You’ll see the complaint on Red Pill Twitter: “women are desperate for attention and will do almost anything to get it, yet they’re disgusted or distressed if it’s not the kind of attention they want.” It’s a fair complaint as the behavior is no doubt illogical: attention-seeking behavior generates attention–isn’t that the point? If I go fishing, I know that some of the fish I catch will be small or not the species I want, because the bait or fly or lure I use–if effective–will attract attention from all fish, not just the biggest ones or the particular species I’m trying to catch. Similarly, if a woman wears a skimpy bikini on the beach, or a super short skirt and bra top that you’ll often see in night game, or shows a lot of leg/tit while out and about wherever, she’s going to get attention from all men, not just the ones she’s interested in.
Women, however, never seem to take responsibility for this, and now I think I understand why: I was talking to Fest Girl about how women should dress however they want, but should understand that if they dress a certain way, they’re going to get male attention (if hot/young, quite a lot of it), including the kind of male attention they don’t want, from old, unattractive, unsuccessful, and/or other low sexual market value (SMV) men. I’m thinking, particularly, of girls who are quite young, say 16-17, dressing in skin-tight clothing, wearing bikini tops, shorts with their ass cheeks hanging out, etc, but I suppose it’s true of all women, and that is because women live in a biological sexual paradox. A logical point and yet Fest Girl freaked out, saying that it’s not fair to ask girls to not dress however they want (I didn’t), that girls aren’t dumb and they know they’re going to get attention when they wear certain clothes, and then was almost on the verge of tears when I pressed her on the contradiction further, so I shut down the conversation and changed topics as any Game aware guy understands–when a conversation starts to become contentious, move on and change the subject. Remember: she’s probably not going to change her mind, she’s almost never going to admit fault or take responsibility for being illogical, unreasonable, or unpleasant, and winning the argument means you are losing access to the opportunity to have sex with her.
On the one hand, women will fight tooth and nail to “express themselves”, which in practice means showing a lot of skin and dressing suggestively, and yet on the other, they’re quick to accuse men they don’t like of being creepy, pedos, scrubs, or whatever other pejorative denoting a low value guy for giving them the attention they appear to be seeking…again, one can point out that if she’d worn a sweatshirt and jeans, or any kind of more concealing clothing, those “creeps” wouldn’t notice her nearly as much.
But therein lies the conundrum or paradox: women feel they HAVE to dress sexually to attract attention from the sort of man they want, and yet they’re horrified by the notion this might signal sexual availability to the sort of man she doesn’t want. Women who highlight their secondary sex characteristics are doing so in a way that men find appealing: all men. Whatever is said in the pretend world of mainstream media, TikTok, IG, Twitter, etc, in the real world, women (at least, the smart ones) understand that youth and beauty are great assets, and that they can leverage those gifts in order to make money, garner attention, and/or attract high-value men.
Beauty, however, also attracts low-value men–but because attraction/sex are a passive acts for women, her only choice is to shame or take advantage of low value men who give unwanted attention. This is one reason most guys shouldn’t be afraid of cold approach: if your SMV is high enough–as in you’re fit enough, dressed well, socially calibrated, etc.–even if she rejects you, she’ll typically be polite about it (and part of your job as a man is to handle rejection gracefully: something many men fail). If a guy is getting a ton of blowouts, especially harsh ones, the girls he’s approaching see him as too low value—unless you’re in NYC, where blowouts are the baseline because of the culture. Side note: having worked with guys all over the world and quite a lot in NYC, it strikes me that New York is one of the hardest places to effectively day game, especially street day game, despite the fact it has a ton of hot women and a great female:male sex ratio. Guys in New York may be better off approaching on the street at night, when women are in party mode and walking to bars (1), or finding other, better opportunities where women are more open to meeting people.
Attention from a high value man is a compliment, whereas attention from a low value man is a threat and disgust trigger. In the woman’s hindbrain, she’s constantly filtering between guys she wants to fuck, guys she might want to, and guys she doesn’t–and because of the high cost of pregnancy and child rearing for a woman, this is her most important biological/life decision other than making sure her basic needs are met. Strippers and escorts learn to inhibit their disgust triggers in order to get their biological needs for food and shelter met. Many turn to drugs to deal with the disgust that sexually engaging with low-value men entails. My guess is that this is one of the main reasons women are so obsessed with serial killers and true crime. Who are most often the victims? Attractive, young women. Why are they targeted? Often because they’re sex workers, or have attracted the killer’s attention because they’re hot and young through no fault of their own, OTHER than dressing suggestively (at least more often than not). Understand, I’m not saying women who are raped or assaulted are at fault when these things happen, but that the behavior and dress they need to employ to get attention from HQ men and compete with other women, also attracts low value men, including the kinds of scumbags who do this shit.
Empathize with the girl: imagine you’re a hot 22-year-old. You want to show off your body at the club with your friends, both as a way of gaining status and attention, but also to attract HAWT guys. Now imagine that on the way to the club you have to walk through a seedy area where homeless guys are trying to talk to you: you’d feel unsafe in a way that’s hard to convey, because, while we as guys might have a nice watch or some money in our wallets that a low-value male might want, she’s got the greatest thing on earth–fresh, tight, young pussy–and not only does that guy want it, but the act of getting it would involve physical abuse and a literal invasion of her body. For women, rape and sexual assault are abhorrent experiences and violations of one’s person the kind of which adult men almost never have to face.
And yet, the paradox: she feels she’s GOT to wear that tight little dress. Other girls will be wearing those hot dresses. If she doesn’t, will the men (she wants) pay attention to her? The phrasing of the common term “pay attention” is useful here, because “attention” to women is like money that men “pay” to them. Beauty really is a double edged sword, and that’s why most women will never accept that dressing sexually IS provacative to all men, not just the ones she wants attention from–because if she accepts that, then she has to admit that she’s knowingly exposing herself to the existential danger represented by low value men. Most women are engaged in status and hierarchy climbing, and their claims are aimed at raising their status, not telling the truth. The truth is too dangerous and incendiary, so we prefer a world of lies and mimetic statements.
To be fair, guys also react to this paradox. Why are so many guys upset about blue hair and tattoos? Because they implicitly understand that the girl is destroying her value, and unless you’re an asshole (or a fan of Fight Club), you don’t like to see beautiful things destroyed. Oddly, I wonder if, in Western countries in particular, this happens because some women get tired of the attention and then attempt to see how far they can push it: what if I shave off the sides of my hair? What if I get a bull ring in my nose? What if I’m an absolute cunt? A: some guys will still be interested, but the moment her SMV starts to drop (age 27/28), that attention will drop fucking MASSIVELY and may never recover. Western women of the 2020s would do well to remember: being a bad, angry, unpleasant person is NEVER high value or satisfying, and androgyny is almost universally unattractive–like, think about it: someone who’s attracted to androgyny or is attracted to the same sex literally has some combination of genes that won’t allow them to reproduce and will therefore be weeded out. That’s not a values statement, it’s simply a fact.
What’s a player to do with this information? Understand that how women react to you in public tells you everything you need to know about where you stand with them–and though I mention SMV above, it’s not only that. Yes, SMV matters, but a lot of that for men is dictated by fashion: if you’re dressed in a way that shows you obviously care about your appearance–even if your archetype is a goth or rocker type–she’s immediately going to be less wary of you. Guys who pay attention to style and hygiene aren’t threats, and ironically, if you have a ton of tats or piercings, wear a lot of jewelry, have a particularly audacious accessory or style, you get the opposite effect we call peacocking.
The same is true of fitness, because high value men keep themselves in good shape. But it’s also true of how you speak, your mannerisms, body language, and ability to demonstrate higher value (DHV)…this is where game matters, and why I still insist that age is way less important than most guys think, because women LIKE older guys who dress well, have status, swagger, etc, but they really don’t like older guys who look washed up.
Your goal is to understand the mechanism so that you can re-write, edit, repair, and deploy the mechanism. Most guys never understand the mechanism, and ineffectually wonder, “What do women want?” I know. Do you want to know? If so, you know what to do–seek help from a guy who’s experienced and knows more than you, whether that’s me or another coach. Thomas Crowne is a good one I’ve had the pleasure to interact with quite a bit; guys have said great things about Roy Walker; and if you’re more looking for Red Pill guidance, Rian Stone strikes me as a guy you should check out.
(1) Walking after meals may also lower blood sugar levels, and that may explain why women in New York and other walking cities are thinner and more attractive than their chubby counterparts in typical American cities that require or encourage car transit.