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Learn How To Be Social

October 28, 2011
Flirting and being personable will definitely and significantly increase your chances with guys. While you need to rely mainly on your appearance to get a guy to approach you, your personality shoulders a sizeable portion of the responsibility for keeping him interested once he has. It matters even more for establishing a relationship, and more still for maintainting a relationship.

However, before you can learn how to flirt and be personable, you need to learn how to be social. Unless you are social, your attempts at making the intricate adjustments needed to turn a typical conversation into a flirty one, or to show off your personality, will be drowned out by the difficulty of simply participating in the conversation. This difficulty is normally caused by self-consciousness, which in turn is caused by being unused to the situations in which it occurs. Luckily, there is a solution to this problem.

If you are shy, becoming outgoing (i.e. overcoming your self-consciousness in social situations) is not an easy task, and you need to approach it accordingly. You wouldn't train for a marathon by running a full 26 miles on your first day, so neither should you try to jump into a conversation with an attractive guy and assume that you will immediately be able to transfix his attention. Instead you need to break the task into smaller steps, just like you would when training for a marathon: at first you would just run until you were tired, in order to gage your stamina and decide how to lay out your training program. Then you would gradually increase your distance until you were strong enough to run the whole race.

You need to do something similar to overcome shyness. First, find out where your nerves start, that is, where your self-consciousness sets in. Some girls only get nervous when they are talking to really attractive guys, while others get nervous talking to any guy at all. Maybe you get nervous only when you talk to guys you've never met before - or maybe you get nervous even when you talk to girls you've never met before. Wherever your nerves start, that is where you need to make your first step towards becoming more social. And the key is to make that first step a small one, one you can manage.

So, for example, if you start to get self-conscious or shy about talking to strangers, make it a goal to talk to three strangers a day. If that is too daunting a task, step it back a notch and just make a point of merely saying hello to three strangers a day, or maybe just one a day. Once you get comfortable (and I won't pretend this will happen overnight) with interacting with strangers, move on to growing comfortable interacting with guys. Put yourself in situations where you will talk to guys you don't know, even if it is just while you are checking out at a store.

Continue to take small steps, each time setting your next goal by gaging and re-gaging your comfort zone as you become more and more social. Eventually, you will stop worrying about being in the interaction, and start worrying about how to change the tone of the interactions. This is when you can start thinking about learning how to flirt and be more personable.

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