If you want to get an ex back after being apart for years, hereâs what you need to do…
1. Improve Your Ability to Attract Her Before You Contact Her
The key to getting your ex back after being apart for years is to make sure that when you contact her, you are now ready to give her the attraction experience she always wanted from you.
For example: You are now much more confident, self assured and emotionally mature than before.
If you try to get her back while making the same old attraction mistakes that you made years ago (e.g. you give her too much power, you feel unworthy of her, you are afraid to laugh at her when she is being mean or bitchy), she isn’t going to feel motivated to want to get back with you.
When you talk to her on the phone or in person, you’ve got to be able to let her see that you really have changed and become a better man (e.g. you’re more confident, charismatic, self-assured, charming, interesting) than before.
If you haven’t changed and she can sense that you would probably make the same mistakes as you did in the past, she’s not going to be very interested.
She will think something like, âDoes he seriously think that Iâm going to give up my great life to get back into a relationship with him, when nothing about him has really changed? Heâs still at the same level he was at when I broke up with him years ago. Now, after Iâve managed to get over the pain of our break up, he wants me to go back to being with a guy who still doesnât have what I want. What? He must think Iâm crazy!â
She’ll then give an excuse like, âAww, that’s so sweet of you, but Iâm seeing someone else now. Sorry, I wish you all the best in your search for loveâ or âThanks, but Iâm in love with another guy and weâre going to get married soon.â
So, if you want to get your ex back after being apart for years, make sure that when you contact her, youâre not the same guy she broke up with.
For example: A guy might have been insecure in his relationship with his ex, which was one of the main reasons she broke up with him.
If he calls her up after a long time of being apart to try and get her back, she will naturally test him to see if heâs changed (e.g. by pretending not to remember him, being cold and unfriendly towards him, telling him how great her life has been since they broke up, talking about a guy she is seeing).
If heâs unable to handle her confidence tests and gets upset, loses his nerve, or keeps his sense of humor constrained because he’s trying to be on his best behavior, she will realize that he hasnât changed and she wonât be interested in getting back together again.
On the other hand, if he remains emotionally strong and confident and uses humor to attract her and lighten the mood, she will drop her guard.
She will continue to test him during the call and assess whether or not he has become more of a man, or if he’s still pretty much the same.
If she gets the sense that he has matured, she will be more open to meeting up with him in person to experience the new him.
Another example is when a woman broke up with a guy because he didnât have any direction in life.
He was just wondering aimlessly from dead-end job to dead-end job without following through on any of his big dreams or goals.
If he contacts her and she discovers that heâs still not making much progress in life, sheâs going to feel even more turned off by him than before.
She will think something like, âI canât believe that after all this time, he hasnât made something of himself. He has no big goals, no dreams and no ambitions. I don’t want to get dragged into a life with an uncertain future by getting back into a relationship with him. I need a man that I can look up to, respect and rely on to be able to take care of both of us. I don’t want a guy that needs me to take care of him emotionally and give his life some purpose. I want a man that has big goals, dreams and ambitions that he’s actually following through on.”
She will then reject his attempts to get her back and will ask that he just leaves the past in the past.
So, if youâre serious about getting your ex back after being apart for years, you must improve your ability to attract her based on the man you are now.
When she can see for herself that you really are different now, her guard will come down and she’ll open herself up to the idea of getting back together with you.
2. Let Her See, Via Your Social Media Account(s), That You’ve Been Living a Fun Life Without Her
One of the best ways to attract your ex, is by making sure that you focus on being happy, fulfilled and enjoying a fun life without her.
Then, make sure that you let her see it for herself via social media.
If she’s not your friend on Facebook, just make sure that you post your photos and set it to “public” rather than “friends” so anyone can see it from the outside.
Trust me, women always stop by to check out their ex’s profile on social media.
If she’s having a boring day or suddenly thinks of you and wants to look at your photo to reminisce, it’s important that you portray that right type of image to her.
For example: You can do that by posting photos of yourselfâ¦
- Having fun with friends and/or other women.
- Having fun in exotic places that youâve traveled to since the break up with her.
- Achieving something big (e.g. getting your black belt in a martial art, winning a prize, taking your first solo skydive).
When she can see for herself that you are confident, happy and getting on with life without her, she becomes more open to meeting up with you because you clearly don’t need her in your life.
Women hate to meet up with ex’s who desperately need her back to feel good about themselves.
On the other hand, most women are open to meeting up with an ex if they can see or sense that he’s happy, loved by others and has been enjoying a fun life without her.
Essentially, she wants to know that he might want her back, but he doesn’t need her back to help himself feel okay.
The next step is toâ¦
3. Contact Her Via Social Media to Say Hi as an Old Friend
Make sure you post up the fun photos first!
Don’t contact her if your photos are just lonely ones (e.g. you on your own, photos of landscapes and buildings that you’ve seen while travelling alone).
If you have fun photos, you are ready to contact her.
For example: You might send her a message like, âHey ex girlfriend ð Long time no speak. I thought Iâd get in touch to say hi as a friend. Life has been good. How’ve you been?â
If she hasnât heard from you in a long time, she may think, âWow, this is unexpected. I wonder what he wants with me after all this time,â and she will then look at your social media profile to see what youâve been up to since you and her broke up.
When she sees that you havenât been lonely without her and have been getting on with your life, she will feel comfortable replying to you.
Then, when she responds to you, ask her for her phone number (i.e. in case sheâs changed it since your break up, if youâve misplaced it), so that you can call her up to have a quick chat.
If you already have her number, you can message her and reply to what she said, while also adding in, “Hey, I might give you a call to say hi sometime. I’m sure we can have a chat and laugh as old friends.”
If you don’t have her number, just ask her for it as I mentioned above. Say, “Hey, what’s your number? I’ll give you a call sometime to say hi. Just as a friend of course.”
Initially, she might be a bit resistant to the idea and may say things like, âIâm not sure,â or âI donât think itâs a good idea.â
Whatever you do, donât lose your composure and start saying things like, âPlease, I really want to talk to you,â or âPlease, Iâve missed you so much. I just want to hear your voice againâ because that type of needy behavior will turn her off.
Instead, just show her that youâre now an emotionally strong and confident man by saying something like, âHey, itâs just a quick call between old friends to say hi. We can do that, right? Itâs no big deal! ð It could be fun to say hi, even if just for a couple of minutes.â
In most cases, a woman will then give you her number.
Then, once you have her phone number, just go ahead and call her up that day or the next.
Remember: The main reason why itâs important to get you ex on a phone call is to re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for the new you and then get her to agree to meet up with you in person.
Where a lot of guys go wrong, is by wasting too much time texting or messaging an ex back and forth in a friendly way, without getting her on a phone call or arranging an in-person meet up.
Guys also try to ask for a meet up via text, which almost always fails.
You’ve got to have the balls to ask on a call.
Hiding behind texts with an ex usually leads to the woman losing interest or getting turned off by what you’re texting (e.g. talking about the relationship, asking her too many questions).
Unfortunately, many guys feel afraid to pick up the phone and call their ex because itâs been too many years since they broke up.
A guy will think something like, âItâs just been so long since weâve seen each other. What if I call her and she hears my voice and decides that she doesnât want to see me again? At least sheâs texting/messaging me now. Texts are better than nothing. Maybe we can just text as friends for a while and then when she feels comfortable, she will ask to speak to me on the phone.â
Yet, that rarely, if ever, happens.
In most cases, a woman will simply get turned off or bored of receiving endless messages from her long-ago ex and she will stop responding to him.
In other cases, she will continue texting, but will also continue moving on with her life without him (e.g. having sex, dating and falling in love with other guys).
So, if you want to get your ex back after being apart for years, make sure that you donât waste a lot of time texting or messaging back and forth.
Youâve got to get her on a phone call with you as quickly as possible, so that you can re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you and then arrange a time to meet up in person.
That’s what works.
Okay, so after contacting her via social mediaâ¦
4. Get Her On a Phone Call With You and Make Her Laugh, Smile and Feel Good
Once you get your ex on a phone call, donât waste the opportunity by being too nice or neutral with her.
Youâve got to use the phone call to show her that youâve changed (via the way you talk with her and the way you respond to her) and spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
A good way to do that is by making her laugh and smile.
For example: Imagine that youâre talking to your ex on the phone and she asks, âSo, what have you been up to since we broke up?â
Rather than reply with something mundane like, âOh, Iâve been busy with work mostly. How about you?â which will only make the conversation between you and her seem forced and guarded, you can instead say something that will make her laugh and get her thinking, âWow, this is different! He is so much more confident now. Heâs funny. Iâm enjoying talking to him again. Maybe I should start seeing him again?â
So, when your ex says, âWhat have you been up to since we broke up?â you might say something along the lines of, âI can’t believe you donât know what has happened. Itâs been all over the news. Selena Gomez was been stalking me for months. I wasn’t able to get her to leave me alone. I had to get a restraining order to keep her away. It has been a rough couple of months. Don’t you watch the news?â and then have a laugh with her about that.
She will laugh, her guard will come down and rather than feeling tense about talking to her ex after being apart for years, she will feel like you and her are picking up from where you left off when things were good between you.
You can then say, âJust kiddingâ¦me and Selena Gomez are cool. We’re just friends. Anyway, how about you â how’s life?” and then let her tell you some things about what her life has been like since.
Note: Obviously you don’t have to use the Selena Gomez example if that wouldn’t appropriate for you and her. It’s just an example to help you understand how to approach the conversation (i.e. use humor, be relaxed, don’t be so serious).
You can then tell her some of the real things that you’ve been up to and say something like, “Anyway, I think it would be fun to catch up and say hi in person sometime. What you do think?”
If you’ve been making her laugh and relax, she’s almost certainly going to agree because she will sense that catching up with you would feel good, rather than awkward or weird.
5. Get Her to Meet Up With You in Person
Sometimes, a woman will instantly agree to meet up with an ex that she hasnât seen for years.
Yet, in most cases a woman will initially be resistant to the idea (e.g. because sheâs afraid of getting hurt again, she has a new guy, she doesnât believe that youâve changed, she doesn’t want to seem too eager right away).
The main thing to bear in mind is that no matter how much sheâs saying things like, âNo, I donât want to meet up with you,â or âThatâs a bad idea. We should just let sleeping dogs lie,â you must remain calm, relaxed and confident as you continue sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Once you respark her feelings, her guard will come down and she will become open to meeting you with you.
If she initially resists, you can then say something like, âHey, itâs just two old friends getting together to say hello after a long time. Iâm not asking you to be my kidney donor; itâs just a coffee and a laugh! Come on⦠letâs try to catch up and say hi sometime this week.â
She will most-likely say, âOkay,â or âI suppose that would be fine.â
Then, just go ahead and make plans to meet up with her at a time that suits both of you.
6. Guide Her Through the Rest Of the Ex Back Process
At the meet up, make sure that you continue saying and doing the things that will turn her feelings back on for you (e.g. being confident, charismatic, funny, charming, emotionally masculine).
When you respark her feelings of respect and sexual attraction in person, it makes her see you in a different light.
Her walls come down and the thought of hugging you, kissing you, being in your arms and being your girl starts to feel good to her again.
She might initially try to fight her feelings for you by saying to herself, âWhat are you doing? Itâs been over for a long time. You canât get back together after being apart for years.â
Yet, her heart will be full of new, exciting emotions for you that she wonât be able to ignore.
You then just need to guide her through the rest of the ex-back process and show that things really are different now.
Let her see that you’re not the same guy she broke up with before.
She will then realize that if she lets you get away this time, she’ll be missing out on the greatest love of her life.
So, donât be afraid to take a chance.
