~ archived since 2018 ~

What is Dread; or, why no one has any frame

Rian Ston
February 27, 2020
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Note, am I in a good relationship, or a bad one? You can’t tell from the photo, which is the point. It’s never been about HERNote, am I in a good relationship, or a bad one? You can’t tell from the photo, which is the point. It’s never been about HER

Note, am I in a good relationship, or a bad one? You can’t tell from the photo, which is the point. It’s never been about HER

The good doctor Shawn Smith came out with his rigorously studied understanding of dread and his rebuttal. I like the doc, we’ve met before and he has always come across as an intelligent, thoughtful and well-intentioned man. I’m always psyched to talk about sexual dynamics, and his well intentioned straw man tapped into an excitement I’ve not had in a while. I’ll quote it below, then go through it with corrections as needed as well as some thoughts.

By the end I aim to achieve a few things. First, to clear up and clarify the definition, give the reasons you can take that definition as authoritative, and then address why there seems to be so much confusion on the concept.

Shawn is quoted as saying:

***

A bit of explanation for the guys who were troubled by my dread game tweet… Let’s define terms. Here’s the definition I use, based on an average of the conversations I observe: dread game is the dark side of mate-retention tactics. It’s a set of techniques aimed at keeping a partner interested by instilling anxiety, a sense of urgency or the impression of scarcity. Things like flirting with other women, creating the impression something is wrong, pretending to be unavailable.

I realize some of you don’t define it that way. Maybe you include more positive mate-retention tactics, like provisioning. Maybe for you, dread game is just being assertive and making sure she knows what she’s getting into if she wants you in her life. If we have different definitions, cool. I can live with that if you can. I choose my definition because most guys who discuss dread game seem to be talking about creating angst in women. They’re talking about emotional manipulation like this description from a popular site:

“Dread game is a technique to use in relationships where you make a girl worried that something is wrong or that you may leave her for another woman… she wants to alleviate the stress by trying to please you.”

So back to my tweet.

Most of you know I’m married. Apparently my wife would rather keep me around than lose me. Maybe she is even anxious about losing me. I don’t know. I didn’t ask. Frankly, I’d rather she feel happy and secure. I have never spent one minute trying to make her anxious. I have better things to do. More importantly, that’s not how I run my relationships. I like the Golden Rule.

She is an amazing woman. We treat each other well, and our marriage is fun. It would suck to lose her but she is free to go any time she wants. I have no interest in any technique that will manipulate her into staying by my side an instant longer than she wants to be here. You fellas do what you want. I’m sticking with what has worked over 20 years of a great marriage. Being confident and chasing excellence? Absolutely. Trying to make her uncomfortable? No.

***

Shawn declared he was defining terms, but then did the exact opposite. Let’s define the terrain:

Dread is a concept developed years back in the same method that all game strategies were developed. Men in sexually dead and dying marriages were at their wits end. It wasn’t just red pilled spaces either, more mainstream relationship areas such as /r/deadbedrooms /r/relationships and many others had converged on the strategy. Guys out of pure frustration would check out of their marriages and start acting as if their wives died. Many of them became confused that once they checked out of their marriage how their wives became more responsive. I know of two examples five years ago. One of the guys eventually returned to his marriage, though he was having troubles understanding what happened. The other had a revelation in his lawyers office when his soon to be ex wife gave him a blow job. He talked about how at that moment, he looked down and it clicked for him. ‘She could have done this for the last ten years, but only saw fit to do it now that it’s too late.’ He came in her mouth and left.[1]

Dread was a thing before the red pill got a hold of it. It started with an author with the pen name The Blue Pill Professor (author of the book on Dread[2]). The word of these got around in the Married Red Pill and guys dissected what worked about it and what didn’t. It was broken down to 12 steps, though it’s less. I believe the steps were chosen because of the parallels with alcoholics anonymous.

The steps are straight forward, the mentality that goes with them is not. It’s funny, in looking to rebuke the doctors take, I’ve seen a lot of people using very old outdated models of dread, which have not been updated. It looks like my disagreement with Shawn requires much work on my end as well. House cleaning day cometh.

Dread

  • Level 1: Learn to recognize and start passing Shit Tests. Begin building a strong, indefatigable frame where you are not affected by sexual denials. Begin leading your wife more and begin seducing her.

  • Dread Level 2: Develop an action plan to improve the major areas of your life. Develop the physical, spiritual, psychological, financial and personal areas of your life. Your journey begins at the gym where you need to lift heavy weights to exhaustion 3-4 times a week, working each muscle group at least 2 times a week.

  • Dread Level 3: Begin to build a life apart from your wife. Join a club. Take up a cause, discipline, or calling. Get busy. You are going places, with or without her.

  • Dread Level 4: Begin conditioning your availability to your wife with her treatment of you. Your are busy now. You don't have time for a sexually disinterested, annoying, or angry wife. Take up another cause if you need to. This is a great time to join a martial arts club.

  • Dread Level 5: Upgrade your clothes and start dressing ‘up’ more of the time. Top off your solid, masculine, strong, indefatigable frame. You should be acting like the Captain of your Ship and leading your relationship. You should be actively using Kino and seducing your wife. This is commonly known as the separation between active and passive dread. For most sexually healthy marriages this tends to be the stability point that men maintain.

  • Dread Level 6: Begin to study pickup artistry. Before you do anything stupid, use your newfound knowledge about the stages of seduction and pickup artistry on your wife. Give it some time and apply this knowledge to seducing your wife. Use pickup game first to try and save your marriage.

  • Dread level 7: Begin to practice pickup artistry and learn how to approach pretty women and hold an attractive conversation.

  • Dread Level 8: If you have put in proper work, been able to have charismatic interactions with the women around you, eventually your wife will see it for herself. The concept of pre selection is strong here. A husband hitting on the waitress in front of her is a display of lower value and social autism. A girl walking up to her husband and having a flirt conversation shows value. This step cannot be forced, and is the culmination of the attractive behaviours and qualities you’ve built up to this point.

  • Dread Level 9: This is the lynchpin. It is time to speak plainly but don’t start issuing ultimatums. Instead, Dread at this level is an implied and credible, but still as yet unspoken threat. If it has not worked before now and you are approaching Athol Kay's "Option A" or "Option B" point (i.e. start fucking me like I need or I am filing for divorce). Note this is the END of a LONG process.

  • Dread Level 10: TELL her how it is going to be- or else you are leaving and filing for divorce. It’s the infamous “Fuck me...or fuck you." If you make it to this point you must be mentally checked out enough and pissed off enough to actually move out and file for divorce if things don't improve. By this point you have already gone through the logistic and legal hurdles and only need a decision point and a signature, either outcome works for you.

  • Dread Level 11: Get a GF or mistress and start having sex like you were meant to have.

  • Dread Level 12: Open cheating. (note: I’ve never seen or head this actually applied, and assume it’s here to make a full list of 12 items. I’ve left it in for full disclosure)

To be clear: "Dread" 11 and 12 is nothing more than "Plate Theory" applied to your marriage, for the edge cases where divorce is. I am suggesting that before you blow it up and get divorced and demote your wife to "Ex-Wife" why not demote her to "Plate" first? You have nothing to lose! The legal issues could potentially get sticky but very rarely do courts give a rip about infidelity. There is a better chance of them caring if there are young kids. If this final tactic works, then you can restore your marriage. If it doesn't, your marriage was already over, you just didn't get the memo.

What everyone gets wrong

It’s laid out in step 1. Frame. A healthy level of narcissism, one self as their centre point of origin, the protagonist in our own life story, rational egoism. Call it any or all of these things and you would be correct. The problem comes with people automatically making this a female centred activity. It’s impossible to have frame and still judge dread by any woman’s reaction to it. The most accurate definition I can muster (and this is assuming you want actual sexual strategy, and not a cudgel)

Dread is a deliberate set of steps to remove you from a sexless relationship and give you enough options and abundance to find the next one as quickly as possible (or none at all) while addressing any self-failings that caused the bout of celibacy. This is all while leaving out an olive branch. Should your wife begin to feel desire and engage in a healthy sex life again a man retains the option to take her back into his life.

Any talk of ‘making her fuck you’ or ‘giving her fear or anxiety’ tells you, flat out that the reader still thinks of his life as if it’s a set piece for the woman in his life and has no frame. I’ll say it again for the cheap seats:

DREAD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW YOUR WIFE RESPONDS.

This is where Shawn has had outdated information. Early writers of dread had no frame, and every writer copies their work and regurgitates it on their blog. The only reason this is any different is because I’ve implemented it myself, along with a few other hundred guys that I’ve worked with over the years. In the same way Dr. Smiths profession no longer treaters Hysteria by stimulating his patients clitoris, married red pill men don’t focus on the wife in this scenario.

For example:

The aforementioned quote, from someone with the pen name Tddaygame, whom I know of, but have never dealt with in any substantial way. Since Shawn's take seems to be based solely on this one singular definition, and the comments of random people on the internet with no credibility from which to point to. It is bafflingly wrong, and it’s obvious that it was regurgitated from second hand sources and passed off as authoritative; as much as an internet forum of nerds talking about sex can be.

Everyone makes this mistake early on, and it’s not discouraged since most guys know that a guy first starting out has an internal, feminine-focused outlook and can only see things in a reactive way. Luckily, any man who actually has performed any dread game will tell you, once it clicks, they get it. Sometimes guys get it early, some tames guys get it late, some don’t get it at all. But when it clicks it’s magical. A guy realizes his life is his, his outlook changes, he becomes focused on himself and his happiness, and this no longer becomes a road map to follow, but a natural inclination.

Most people in healthy sex filled marriages find this whole conversation odd, because they never had to put up with a decade of celibacy in a marriage. The guys that did were obviously so dependant and unattractive that they had no healthy mental models to understand what attractive men intuit: If she doesn’t want to fuck me, I’ll find someone else.

[1] If anyone is truly curious I will see if I can pull these two from the archives. [2]https://www.amazon.ca/Saving-Low-Sex-Marriage-Seduction-ebook/dp/B01BGZO1WK

AMMENDMENT: Someone found the report I was referring to! Here (Will probably clean this up and link to the private forums in my site, accessible to Patreon only people.

[1]

Edits at the bottom. TLDR. Romance is gone. Wife farted on me on a semi-special day. Keep in mind that I'm by no means perfect and this is a snapshot of a what has always been an awesome relationship. Also this is written from my point of view. Her reddit post would probably go something like "I asked my husband to do some chores and he turned into an A-hole the next day." Long story. We've got two kids 6y and 1.5y. We both have full time careers. We've got some rental properties that take up time. We're a super busy family. The hours after work are generally a whirlwind of picking kids up, making dinner, packing lunches, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning etc. The weekend's are spent doing projects, family time and rental stuff. My wife is an awesome mother, and I think we make a great team parenting and keeping up the house. The problem is that she is no longer interested in putting forth effort into "us" . After kid #2 was born the sex never returned to where it was before. We're doing it on average once a week which isn't nearly what it used to be, and what is more upsetting is that our repertoire is at 25% of what it was before #2. When asked about certain things we used to do she once replied "we don't do that anymore..." I don't think I was let in on that discussion. Sex also now only happens at night, once the kids are in bed, once her face is washed, her outfit is laid out for the next day, and she changes into her granny pajamas. I really miss the days when she couldn't keep her hands off me. It kills me inside not to be desired anymore. If I really need a release she's always willing to take care of me, but it's so obvious she isn't into it that it kills it for me. We still talk a lot, but 99% of our conversations are about the kids, plans for the house, scheduling etc. It's mostly business now a days. She puts effort into her appearance, but usually not for my benefit anymore. She's in amazing shape, so there are no body image issues that I know of. So.. about six months ago I decided that this wasn't acceptable anymore. I read the Married Mans Sex Life Primer, and No More Mr Nice Guy. Not everything in those books applied to me, but the only person I have control over is me and there were areas that could use improvement. I admit that I was not in tip top shape, so I started running and lifting and dropped from 207 to 177. At 5'8 its a remarkable difference. I upgraded my wardrobe to accommodate the new me. I've taken her on date nights/sent her on girls/spa/pedicure days. Stepped up my game around the house/with the kids (I was already doing my share). She loves the changes I've made and admits that I'm an awesome husband. She now makes it a point to show me off to her friends. However, none of my efforts have changed anything on the romance front, and we've had that discussion enough times already. Which brings me to the incident last night. I/we were up all night the night before with a sick kid. I spent the morning home with the kid until she started feeling better, then took her to daycare. I dropped off a cup of coffee to my wife at work and then went to the store and got her a card and some lotion that she really likes in honor of the ten year anniversary of us meeting each other. Then I went to work. This isn't a date that we normally celebrate, but I happened to notice and thought it would be a nice gesture. Well after work happens. She comes home and gets the gift and she's super happy that I would remember something like that. The afternoon and dinner time were a complete shit-show. Youngest kid was still feeling a little off, oldest was tired and being a turd. We worked together and got them in bed, got the house cleaned up and dishes done. I finally lay down on the couch at 8pm and she comes out of the bedroom in her granny pajamas, leans over and gives me a really sweet kiss and thanks me again for the gift. Then she proceeds to asks me to do X,Y and Z chores. See then farts while she's standing in front of me exactly at head level, says thanks and walks off leaving me pissed off in a fart cloud. I do the chores, retreat to my office to lift weights and watch Monday night football by myself. This morning she comes to me asking what's wrong because I'm visibly upset. I explain that I don't appreciate being tasked with chores after working all day, farted on and having that be the end of the conversation. I also stated that I feel like I've been put on this earth to pay bills, do chores, take care of kids and my reward for getting everything done is just more shit to do. She was close to tears when I left, and I don't think she thought of that exchange from last night from my point of view. I feel like I've put a ton of effort into the relationship. I don't think anything is going to change, and I don't think we're ever going to be lovers again. I feel like a chump even writing this because our lives are so blessed in so many ways that I feel like these are some serious first world problems. I guess this is just a rant. Things are good enough. We don't fight, and we enjoy our family time. Divorce would drastically change our kids standard of living, and I wouldn't be able to deal with not seeing the kids everyday. Unless someone on here has some awesome advice I'll just keep on trucking with roommates with benefits.

---------------EDITS-----------

Edit #1. Sex is not the main issue, but a symptom of what's going on. I'm not following her around humping her leg FFS. We're doing it once a week, but it's not the same sex we had for the previous 8 years. It was only two paragraphs of the original post!

Edit #2. Enough about the granny PJs. I'm not hung up on them per se, but for the previous 8 years she wore boy shorts, cute tank tops, and all manner of comfortable clothes that made her look flattering to bed, now she's wearing a dress that covers from ankles to shoulders. Another example is that on a weekend where she used to have worn a cute sundress out to run errands is now sweatpants and a t-shirt. As for my appearance I always dress decently because I want my wife to be proud to be seen with me, and it shows that I want to be the best partner possible.

Edit 3 People fart. I fart too. I just don't do it within 18 inches of my partners head because I'm considerate, and care about what she thinks of me.

[2]

So I spent a couple of days after the update taking things in and processing what was going on. I was in a very serious funk, just going through the motions. I think what I was doing was mourning the end of my marriage as I knew it. Since my wife made a bunch of unilateral decisions for me over the last few years, I figured now is my time to make some for her. -I'm going back to school. I stopped when we got pregnant with kid #2 because I was making good money and we were going to have 2 kids running around. I'm about 1 to 1.5 years away from a degree in my field right now. -I'm getting myself demoted at work and going part time. I explained what was going on to my awesome manager and he's letting me take a step back until I'm done with school and says my full time job will be here, if not something better when I finish with my degree. He also referred me to his divorce lawyer and she is awesome. So I sat my wife down two weeks ago and told her about the decisions I made, and if she wanted a roommate that's what she has now. I moved her dresser, clothes and things into the office and moved my weights, desk, model cars, and kegerator into the sitting area of my bedroom. When she got upset about her moving I explained that I bought the house and bed for me and my wife, and since she has opted out of that arrangement she can enjoy the pull out sofa in the office or she can choose not to live in the house that I've provided. I've done a hard 180, and even though I'm a wreck inside I've put on a great show of detaching and moving on. All of her husband privileges have been revoked. I am no longer her emotional tampon when she needs to vent after work. I no longer pour her a glass of wine when she is doing school work at night. She isn't entitled to the food I prepare for myself and the kids. I am no longer accountable to her for my whereabouts, after the kids are in bed I come and go as I please. I am cordial and polite, but I have not engaged her in conversation since we had our talk. The changes have seriously gotten to her. I've heard her crying in the office at night. After about a week of the 180 she came into the bedroom and tried to be intimate. As hard as it was I sent her away. I won't be manipulated through my dick ever again. My plan is to finish my degree. Use the money we had saved for a third rental property to offset my loss in income while I finish school. Document every meal I prepare and every minute of time I spend with the kids over the next 1.5 years to establish myself as the primary caregiver. When I file for divorce next year we will have no liquid assets (we'll still have three houses, three cars, and retirement accounts to sort out), have the same income, and I will have a metric ton of documentation of time with the kids. I will have to literally scrape by from the time I file until everything is final, but once things are final I'm going back to working full time (hopefully with a promotion) and she can take me back to court if she wants. I've given her no hint that I plan to file. I told her I'm content in this roommate arrangement, so hopefully she won't see it coming until I'm ready. I will not pursue a relationship outside the marriage until everything is final for a number of reasons. I'm in the best shape of my life, and I'll have plenty of time after this is all over to do what I want. I've also heard the dating market for a guy in my position is a lot better than it is for her. Thanks reddit for the confidence boost to do something. I'll post another update in two years. Tl;Dr - Lawyered up and hit the gym.

[3]

I've been asked for an update almost every other day since the last update, and now things have changed slightly I'm coming to reddit for advice again. First I want to clear up a few points from the last update. -I'm not trying to take the kids away from their mother. She is a great mother and she loves the kids and doesn't deserve to lose them. I am also a great dad and don't deserve to lose them either. The simple fact of the matter is that I am a male in America that has a track record of working 60-70 hour weeks to support the family that i love. As a result of that I have no chance of getting 50/50 custody. If I can establish that I'm the primary caretaker I have a shot at 50/50 custody, if not it's a Long uphill battle. -We are co-parenting. We communicate and co-ordinate the parenting duties, and the kids always come first. -Our house is not a toxic environment. There is no arguing or shouting. I am nothing but cordial and friendly to my wife. I treat her exactly like I would treat a roommate that I was friendly with. There's negatives to that for her because I don't support roommates emotionally, I don't cook for roommates, I don't give roommates foot rubs, I don't have sex with roommates etc. etc. those kinds of things are husband privileges that she forfeited when she wanted me to move into the office and pay the bills for the rest of my life. If that makes me a bad guy, then that's what I am I guess. -Some people were mortified that she cries in her room. Well guess what... I fucking cry in my room too, but I didn't create this situation and lie to my spouse for years. On to the update!!! I got enrolled and started classes again. The school took a lot more of my credits than I thought they would, and I should hopefully graduate by the end of the year. I went part time at work, and things were pretty calm around the house for a few weeks. No groundbreaking discussions or revelations. I focused a lot of energy into the kids, and took every opportunity to spend time with them. Going part time removed a giant amount of stress from my life, and being able to pick the kids up from school everyday has been priceless. Everything was going great until the holidays came around. We had a previously scheduled/paid for trip to go to her parents for almost ten days. I really didn't want to be stuck at her parents house for that long, but it would've broken my heart not to see Christmas morning with the kids. So I decided to go. My wife begged me to keep up appearances and make this trip go as smoothly as possible and I agreed that I could do that for her. Due to us keeping up appearances and the sleeping layout we were sharing the same full size bed. First night we were up there she came onto me hard. This was super weird because we visit her parents all the time, and I can count on one hand the number of times we've had full on sex there. I explained that I didn't feel right about it, and I wasn't going to do anything that would lead to me getting emotionally hurt again. She had an absolute meltdown. Sobbing uncontrollably, curled up in the fetal position, snot bubbles... the works. She begged me to just cuddle and console her, and that's when my resolve broke and I held her like a husband until she cried herself to sleep. The next night she begged me to just let her sleep the way we always used to go to bed with her head on my chest and her legs underneath mine. Every night we got in bed together for the duration of the marriage she never fell asleep until her head was on my chest. I agreed to let her and we slept that way until the end of the visit. The time with the in-laws was actually uneventful. We get along really well, and realizing that they were very close to not being a part of my life anymore made me pretty sad. We got home the beginning of the first week of January. We went back to our separate rooms, and have stayed that way until this Monday. Monday night I was scheduled to fly out of town for about a month for work. It's a big project that I have been a big part of since the beginning, and me not going wasn't an option as far as the customer was concerned. My company has done a lot for me, so I was going. I got up Monday morning for my usual trip to work so I could get my things together and tripped over something in between my bed and the bathroom door. I turned on the light to find my wife sleeping on the hardwood floor of the bedroom with a pillow and comforter. She got up, and once she kind of woke up she just burst into tears and was babbling uncontrollably. What I got out of it was that she would do anything for another chance. She can't stand not sleeping in the same bed anymore. She is willing to get a better job in our district. She would fix anything I had an issue with in the bedroom or in the house. She would go to counseling, whatever it took. I kind of had a minor freak out at this point because this wasn't what I was expecting to deal with one minute after getting up, in the dark, in my underwear. I told her I couldn't deal with this right now, and we could talk about it later, but I had to get in the shower. I was also trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is the same woman who wanted to never have sex with me again, wanted me to live in the office, and continue to pay all the bills and help parent the kids FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I got ready when I got out of the bathroom she was sitting on my bed looking worn out. I promised her we would talk when I was ready, and I bailed. I went to the airport while she was at work, spent some quality time at the airport bar and got the fuck out of town before I had a nervous breakdown. Tuesday morning she texts me to check my email. I check my inbox to find an email from her outlining exactly everything she wants to do to fix things if I would just try again. I feel so hurt. All I wanted before was for her to put forth some effort like I was. Now months later she's finally willing to try, but I don't know if I've got it in me. I've detached so much and I've been through the process of grieving the end of my marriage already. If I try again I'm afraid I'll never get rid of the nagging feeling that she just realized how hard it would be to go it alone without a domestic teammate and did whatever it took to keep me in the house. I'm afraid I'll never get rid of the resentment of being taken for granted all that time. If I continue and leave her will I always regret that I didn't do everything that I could have? Maybe I go through counseling with her until I have my degree, and then make a decision. So now I'm just sitting in this hotel without my family, wishing I could just go back to the way things were before. tl;dr Wife wants back in. I'm sitting at the biggest crossroad of my life just thinking about which way to go.

[4]

I've gotten a ton of requests for updates. Usually one every other day or so. Since many people are invested in what's going on, and I've received lots of good advice I figured I owed another update. Here goes. My last update was almost two months ago. My wife had promised me anything to give it another try. I took some time to think about things as usual and sent her back an email with the following conditions that must be met for me to consider the possibility of reconciliation. -She had to get individual counseling. She had to find a counselor, deal with the insurance, schedule the appointments and find child care. Normally something like this (scheduling appts/dealing with our insurance company) would fall squarely on my shoulders, but I wanted her to show me that she was willing to put forth the effort. Also I wanted to attend her first session and get my point of view to the counselor. I also said that i would be willing to join her after a certain amount of time if the counselor feels it would be helpful. -She must be willing to get a better job. I thought about this one for a while and thought about what she would do if the roles were reversed. What if I decided one day that I wanted to work at Jiffy Lube because I found it more fulfilling? My wife would consider that divorce territory. At the same time it's ok for her to be grossly overqualified for her job, but keep it because it's low stress and is fulfilling. So one of my conditions for reconciliation is at the very minimum she needs to find a position in our much better paying district, preferably as an administrator. -We sit down together and call her parents and step them through our whole situation, including the part where she threatened to use their money to destroy me in a divorce. I think they have a right to know of her plans. I really like her parents. If things do go south i want to be able to still have a relationship with them, and i want them to know the whole story. -Lastly, I get to take as much time as I personally need to deal with everything. The timeline is on my terms. Those were the terms i outlined, and she agreed to everything. When i got home from my trip a month ago she had the counseling set up. We attended the first appointment. I spoke my piece and left them to it. She hasn't missed one since. Last week we finally had the opportunity to have the phone call with her parents. She told them the whole story, leaving nothing out. Her dad was super angry that she would feel entitled enough to make threats with the money that he had earned. She is going to have to do some fence mending with him. Overall they were supportive and would help out however they could no matter the outcome of this whole thing. There's not a lot she can really do about the job since we are in the middle of the school year. We'll see how that pans out over the summer. So... Things around the house have been pretty good. We're still sleeping separately, and haven't been intimate because I'm not in a place where i can handle it emotionally. I can tell she is making a serious effort to look her best around me like she used to, and is being super thoughtful towards me. Usually I am the one being thoughtful and doing the little things for her. It's almost like she is courting me again. When i do nice things for her it almost moves her to tears. It makes me feel almost bad. I have made an effort in that family time is actual family time again. It's no longer the kids with me or the kids with her. We are spending our time together like we used to. I am still working out like a madman and running serious miles every week. School is going well, and I'm on track to graduate. It's awesome working part time. My month away from home really cleared my head and padded my wallet with a ton of overtime. I think the biggest hurdle to overcome is the fact that we are approaching our relationship from two different angles. She is in saving the marriage mode, and is doing and saying all the right things. I am in the mind frame that my marriage ended a few months ago, and I'm trying to decide whether or not i want to date my wife. The question is. If i was meeting my wife for the first time right now, knowing her past, would i consider her relationship material? I guess the jury is still out on that one. TLDR: In a holding pattern and content with that. We'll see what the next year has in store.

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Post Information
Title What is Dread; or, why no one has any frame
Author Rian Ston
Date February 27, 2020 11:19 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Blog Rian Stone
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/Rian-Stone/what-is-dread-or-why-no-one-has-any-frame.23996
https://theredarchive.com/blog/23996
Original Link https://www.rianstone.com/blog/dread
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