~ archived since 2018 ~

Are You Repressing Your Femininity?

August 20, 2012
In the same vein as the recent post I made about femininity, authenticity and compatibility, the following are excerpts from David Deida’s book Dear Lover (Chapter 9):
As a young woman, you may have dreamt of masculine saviors: horses, pop stars, white nights - any animal  or human, real or imaginary, that could take you somewhere new, somewhere magic. Deep in your heart you felt that someday a man would see your true beauty, your true light, your boundless ocean of love, and take you to the place you always wanted to be...
But at some point, you probably stopped trusting the yearning of your own feminine heart. You may have absorbed the anti-feminine attitude of your culture. Or possibly your family strongly emphasized masculine values.
For one reason or another, you probably became convinced that it is better - stronger - to navigate for yourself, to take yourself somewhere rather than trust to be taken by love.
Maybe your parents found your little sister more pretty than you, so you protected your crushed heart with a shell of masculine ambition. "My little sister may be pretty, but I'm going to be a scientist!" Perhaps you felt how your mother was restricted and belittled by your father, so you protected your vulnerable heart with a shell of masculine control: "Nobody is going to tell me what to do. I'm the sailor of my own ship!"
If you chose to be a scientist because you loved science, or chose to navigate your own life because that was your greatest bliss, then such decisions would be healthy and fulfilling. But if you chose to be a scientist because your parents ignored your radiance and your heart was crushed, or if you chose to guide your own life because you didn't want to be hurt like your mother was, then you have created shells built of fear rather than moved by the openness of love.
Beneath all your shells, your deep heart is always full of love's light. So, at heart, showing open as light and flowing open as love's offering is the most ecstatic and true way to live. But your acquired shells have their own voice: "Beauty is only skin deep." "My mind is more important than my body." "I can't trust men." "If I want a man's love I've got to make him want me." "My professional goals are more crucial to my life's happiness than who I go with or how much love I offer through my life and every breath."
These are all lies, and your deep feminine heart knows it. Yet, you are confused, because your shells can be so strong. You can come to believe the lies of your shells, and therefore, you can live an entire life betraying your deepest desire: to be recognized as light, adored and worshiped as love's radiance, offering yourself as a gift of love to be claimed by true divine masculine integrity...
Perhaps you try to trust a man and he eventually leaves you. Again you feel betrayed, so now, again from fear, you build yet another shell - "independent career woman" - that will protect you from being hurt or left in the cold by a man's untrustable commitment.
If you are like most women, you were born with a more feminine sexual essence...

If any of this caught your attention, you can get the book on

I know a couple girls that have also gotten a lot from reading The Way of The Superior Man, which is also by David Deida. It is written for men, but touches on most of the same principles, just from a male rather than female perspective. Some people, myself included, prefer the more direct writing style in The Way of The Superior Man.

In any case, if this post is interesting to you, or if you are curious about the implications of sexual difference, I highly recommend both books.

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