QUOTE: "People say they are attracted to confidence, but how often do you meet a confident person who doesn't tend to act like a jerk? It's all too common for mere confidence to cross the threshold into arrogance. But that's what people want."
This is where you fall into the trap that the average powerless person does. You assume that people who act like jerks are powerful. They are just as powerless as you, they just express it in a different way. Both tigers and mice are powerless. People play victim and victimizer for the same reason. Confident (confidence is based on power) people do neither. Quite literally, for no other reason than they don't have to. Going from a not confident to a confident person involves only one thing... cultivating power. Do all of those things likely to bring you power. Work out until you are strong. Mind your business until you are rich. Eliminate useless behaviours. Build your kingdom of people and resources until it is unassailable. Be competent in everything you do. Those are the things that bring confidence. Nothing else does.
QUOTE: "Whether we like to admit it or not, we are all the products of our own little environments. We have been moulded and shaped by those people who have been a part of our lives. Our mothers created our physical bodies, but our peers created who we really are. It was our peers who taught us how to behave, because it is our peers that we want so much to be with. We want their acceptance, we want to belong, and the only way we can belong is if we become like them."
People are most definitely not the product of their environment. We are the products of the choices we make, every single moment of every day. Change happens the very moment you decide I'm going to be different, today, right now, for this specific thing. Do enough of those little specific changes and the change generalizes. Almost nothing else except a person’s free will and choice has the power to determine a person’s behavior. Once you understand and know how to use this, everything else falls into place.
Part of the process is when a person understands that there is a tendency to seek approval and acceptance from others. However, that tendency isn't normal. It's neurotic. Once you know this, you can make huge gains in your life by examining it for behaviours that are approval seeking... and stopping them. People (especially women) manipulate you through your approval seeking behaviours. If you eliminate them, they have nothing to grab hold of. Also, eliminating these will make you feel much, much better about yourself. Approval seeking, even if you get the approval, makes you feel bad. But, like smoking, even though it is bad for you, it's addictive. You need to be ever vigilant for backsliding with this. But the effort is well worth it.
The first step is to let go of denial, prejudice and narcissism as methods of coping and replace them with an attitude of learning, testing, and then skill development. Until you do that, there is no hope of improving the situation. Instead, you will be powerless in the face of the extreme problems with women and will suffer all manner of fucked upness, from crushing lonliness and depression, to rejection, financial ruin, loss of family, or even loss of freedom or loss of life. It’s not a few men who have this happen to them….or even a lot of men. Its most men….pretty close to all men.
The truth is harsh. So harsh that most men can’t deal with it, so they pretend the problem doesn’t exist. They make up excuses and moralisms and offer ignorant, trite, completely ineffective solutions that ignore the reality of the situation. Worse, they openly ridicule any methods that take into account those realities (so what, if they work). Why? Because in any way exploring those solutions, threatens the denial of the problem. They absolutely refuse to see things the way they really are or to test the effectiveness of both their attitudes, philosophies and beliefs, and, more importantly, their specific behavior.
This situation is common as dirt and is the first hurdle any man needs to conquer, in order to make anything of himself in life (in any sphere). But once you do, then the important task of sorting out what works, from what doesn’t can begin.
Want to learn most everything about this problem and, specifically, what to do about it? Read the book, “The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence” by Dr. Robert Anthony, and do what he tells you to do. Your effectiveness as a man will sky-rocket.
Pook #7 – Lesson Four: Patience is the Refined Sense of Confidence
Philalethes #25 – You Can Have As Much Power As You Are Willing To Be Responsible For, But No More