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Why You Don't Get Approached by Men

August 25, 2011
I've approached hundreds of women in bars and nightclubs. Maybe thousands. I've done it in all kinds of moods and at different stages of my life; I've done it during the day, at night, drunk, buzzed, sober, when I was bored, excited, tired, horny, single, dating, in relationships, etc.

On top of my own efforts, I've watched countless male friends, acquaintances and random dudes approach women. I've talked to them about their nerves beforehand, their mood afterwards, what they wanted to get out of the interaction and what they expected to happen. I know their reasons for approaching women, and I know my own.

Finally, I've watched plenty of men (myself included at times) give in to their nerves or the circumstance, and not approach at all. Some of these guys have done it a million times before, some are doing it for the first time, and others never have before and still can't. I've heard their excuses, and I know my own. Sometimes they are legitimate.

The following is a list of reasons why men do not approach women in bars. Note that it is not ordered by the frequency or the strength of the deterrent, but by the controllability. The color coding made the list look a lot cooler than assigning a numeric value - my apologies to the mathematicians. (I acknowledge that the controllability could be quantified and then factored into the overall rating, but appearance is too often underrated and/or neglected, so it's staying the way it is.)

* This list assumes that you are in the same venue for long enough that temporary distractions or time constraints are not deterrents.

Obviously some of these rankings are variable, but I have tried to put a reasonable estimate in where that is the case. For example, which friends you are out with will definitely influence how rude it would be to leave them (I had in mind good friends you don't get to see very often), or some guys will care more about getting a girl that fits their "type" than others.

Notice how controllable some of the worst cock-blockers are. It makes good sense for women concerned with their approachability to spend most of their energy addressing (to the degree to which they are able):

    • Those that have a high overall score
    • Those that are highly controllable

I would like to think this list is complete, but I am more concerned with making it that way, so your comments are welcome. I am trying to focus only on the top-level stuff, so things like a girl's weight or her overt sluttiness would not cut it, because both are reasons why "He doesn't find you attractive," not reasons he doesn't approach.

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