~ archived since 2018 ~

Never Tell a Guy When You'll Have Sex With Him

October 25, 2012
One time on a first date I was making out with a girl, and started trying to take off her clothes. She stopped me and said "Sorry, I don't do that until the third date."

I think she realized her mistake immediately, because a few moments later she awkwardly and self-consciously added something like "...yeah not until least the 3rd date."

The problem with telling a guy when you'll have sex with him is that you give him expectations. If I'd gone on a third date with that girl, you better believe that I'd have been expecting sex. Even if she didn't feel ready, she would feel pressured by her own words to sleep with me. Of course she would always have the right to say no, but it would cause friction in the relationship ("but you said...").

More importantly, by telling a guy when you'll have sex with him is that he can then decide immediately whether or not it is worth waiting for it. For example, I wasn't willing to sit through another two dates with this girl in order to have sex with her, so I didn't ask her out again. If she hadn't told me I'd have to wait that long, I'd probably have asked her out again, and she'd have had another opportunity to sink a hook of attraction.

So when it comes to telling a guy you don't want to have sex, opt instead for open-ended expressions like "I'm not ready for that yet."

Related Posts
1. Don't Fuck on The First Date
2. Don't Initiate Contact
3. Never Tell a Man Why He Shouldn't Want to Date You
4. How to Turn Down a Guy for Sex

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