"Who is this girl??" I thought as she handed me a bottle of wine. I'd only been dating her for a few weeks and we'd probably only gone out a couple times, but here she was, meeting me at the mall to go shopping, and bringing me a gift. My memory is a little vague but I don’t even think we’d slept together at that point, or if so it had only been once or twice.
"My mom and I had a bottle of this the other night with dinner and really liked it. I noticed you had a few bottles of red wines at your apartment, so I brought this for you."
My jaw was basically hanging on the floor at this point. Girls never do this. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of gifts I have received from dates. I could almost feel my opinion of this girl increasing as I experienced some combination of surprise, gratefulness, flattery and – I mean this honestly – sexual arousal. Surprise because it was so unexpected. Gratefulness because I do like red wine, and it was a type she particularly enjoyed so probably it would be good. Flattery because she was demonstrating that she cared enough to think about me when we weren’t together. And then sexual arousal – why? I can’t entirely describe it because I have so few instances to reflect on, but I think by bringing me a gift she was being extremely nurturing and feminine, and that is incredibly sexy. It also made her stand out from other girls just because she was doing something so unheard of.
The act of gift-giving should be used sparingly. As with other demonstrations of affection or appreciation, it is only powerful because it is rare. However, it is also uncommon enough to be missed in many instances when it would be useful. It is an extremely classy, mature and sexy way of telling a guy you are into him, and therefore does not lower a girl’s value by making her seem clingy, the way a random “I’m thinking of you” text would.
Finally, I think it is important that the gift be given casually, and should not be anything valuable. This adds subtlety, and helps maintain a girl’s value. If I were given expensive cologne, it would seem like she was trying too hard, but a bottle of wine is perfect.