If you are out meeting women, you will eventually stumble into cockblockers.
What is a cockblocker?
The power dynamics dictionary defines it as:
Cockblocking is the action, behavior or intent, from a woman or from another man, to prevent a man from interacting, seducing, or sleeping with a woman.
After this article, you will fix the cockblock problem for good, no matter what type of cockblocker you are facing.That great friend who doesn’t know when it’s time to leave
- Cockblockers-Busting StraTEgies
- #1. Focus on Becoming a High-Value Man
- #2. Move The Girl to More Private Settings
- #3. Learn Power Dynamics & Make Cockblockers Fear You
- #4. Only Focus On Your Best 20% of Interactions
- #5. Turn Potential Cockblockers Into Friends & Allies
- #6. Ignore The Cockblocker and Empower Your Girl to Choose You
- #7. Tell Her to Handle the Cockblock For You
- #8. Go “Under The Radar”
- #9. Leave Her to The Cockblock: Let Her Realize How Much Better You Are
- Why Sometimes It’s Not Your Fault
- When to Ignore & When to Engage the Cockblocker
- How to Engage The Cockblocker
- Cockblocker Power Moves
These are nine steps to handle cockblocking for good:
#1. Focus on Becoming a High-Value Man
Cockblockers are less likely to meddle when you look like a high value man.
Women want to interact with high-value men, and people don’t usually cockblock high-quality men that women are happily engaging with.
The movie Hitch has one good example.
It’s his low status and his poor handling of the situation that invites the cockblocker:
Cockblocking an inept man can be an opportunity to start an interaction, BTW
When you’re a high-value man, only extremely jealous cockblockers will meddle, and that’s because they don’t mind losing social points as long as you also lose.
Basically, these cockblockers are the equivalent of social suicide mission: they look like jealous idiots, but they will foil your plans and you won’t get the girl, either.
Also read more on seducers’ styles and attitudes:
#2. Move The Girl to More Private Settings
If you two like each other, move her somewhere more secluded.
Cockblockers have an easier time if you remain in networking environments or in high-traffic zones.
But if you sit down or move somewhere secluded, then cockblockers cannot come and butt-in.
This is truly the simplest, most effective technique.
And it’s what good seduction is about: moving the interaction towards higher intimacy.
Even just moving outside of a bar or a club is enough.
Or in the smoking areas, too.
#3. Learn Power Dynamics & Make Cockblockers Fear You
Who is easy to cockblock?
The man who doesn’t know how to defend against cockblocking.
It’s when you look socially uncalibrated that other jealous men will think they can interrupt you with no repercussions.
Preventing cockblocking is not much unlike avoiding street mugging in a way: don’t look like easy prey and people won’t assault you.
But if they can see you’re a socially-skilled individual, they know you can make them look for the annoying cockblockers they are.
Even suicide-mission cockblocking from white knights orbiters will decrease when they fear you.
Of course, fear is not just social, but can also be physical.
Size also helps here.
Hitting the gym will help to make you a more menacing figure that people will not want to cross.
Equally helpful is a reputation, an image, or a network of friends who suggest that you can retaliate at will.
However, I don’t recommend you focus on physical threats to avoid cockblocking: it’s not an effective way of getting results in seduction.
#4. Only Focus On Your Best 20% of Interactions
Yes, the good Pareto Law works on cockblockers as well.
If you focus on the best 20% interactions, it means you only stay in interactions with great chemistry.
In those interactions, the girl also likes you.
People will see that she’s having a good time and that there is no reason for cockblocking.
And if someone still tries to, she will be there to help you out fending them off.
#5. Turn Potential Cockblockers Into Friends & Allies
This strategy is pre-emptive.
And it’s based on the idea that if her friends like you, they are less likely to cockblock you.
It’s not always true, but it’s true more often than not, and since life is about increasing the odds of success, do be warm and social towards her friends.
Don’t go overboard here and remember that you are there for the girl you like.
But if you meet her with her friends around or if one of them happens to come and say hi, do show some warmth.
Say hi, smile, and as you say “nice meeting you” flash your eyebrows upwards, which is a nonverbal indicator of friendliness.
When the girl you like is putting her contact in your phone, that’s also a perfect time to crack a couple of jokes with her friend.
That way, she won’t say anything bad after you’re gone.
#6. Ignore The Cockblocker and Empower Your Girl to Choose You
This is the gold-standard of anti-cockblocking strategies:
Having her handle the cockblock for you.
Women will not always do it because it requires social power and leadership, but you can prod them in that direction.
See here how you can do just that (I use here the worst-case scenario of friend physically grabbing her):
You: Wow, congratulations! And what…
Friend: (grabs her arm) Let’s go Kristi
You: (pull her back on your side, raise your voice) Wait! (lowers voice again) It looks like your friend is trying to pull you away. (optional: turn towards friend, give a smirk, raise your eyebrows and say “hi by the way”) I was having a good time with you, stay for a few more minutes Girl: Yes, (to friend) Angela, we’re good.
Friend: You good?
Girl: Yeah, yeah, we’re good
You want to make the grab back more physical and less about raising your voice with “wait”, which looks more dominant.
Act quickly, but try to be smooth: knee-jerk motions make you seem like you’re panicking and out of control.
If you decide to turn towards her friend, that’s your small olive branch that will make it more unlikely that an escalation will follow.
Why is that important?
Because when you escalate against her friends, her friends almost always win, so always try to avoid escalations.
If the cockblock is not physically pulling her, but only telling her to go away, which is the more likely scenario, it’s the same but without the grabbing.
The beauty of this approach is that she deals with the cockblock herself, and when she deals with the cockblock to stay with you, it’s the equivalent of admitting that she likes you and she wants you to take the interaction to the next level.
Basically, you turn the cockblock to your advantage.
High Risk Move: Threaten to end the interaction
A higher risk, higher return response would be to tell her: “shall we say goodbye”.
That puts more pressure on her to decide right there and then if she wants to commit to you.
If she stays, it’s a stronger indicator that she likes you.
#7. Tell Her to Handle the Cockblock For You
In this version, you task your girl to handle the cockblocker for you
You: Wow, congratulations! And what…
Friend: (grabs her arm) Let’s go Kristi
You: (grab her on your side, raise you voice) Wait! It looks like your friend is trying to pull you away. Could you please tell her you’d like to stay a couple more minutes and you’ll join her later
It’s important here that you offer the opportunity to stay a bit longer with you and still rejoin her friends later.
You want to avoid making it a question of “me or her”.
This is a mistake many men do because they would choose a new girl over old friends.
But it’s not how most girls think and behave.
We saw it in “sexual market place 101“: women tend to be conservative. So, unless things were going incredibly well, chances are that if she is forced to choose she will choose an old friend rather than a new, almost unknown guy.
#8. Go “Under The Radar”
Who’s more likely to get cockblocked?
Those who make it the most obvious they are trying to pick up a woman.
Double loss if you the woman looks like she is resisting you. That makes the cockblock 10 times more likely to intervene -and for good reasons!-:
See an example from “Menace II Society”:
Instead, smooth operators who seem social and flirt more under the radar will be able to peel off with her later on, or to surreptitiously exchange number nonchalantly.
I’ve done this several times.
In groups, I exchanged contacts as friends, kept talking while we typed our details, and maybe even exchanged contacts with some of the guys in the groups.
And then I’d go out on dates with the girl.
#9. Leave Her to The Cockblock: Let Her Realize How Much Better You Are
Ready for a risky move?
Leave her right after the cockblock joins.
This is a move I like when:
- You are feeling in great shape
- There are different targets around
- You want to parade your power over her and/or make her chase you
What’s the rationale here?
It’s that if you two were having a great time, now you give her space to miss you when you leave her.
If you two were having great chemistry, chances are that she will be shocked -and saddened- about your departure.
Often, you will even be able to see the effects on her face.
Like in the Hitch scene we mentioned earlier:
Leaving is high risk, but it can shot-up your value
If you two were going really good, chances are she won’t be able to focus on the cockblocker.
In psychology, there is a name for this phenomenon: the recency effect (Elliot Aronson, 1972), and it happens when the previous attention-grabbing item on the list -you-, keeps lingering on in her brain.
Of course, this doesn’t work when it’s unlikely you will see her again soon (and that’s why that Hitch scene, in those circumstances, is a poor strategy).
But it’s great stuff for social circles.
And it can work well or for parties and events where leaving and joining new groups is a common behavior.
If she approaches you again, it’s on. If not, do approach her again later.
Why Sometimes It’s Not Your Fault
Prevention is not a 100% guarantee against cockblocking.
Plenty of circumstances can be outside of your control.
- She has some bitter friends
- The alpha female leader of her group is jealous she’s talking to you
- Lots of people bothered her and now her group is protective
- She had some personal issues recently and friends are overprotective
- One of her male orbiters is madly in love with her and will do all crazy stuff to keep men away
So don’t take it too personally if cockblocking sometimes happens: it’s part of life.
When to Ignore & When to Engage the Cockblocker
Should you always ignore a cockblocker?
The author of “How to Make Girls Chase“, recommends you never look away from the woman to engage the cockblocker.
And, generally speaking, ignoring is a good frame control technique for damage control limitation.
That works great if your girl also ignores the cockblocker. When that’s the case, you are forming an unspoken alliance and you are throwing the cockblocker down the bus together.
Ignoring the cockblocker does not work as well instead if the woman engages the cockblocker, though.
Because she broke contact with you and took the lead of the interaction. And she openly spurned your leadership: you ignored, she included.
Now she is deciding who to give priority to.
And she decided to put you on pause while giving the cockblocker the precedence.
If she quickly dispatches the cockblocker and comes back to you, you’re still good and it’s a strong sign she’s interested in you.
But if she keeps engaging the cockblocker then it’s terrible news for your seduction: she became the leader while at the same time putting you on the back burner.
In that case, you would have been better off if you had taken the lead to deal with the cockblocker.
In sum, this is how you decide:
Do not engage the cockblocker if:
- You two are already very bonded
- She’s very into you
Basically: you don’t engage the cockblocker if you think she won’t engage him or if you think she will dispatch him quickly.
Engage the cockblocker if:
- You’re at work networking events where people are there to meet new people (not engaging would look overly aggressive and out of place)
- You are don’t have good chemistry yet and she’s not engrossed in the convo
- Your girl seems very happy to meet new people
- The cockblocker is very close to her
In sum, you engage him if you think she will engage him or if welcoming people is what’s expected in the environment you’re in -for example, a networking event-.
How to Engage The Cockblocker
If ignoring the cockblocker is not possible and you must engage, then you must take ownership of that interaction.
Do it like this:
- Let him in and lead the dance
If you decide to let him in, do so from a position of leadership.
That means that you decide how to let him in.
Best of all, don’t say anything, but open your body language to include him without even saying hi (ie: slightly turn towards him, as if to say “I can see you’re there”).
Don’t overdo it: you are just being socially polite because anything else would backfire, and not shifting priority from the girl you like it to the cockblocker.
- Keep your priority on the girl
Let the cockblocker in with your body language only and finish what you were saying with your girl before verbally engaging the cockblocker.
If it was her who was speaking, look interested and then somewhat reluctantly turn to the cockblocker when she’s finished.
- Engage the cockblocker at low priority
You don’t want to show more interest and joy in talking to the cockblocker.
Slightly (slightly!) turn towards him to make him part of the group but DON’T change the subject you were talking about.
If you start asking him “so what about you” you are offering him the stage, and you don’t want to do that.
Instead, turn to the cockblocker, quickly look at him to acknowledge him (shake hands if appropriate and possibly introduce your girl), sliiightly rotate your body towards the new person and then go back to the girl.
Boom, you just communicated “you’re in because we have to, but the sooner you’re gone, the better”.
- Keep engaging the girl
Keep going as if it were a 1:1 conversation between you and your girl.
If the girl likes you she will follow your lead and show little engagement of the cockblocker. If the cockblocker has any social skills, he will understand and leave.
If your goal was to exchange contacts and you already did so, you can be warmer towards the cockblocker
How do you calibrate your level of warmth?
It depends on these two variables:
- your goal in the interaction
- if you have already exchanged contacts.
If you want to keep the interaction going and potentially try to bring her home on that same day, then you should be less social and more aggressive in your interaction.
For example, you choose to ignore the cockblocker.
If your goal was to exchange contacts with the girls and if you’ve already made plans, you can allow yourself to be warmer to the cockblocker.
Your job is done there and you can even use the occasion to leave her on a high and move on.
Cockblocker Power Moves
The worst cockblocking for you is this:
- He joins the two of you
- You turn to him
- He then turns to the girl right away, ignoring you
Think about what that communicates from a power dynamics perspective.
It communicates that he can get your attention and sidetrack you from your interaction with the woman, which suggests that you either didn’t like the woman, or that you don’t have the strength to go for what you want.
Then he cuts you off by moving to the woman, which is the behavior of a higher status individual compared to you.
Example of Poor Cockblocker Control
Here is an example from La Haine.
The black guy was going great… Until he lets in his idiotic cockblocking friend and lets him take over the interaction:
What a great way of letting down a woman! 🙁
As a rule of thumb, you are always the leader when you make the first move and introduce your friends.
But you show yourself for being a crappy leader when you then let them actively disrespect you and the girls.
If you want to become more socially effective and you have clueless friends, I’m afraid that you must get used to going out without them.
The Power Dynamics of Cockblockers
On average, cockblockers of any kind are good news for her and bad news for him.
They are great news for her because it shows she has options, friends and/or male orbiters.
And it’s bad news for him because it shows he must fight the competition.
If a competition ensues, even if he wins it, he will still lose out in terms of the balance of power.
On average, a cockblocker always tips the balance of power in her favor.
That’s why men who are highly socially skilled will handle cockblockers without looking like they are fighting over her.
Your best way of avoiding cockblocking is to work on yourself and find a girl you like and who also likes you back.
Focus more on the process of getting you two together than on “fighting” against cockblockers to get her.
The mindset of “having to fight cockblockers” is most often the mindset of men lower in sexual market value, trying to get higher SMV women.
And you don’t want to date within that frame of mind.