Xbtusd comes with a spicy field report straight from the streets.
Girls can be self defeating, an idea best explained through a story: I’ve been holed up for around a month due to getting COVID, and then with everyone I know going back into lockdown hibernation mode I was craving some social energy, so a friend and I headed to a local bar. It’s a great spot, designed to look like the inside of a log cabin, with a working wood stove in the back room. It’s cozy and was poppin last night. As I’ve said before, my bar game is pretty bad, but I’ve committed to approaching every time a certain set of conditions is met (“committing to doing something” and then doing it is how you get better at anything). As I entered, I noticed two reasonably cute girls (6/7s) sitting at the bar facing each other; the tall one faced and stared at me like she knew me. I often meet people and forget them, so I started racking my brain as I paused to figure out if I knew her—and not snub her if we had met. Like most dudes, usually my memory for cute girls is better than my memory for people in general.
I couldn’t remember her, so my buddy and I just kept walking. We grabbed some drinks and settled into a spot against the wall and were just hanging, having a good time. I wanted to approach those two girls but also was slightly wary they might be either doing “girl time” and would get pissed if I approached, or that they were maybe on a date with each other, which can get you killed for interrupting where I live. I wanted to avoid that mistake so I figured I’d try and do some recon. Eventually a spot at the bar opened up next to them so I grabbed it (proximity can count as flirting), and tossed my jacket onto the bar and tried to get the bartender’s attention. As I did that, the girl on my left (“Lauren,” as I later learned) said, “is this your jacket?” and we both kind of bumped arms. I said yes, and then she smiled and said, “I was just looking for a way to start a conversation with you.” These two girls were not only NOT on a date with each other, NOT looking for girl time, but wanted to get fucked and were at the bar with the explicit intention to meet dudes. Okay, I’ll bite.
So I brought my friend, Tom, into the conversation, he followed my lead and started engaging “Sara” while I chatted with Lauren. Lauren was fun, flirty, and we quickly got onto the topic of online dating. She showed me her Feeld profile, (great sign) and wanted any tips, and I showed her mine, which reveals that I’m in an open relationship and some other positive traits I don’t want to specify here. Photography matters. She was super into the pics, but when Tom showed her his Feeld profile, she said his pics didn’t capture his essence and that I looked hotter in my pics but she thought he was hotter in real life. Good banter, cocky funny being run by a girl, I’m into it. We continued having fun playful banter, and I went pretty hard on the cocky funny, bordering on arrogant, vibe.
Game dudes often talk about having “outcome independence.” I think there are very few situations where one can feel truly outcome independent, but I am currently in such a state: I am seeing three women regularly who at least IMO are hot, I have a great connection with, are super fun, the sex is great, and are smart and interesting to talk to, and down for sex parties and multi partner sex. I also have my primary partner who I live with and am in a long term great relationship with. In addition to that, I have a few more irons in the fire that have not converted—yet—but are fun, flirty additions to my life.
I mention this not to brag, but to describe my state of mind when I was interacting with these women at the bar: it truly felt like a game. I wanted to win, but defeat would be inconsequential. I was fully present, enjoying myself, and truly striving just to make the interaction as fun as I could for all of us, which allowed me to play characters and direct the conversation in a way that if anything probably risks turning girls off by being too confident and falling into an arrogant frame. It’s pretty easy to get a read on women when the confidence is too much, and you can much more easily roll back confidence than you can up your confidence when you are being weak.
I went to the bathroom and when I got back Tom was standing talking to Lauren and I reclaimed my seat next to her. She told me that Tom had just finished telling her how we met. Now, for context, Tom and I have known each other for ten years, but as I wrote, we recently had a MFM threesome that started at the very bar we were at. So he of course had told her the real story, and so I asked her, “Well, what did Tom tell you?” She summarized the how we met story, and I laughed and said, “Why don’t you tell her how we REALLY met.” He laughed and said, “and how was that?” I told her that we had met on Feeld, and had brought a girl to this very bar to the back room, and then went a few blocks a way to his place and fucked her silly. (This can be a polarizing move, but polarization has its place.)
Lauren was a bit shocked and asked if that was the truth and I said, “God’s honest truth all of that happened.” This is of course both true and a lie as it’s NOT how we met. Tom quickly followed my lead laughing and confirming that yes this was the actual story but he was a little nervous to tell her the truth. She loved it, raised her hand in the air like, “pick me!” I gave her my phone and said for her to text me and write her name and three things she liked about me and Tom. At this point my cockiness went a little to far, and she started to feel like the balance of power was too out of whack and she pushed back and was like, “I’m not fucking applying to have you guys fuck me.”
Wasn’t she, though?
Part of this is female arrogance. Women want to feel like the prize when it comes to sex: they want to fuck guys who are higher value than them but they still want to feel like they’re the prize, which makes game tricky. You can’t act like they’re the prize, otherwise the girls are repulsed by your demonstration of lower value. But you also have to make them feel like they are the prize, otherwise they start to feel not special. The catch-22 and paradox of the female brain. Game is full of ambiguity and narrow leeways.
Clearly she was starting to feel like a slut and we’d lost the pro-sex frame. So I pulled back from the cocky/funny and started delivering comfort, “Of course you’re not applying! I never said applying, that’s what you said! But we do deliver an incredible product and I stand by it. I do just want to know what you like about us though!”
Tom went back to talking to Sarah and I started vibing with her more. She was fully facing me with legs apart and I put my leg in between hers so our legs were touching and started looking straight into her eyes. I told her to take off her glasses. I told her to try mine on, essentially just trying to establish more kino and comfort. Talked to her more about random bullshit, asking her dumb shit about herself. Then, soon after, I asked her if she wanted to kiss me, which is one of my favorite ways to kiss a girl, because it reverses the usual frame that sex is a gift women give to men. It implies that sex is a gift I give to her, and not only that, that I am aware enough of my sexual attractiveness that I know this is true, and that I can read that this is what she is thinking and feeling right now.
Again, sometimes my frame can come on too strong, and she started feeling like a slut. I personally love sluts, but girls can have mixed feelings about feeling like one. She responded by retorting, “DO YOU WANT TO KISS ME!?” And then I said obviously and we made out. Then I was like, “Well, if you think Tom’s hotter, kiss him and tell me if you also think he’s a better kisser.” So her and Tom made out and I talked some shit about being a way better kisser than Tom. Then I made some vague reference to the fact that Tom and I had made out before, which threw her off because then she was wondering if we were bi (we’re not), but it again put her in our frame of we know she wants what we have, and she’s intrigued, and not in control of the situation and is not even sure if the thing she wants is being offered.
I asked Sara if she wanted to kiss me and she had a strong reaction that NO she did not want to kiss me and was offended by the suggestion. She obviously wanted to kiss both of us, but she was not on Feeld, and this was starting to raise her slut feelings, so I went back into comfort mode. She said she was going to get an Uber home, I got up, switched positions with Tom and started giving her my full attention and let Tom work on Lauren. I did the whole, “Don’t leave…stay…come on…I want you to stay…you know you want to stay…” and she did the pretend like she had to make this hard decision but…. “ok ok ok…I’ll stay if you want me to stay that bad.” Girls are boring and predictable.
She went to the bathroom, canceled the Uber, and I was like, “Ok, game on.” So we really vibed for like 30 minutes. She was fun, I was in full storytelling mode mixing in a lot of sexual topics. For example, she was wearing overalls and had huge tits and we talked about how hot she would look just being naked no bra or shirt underneath with the overalls. She was down for the sexual talk and obviously was physically attracted to me (based on the stare when I walked in), so I did light touch but was very physically close to her the whole time we were talking essentially standing pressed up against her legs while she was sitting and I standing. There wasn’t a natural moment to kiss her, so I just straight up asked her, kind of in the frame that, “Ok we’ve been playing this game, you want to show you’re not a slut and wanted my attention and weren’t going to kiss me without me having talked to you and gamed you first, and you got me to beg you to stay etc etc, so let’s make out already.”
She was again a firm “no” on making out. I was shocked at this point and a little annoyed because the whole thing was clearly just a game, and I had won, and she had won, and why not have a little fun? I want to win and help win, and here she was making us lose and help lose. She clearly wanted to fuck me but was trying to make some kind of point? I confirmed she didn’t have a boyfriend so that wasn’t the issue. So normally I would never do this, but I was so annoyed I just blurted out, “WHY?” Sometimes “bad” game is fun. Know when to break rapport! Or be true to yourself. And she said something to the effect that her friend was interested in me, so some kind of dysfunctional, buggy girl code meant that she couldn’t make out with me. I wanted to reprogram her broken mind, but she had some other stupid reasons that I don’t even remember. Not long after this Lauren abruptly got up from her chair, put her coat on and started walking out of the bar. Sara quickly followed. Women are herd animals.
I debriefed with Tom after and he said as soon as I left to talk to Sara, Lauren started feeling like we were just using her to get to her friend. They clearly had some unresolved competitive shit between them that was fucking up their vibe: they both could’ve gotten laid, they could’ve swapped between Tom and me, they could’ve found their way into an amazing group, the kind of social group people everywhere dream of being in but rarely enter and usually can’t build (pairs of girls can be a problem because if one gets more attention than the other, the other may torpedo the whole experience). I have spent many years building social and sexual valhalla, and these girls spit on the gates and walked back to normalcy. She even complained to me how much she hated dating apps and that she had 2k likes on Feeld but it was a waste of time wading through the trash. And here we are, two hot, cool guys delivered to them like mana from heaven. The IRL “meet cute” girls complain never happens anymore. “No one approaches girls at bars anymore,” the Feminists wail! “I just want to meet a guy IRL,” they say (spelling out “I-R-L”)! Tom said the whole time I was talking to Sara he was essentially on the defense trying to get Lauren to calm down and convince her we weren’t just using her to get to her friend. Her friend was a bit hotter but not substantially so, so I’m not sure why this was such a big insecurity. With some guys, I’d worry about their game, but I knew Tom’s was tight.
The traditional “game” reading of this FR might be to look at it through the lens of, “What could we have done differently to make sex happen?” At this point, in this place of abundance, I’m much more picky. My goal is to have fun and create an environment where sex can happen in the way that I want it to with people who meet my (very high) bar. For reasons I won’t get to, it would have created some issues in my relationship if I actually fucked them, so I wasn’t even set on doing it, instead I was interviewing them to see if they’d be worth it. Turns out the answer is no. I wouldn’t go back and do anything differently, because they are who they are, and for many reasons we were all not a fit. Things seem much simpler and clearer through this lens. Remember these girls when you listen to women whine about how there are no good guys out there. Are there no good guys, or are the women unable to access those “good” guys?
All in all it was a hilarious turn of events, from a girl signing up for a threesome roughly 15 minutes into meeting her to essentially running out of the bar never to speak to us again. Some women just can’t get out of their own way.