~ archived since 2018 ~

Cut Him Off

August 14, 2011
For the sake of this discussion, by "breakup" I mean everything from ending a long-term relationship all the way down to going quiet after a couple dates or even just an initial communication. Of course this is not what the term means in everyday speech, but it is simpler to use it this way here than to spell it out each time I refer to that set of experiences.

If a man breaks up with you for any reason or in any manner, you should completely cut him off. End of story. There is no excuse or situation in which it would be acceptable or smart to do otherwise, any more than there are situations in which it would be best to continue to twist and bend your own arm after it’s been fractured - in the hope that it might not actually be broken, or might heal itself. Once a breakup has taken place, it is irreparable by nothing other than time, distance and new experiences, the same way a broken bone can only be healed by time, rest and a cast.

I’ve broken up with a fairly large number of girls, and the girls that respond to the news correctly I have a huge amount of respect for – to the point that I sometimes question whether or not I should have let them go. But there are so many women that handle it horribly. I can’t count the number of girls I have decided to stop contacting after dating once or twice, or sleeping with, or even just talking to on the phone, who decide it would be worthwhile to call or text me a week or two later, apparently under the false impression or hope that I had simply forgotten to get back in touch with them - that I merely needed a reminder.

In one case I slept with a girl and even hung out with her a few times before I decided I didn’t want to continue seeing her. So I stopped calling her. Within a few weeks I got a text: “Headed to pacific beach, Wanna join?” I didn’t want to join, so I ignored the text. The next day, I got this: “I’m in your neck of the woods J.” Again, I read and acknowledged it (with a heavy dose of apathy), but did not respond. Then, again, over a month later: “Driving through your neighborhood and thought of you. Hope you are doing well J.” What was this girl hoping to accomplish? Did she really think that this would suddenly rekindle my interest?

Although I acknowledge the remote possibility that girls might just be fishing for sex in these situations, the thought of a girl having to do anything other than agree to male propositions in order to get laid is far more repulsive than the idea of a woman trying to salvage an obviously failed relationship; so I refuse to consider it. It will be the subject of another post. In any case, in this situation and others, I know from the circumstances that the girl wanted more than sex. So back to the original question: did she really think that this would suddenly rekindle my interest? Even if I did have some lingering interest in talking to her, it is hugely indicative of my overriding disinterest in a girl that I would actually forget to contact her for an extended period of time.

Any girl with an ounce of pride would not submit to this kind of treatment by soliciting further interaction. If a man decides to break up with a girl, or that it isn’t worth his time to get back in touch after a date or exchange of numbers, that is his decision. He needs to live with that, however easy or difficult the decision was for him to make. As a woman, you need to make him live with that. Men should be given one chance, and one chance only. Trust me: if we are really interested in you, or are at least physically attracted to you, we will take the opportunity you provide. The act of attempting to reconnect after you’ve been dumped or rejected or ignored only comes across as needy and insecure, two of the least attractive qualities.

If you liked this post, you'll definitely like my book, Beyond the Breakup, which explains everything you need to know about dealing with you ex: what he's thinking, what is motivating him to stay friends with you, how to maximize your chances of getting him back - and if that doesn't happen, how to focus on your future.

Related Posts
1. The Importance of Silence After a Break Up
2. Get Used to Rejection
3. Ask For Feedback If A Guy Breaks Up With You
4. Don't Initiate Contact
5. Why Rejection is A Good Thing

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