Anyone who has been in the manosphere will be aware of a certain attractive behaviours model called Dark Triad(DT). For the unfamiliar, DT is the combination of Machiavellian, psychopathy and narcissism behaviours. These behaviours are assumed to be more attractive to women than the alternatives.
I can comfortably accept that as my own experience in pick up has shown the more I've added those qualities in my approaches and sets the more success I've had. Many men have done the same. This isn't the same thing as scientific evidence. However, I then point to a bunch of studies to say this is supported by research, you can point to the replication crisis in the social sciences and we find out there are no replication studies done on just about anything and we can end up right back here.
Let's skip the dance and assume it's useful. (read: true enough in that it's helpful.) This post was originally written right after my first speaking engagement in Orlando Florida, where I first met Rollo Tomassi and we had both removed our anonymous facade to talk about Red Pill in front of an audience. I look through the DT personality traits and focus on narcissism, which seems to have nothing attractive about it. In doing so, I learn that it’s not what I thought it was, and developed an understanding of what a healthy level of the DT traits looks like, how it comes about, and why I should adopt that mental model instead of alternatives, especially the Traditional Conservative, Norman Rockwell form of masculinity, which is an unhealthy form of narcissism, or NPD.
A healthy level of narcissism.
Machiavellian behaviours make sense. A man who focuses on his end goal and doesn't bow to an external morality succeeds more than someone who uses artificial barriers to temper his behaviour. A man who constantly refuses to do things for reasons other than outright lies or breaking enforceable laws will always do worse. No blood, no foul and keeping the eye on the ball, sports references are masculine. Fail to plan and you plan to fail. Military references are also masculine. In reality, the kind of guy who wants to be cunning in human sexuality is seen as autistic, this should be effortless and just happen. the only ones who say that are those who are gamed, never those who game.
Psychopathic behaviours make sense. Psychopathy can't be taught, it isn't a skill, it's a brain deformity. The entire study of killology exists to study how we can bridge the gap between effectiveness and empathy. An example is from when the US army discovered that most shots fired during the first world war were not intended to hit a target. People had an innate problem with killing other people. They had developed a system to alter the mindset. Targets that were used for shooting practice were changed from rounded bullseyes to human silhouettes. Soldiers would practice until it became reflexive, then in battle, they were able to bypass that part of the brain that associated their fire with the taking of human life. While that is an extreme example, I can understand why being able to mute ones empathy allows you to have a more fun degenerate attitude towards women and sex. Sometimes a girl just wants to be dominated, treated like a piece of meat. Show me a man who discards the control over his civilized sensibilities and I'll show you a woman with wet panties. Don't forget, rape fantasies are a thing. Considering no man without brain damage is going to be able to push this very far, it's easy to see why it's a beneficial skill to have. It's not psychopathy, it's simulated psychopathy. It's dialled into a goldilocks zone where someone can truly enjoy the objectification, but not so dialled in that one can't add empathy when socially appropriate.
Narcissism has confused me. I can't draw a connection between being attractive, or not being unattractive, and meeting the criteria of any meaningful level of narcissism.
Answering this is harder than it looks. The easy way is to look up any psychological diagnosis and grab the bullet point list. As Thelastpsychiatrist.com points out, the lists are both correct and incorrect:
We found a foot, an eyeball, and a liver. This must be a man. Or a triceratops. Or a... And now we come to consider that a man is something possessing of three attributes: footness, eyeballness, and liverness, with exclusion criteria of dinosaurization. Thanks, Aristotle, this helps a lot.
Over the years, I've come to adopt the understanding that both he, and renowned author Venkatesh Rao have adopted: Unhealthy narcissism is the creation of a self-defined narrative as a buffer against a perceived inadequacy in order to achieve a goal through deception. The problem comes when the narcissist actually gets what he wants. It's not hard to lie to a girl to get her to sleep with you. It's not hard to promise the moon so she will marry you.
The problem comes when you get what you wanted and then the victory rings hollow. After all, did she really desire you when you had to manipulate her? She must be a low IQ or damaged woman. No, I respect women too much, it must be the fault of those damned pick up artists. It makes sense that the traditional conservative mental model (TRADCON) sees Game as manipulation since he builds an elaborate back story of him as the benevolent plow horse and dictator because he wanted her to love him. If he uses manipulation, clearly everyone else must be.
So what is it about narcissism that's attractive? In a word:
the TRADCON or the nice guy is manipulative. He knows what his woman wants (or what she should want) because he already wrote the story. His pastor, his parents, everyone wrote the narrative and he is the protagonist within it. However, women aren't stupid, they have their own tools to fight deception. Evolutionary Psychologist Martie Haselton calls it the Commitment Skepticism Bias. Everyone with experience knows it. Any easily faked or low investment signals are automatically distrusted by women in favour of high investment ones. We know of them as Shit Tests. And here comes the problem, the immovable force is coming up against the unstoppable object.
When someone is the antagonist of the story everything runs smoothly, because they recognize it. What happens when a woman doesn't acknowledge the story at all? This is called narcissistic injury, and the only response to it is a concept called narcissistic rage. do I mean being angry at the girl? Not, not anger, rage isn't anger, rage is rage.
Anger is a social emotion. When someone experiences an injustice at the hands of another, they experience anger. Drop a hammer on your tow and you get hurt, but you don't get angry. If someone else purposefully drops a hammer on your toe you get angry. Anger is your way of signalling to the world that you aren't happy about this, and the other person should remove their injustice. Anger is to men like nagging is to women, which is probably why they hate it so much.
Rage is a pure limbic brain response. Rage is a man putting his hand on a hot stove and then flailing about as he pulls his hand away from the burning. Rage isn't a signal, it isn't anything, it's the brain lashing out using the body. Any woman who's ever had a jilted ex-boyfriend texting her at 3 A.M calling her a whore, or grew up in a house where dad came home to burned meatloaf and responds with a set of Irish sunglasses for the wife knows what I'm talking about. Any man who can take any number of punches to his arm, but loses his mind when someone smacks him in the face understands.
So again, why is narcissism attractive at all?
It's because of John Hamm. If you have been living under a rock, there's a show called Mad Men. The protagonist is a narcissist named Don Draper (not my analysis, he was written this way) except he isn't Don Draper, he is Dick Whitman. Dick is an insecure bastard child raised in a whore house and seeks love to sooth his crippling insecurity. He doesn't know how to get it himself, so he adopts a narcissistic fantasy, that of Don Draper. a WASPy, suave, charismatic man of mystery. the fact that so many people think being good at Game means you want to be Don Draper is missing the point. Don isn't the seducer in this story, he's the TRADCON. What happens when a girl ceases to buy into his fantasy? He breaks down into a blubbering mess, Dick Whitman comes out and he starts to cry. This is a television show, in real life, he would have started swinging the minute the Dick Whitman postcard came out. When the TRADCON creates his Norman Rockwell fantasy, and his wife decides she's a person in her own life story as opposed to an accessory in his he will either lash out or turn his rage inward. Being Zeroed Out is the term we use in this space, it's a shorthand term to describe the loss of one's narcissistic fantasy, narcissistic rage, and resulting damage to one's identity. It's OK, it's not like the identity existed, it was a fantasy.
The man with Game is Jon Hamm. He's playing a character, he knows he's playing a character, the audience knows he is playing a character, but everyone plays along. Earlier I suggested an accurate way to describe psychopathy is to say simulated psychopathy. So why is narcissism attractive is the wrong question. Why is simulated narcissism attractive?
Because it is female porn.
Women read romance novels in the same way men watch Rambo III. Their need to live inside of a seduction story is real. They know 50 shades of Grey is made up and they don't care. You know Rambo didn't free Afghanistan from the Russians but you don't care either. They know Mad Men isn't real but still want to fuck John Hamm. And when someone destroys his narrative, calls out Don Draper as a fraud, he doesn't experience emotional rage in the same way Dick Whitman does. John looks confused at the situation, asks "You do know this is a TV show, right?"
What did I mean when I said authenticity is what makes narcissism attractive? Authentic people are honest about their dishonesty. More importantly, they think of others as human beings. Humans have their own desire, their own wishes, and their own stories. Authentic men, men with Game make the woman a co-writer in the narrative, not a set piece.
Why would you want to be honest with a woman, especially when I've been rambling on about psychopathy for two thousand words? It's not because Jesus wanted you to, it's not because soccer moms watching Dr. Phil will nod their head and approve. It's because when you get those signals from her, the signals of genuine desire, you can actually appreciate them. The manipulative TRADCON narcissistic fantasy is just that. Anyone who loves a man for his fiction must have been too stupid to detect it. All victory rings hollow, it's never enough. He will sleep with other girls and they won't be enough either. He didn't drop his mask, he built a new one. Now he is the sinner who God needs to forgive, he's weak and women tempt him to cheat.
Notice how everything is about him except the blame.
But Game? Game is a story, Game, is ... well, a game. A game has two or more players, the game has rules everyone agrees to. Game is collaborative. The dishonesty isn't dishonest, any more than playing Monopoly is dishonest because the money is pink. "You tricked these women into sleeping with you and ruined her for the rest of us!"
No, she was going to sleep with someone, I just made her enjoy the experience and left her better than I found her.
It took me years to understand why narcissism was important to Game. Machiavellian would be what we consider having structure, logistics and a plan. Canned routines of the Mystery days, working out, being lean, anything you do with the single-minded goal of the game is a great way to dial in your DT.
Simulated Psychopathy would be avoiding all the self-sabotage. Stop stepping on your own dick and analyzing the footprint. Sex and relationships are mutual, enjoyable, fun. This is the same if they last 6 hours or a lifetime. Dr. Bus has a great book, Why Women Have Sex, and of the thousands of reasons he goes in to, none of them have to do with the reason you're unwilling to approach a girl.
Narcissism is about building the narrative, but not having it as your crutch. You need to be confident enough to laugh it off when someone doesn't accept the narrative, or to be good enough that the other person builds the narrative with you. 'Us vs the world' is a great pick up routine that exemplifies this. Take a girl on a date, people watch with her and make up a story where you separate them from you two with the fantastic stories. Dodging that creepy guy who has been stalking her all night so you can isolate.
And when she calls out Don Draper for being fake, you look at her confused and say 'You do know this is a game, right?"
Originally Posted 30th October 2017 by stonepimpletilists
 the lastpsychiatrist.com , A Generational Pathology: Narcissism Is Not Grandiosity, (https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2010/11/a_generational_pathology.html)
 Cindy M. Meston, David M Bus, A Generational Pathology: Narcissism Is Not Grandiosity, (Chapter 10, 2009)
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|Date||August 16, 2019 3:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)|
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