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Men Don't Have Commitment Problems

Andrew
April 9, 2012
A girl I used to sleep with is now dating a guy who refuses to make their relationship official, and she is constantly complaining to me about his "commitment problems." I've heard this before from other women in similar situations, so let me clarify something: men don't have commitment problems.

Claiming that men have commitment problems implies that men have some kind of commitment obligation. But there is no world view in which men are obligated to resist their desire for female variety and become monogomous. Even though some world views claim that this is a respectable or virtuous thing to do (as some religious views do), most men will not respect that opinion, let alone share it; and the few that do will have to fight their natural tendencies to follow it. By expecting men to commit against their natural inclinations, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Men only commit to women they have strong feelings for, and even then they are making a sacrifice. If you find yourself claiming that a guy you like "has commitment problems," be honest with yourself: the truth is that he doesn't like you enough to commit. Get over it.

Claiming that men have commitment problems is similar to men claiming that women are whores because they like a guy that is more successful or confident. Both are wrong, obnoxious, and rooted in self-deception; and both sexes need to stop using them as excuses.

If you suspect that he thinks he can do better than you (but can't), you are not going to bring his head out of the clouds by hanging around waiting for him to change his mind. This will only contribute to his self-delusion. The best thing you can do is to forget about him, move on, and work improving yourself. Then the next time you will be able to keep a guy of that caliber.

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