine that with lifting and everything else TRP espouses, you’ll still get laid plenty.
- Long game may be a better route with American girls. I’ve thought about this a lot recently in terms of slow playing them more…develop a more casual relationship over time that allows her to see that the dynamic you have with her is different, but that it’s OK for that to be the case. The shorter the time frame, the more difficult her false frame is to destroy.
- View this as a labor of love. I’ve had this idea for a long time, but in a way, players are feminists–we give women what they truly want, and if we’re at the top of our game, we make them feel exactly how they want a man to make them feel: sexy, beautiful, desired, carnal. American women need men with game. We simply need to find better ways to allow them to access that part of themselves.
- At the same time, we can passively punish this behavior by focusing our game on girls who aren’t like this–I have no desire to be with a basic bitch. The sex isn’t usually good. The conversation isn’t usually good. The relationship isn’t usually good. I’d much rather be with a girl who’s fucking weird or goth or punk or super feminine or even a princess than a basic bitch.
So, yeah. I think that’s all I got on this. Not satisfied with the next steps or answers, but the first part of tackling a problem is understanding it, and I thank Roy for putting this idea into my brain.
BTW–got a residual lay last night. A girl I’d had sex with actually more than six months ago texted me randomly, wanted me to come over, so I did, fucked her after a 20 minutes of chat and a joint, then went home and went to bed. Not a new notch, but damn it’s easier to sleep after getting laid.