I was reading some of Juggler’s book, which, like BradP’s, is very good, but as I was reading it I kept thinking about how hard things like tone and teasing are to nail. So many little things comprise “tone”… micro-expressions, micro-aspects of body language, subtle parts of the voice’s timbre… all these things matter, and should be put together effectively, for a guy to succeed. The number of romantically ineffective guys out there shows that this isn’t happening, despite the knowledge of how to make it happen being widely available. Juggler says, “I used to smile wrong. I would spot an attractive woman, make eye contact with her and then smile full-tilt. My expression jumped from dour to grinning in a split second. This came across as forced and awkward and kept me celibate for years.” I doubt it was only the smile that kept Juggler “celibate for years,” but I’m sure it contributed… people, particularly women, are highly attuned to interpersonal vibe, and highly attuned to people whose vibes are “off” somehow, as many guys’s are… we get many years of schooling in math, reading, etc., and almost no formal schooling in how to interact with other people.
The challenge for many guys reading Juggler’s book, and many other books, is learning how to do tone and teasing well… I don’t know how to describe doing those things well, but I know I did them poorly early on. There are ways to improve, things like coaching, improv classes, speech clubs, etc…. but, I think deciding to consciously work on them is an important first step, and one that most guys never take. I’ve seen stories online about guys who adapt pickup material and see it fail spectacularly. Many women also don’t know how to handle an initial conversation effectively… “But experience has taught him that a woman who is being approached by a strange man does not act natural. She feels suddenly ‘on stage’ and self-conscious. She worries about what her friends at the next table think. She remembers the last guy who approached her. She feels nostalgic for her ex-boyfriend. She is anywhere but in the moment with you.” Attractive women, however, don’t really have to learn how to do this, because they can choose among the guys who persevere through any initial awkwardness.
Some of the videos guys made in the 2000s, when we lived in a culture that’s less interested in digital mobs, are pretty good, but they’re only a start, and there is no substitute for practice. We live in a consumerist culture obsessed with immediate gratification, but in fact the best things usually only arrive after many years of effort, and by the time a man has achieved them, he’s a different man than he was when he began the journey. There are no magic lines, but there are ways of being in the world that open up the world’s shell, revealing the vital part of the oyster within. The more I think about my own journey, the more I realize I would’ve benefited from coaching early on, which is why I have recommended to guys that they find a coach, if they are serious and want to avoid wasting a lot of time (I wasted a lot of time).
Many of the top guys learn vibe, teasing, social skills, and so forth from their families, but most of us don’t get that, so we must learn them on our own (if we learn them at all… most people don’t). If a guy uses outrageous lines, but in a context that’s not right for it, the results may be blowouts or fireworks. But a guy frequently won’t know if the thing will work until he tries it. I like game stories because they frequently include elements where the guy tries something outrageous, just to see if it works… and, if it’s done properly, it often works. I’ve been told that my own unique contribution to game and seduction ideas is outrageous and impossible… accusations that make me smile (hopefully in a normal way, not in the awkward way Juggler had to train himself out of). So much is possible, and so few guys properly realize this. They live in frustration, instead of taking action.Will she see through you, like she sees the future?