This article is the second part of a 3-part series. Part 1 discussed why a man’s purposes are the most important things in his life and why they also bring him the most pleasure. Part 1 also discussed how a man’s confidence pushes him towards his purposes and anxiety pushes him away from his purposes. Part 2 will discuss how a woman’s attraction to a man is centered on his purposes, which in turn create his emotional experience and his reality. Part 3 will discuss how a man can manage his ego to maximize the pleasure he receives from pursuing his purposes and minimize his anxiety.
What are Women Attracted to?
Most men cannot answer a simple, yet extremely important question: what exactly is it about men that women are sexually and romantically attracted to?
Most men would say that women are attracted to good looks, height, a big dick, social status, money, and cool stuff like cars and houses. Obviously women find these things attractive, but it is clear that these things by themselves are not enough to build real, sustained attraction over the long term. Sometimes men say that women are attracted to men who are alpha, confident, intelligent, “nice” or have a good “personality,” but those answers are usually not helpful because they just create deeper questions: what exactly does it mean to be alpha, confident, nice or intelligent? All of these answers contain some truth but miss the primary thing women are attracted to.
The most attractive aspect of a man to a woman is the emotional experience he enjoys. What HE enjoys, not what SHE enjoys. Women obviously also want to experience positive emotions, but there is a hard ceiling on how awesome a woman’s emotional experience can be, which is why she prefers to enjoy the man’s emotional experience vicariously through him, as if she was experiencing his reality through his emotions. It’s a bizarre quirk of human nature, and the strangeness of this concept is why most men completely misunderstand women.
By “emotional experience” I mean the totality of the emotions a person experiences, from your lowest emotions (your desire to eat, shit, and scratch your butt) to the highest emotions (your desire to learn about the universe, have deep relationships with people, and venture into the unknown). The pinnacle of an attractive emotional experience is the pleasure that comes from pursuing desirable purposes (what I call journey pleasure), and not the feeling of actually consuming the fruits of the journey (destination pleasure). It is the difference between journey and destination pleasure that most men do not understand, and why they think they can attract women by buying them things or doing them favors.
To create an attractive emotional experience for yourself you must have confidence, which is the feeling that you can easily make progress towards your goals and that nothing can stand in your way. Confidence is the firepower you need to feel journey pleasure, and is essentially the feeling that you can get whatever you want, whenever you want, nothing can stop you, and that you are pursuing the best possible thing you can be pursuing. Anxiety is the opposite of confidence, and occurs when your subconscious mind feels like 1) there may be a better purpose you could be pursuing and 2) your journey to your current purpose might be thwarted because of threats or obstacles on the way. Because confidence is the primary ingredient for an attractive emotional experience, it is the most important trait women look for in men.
Women can also pursue desirable purposes and feel journey pleasure, but their ability to do so is greatly hindered by the fact that they naturally feel much more anxiety than men, which means they naturally feel less confidence, which is why they prefer to vicariously feel a confident man’s journey pleasure, which is stronger and more consistent than hers. Having anxiety is like living in a physical and psychological prison that cripples you when trying to pursue things you want and makes you a slave of what others think of you, which is why women want to psychically step out of their own body and fly on the alpha male’s wings. In addition, humans did not evolve in a world with police, guns, or jails, so women have a strong, constant emotional need for an alpha male to keep them safe and hunt down future resources for them outside of the tribe’s territory. Even though these emotions make less rational sense in the modern world, women still have those emotions and are still strongly attracted to confident men who hunt down desirable targets. The larger, more difficult, and more desirable the purposes you pursue, the more attractive you become.
To provide an attractive emotional experience for women, a man must create an attractive emotional experience for himself first, which requires him to insist on following his own purposes rather than the purposes of others. “Holding frame” is the alpha male’s insistence that his purposes are the correct ones. A man does not hold frame by forcing his purposes on others, but rather by sticking to his purposes with laser focus and only paying people attention who help him pursue those purposes. And if a woman chooses not to pursue the alpha male’s purposes, that is her loss – she is just stupid. It may sound counter-intuitive, but the more of your thoughts and emotions you dedicate to your own fun and following your own purposes, the more she will feel attracted because your “selfishness” causes you to enjoy a superior emotional experience, which will in turn allow her to vicariously experience a superior emotional experience.
The feeling projected by an alpha male, and the feeling that betas wish to vicariously experience, is the feeling Mike Tyson feels when he knocks out his opponent, when Eddie Van Halen rips a guitar solo in front of thousands of screaming fans, when firefighters walk into the burning World Trade Center on 9/11, when Elon Musk invents some new technology that changes the world, or when Michael Jordan hits the game winning shot and cry tears of joy as he hugs the championship trophy afterwards. People enjoy watching those men in action because they place themselves in the shoes of those men and feel the confidence, power, and ultimately joy of those men vicariously through them as they purpose their grand purposes. Because those men have cultivated the conquering emotion with regard to the at least one of their primary purposes, they can also carry around that emotion to other aspects of their lives, which is why people like being around somebody like Mike Tyson even when he is doing something mundane like eating dinner or going bowling. But even those great men sometimes sacrifice their own emotional experience to make women happy and lose the thing that is most attractive about them. Each of the men I mentioned in this paragraph is or has been considered one of the top “alpha” males in society but each has also been treated like shit and taken advantage of by women for acting beta.
To create an attractive emotional experience, you must consciously and rationally determine your purposes, rather than let your emotions or other people determine your purposes. You must also order and prioritize your purposes correctly so that each purpose has the correct amount of space and importance in your thoughts and emotions. And most importantly, you must feel like your purposes are “correct” such that doubt and anxiety do not cause you to deviate from them. The universe is constantly trying to distract you from your purposes, and you must stand steadfast in the face of these distractions – especially if they come from women. Women evolved to carefully analyze mens’ thoughts and emotions and can often determine what your purposes are when even you cannot, and the moment they suspect the hunt is compromised and you are being distracted, even by them, they start looking elsewhere.
Your purposes create your reality, so when a woman adopts your purposes and your leadership, she enjoys your reality as if she stepped into a virtual reality game where you are the hero. A woman who emotionally invests in an alpha male often acts like a little child in an amusement park because her reality is a constant joyful adventure towards desirable goals with nothing to fear or be anxious about. The world is a beautiful place, but most people live in a miserable reality because they feel like there are obstacles to the things they want. But those obstacles melt away in the alpha male’s reality, which is why people want and should want to live in his reality rather than their own. Women obsessed with an alpha male often compare it to a religious experience because being in his presence makes her feel like she in a higher reality where there is complete abundance, joy, and no anxiety.
Anybody can create an appealing emotional experience for themselves for a short time. A nine year old girl can snort a line of cocaine or buy a ticket to Disneyland. The challenge, however, is to sustain that emotional experience in the face of potential threats and distractions, so that you continue feeling joyful and confident no matter what anybody else does or says to you and no matter what happens to you. It is this solidity, immovability, and ability to draw boundaries to protect their emotional experience that women are seeking in men – they want to make sure the virtual reality game they have stepped into is “safe” and free from threats. And to check if you have this solidity, women will try to attack and destroy your emotional experience from every angle to see if you can continue to maintain a joyful emotional experience. If she can destroy your emotional experience, then she will feel like anybody can. Furthermore, humans evolved to view reality as a battle of wills and a struggle for power in the dominance hierarchy, so if your word is not law in your reality then somebody else’s word is law. And if your word is not law, then she will subconsciously feel like you cannot pursue your purposes, which means that you cannot guarantee an enjoyable emotional experience.
To vicariously experience your emotional experience, a woman must feel accepted by you. In fact, the desire for acceptance by the alpha male is one of the strongest human emotions, because without acceptance by the alpha male we are left in the jungle alone with no protection. But women evolved to only feel accepted by the alpha male after they positively contribute to his emotional experience. This means she must take meaningful steps to gain your validation, and only afterwards can you provide it to her. If you try to “accept” a woman when she has done nothing to deserve it, she will either feel like you are not really the alpha male, or that your acceptance is fake. You must protect the quality of your emotional experience with your life because women are attracted to you because of your emotional experience, so if she can ruin your emotional experience, not only will your reality be less enjoyable, she will lose attraction to you.
The predominant emotion in an attractive emotional experience is joy. Joy is THE emotion women are attracted to because it is the culmination of all of the other emotions coming together in a harmonious and satisfied way. A man feels true joy when his lower desires/purposes are satiated so he can focus his thoughts and emotions on venturing into the unknown to transcend his current reality and create a superior future reality for himself and others. Think about the most fun you have ever had: you weren’t worried about you had enough food, or shelter, or money, or that somebody was going to kick your ass, so you could focus your thoughts and emotions on your highest purposes: your sense of wonder, your sense of curiosity, your sense of adventure, your sense of accomplishing something valuable: that is joy. Because the alpha male is uniquely suited to feel joy and to spread that joy to others, he is uniquely attractive.
It may sound cheesy or gay to say that the pinnacle of an attractive emotional experience is joy. Most people think of an alpha male as serious, angry, aggressive, stoic, or mean. Certainly, the alpha male must be able to embody those traits when necessary, but the ultimate reason for deploying those traits is to obtain joy. Similarly, the purpose of money, status, material things, and everything else is ultimately to feel joy. It is a sign of the beta-ization of our society that the ideal man is depicted as gloomy, aloof, angry, or “hard”. Throughout most of history, a “real man” has been portrayed as a simple dullard who works his ass off and sacrifices his own enjoyment for others. That man is not the alpha male; he works for the alpha male.
The Ideal Emotional Experience
The ideal emotional experience for a man to experience depends on three primary factors, each of which depends on the others. First, you must feel safely, warmly, and permanently accepted into the tribe, as if there is no chance you will ever be rejected. The alpha male is the top-ranking member of the tribe, so not only is his status unquestioned, he can reject others at his discretion, which means that everybody must follow his lead or suffer rejection. Second, because you enjoy a privileged position in the tribe, you have privileged access to all of the tribe’s resources, including food, money, sex, and anything else you could ever want. In the ideal emotional experience, you are a member of the perfect tribe, which means that the tribe has everything and anything a person could ever want or need. Third, because you control all the tribe’s resources and can give orders to the rest of the members of the tribe, you can focus on doing what is most pleasurable to you or anybody else: confidently venturing into the unknown to defeat challenges, obtain new resources, and create a superior future reality for yourself and others into the tribe. I call this pleasure “journey pleasure.”
If you can induce these three emotional states in yourself, you can feel like the alpha male and you will act accordingly. Inducing this emotional state, however, is difficult and may require meditation, study, self-analysis, therapy, successful accomplishments of goals, and other spiritual work. To make matters worse, even if you induce this emotional state in yourself for a short while, it is always liable to be wrecked if you are faced with a difficult challenge, if you are rejected by somebody, by biological factors, etc…. You need, therefore, a way to quickly bring yourself back up to emotional speed, especially if you are mid-interaction with a girl. I discuss how to induce this emotional state later in this article and in Part 3 of this series.
Journey pleasure is the highest pleasure humans can feel because, from an evolutionary perspective, the most important thing an archaic human being could do was to venture outside of the tribe’s territory, kill enemies, and hunt down animals for food. Everything about a human being’s body and mind was designed for hunting, and we feel our highest pleasure when hunting a resource-rich target. The power of this emotion is even apparent in modern society: most popular sports involve defeating some kind of rival (sometimes in physical combat) and hurling a projectile into some kind of goal. The plot of almost every movie and play involves a man defeating a challenge to get some resource, and usually the resource is a beautiful woman. Because journey pleasure is the strongest and most exciting pleasure a human can experience, I believe it is also the raw, unfiltered “thing” that women are most attracted to.
A man who has achieved these three primary prongs has fulfilled all his emotional wants and needs, so he can feel the highest emotion of all: joy. Joy is the feeling that we are making continuous progress into the unknown to fulfill our desires in novel ways, and we can only feel joy when our lower desires are satiated. When a man perceives obstacles on his path he feels anxiety, so joy requires feeling that any obstacle can be overcome. That is why, at least at the very beginning of every interaction with a woman, you must exude unfettered joy. Even if there is something negative and shitty you can talk about – don’t – the most powerful thing you can provide her is positivity.
An extravert, by the way, is just a person whose subconscious mind naturally feels positive emotion in social situations because it feels like it can get the things it wants from the interaction (and in general). Conversely, an introvert feels negative emotions (neuroticism) in social situations because it feels like the paths to the things it wants are blocked by threats. Psychologists define happiness as just extraversion minus neuroticism. People who are energetic and excited in social situations feel like they have a clear path to the things they want from other people, whereas people that are timid, low energy, and feel drained by social situations feel like other people represent a threat to them that they cannot overcome.
Your challenge is to be able to “trick” your subconscious mind into feeling that the paths to the things it wants are open, just like an alpha male would feel. To do this, you must build an “inner world” that you can use to “delude” your subconscious mind into feeling these emotions. If you are tall, rich, famous, and women throw themselves at you, your ”outer world” will cause your subconscious mind to create these emotions, but if your outer world is not there yet, you can use your inner world to “trick” your subconscious mind into producing the right emotional experience. I discuss how to do this in Part 3 of this Series.
Venturing into the Unknown
Journey pleasure is strongest when one ventures into the unknown because it is wired into our genes to understand that all “new” resources must come from the unknown. If we stay within the confines of the tribe, we will only have access to the existing resources, all existing resources will eventually be consumed. The unknown, however, provokes deep anxiety within humans because 1) it is full of potential threats and 2) it is full of infinitely appealing paths, so it is not clear which path one should take.
The individual best equipped to venture into the unknown is the alpha male because 1) he is the most capable, both physically and emotionally, of overcoming threats, and 2) he can provide certainty to himself and others that he is on the “right” path. Evolution determined that the tribe will be more successful if it ventures into the unknown and faces threats as a unit rather than as a set of individuals each doing their own thing. Because the alpha male is most capable of venturing into the unknown, evolution wires betas to follow and obey the alpha male, to let the alpha male lead the way, and to give the alpha male superior access to the resources of the tribe. In return, the alpha male provides the betas protection from the dangers of the unknown and resources in proportion to what they have contributed to the tribe. The most important resources the alpha male provides, however, are two “meta-resources”: 1) protection and 2) the ability to venture into the unknown to go get more resources. These meta-resources are much more important than any other resource, which is why women are not impressed with guys who buy them things – they don’t care that you can give them a banana, they want the man they feel can protect their current banana stash from thieves and get them infinite future bananas in the future.
Anxiety causes us to freeze and slowly gather information about the unknown until we see a clear path through (this is partly why anxiety causes you to ruminate so much). However, sometimes the additional information is just not there and you need to jump into the unknown with wild abandon. Only the alpha male has the emotional fortitude to jump into the unknown like this because he has more testosterone than anybody else. Testosterone is the chemical that makes men competitive and want to do wild, reckless things. It is usually dangerous to do wild, reckless, things, but sometimes when facing the unknown that is your only option.
You can think of the tribe’s territory as a physical place surrounded by boundaries: these boundaries are invisible, enforced by the emotions of the apes in the tribe, but the betas often instantiate their emotions in the physical world by actually building physical boundaries or walls. Evolution keeps the betas within these walls by making them feel strong anxiety whenever they even think of leaving the territory to venture into the unknown. At the same time, evolution causes betas to want to obey and follow the alpha male using a carrot and a stick. The carrot is that venturing into the unknown is the most emotionally appealing thing a person can do, so betas can enjoy that experience vicariously through the alpha male. Oftentimes a beta fuses his own mission so deeply with the alpha male’s mission that he loses his own identity and just sees himself or herself as an appendage of the alpha male. The stick is that beta evolved to feel crippling anxiety whenever they feel they might do something that would upset or offend the alpha male. The alpha male decides who is accepted or rejected by the tribe, so if the betas do not play their role, the alpha male can reject them, leaving them in the jungle alone and unprotected.
Humans also emotionally conceptualize the walled territory abstractly (a human is just an ape that can think abstractly). Your “comfort zone” is essentially the walled territory, and you conceptualize everything outside of your comfort zone as the unknown. If you leave your comfort zone you feel anxiety, whether it involves getting a new job, getting a promotion at your current job, moving to a new city, approaching a woman at a bar, or even exploring a new idea that contradicts ideas you are comfortable with. Humans are resistant to change because it makes them feel like they have left the “territory” where they are safe and protected by the alpha male. This is why feminists often demand that men “encourage” (give courage to) women to do things that women traditionally have not done.
When interacting with a woman, you must read her and determine what her “walled territory” is. In other words, figure out who she IS. Then, you excite her and build attraction by leading her out of the walled territory into the unknown in a controlled way. For example, if she is interested in philosophy, you can build attraction by having a conversation with her about philosophy that is slightly beyond what she can do normally by herself. If she has a stupid opinion about philosophy, you can challenge it, but do it in such a way that she continues to feel accepted by you: the last thing you want to do is pull her into the unknown and make her feel abandoned there.
Humans become bored the moment there is no unknown left to explore. The desire for the unknown is why people “want what they cannot have” and why “the grass is greener on the other side.” It is also why a woman married to successful businessman will fantasize about slumming it with broke rappers and why people with nice houses with big lawns and beautiful kids have mid-life crises. The desire for the unknown is the source of all human innovation and creativity, but it can also lead to insanity and useless wandering down meaningless and dangerous paths. Worst of all, the desire for the unknown can lead to serious problems in relationships, as we will discuss later in this article.
Practically speaking, you can “venture into the unknown” by creating art, consuming art, learning stuff, overcoming your own limitations through self-improvement, solving problems in your life, being curious, growing in your career, or just walking through the world with an open mind and absorbing everything. In social situations with a woman, you can "venture into the unknown" by engaging in challenging, interesting conversations where you both learn something and/or solve some problem together, consuming mind-expanding art, exploring a city together, violating social norms with respect to behavior and opinions (in a good way), having new experiences like trying new food, challenging each other by making fun of each other, playing competitive games with and against each other, engaging in some kind of self-improvement together, etc...
You fail to venture into the unknown by having boring, mundane conversations, by focusing on your lower pleasures like eating and video games, by letting her take the lead and take the conversation into boring and stupid territory, by doing mundane, repetitive things that she has done a million times, and by acting fearful and anxious. If you talk, dress, and act like every other guy, and hold a series of narrow-minded and conformist opinions, and show a strong fear of doing anything that violates social norms or her "rules", you will not represent the "unknown" to her.
To remain on the cusp of the unknown you must remain dynamic and be constantly ready to change the subject of conversation, leave the situation or suggest that you and her go somewhere else and/or do something else, or just do and say anything that pops into your head that will make the interaction fun for you again. There is no rulebook for how to do this; you must do what is fun for you at that moment, whatever it is. If you feel the interaction dying or slowing down or becoming boring, it is your responsibility to do something to make it fun again. Most guys let interactions go to shit just because they are happy to be in the presence of a hot girl. If your only option is to leave her, it is better to do that than to suffer through a shitty emotional experience; once she sees that you are willing to defend your emotional experience at all costs, she will be more attracted to you, more willing to emotionally invest in you, and more willing to let you take the lead the next time you come back and give her a second chance.
Ordering your Emotions
The ideal emotional experience is a pyramid where the less important emotions (eating, fucking, staying warm) support the higher and more important emotions (hanging out with your friends, expanding yourself intellectually, accomplishing goals). The less important an emotion, the less precedence and time you give to them. The pinnacle of this pyramid, the purpose that all lower purposes support, is venturing into the unknown to pursue the Ultimate Transcendent Purpose. The Ultimate Transcendent Purpose is the creation of a future reality that is infinitely better than the current reality in every way. It is an impossible goal, which means that you will never run out of journey pleasure as you pursue it.
The alpha male has perfect abundance, which means that he can fulfill his lower emotions at any time. His attitude towards lower pleasures is “yes, I enjoy sleeping, eating, and fucking, but I can get those things whenever I want so I don’t worry or even think about them.” Because his desires are ordered correctly and he can fulfill them whenever he wants, the alpha male consistently feels a calm, disinterested, almost humorous, satiation and contentment about most things, the same way you feel most of the time about cheeseburgers. The only desire of the alpha male that is not satiated is the feeling of venturing into the unknown, which is fine, because venturing into the unknown is our highest purpose.
Human beings innately “know” what the ideal emotional experience is, and we just feel right when our emotions are correctly prioritized. Unfortunately, most people cannot maintain this prioritization because they feel scarcity, so they place that particular desire at the top of the pyramid. Obviously, many men feel scarcity with respect to sex so they put sex at the top of their pyramid. Putting sex, or any other lower desire, at the top of your pyramid, is unattractive to women for several reasons: 1) you are no longer focusing on venturing into the unknown to pursue grand purposes, which is the most fun thing you can be doing, so your emotional experience now sucks, 2) you are showing that you are not satiated with respect to your lower desires, which means that your emotional experience sucks. If you were around a guy who was constantly talking and thinking about eating food, and was constantly desperate to eat, you would think he was either starving or mentally ill. In either case, you would not want his emotional experience. Eating food is great, but it is objectively not the highest part of your emotional experience.
Women evolved to constantly scan your thoughts and emotions to to figure out what your emotional experience is to determine whether it is worth vicariously experiencing. Women can therefore “sense” if your emotions are ordered properly. If not, they lose attraction. When women complain about the men in their life they usually complain that the guy is over-prioritizing some purpose the woman thinks is stupid, like video games. They also complain that the man is not ambitious enough, which is code for “his highest purpose is not impressing me.”
There is nothing wrong with desiring sex, discussing sex with women, and even telling a woman you want to fuck her. In fact, women want a man who is confident and in control of his desires and lose interest if you try to present yourself as a harmless, asexual dork. But sexual desire becomes “creepy” when wrongly prioritized. “Creepiness” is just emotional over-investment in a particular emotion, and you over-invest in something when you place it in the wrong place in the hierarchy of your emotional experience. If somebody spent more than 4 hours a day worrying about how good his shits were, you would think he was creepy. Therefore, when you talk about sex, you should talk about it as if it had the same importance and emotional weight and importance as eating lunch.
I used to wonder why women only wanted to have sex at the “end” of the night. Why can’t we have sex at the beginning of the date and go out to dinner and a movie after? Why do I need to have a conversation with you and pretend like it is interesting? Like most guys, I assumed that women would not have sex with you until you “proved” that you liked them, and you prove you like a woman by doing things for them, like buying them dinner or listening to their bullshit.
The real explanation is actually much weirder and more interesting. Women do not want to have sex until the “end” of the night because women want to have sex with the alpha male, and to the alpha male, sex is a relatively low priority activity, almost an afterthought. The archetypal alpha male goes out, has a fun night, and then has sex as “dessert,” almost like masturbating before bed. A man who just wants sex is beta because he is willing to spend time with a woman who contributes nothing to his emotional experience. Because so many men overvalue sex, and because women know that most men overvalue sex, when discussing sex you should be careful to pull the conversation back to “higher” things occasionally to show that you are not a needy monster that just wants to put his dick into something.
Women’s Access to Your Joy
Women want to experience the alpha male’s emotional experience, including and most importantly, his joy. Women want to feel like they are at the center of the tribe, like they can cut through any challenge to get the things they want, like they can control other people to do their bidding, and most importantly, like they are on a fun adventure towards a worthy goal. Unfortunately, women cannot BE the alpha male because they do not have alpha male’s confidence. Women are about twice as prone to negative emotion than men - this evolutionary curse is because women are physically weaker than men and also evolved to protect children. In other words, you must defeat challenges to be the alpha male, and women are too afraid to confront the challenges in the unknown head on, especially when those challenges are other people, and especially when those challenges are men. And because women cannot become the alpha male, they also have a deathly fear of rejection from the tribe because they need the alpha male’s protection. The hottest, meanest, sluttiest, most arrogant woman must obey and follow the alpha male because, from an evolutionary perspective, he can go get anything he wants, and she cannot, so she has to rely on him both for the things she wants and needs to survive, and for the journey pleasure he feels to get there. And she must act right because he can get anything he wants so he can leave and go get 10 better looking women if she does not act right.
Fortunately for women, human nature allows a strange quirk: if we are around somebody that we perceive to be in the same tribe as us, we can vicariously experience their emotions, whether those emotions are good or bad. All we need to do is be in their presence. This means, strangely enough, that all you need to be attractive to women is be in their presence. Humans obviously prefer to be around people who are experiencing appealing emotions, which means that women, like all betas, naturally want to be around the alpha male the most because he has the best emotional experience of anybody in the tribe (because he feels like he has a clear path to all the things he wants). For the same reason, women do not like to be around guys that are depressed, anxious, needy, desperate, having a shitty emotional experience, etc…, because women vicariously feel those emotions as well. Women also feel emotions more deeply more than men, so if you act a little anxious around a woman, she will feel that anxiety times 10 and want to escape to a man who alleviates her anxiety.
To vicariously experience the alpha male’s emotional experience, however, the woman must adopt the alpha male’s purposes as her own and do what he wants her to do. The alpha male feels positive emotion because he feels like there is a clear path to whatever he is pursuing, and to feel that positive emotion the woman must also pursue whatever the alpha male is pursuing. If the woman pursues her own purposes, she has to face whatever threats lie on those paths on her own, which induces anxiety in her. For this reason, when a woman genuinely feels like she is in the presence of the alpha male, she has an overwhelming urge to abandon her own purposes and instead help the alpha male on his purposes. Helping him allows her to feel his confidence and journey pleasure, which she cannot feel on her own as strongly. Therefore, the alpha male molds the beta into his image, and his purposes become her purposes.
Think of it this way: having anxiety is like swimming through molasses. Betas feel anxiety about everything, so whether the beta wants pizza or friend chicken, they need to wade through molasses to get it. But if the alpha goes to get pizza, the beta will also want pizza because they can pursue pizza without anxiety, whereas they will need to swim through molasses to get fried chicken. Even if the beta originally liked fried chicken more, they would rather have an anxiety-free trip to get pizza than an anxiety-ridden trip to get fried chicken. The feeling of not having anxiety is a lot more appealing to the beta than the taste of this or that food, or any other destination pleasure. In fact, whether people “like” or “don’t like” something is often a function of whether they feel anxiety when they do that thing. Therefore, betas’ desires, preferences, and even identity is shaped by the alpha male.
Of course, whatever emotional experience you are enjoying must also be appealing to the woman, or else she will not want to vicariously experience it, but if the man ruins or even negatively affects his own emotional experience in any way, she will lose attraction. To strike this balance, you must distinguish between a harmful selfishness, where you hurt other people for your own benefit, and benign selfishness, where you put your own emotional experience first without hurting others. Making somebody wait after you promised you would be on time is harmful selfishness, but refusing to do favors for somebody who has not done the same for you is a benign selfishness. Of course, people will try to manipulate you and make you feel like your benign selfishness is harming them, which is why you need your own boundaries and beliefs about what is right and wrong.
One may object: “Nonsense! I see plenty of women confidently pursuing purposes without men. Women are not timid creatures that need to hide behind the alpha male for their positive emotions.” It is true that women can pursue desirable purposes, but usually only after an alpha male has shown them the way. There are plenty of betas who are successful lawyers, doctors, artists, and even CEOs. But anything that requires betas to venture into the pure unknown paralyzes them. In addition, no matter how well-defined your job or task is, you will always face some sort of unknown or uncharted challenge, which is why even powerful and dominant women seek the shade of an even more powerful and dominant man. Women can also confront and defeat challenges without men, but only after they know this particular challenge can be overcome. This is why feminists talk so much about “encouragement”: if you need somebody else to “encourage” you to do something, your confidence is not your own.
Deep down, women are not happy that they need to rely on a man for their emotional experience because they cannot control what he does. What if he rejects them from the tribe, depriving them of access to his emotional experience? What if he starts pursuing a bunch of shitty purposes and his emotional experience goes to shit? What if he is defeated by some other man or shows himself to be weak? Women are literally putting their safety and their emotional experience on the line by following any particular man, so they need to make sure that not only is his emotional experience appealing, it will remain consistently appealing and consistently available to them.
To ensure that any particular man is worth following, women will “test” him. First, women test the quality of his emotional experience by trying to ruin it – this is called a “shit test.” If a woman can successfully make a man upset, anxious, distracted, or feel any other kind of negative emotion, she will lose attraction to him because he has shown himself incapable of being able to sustain an appealing emotional experience in the face of challenges and threats. If she can ruin your emotional experience, then she will assume that others can too. The way to pass a shit test is to demonstrate that, no matter what she does, neither she nor anybody else cannot negatively affect your emotional experience. Sometimes the right reaction is to laugh it off, sometimes it is to ignore it, sometimes it is to leave. Instead of learning a bunch of canned responses to shit tests, just keep in mind the general principle – that nothing she can do can ever negatively affect your emotional experience – and handle each situation in context. Sometimes women present you a shit test in the form of a real problem, and sometimes the appropriate thing to do is to actually solve the problem, but even then you must respond in a way that shows that your emotional experience is not perturbed.
Of course, this is all subconscious. Women do not wake up in the morning thinking “let me see how to make my boyfriend miserable today.” This is a spontaneous reaction that occurs without conscious thought on her part, which is why a woman who appears to be dead serious about a shit test one moment will completely forget about a little bit later after her emotional state changes.
The other kind of test is a “comfort” test, which occurs when women test you to ensure that they remain accepted within the tribe. Womens’ subconscious minds are constantly aware that the alpha male can pack up the tribe and leave without them at any time, so they are insecure and need constant validation that they are accepted into the tribe and can continue to remain in your presence. You fail a comfort test by making the woman feel rejected, which will cause the woman to go try to find another tribe to join. It does not matter how awesome your emotional experience is, women do not give a shit unless they can join. Rejection from the tribe meant a lonely, painful death in the jungle from an evolutionary standpoint, so women evolved to join SOME tribe, even if inferior to yours.
But there is another way you can fail a comfort test, which is why accepting a woman before she has done anything to deserve acceptance. This, by the way, is one of the biggest mistakes men make with women – they do a bunch of stuff the woman does not deserve, which in turn makes the woman feel like he is not the alpha male. As I discuss later in this article, if you give a woman attention, or do anything for her that she does not deserve, she will feel like you are not the alpha male, and therefore she will not be interested in your attention.
The Alpha Male Quid Pro Quo
The most important rule when interacting with women is the alpha male quid pro quo. which states that women evolved to only feel an emotional connection with a man after they have meaningfully and objectively contributed to the tribe. To contribute to the tribe, women must do something for the alpha male to improve his emotional experience, and in return the alpha male must express approval at what the woman did. Women’s strongest motivating emotion is insecurity, which is the fear, well-founded or not, that they will be rejected by the tribe. Women try to alleviate this emotion by gaining acceptance by the alpha male into the tribe, and a large part of the “emotional connection” a woman feels with a man is this feeling of acceptance.
If, however, you do things for a woman before she done anything to deserve them, she will subconsciously view you as the beta and herself as the beta, which will cause her to lose attraction to you. Women want to experience the emotional experience of an alpha male, but vicariously through an actual alpha male, not on their own. If women find themselves in a situation where they themselves are acting as the alpha, they will feel anxiety and seek to escape and find a real alpha male’s shade.
More concretely, the alpha male quid pro quo can be stated as follows; if person X does something for person Y before person Y does anything to deserve it, both person X and person Y will subconsciously categorize person X as the beta and person Y as the alpha in that relationship. Humans evolved to naturally view themselves as living in a dominance hierarchy, and we determine our position in that hierarchy based on the alpha male quid pro quo. If we subconsciously see ourselves as inferior to somebody else in the hierarchy, we feel a strong, subconscious compulsion to do things for them so that they “accept” us. This is why most men have an almost pathological desire to do things for women who do not deserve it. On the flipside, when a woman emotionally invests in you and sees you as the alpha male, she will INSIST on paying for things, doing things for you, and ensuring that you are having fun before she does.
Once X and Y have determined their rankings in their subconscious minds, it is very difficult to make them switch their positions, which is why once you take the beta position in any relationship it is so difficult to dig your way out. Usually, you should just leave. The dominance hierarchy ranking is an extremely important aspect of the make-up of the tribe, so our mental wiring that defines our place in the hierarchy is pretty solid and takes a lot of work to change. This also means that even if you find yourself agreeing with the truths in this article, it will take you a long time to be able to actually implement them if you subconsciously view yourself as beta.
The alpha male quid pro quo is an iron law of human interaction that applies in every situation, no matter what resource is exchanged, how the parties have, what their status before the interaction was, or any other actual or perceived variable. If a billionaire buys a homeless woman a drink before she has done something to deserve it, her subconscious mind will look at him as beneath her. If an accountant spends an hour explaining to a woman who has done nothing to deserve it how to do her taxes she will view him as a beta even if the advice is helpful to her, even if he enjoys giving it, even if she thought she was attractive at first, and even if he is out of her league under any objective or subjective standard.
There are serious and important evolutionary reasons for the alpha male quid pro quo. Resources are scarce in the jungle, so one member of the tribe would only give another member of the tribe something if there was some compelling reason to do so. A beta only gives the alpha resources so that he or she can gain acceptance into the tribe, and an alpha only gives resources as a reward to betas who have demonstrated that they can and will contribute to the tribe. The alpha male needs to run a tight ship, and he absolutely cannot squander resources, including his attention, on tribe members until they show themselves worthy of enjoying those resources FIRST. If the alpha male squanders his bananas on any pretty girl who walked by, the tribe would quickly run out of bananas (not to mention suffer destruction because the boss is distracted). Think of the tribe as a corporation and the alpha male as the CEO: no CEO would pull in some homeless guy off of the street, give him a signing bonus and a corner office, and hope he performs. On the contrary, the job applicant would have to do something to show his value FIRST, and then the CEO hires him.
Because the alpha controls all the tribe’s resources, betas are fundamentally needy, which is why they are motivated to give the alpha male their last dollar to gain acceptance. A woman will subconsciously perceive you as needy if you give her something she does not deserve because her subconscious mind knows you are only giving her something because you want something in return. So not only is she not impressed that you are giving her something, she is actually repelled because if she were the alpha (which she is not), she would now owe you a debt that she needs to repay.
As you can see, the alpha male quid pro quo causes women to sometimes reject men for irrational reasons. Objectively speaking, a man who buys a woman a drink, or texts her too much, or pays her too much attention is not a “creep,” a “loser” or a “beta,” but her subconscious mind will register him as such. This is extremely frustrating for men, because most men do not understand the alpha male quid pro so it appears to them that the woman is just acting crazy or flaky. The bright side, however, is that if you violate the alpha male quid pro quo only slightly, for example, by texting her too much, it is possible to fix the damage by enforcing the alpha male quid pro quo later. If you a make a small mistake, her subconscious mind will register you as a beta, but her conscious mind will not be able to articulate what is wrong with you, so if you act correctly later her subconscious mind will bring her back. Fixing a situation after you screwed it up, however, is difficult, because by violating the alpha male quid pro quo slightly you are also convincing your own subconscious mind that you are the beta, so you set up a vicious cycle where you do something small beta, and now that you see yourself as beta, you do some bigger beta thing, etc….
Contributions under the alpha male quid pro quo are measured in objective terms, not subjective terms. Even if you genuinely enjoy buying beautiful women things or having long text conversations with them, they will still see you as beta if the things they have given you are objectively not enough to merit your attention. Our subconscious mind somehow “knows” what the ideal emotional experience is, and what you need to do to contribute to it. This, by the way, you should hold firm on your boundaries. Her conscious mind may think that you should do something for her, but her subconscious mind knows what she deserves, so when you hold your boundary she may protest, but her subconscious mind, which is stronger, becomes more attracted. One night I saw a woman say “I expect a man to take me to a fancy dinner on a first date” and then later that night fucked a guy in the bathroom for a bump of cocaine. That woman isn’t “lying” – she is just unaware how much stronger her subconscious mind is than her conscious mind.
The value of the contribution the woman provides is commensurate with the importance of that purpose in the pyramid of your emotional experience. If a woman cooks you a meal or has sex with you, you can certainly do something for her in return, but you should keep in mind that “eating food” and “having sex” are relatively minor parts of your emotional experience, so her reward should be commensurate. On the flipside, if a woman contributes to one of your larger purposes, for example by helping your career or teaching you something valuable, you can pay her back a much bigger reward.
One of the major reasons that women in the modern world are so crazy is that both men and women evolved to feel like sex is a relatively minor and unimportant part of a man’s emotional experience, yet modern society constantly pushes the idea that a woman’s looks and sex appeal are her most important trait. Society, the media, and beta males constantly try to make women feel like they will become accepted as a high-status member of the tribe just for being hot, but women still feel emotionally disconnected and not accepted. Even if they find relatively wealthy and high-status men to worship the ground they walk on, if the only thing she is contributing is her sexuality, the woman’s subconscious mind will know that she is worthless and did not actually contribute shit to his emotional experience. Her subconscious mind will make the following calculation: “If this guy’s emotional experience is correctly ordered and prioritized, sex is only like 5% of his emotional experience, which means that I am only contributing to a small part of it. If I was making a larger contribution, I would be more fully accepted.” Or to put it more crudely, “this guy is just pursuing me for sex, because we both know that is all I am offering.” Remember, sex is destination pleasure, which means that it cannot be an important part of your emotional experience. Of course, being hot does buy a woman some acceptance and the opportunity to offer a more meaningful contribution, which is why women obsess so much over being hot, but from an evolutionary standpoint it still comprises a small part of her value.
Again, every woman wants to be desired sexually and there is nothing wrong with telling a woman she is hot, but her hotness should be low in the hierarchy of compliments you give her. Women would rather be told they are funny, fun to hang out with, interesting, smart, helpful, “real,” down-to-earth, easy to talk to, confident, positive, friendly, or be appreciated for some particular thing they have done. Of course, you should only give women those compliments if they have done something to deserve them – otherwise women will know you are full of shit and their emotional mechanism that makes them feel accepted will not switch on. Women are constantly obsessing over their value and they know exactly what they are and are not contributing. When pursuing super hot girls (9s and 10s), the best way to differentiate yourself from all the other guys trying to fuck her is to sincerely and genuinely compliment her on something completely unrelated to her looks. You will literally be the only guy in her life saying those things and not drooling over her tits.
Operationalizing the Alpha Male Quid Pro Quo
While the alpha male quid pro quo is the most important rule to build attraction with women, it is also the hardest to operationalize because it requires patience and an iron will. Women naturally take longer to emotionally invest in men than men take to invest in women, so most men will have a strong urge to do things for a woman before she gives a fuck about them. Most men also do not get as much sex as they want, so they over-prioritize sex, which causes them to act needy and pay women too much attention. To make matters worse, women are constantly trying to test the quality of mens’ emotional experience, and they often try to get the man to do things for them they do not deserve. To top it all off, society, the media, and traditional culture constantly pushes a paradigm where the man must do a bunch of undeserved stuff for women to “court” them. You must resist all of these pressures.
Implementing this theory requires you to constantly be alert, use your judgment, and control your emotions. Your actions depend on the context and your history with the woman. If you meet a woman at a party and she starts chatting with her friend for 15 minutes, you look like a loser if you hung around waiting for her, but if you have been dating a woman for 3 years and she chats with one of friends for 15 minutes, you would look like an immature jerk if you ditched her.
It takes some time for women to emotionally invest in a man and to determine that he is actually the alpha male and that his emotional experience is appealing. In fact, if a woman appears overly interested in you too quickly after you first meets you, you should be suspicious – it is probably a trap. Most men cannot implement the alpha male quid pro quo because they lack the patience – they immediately want to get the girl to like them right away, so they do things for her she does not deserve. You should feel comfortable ignoring a girl or even walking away if she is not performing – you can always come back later. When most men get stuck in a boring conversation with a woman, instead of leaving they stay and make both parties suffer through a boring conversation until the woman leaves. Even if the woman was attracted to you before, now she is less attracted because you just made her sit through a boring conversation. Instead, if you feel a conversation dying you should confidently make some excuse and leave, and then come back later. You may feel icky doing this – you may feel like you are blowing your shot – but the woman will notice that you are prioritizing the quality of your emotional experience over her, which is exactly what she wants. And sometimes if you leave a woman you will never see her again – that is fine too. You don’t need to have a relationship with every woman in the world – you just need to find the women that will improve your emotional experience. If a woman is not interested in improving your emotional experience, she is not interested in you, and you should move on.
The first step to operationalizing the alpha male quid pro is to determine what your purpose is with respect to women. Obviously, most guys would say “sex.” But as we have discussed, sex should be low on the list of your priorities. If you just wanted sex you could pay for a prostitute and save yourself a lot of time and money. So what, exactly, do you want from women? Love? Affection? An ego boost? The thrill of the chase? A shoulder to cry on? Cuddles? A Netflix buddy?
It is fine to want any of those things from a woman (except a shoulder to cry on), but your main purpose when interacting with women should be to find somebody who will help you pursue your purposes and enhance your emotional experience, whatever those may be. These two things, by the way, are the same thing; your pursuit of your purposes IS your emotional experience. Women do not want to be the goal of your emotional experience, they want to help you as you pursue some purpose bigger than them. If the woman is the primary of your emotional experience, she is just vicariously experiencing herself, and she can experience herself whenever she wants, so why would she need you to do that? No matter how awesome the woman is, the story of your emotional experience should not be “man is pursuing beautiful woman” but rather “man and beautiful woman are joyfully pursuing a fun purpose together.” And even if you do just want sex, you still need to demand that the woman contribute to your emotional experience because otherwise she will view you as weak and unattractive.
This does not mean that you should spend your life looking for women to enhance your emotional experience. The archetypal alpha has complete abundance, which means that not only does he have all the women he would ever want, but he has everything else he could ever want, including, most importantly, a fun adventure into the unknown that is beckoning for his attention. When women are around you, they should constantly feel like your thoughts and emotions would rather be somewhere else (focused on your superior emotional experience), and you are only talking to them to be “nice” (or, more precisely, to pay them back for something they did for you). Theoretically speaking, an alpha male would only ever pay attention to a woman to be fair – even though he has a more fun emotional experience available to him, he pays her attention because the best thing to ensure the continued success of the tribe is to reward betas for their contributions to the alpha male’s emotional experience. When women feel attracted to you, they often feel nervous, self-conscious, and a little paranoid because they subconsciously feel like your other options are so awesome you might leave at any moment. Even if you do not try to induce this emotion in them, their subconscious is wired to feel this unease.
Women constantly try to determine what occupies mens’ thoughts and emotions to determine 1) what his emotional experience is and whether it sucks, and 2) whether she has successfully contributed to it and is being accepted by him. A woman determines the latter when he pays her attention. Attention from men is an indicator to women that they have done something worthy of being accepted, and feeling accepted by the tribe is the strongest and more important emotion for a woman, because it is necessary to her survival from an evolutionary standpoint. This is why eye contact is so important. Women determine where the alpha male’s attention is by monitoring where his eyes are pointed. If a woman does something to meaningfully contribute to your emotional experience, and you thank her by looking deeply into her eyes, she feels a deep emotional connection to you because she feels like you have genuinely enjoyed the thing you did for her and you want to give her a chance to do more. If you cannot maintain strong eye contact with a woman, not only will she feel like you are anxious and timid, you will also not give her the full acceptance she craves.
Earlier, I suggested that sex is a relatively minor and unimportant part of your emotional experience. In practice, this means that when you pay a women attention, you should be feeling your entire correctly-ordered emotional experience and she should see that. Imagine the emotional state you enjoy when you are doing the most fun thing you do – that is ideally the emotional state you should be in when you interact with women. If you are feeling bored, tired, or annoyed, it is ok to project those emotions as well, so long as your emotions are correctly ordered. You fail when you prioritize one of your lower emotions over the others because you are no longer acting authentically, but rather with just one of your emotions. Your correctly-ordered emotional experience is “you,” whereas only expressing your desire for a particular thing (sex, attention, ego boost, etc…) makes you a one-dimensional stupid creepy zombie. To make matters worse, when you act as an avatar for a single emotion, you subconsciously know you are being a creep, so you try to hide your true motivations, which fails because women can tell when your emotions are not ordered correctly and when your actions are not congruent with your emotions. For example, a woman should not feel like you are miserable and are only pretending to be happy to be talking to her because you want to have sex.
When paying women attention, your paradigm should shift from “please” to “thank you.” Most men pay women attention because they want something from them – they are implicitly saying “please.” Alpha males, on the other hand, pay women attention because the woman did something for them and they are paying her back – they are implicitly saying “thank you.” This small but subtle shift makes all the difference to women. Women strongly prefer the man saying “thank you” because 1) it means that the woman has actually contributed to the tribe, so his attention is more meaningful and 2) if the only attention a woman gets from a man is “thank you,” she can shut it off whenever she wants by not doing any more things for him. The man saying “please,” however, never stops paying her attention, which makes him annoying and scary. Nothing is more terrifying to women than a man who is gripped by his desire for sex (or anything else) and will stop at nothing to get it.
You must, however, not hesitate to withdraw your attention when she stops contributing. Our subconscious minds keep a running list of what each party has done for the other, and the list of stuff she has done should always be longer than the list of what you have done, and this should be true across all categories. If she texts you, you should text her less, if she shows you attention, you should show her less, etc…. When a woman emotionally invests in a man, she will do a lot for him, so it will be easy for him to stay ahead in the transaction so long as he does not majorly slip up. But when you first meet a woman and she is still “feeling you out,” she will do little things for you, and while you can reward her you must immediately withdraw your attention the moment she no longer deserves it.
Because the alpha male quid pro quo is based on subconscious, irrational emotions, you must withdraw attention in a way that does not alert her conscious mind. She should feel like there are genuinely a lot of fun things competing for your attention, not that you are intentionally trying to manipulate her or “playing games.” The alpha male quid pro quo is a pretty grim rule – it means that women will inevitably be drawn towards men that are too good for them and that don’t really care about them – so most people do not want to consciously accept the reality of this rule or that you are implementing it. Paradoxically, if a woman figures out that you have been “trying” to implement the alpha male quid pro quo, you will fail at the alpha male quid pro quo because you have been giving her space in your thoughts and emotions that she did not deserve.
To implement the alpha male quid pro quo without looking like a jerk, you should show constant warmth and friendliness. If she does something shitty, don’t yell at her or “call her out” – just withdraw your attention, which is much more painful for her anyway. The opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy. Second, feel free to verbally define the relationship. You can say “hey I’m leaving this party because my friend is at a better party, wanna come?” rather than just disappearing. So long as you do so in a way that is not butthurt, she can’t be mad at your or look down on you. If a conversation is getting boring, just say “hey I need to go to the bathroom (or get a drink, or whatever), but I will be right back, I promise.”
You might ask “if I don’t know a woman and she has done nothing for me, then how can I spark up a relationship without violating the alpha male quid pro quo?” The key is that a woman can contribute to your emotional experience without even knowing who you are. For example, when a woman puts on makeup and a sexy outfit to go out a club, she is subconsciously doing so to contribute to the alpha male’s emotional experience. She may not even know who specifically the alpha male is; her subconscious is just doing what it thinks will get her accepted into the tribe. Therefore, if you walk up to her confidently and say “you look really hot” you have not violated the alpha male quid pro – she did something to contribute to your emotional experience, and you rewarded her for it. The ball is now in her court to do something else to contribute to your emotional experience because merely looking hot should not buy her much of your attention.
Gaming women is essentially a game where you “trick” her into doing things for you, and then you reward her, which in turn gives her the confidence to do more things for you. Women build emotional investment in men incrementally – she contributes to your emotional experience, you enjoy it, she does a little more, etc….
My clients often complain to me “women can contribute nothing to my emotional experience. I am not interested in what they have to say, their interests don’t align with mine, and I find them boring/shallow/etc… I just want to fuck them.” This reaction is perfectly reasonable. Women are hypergamous, which means they want a man with a better emotional experience than theirs, and better material circumstances as well, so it necessarily follows that the woman will not have much to offer the man. This, by the way, is why women are attracted to men who are aloof and “ignore” them. No woman likes being ignored, but their subconscious assumes, sometimes correctly or sometimes incorrectly, that he is ignoring them because he has a better emotional experience available to him, and she subconsciously also wants access to this superior emotional experience.
To solve this paradox, it is your responsibility to mold the woman into something that can contribute to your emotional experience. You do this by 1) finding something interesting about her and 2) taking the lead on fun purposes and finding a way for her to contribute.
Most people are useless not because they have nothing to offer, but because they do not (and cannot) know how to contribute to the specific challenges the tribe is facing. The alpha male is in charge of venturing into the unknown and defeating threats, so he can best match the betas abilities to possible contributions. This fact is wired into our genes: evolutionary speaking, most peoples’ sense of self-worth comes from being part of a group and contributing to that group because they subconsciously know that they will not be able to make productive use their skills and abilities in the jungle on their own. Even in the modern world, a Vice President of Marketing who is unemployed is a depressed loser because he needs the alpha male (the CEO) to put him in a position where he can contribute. People enjoy being around confident men because they take the lead in social situations and make everybody else feel valuable because they create a fun adventure that everybody can contribute to.
I know a guy who gets tons of girls just because he organizes big groups of people to go out. He doesn’t do anything special – anybody can call a bunch of guys and girls and tell them to meet at a bar – but because he takes the lead and creates fun adventures he is the “alpha male” of the group, which makes him attractive to women. All the people in the group wanted to go out and party anyway, but because they subconsciously see themselves as beta and fear the judgment of the tribe, they are afraid to step into the limelight, call people, and (gasp!) risk rejection. Many of these people, including very attractive women, would stay home on Friday and Saturday nights if it weren’t for this guy. He literally takes boring, lame people and makes them more fun for himself and others.
Your mission, therefore, is to 1) create a fun adventure, and 2) find a way for her to contribute to it. This can be done on the micro-level (for example, starting a conversation about a funny or interesting topic), on a larger level (planning a trip to a music festival), and on the largest level (starting a business with her help). The woman can teach you something, entertain you with a good story, help you do something, make you laugh, or simply contribute to a good conversation. At the very least, she can act as a good companion as you go about doing what you were going to do anyway.
You must strike a strange balance: on one hand, she must be trying to impress you to gain your acceptance, but at the same time you must “help” her and guide her to her best contribution for the situation. When you approach a woman at a bar, you are basically interviewing her to see if she can add to your emotional experience, but you are trying to help her find something she can do that genuinely entertains you. Walking up to a woman and just saying “hi you are hot – now entertain me” will not work.
Of course, sometimes women are just worthless, add nothing, and are a drag on your life, and in those cases you should cut them loose. Have some fucking standards. You work on becoming attractive to women so you can attract high quality women you genuinely enjoy being around, not so you can put your dick in every vagina who legally consents. It may sound counter-intuitive, but the more you improve your emotional experience, your circle of eligible women shrinks with because most will not measure up to your standards.
Imagine you are forced to be at a boat party for 8 hours with a bunch of ugly women you have no attraction to and you do not otherwise give a fuck about. How would you socialize with them? Well, you would probably strike up the most fun conversation or game possible to alleviate your boredom and make an otherwise useless 8 hours worthwhile. You would say the most absurd thing you could come up with, make dirty jokes, take the conversation into weird tangents, etc… You wouldn’t give a single fuck what anybody thought because you were just trying to make a good emotional experience for yourself. Of course, you wouldn’t be an asshole because the alpha male is not insecure and spreading negativity would only ruin your emotional experience. If any of the women were boring, stupid, or mean, you would simply move on and talk to the next woman.
Now think about it: why would you expect anything less from women that you WERE attracted to?
Not only does degrading your emotional experience make the interaction less fun for you, it makes the woman less attracted because she wants to enjoy your emotional experience, both through herself and vicariously through you. One of the biggest mistakes men make when interacting with women is letting her drag the conversation to somewhere boring and stupid that nobody gives a fuck about. I have seen beautiful women trick men into talking about some of the corniest, stupidest shit on planet earth. Men let women do this because they want the woman to like them and they are just happy to be talking to a woman. This type of supplication, however, is stupid because she wants the man to elevate her emotional experience and talk about stuff beyond that which she normally talks or thinks about. In fact, most guys would have more fun and build more attraction at an ugly woman party than at a party full of beautiful women because they would pursue a genuinely fun emotional experience rather than trying to make the women happy.
Writers in the manosphere often say "to build attraction, you must make the interaction emotionally meaningful for the woman, so you must make the conversation about deep feelings rather than dry rationality." That is true, but the conversation must also be emotionally meaningful for YOU as well, or else why would you be listening? The dry facts of her life are irrelevant and uninteresting to you, but underlying those facts are deep feelings that you can connect with and enjoy. If you pretend to be interested in the boring facts of her life, not only will you be bored to tears but she will also lose attraction to you because your emotional experience sucks. For example, if a woman goes on vacation most guys will ask her about her about the vacation and then mentally and emotionally check out while she rattles off a bunch of uninteresting facts about what she did. But your goal should be to find something about the vacation that is deep and emotionally interesting to both you and her. Maybe she enjoyed something on the trip that you would also enjoy. Maybe she learned something a different culture or about herself or how the world works. Maybe she can give you tips for your next vacation. Mens' and womens' emotions differ, but there are some experiences they can both emotionally connect to, and it is that middle ground that should be the focal point for the conversation. Your "challenge" in every interaction with a woman is to find something emotionally interesting about whatever she is talking about.
To maintain his awesome emotional experience, the alpha male has a high standard for what subjects and conversations he will engage with. Therefore, he can make a woman's OWN THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS stronger and more pleasurable by filtering her experiences through his own emotions. By shifting the interaction to whatever activity or subject is most emotionally appealing for him, he ensures it is emotionally appealing for her (remember, the alpha male is fearless so he can take the interaction places she is too afraid to go). By discussing her vacation in a deep, emotional way, he literally makes her own vacation more fun for her. But to do this, the alpha male must take the lead and ensure that the conversation be emotionally interesting to him, because otherwise her emotions are in control, making the experience less interesting for both parties.
The deeper, the better. Human beings naturally have a strong desire to discuss deep subjects: God, spirituality, relationships, their beliefs about the universe, their goals for life, their passions, their hatreds, etc... These subjects are "deep" because they are emotionally important to people and difficult to completely figure out, so there is a ton of unknown to explore. And as you've learned, venturing into the unknown to achieve an emotionally significant goal is the highest pleasure a human can pursue. Most people, however, cannot go deep because they are slaves to their lower emotions, so their thoughts and emotions are focused on fucking, eating, gaining status, etc... The alpha male, however, is uniquely suited to go deep because his lower emotions are satiated so he can focus on what he wants to focus on. I watch a lot of interviews with impressive people, and I am always struck by how casually and quickly they take the conversation to a deep place.
As you can probably guess, women need to enjoy your emotional experience to want to join and not every woman will enjoy every adventure you create. It would be stupid to approach a woman at a music festival and talk about theoretical physics and it would be stupid to go on a date with a theoretical physicist and talk only about music festivals. One of the biggest mistakes socially inept people make is talking about shit that the other doesn’t give a fuck about and using the social interaction as a therapy session for their own issues and negativity. The most important skill when interacting with women is the ability to read your audience, figure out what they care about, and tailor the emotional experience in a way that will maximally stimulate their emotions. This skill only comes with practice and experience.
Tailoring your emotional experience, however, does not mean degrading or limiting it. Because he is fearless and maximally competent, the alpha male can enjoy many things, so he chooses to enjoy things that his betas can also enjoy so that the beta can participate and enhance his emotional experience. You should think of an interaction with a woman as a negotiation: you must find an emotional experience you can maximally enjoy and one she can also enjoy (it does not need to be ‘maximally’ enjoyable for her because you cannot torture yourself with trying to figure out of it is ‘maximally’ enjoyable for her). At every single moment you must shift the interaction to the funniest, craziest, most exciting, most interesting, most deep, most emotionally important place your mind can think of – for both of you.
“The interaction should be fun for both parties” sounds obvious, but our subconscious pushes us to censor ourselves, so we must consciously keep this idea in mind at all times – you should be doing what you want to do, not what you think she wants you to do. Because women closely monitor your emotional experience, they can sense when you censor yourself and limit your emotional experience. Censorship also makes you less likely to display and enjoy the things about you that are most attractive about you: your sense of humor, your unique opinions on the world and life, the things about you that are interesting, your knowledge, etc…. Most importantly, censoring your emotional experience for a woman deprives you of the most attractive aspect of a man: the ability to do whatever the fuck he wants without caring what anybody else thinks. Women’s social anxiety strongly compels them to censor their behavior to remain accepted by the tribe, so they view a man who is not bound by this constraint as a God-like figure on whose wings they can fly. Although women do not like to be disrespected or ignored, they do like the idea of you doing whatever the fuck you want. Furthermore, as we will learn, the alpha male can mold betas into his preferences if his emotional experience is fun, so as she emotionally invests in you she is more likely to do whatever you want to do.
There is an objective and subjective aspect to an ideal emotional experience. From an objective standpoint, the emotional experience must constitute an emotionally interesting adventure into the unknown for the subject. If a woman is interested in philosophy and has completed Philosophy 201, talking to her about Philosophy 101 will be too boring, talking to her about Philosophy 301 is likely to be emotionally interesting for her, but talking about Philosophy 901 may be too hard for her. The emotional experience must also be interesting for you: if you don’t care about philosophy at all, and you try to pretend you do, she will sense that and lose attraction to you, even if she is interested in it. The interaction must also somehow be an adventure into the unknown for you – if you are happy to talk about any stupid subject just to be in the presence of a beautiful woman, she will sense that and lose attraction. You must find a way to make the interaction fun for yourself.
The subjective aspect of the ideal emotional experience is that it depends on the subject’s notion of explored territory. A woman has completed Philosophy 801 will seek a different emotional experience than a woman that has completed Philosophy 101, and a woman who doesn’t care about philosophy at all will seek a completely different subject altogether. But although each women will want a unique emotional experience that fits her subjective preferences, the emotional experience must still objectively lie a little outside of her expertise. Of course, there are some subjects that are almost universally interesting to women - spirituality, relationships, career goals, the paranormal, and art – but no two women will want the same conversation in the same way.
To hold frame around women, you must believe in the objective superiority of certain emotional experiences. If you think everybody is completely different and likes completely different things, then you would have no idea what any particular woman wants, and the best you could do is give her whatever she says she wants. This, by the way, is what most guys do – to make a woman happy, they do whatever she says will make her happy, which could theoretically be anything. These guys fail to realize that what the woman says will make her happy is often not her optimal emotional experience. In fact, she cannot even imagine what her optimal emotional experience would be because it is transcendent and something only the alpha male can create. Most people, if given the option, would climb into a time machine and travel 100 years into the future, but those people would not want to see a future they already predicted; they want a see a future beyond anything they can predict.
The ideal of an “objectively appealing” emotional experience may sound strange to most modern people. Modern liberal society teaches us that there is no such thing as human nature, everybody is completely different and wants completely different things, and no emotional experience is “better” or “worse” than others. If a guy wants to dress like a furry and get spanked by a woman dressed as his mother, his emotional experience is just as valid as the guy who wins the World Series. The guy who goes to Italy and just goes to fancy restaurant had just as valid an emotional experience as the guy who had a well-rounded trip. This is wrong. Certain aspects of your emotional experience can be subjective, like the type of food you like to eat and the music you like to listen to, but there are also objective criteria that your emotional experience must meet – namely, subjugating your lower purposes to venture into the unknown.
The Conquering Emotion and Confidence
Confidence is the unimpeded enthusiasm, excitement, and joy felt when pursuing a desirable purpose that you know you can achieve. There is an emotional aspect of confidence (you feel like you can achieve the goal) and an intellectual aspect (you know you can achieve the goal). You feel confidence when 1) you feel like you are pursuing the best goal you could be pursuing, and 2) you feel you can defeat any threats or challenges on the way to the goal. Confidence is the feeling that you can get whatever you want, whenever you want. Confidence is the opposite of anxiety, which is the negative emotion you feel when you feel like the paths to the things you want are blocked.
Confidence manifests itself as energy, alertness, focus, certainty, enthusiasm, and joy. Anxiety manifests itself as timidity, lack of energy, weakness, and distraction. A confident person’s thoughts, emotions, and actions are congruent – his emotions want one thing at a time, his thoughts are focused at getting that thing, and their actions propel them to go get that thing. It is easier for confident people to be authentic and form emotional connections with others because others can read their purposes, get excited about those purposes, and then vicariously experience those purposes. This congruency is why confident people are “smooth.” Anxious people, on the other hand, are torn between multiple goals, so their thoughts and emotions keep pulling them in separate directions, which manifests in bizarre, herky-jerky, confusing behavior. Because an anxious person’s thoughts and emotions cannot agree on which purpose to pursue, it is difficult to understand what they want, which naturally makes outsiders confused and suspicious of their motives. This is why anxious people are often called creepy.
Imagine somebody dropped a suitcase with a million dollars in a garbage can across the street from you and you knew that you could just go grab that suitcase with absolutely no negative consequences. How would you act? Well, you would energetically run and go grab that suitcase! You wouldn’t overthink it, you wouldn’t worry about what other people thought, you wouldn’t worry about whether there was some other, better thing you could be doing, and you would be laser-focused and not distracted by anything (not even the most beautiful woman in the world). Even if you were tired, sad, or feeling low energy, knowing you could just go grab a million dollars would make you feel energetic and focused.
The basis for the alpha male’s confidence is what I call the “conquering emotion” – the feeling of hunting a target and defeating challenges on the way to that target. The basis for the alpha male’s confidence is testosterone, but the alpha male uses this feeling to build a vast library of behaviors, thoughts, beliefs, habits that make him able to act confidently on a consistent basis. This is why testosterone is the basis for everything about men that women are attracted to: big muscles, beards, wide jaws, confidence, courageous behavior, etc… Women, however, are not attracted to just any man with testosterone: they want a man who can control his testosterone and intelligently use it to pursue desirable purposes.
To feel the conquering emotion, try this exercise (it may sound silly but go with me). Imagine you are naked in the jungle and hunting a buffalo with a spear. Your tribe is starving, and the buffalo is being guarded by a lion, but you know that if you kill the buffalo, your tribe will be able to feast for weeks and you will be the hero and fuck all the chicks in the tribe. You are absolutely confident you can kill the lion and get the buffalo because you have done it many times and you just “feel” like you can do it. If there is a woman with you, her only role is to stand behind you holding your spears. Your plan is to strike the lion with a spear, turn around, grab another spear from her, and then stab the buffalo. In that moment you are entirely calm and intensely joyful because you know you will succeed and feed your tribe. At the same time, your entire body is energized, and all your thoughts and emotions are focused on killing the lion and buffalo, and you are not worried about making the woman happy or listening to her orders at all. Now imagine the ecstatic rush you feel as you raise the spear to hurl it at the lion’s heart: that is the conquering emotion: the emotion you must convey to women when you are interacting with them.
To keep my concepts straight, throughout this article I will use the term “conquering emotion” to refer to the primal emotion of physically hunting down a target in the jungle, and I will use the term “journey pleasure” to refer to the more abstract pleasure one feels when moving towards any desirable goal. The conquering emotion is the basis for the journey pleasure, but as the journey becomes more and more abstract the emotional excitement (both for you and the woman) may wane, so it is important to continually cultivate the conquering emotion by engaging in physical activities and keeping your body in optimal physical shape as if you needed to actually go hunt lions in the savannah. Just as money serves as an indicator of a man’s competence and ability to pursue desirable purposes, height, physical strength, body language, and outward confidence indicate to womens’ subconscious minds that you are able to actually hunt down a lion in the jungle. A woman’s lower emotions want a man who physically hunts targets, while her higher emotions want a man who pursues more abstract goals. To be maximally attractive, you must do both.
Women in the modern world obviously do not want a guy who is only confident when hunting buffalo – they want a man who bring confidence to bear on any purpose he pursues, including abstract and intellectual ones. Women want a man with the potential to unleash the conquering emotion on any challenge that may come up: figuring out where to eat dinner, arguing for a refund at Target, or bigger challenges like solving a difficult intellectual or philosophical problem (for example, when, if ever, is it ok to disobey the law?), life challenges (for example, how can I find a new job now that I have been fired?), or an important artistic project you are creating (for example, what should I write in the article I am writing?). You must “feel” confident even when expressing fear and doubt. For example, if a woman wants me to go to a scary neighborhood, I will joyfully say with a smile “no, I am scared of that neighborhood. I’m not going.” Even when I’m not confident, I’m confident.
Because confidence is your highest emotion, once you can mobilize it you feel less needy because you feel like you can get whatever you want whenever you want. For example, if you feel like you can go have sex with a beautiful woman whenever you want, you will not feel neediness or anxiety around any particular beautiful woman you run into. Everything you do and say will be more attractive to women when done through the conquering emotion. Even if you say beta or mundane things, women will be more attracted because of your demeanor, your body language, and tone of voice. You will be less needy, less stupid, less supplicatory, and more confident. Even if everything else about you is unattractive, the conquering emotion will at least mildly pique her interest because it is the raw “thing” she wants, something most guys do not have, and something she does not have.
We all feel confident sometimes. If you live in your mom’s basement and play video games all day you probably feel extreme anxiety around women but yet confident when defeating the final boss in your video game. Your challenge, therefore, is to bring the confidence and certainty you feel in those moments into your interactions with women.
Women can subconsciously sense confidence, and if you are low energy, timid, soft spoken, and do not make eye contact when you approach a woman, they will subconsciously sense that you are anxious, which means, from an evolutionary standpoint, that you do not feel you can confidently pursue desirable purposes. This calculation is performed immediately and subconsciously by her subconscious mind and she may not even realize she is doing it. You must speak to her as if you have something very important to say and nothing will stop you from saying it, as if the building was on fire and you needed to tell her to evacuate. You must face her head on, make strong eye contact and speak firmly, assertively, and passionately, like you really care about what you were talking about.
To feel confident not only must you feel like you can defeat any threat or challenge on the way to your goal, but also that you are pursuing the best purpose possible. One reason your subconscious cripples you with anxiety is because it thinks there might be a better purpose you should be pursuing.
Unfortunately, nobody can ever know with complete certainty that they are pursuing the best possible purpose. Human beings are finite beings with limited information so despite our best efforts to figure out what we should be doing, there could still always be something better we could be doing. Hell, there is probably something better you could be doing right now that reading this stupid article. To make matters worse, the universe will never announce to us the “right” thing to do. In fact, we see the exact opposite: we see tons of divergent paths that all look like they could lead us somewhere cool and with no obvious criteria to choose between this or that path. Existentialist philosophers identified this feeling as existential anxiety, and this feeling sucks, which is why humans are so desperate to escape from it.
To alleviate this existential anxiety, evolution wires betas to pursue whatever purpose the alpha male wants. Of course, there is no compelling reason to believe that the alpha male knows better than anybody else what purpose to pursue – but who else is going to take charge? From an evolutionary point of view, it makes sense that the alpha male can dictate everybody’s purposes because, at the very least, he can back up his decisions with violence. You can believe that humans should hold themselves to a higher moral standard if you want, but you cannot deny that “might makes right” is the law as far as nature is concerned.
Furthermore, betas evolved to follow the alpha because the alpha is most certain of his purposes, and that feeling of certainty is what alleviates the betas’ existential anxiety. Betas subconsciously think to themselves “I have no idea what path will take me to desirable things, but it seems like that other guy is pretty certain that path X will lead to somewhere desirable, so I should probably follow path X.” We evolved to follow the “best” path, so when we find somebody we think has found that path, we want to follow him. The alpha male is uniquely able to feel certain of his purposes because there is no other ape that can challenge him or stand in his way.
Because the alpha male is certain of his purposes, cannot be deterred by threats or challenges, and isn’t wired to obey or follow other males, he can think most rationally, and is therefore the best person to lead and choose the purposes. As I explained in Part 1 of this Series, betas are irrationally hindered by fear, which makes them less able to successfully pursue desirable purposes, which means they are more likely to get distracted by lower purposes. Therefore, it turns out that “might makes right” is actually the better law because there is no “right” without might. If you are a beta, you are much more likely to survive if you follow the alpha than the well-meaning, morally virtuous beta that just can’t get the job done. If your tribe’s goal is to care for the poor and sick but you get murdered every time you do so, then not only will the poor and sick never get cared for, everybody will die.
You can see this dynamic everywhere. Since the beginning of time, people have sought to escape their existential anxiety by conforming to the group and adopting whatever religion, ideology, beliefs, and practices their society handed down to them. These ideologies almost always come from powerful men, and sometimes from a single powerful man. Many ancient civilizations saw their king as a divine being, so not only were his decrees the law, they were also “true” and “morally correct” in the cosmic sense as well. We have an intensely strong desire to do what the group wants us to do not just because we want to be accepted by the group, but also because otherwise we are just set adrift in a sea of chaos, wracked with anxiety, and with no idea what to do.
To take the lead with women, therefore, you must realize that 1) women are attracted to certainty, and 2) they look to the alpha male for that feeling of certainty, and 3) you might as well be that man.
Of course, you are probably dumb as a rock and have no idea what to do either and if any woman followed your lead, she would probably end up in a terrible place. But just by virtue of being a man, you are more qualified to be the leader because you can provide the emotional fortitude to overcome challenges and you can free yourself from the influence of other men who will try to lead you and your woman astray. And because you have this mental freedom, you are more likely to think rationally and figure out the “right” thing to do than others who are hindered by fear or an irrational desire to conform. Of course, you should constantly be looking for better purposes and paths in your life and you should always be ready to abandon whatever you are doing if a better option arises. You may even take feedback from your woman if she is smart and knows what she is talking about. But when it comes down to actually pursuing the purpose, you must do so with complete leadership and certainty.
Take some time every day to rationally think about your purposes. Should you continue at your job or go find another one? Should you continue to date this girl or should you dump her? Should you go out and approach girls tonight or should you stay home and jack off? Ask your friends. Use any resources you can find. Read the Bible, Shakespeare and any YouTube self-help guru that you like nowadays. Go outside and stare at the starry sky and ask the universe what you should do. Toss and turn in your bed while you struggle to find the right answer. But once you’ve decided on a path, you need to feel completely certain that you are right on the fucking path or anxiety will kill you.
This is especially important when dealing with women. The feeling of certainty is like crack to women, and they will even follow a man down a path that they rationally know is wrong if the man feels confident and certain. Many women have knowingly followed men into the flames of hell because they were mesmerized by his confidence. She NEEDS to sense your uncertainty because you must be her protection, leader, and rock. If a man in the jungle felt uncertain because he was afraid he might get eaten by a lion, the woman would also get eaten by the lion. And women shit test to you to see if you are actually certain or were just pretending to be certain. If they see that you really are certain you are on the right path, they get even more excited to follow you.
Imagine, for example, a woman is thinking about having sex with you but feels uncertain. Because she is trying to decide between multiple competing paths, she will desperately seek certainty to make the anxiety go away. Most guys would try to persuade her with rational arguments to have sex with them, but rational arguments don’t work when her subconscious mind has multiple emotionally compelling paths to follow. If you try to “rationally” persuade her, you are letting her take the lead, which just increases her anxiety, so she is more likely to choose the “certain” path of not sleeping with you. The “solution” here is for you to be certain of your purposes. If she says “no I don’t think we should have sex” you should say “ok” and go confidently do something else. Your decisive certainty will demonstrate to her that if she lets you take the lead, she will feel freedom from uncertainty.
To show certainty, you must not only feel like, but KNOW your emotional experience is attractive. You must feel proud of your own emotional experience. If you think something is desirable and fun, then it is desirable and fun, and you should feel free to pursue it. If you think something is lame, then it is lame, and you should feel free to ignore it. If you feel ashamed and insecure about your own emotional experience, then you will not be able to take the lead with women because you will need somebody else to tell you what to do to make an attractive emotional experience.
The Conquering Emotion and Her
One of the strange aspects of womens’ attraction to the conquering emotion is that they like to see the man demonstrate the conquering emotion even when the goal is the woman herself. In other words, the woman wants to vicariously pursue and dominate herself – through you. This means that she must enjoy every interaction from both 1) her own perspective, and 2) your perspective. If she stops enjoying the interaction from her own perspective, she will want to leave (obviously). But, strangely enough, if you stop enjoying the interaction, she loses interest in you. From her own perspective, she wants to be treated with respect, acceptance, agency, and autonomy, but from your perspective, she wants to be the prey you confidently pursue and enjoy.
Most men fail with women because they ignore at least one of these prongs. Beta supplicators fail because they only focus on improving the woman’s emotional experience and let their own emotional experience become crap. On the other hand, douchey, creepy, and aggressive guys fail because they only focus on their own emotional experience even though the woman is clearly not interested, annoyed, bored, creeped out, etc… And of course, many men fail on both prongs and some men take turns, failing on one prong by being a weak beta, and then swinging to the other extreme and being an aggressive asshole.
The key, therefore, is for the man to confidently do whatever the fuck he wants, while simultaneously ensuring that the woman is consenting and enjoying herself. How is this possible? Isn’t this a paradox? I explained the solution to this paradox earlier: once a woman feels like a man is the alpha, she naturally wants to put her own purposes aside and vicariously experience his purposes, which is how she emotionally invests in you. Therefore, you must wait until she emotionally invests in you, and then make her your target.
As I will explain in the section on the alpha male quid pro quo, the more she invests in you, the more she wants you to pursue her, and her investment will be incremental. This whole process can occur quickly, but you simply cannot press the gas until she is invested in you. When a woman hooks up with a man she is putting her body at the mercy of his whims to some degree, so she must be invested. But once she is invested, she wants you to confidently pursue her.
Hacking your Subconscious Mind
Obviously, no real man can actually do whatever he wants whenever he wants. Even the strongest, tallest, best looking, richest, most powerful men have limitations and consequently feel anxious, needy, and uncertain sometimes. And any man who did try to do whatever he wanted would probably get arrested pretty quickly. Our anxiety circuits evolved because there are actually real threats in the world that we need to be careful of, and completely ignoring our anxiety circuits will lead us to disaster. This is why drugs that reduce our anxiety (i.e., alcohol and Xanax) sometimes make us do stupid shit – we rely on our anxiety to keep us safe.
Fortunately, however, women do not actually want a man who can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. Rather, they want a guy who FEELS like he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. Or to be more specific, women want to find a man whose subconscious mind feels like there is a clear path to anything he could possibly want, and when women find that man they want to vicariously experience his emotions. Some of my best dates were terrible on paper – the bar we were going to was closed, we got kicked out of the club we were at, I lost my car, etc… What made me attractive, however, was the fact that I projected the feeling of confidence even during the failures.
The key, therefore, is to “trick” your subconscious mind into thinking that there is a clear path to whatever it wants (at least when you are around women) while simultaneously realizing with your conscious, rational mind that you actually have limitations and that the world actually contains threats. To do this, you must realize that your subconscious mind is not “you” – your subconscious mind is like a stupid oaf within you that you must get excited so you can get moving. You can also think of your subconscious mind as a crude threat detection system whose results must be reviewed and “fixed” by your conscious mind. Your subconscious mind is extremely powerful and also skews heavily negative, so even if you know from a “rational” point of view that you should pursue a particular goal, your subconscious mind may still cripple you with anxiety.
Whenever you are considering whether to pursue a particular purpose, your subconscious mind does a relatively simple cost-benefit calculation. If it sees the benefit of pursuing the purpose as outweighing the costs, it will make you feel energized, confident, and enthusiastic. If, however, it views the cost as outweighing the benefit, it saps your energy and makes you feel timid, anxious, and crippled.
For example, if you see a beautiful woman at a bar your subconscious mind will calculate the benefit from approaching her (a possibility of a good conversation which may even lead to sex) and the cost (the possibility of humiliating rejection). Unfortunately, when it comes to women your subconscious mind puts way too much emphasis on the negative because in the jungle rejection from the tribe meant almost certain death. To your subconscious mind, the relatively small possibility that you may have sex with this woman is heavily outweighed by the catastrophic consequences of rejection, so your subconscious mind freezes you with overwhelming anxiety. This is why most men cannot approach women. Your subconscious mind is constantly doing these calculations throughout the day, but you only notice it when dealing with women because your subconscious mind has a heavy, irrational bias against doing it.
Your subconscious mind performs these calculations based on the map of the world it has created for itself, so you can change the calculations by “teaching” your subconscious mind to reprogram its internal map. For example, if you successfully approach a few beautiful women your subconscious mind will “learn” that the possible benefit is actually higher than it previously thought. Even if you approach a bunch of beautiful women and get rejected, approaching in the future may become easier because your subconscious mind will learn that the consequences of rejection are not as bad as it previously thought.
Another way to hack your subconscious mind is to change your purpose. If you define your purpose as “have sex with this woman” your subconscious mind may flood you with anxiety because it determines that the chance that you will have sex with this particular woman is relatively small, so it is not worth the possible costs. But if you change your purpose to “approach this woman and have a brief conversation” your subconscious mind may calculate that the possibility that this purpose is likely to be successful is relatively high, so it will energize you to go for it. Of course, you don’t actually want to have a brief conversation – you want sex – but your subconscious mind is a stupid oaf that needs to be tricked.
Because you can motivate your subconscious mind by making your purposes smaller and easier to achieve, “exposure therapy” is one of the best ways to rewire your subconscious mind. This is also why you can be more successful after you “warm up” and get a few small successes in. This is also why “outcome independence” is key when interacting with women. By changing your purpose from “sex” to “having an awesome emotional experience” your subconscious mind will cause you to act confidently because “having an awesome emotional experience” is something you can actually do on command, whereas “have sex with this woman” depends on her, and you have no way of knowing that she will comply.
Rewiring your subconscious mind to feel more confident is a long process that takes a lot of practice and reprogramming. Your subconscious mind wants to create a stable map of the world, so it wants compelling evidence before it changes the map, so you need a lot of reps. To make matters worse, your rational mind often processes the emotions coming from your subconscious mind as self-limiting beliefs, so you need to de-program these beliefs one-by-one.
I discuss hacking your subconscious mind in more depth in Part 3 of this Series.
No matter how much you reprogram your subconscious mind, however, you will still sometimes feel anxiety because 1) you will run into new situations, and your subconscious mind will default to anxiety because it is naturally afraid of the unknown, 2) You may have failed at a particular task repeatedly, like approaching women, so your subconscious mind has “learned” that you cannot do it, or 3) for whatever other reason, you are feeling timid, anxious, or low energy on a particular day.
To bridge these gaps in your confidence, you may need to trick your subconscious mind with delusions. A delusion is simply an input you give your subconscious mind to elicit a certain emotional state. A delusion can be an affirmation you say to yourself, a movie or other external stimulus that you watch, or even a thought that you have. Again, for delusion to work, your conscious mind must know the truth and must understand that your subconscious mind is not “you.” You do not want to actually live in delusion in fantasy – that will get you in trouble. You do, however, want to trick your subconscious mind with irrationally positive images to counteract its naturally negative tendencies.
The problem is that your subconscious mind does not want to be tricked. Your subconscious mind evolved to build an accurate map of the world, not to believe whatever bullshit you want to believe. That said, your subconscious mind CAN be tricked, which is why humans get emotionally invested in movies, literature, and religion.
One way your subconscious mind does quality control is by only accepting external stimulus, which is why you can’t “think” your way to any emotional state you want. There must be some real-world referent to trick your subconscious mind that the stimulus is coming from the “outside” and is not just being made up by you. For example, if you have approach anxiety you can write yourself a love letter from a girl that tells you that she has a secret crush on you, but she is too scared to approach you, so she needs you to approach her. When you are feeling approach anxiety in a bar you can pull out this letter, read it, and imagine that the girl you are about to approach wrote the letter. Of course, from a rational point of view, this is stupid – your conscious mind knows that she didn’t write that letter, she did. But remember – your subconscious mind is a stupid oaf and the very act of holding and reading a physical letter that looks like it was written by a woman might be enough to make your subconscious mind re-calculate its chances.
Another way to delude your subconscious mind is two write yourself a letter from your future self, which will say something like “Dear past Woujo, this is future Woujo. I can’t tell you exactly what happens, but I can tell you that if you approach this woman, everything will be better. Please go for it. You will thank yourself.”
You may need to tailor your specific methods of delusion to whatever works for you. These may include prayer, meditation, affirmations, listening to music, exercise, etc… In your delusion, you may need to trick yourself into feeling like you have 1) status, 2) resources, 3) attractive purposes, and 4) the ability and confidence to succeed at those attractive purposes and easily obliterate all obstacles in the way. For example, you can imagine yourself as a rich and famous DJ playing in front of thousands of adoring fans and beautiful women. Whatever you choose, your goal is to make your subconscious mind feel like the chance that something good will happen if you approach this particular woman (or escalate, or do whatever thing) is higher than the chance that something bad will happen.
All of this probably sounds stupid to you, which is understandable. But it should be an obvious fact that the subconscious mind is irrational, so you must counteract this irrationality with irrational tricks.
Many of you may be thinking “that emotional experience sounds great, but I simply cannot put myself in that emotional state. During most of my life I feel weak, negative, sad, pessimistic, anxious, angry, isolated and disconnected from others, and most importantly, I cannot be around women without projecting at least some want.” Well, the bad news is that you need to somehow figure out how to generate this emotional experience for yourself. A dirty secret of dealing with women is that you simply cannot be attractive to women for long periods of time unless you are mentally and spiritually well, and if you are trying to pick up women to make yourself mentally and spiritually well, you will become even more miserable. You should not even be thinking of trying to pick up women until your emotional experience is fucking wonderful. Getting to that mental state will be a long and difficult journey for many of you, and may require therapy, study, psychedelics, meditation, discipline, spirituality, good friends, a mentor, and finding desirable goals to pursue, but you can start with at least pretending to be in that state when you are around women. One exercise I recommend to men is to warmly, genuinely, joyfully and happily say hello to every woman you see in public, including old ladies, without wanting or expecting anything in return. You will feel like a special needs student at first, but that uncomfortable feeling is the first step in learning how to hold frame and live in a separate and weird reality.
Do Looks Matter?
Women are not just attracted to attractive emotional experiences, but also to men who they subconsciously feel are capable of providing attractive emotional experiences, which is why women are attracted to men who are tall, smart, good-looking, athletic, muscular, rich, and high-status. When women see men who are short, scrawny, timid, and anxious they subconsciously infer his emotional experience sucks. They subconsciously assume he often feels powerless against other men, is frequently disrespected, rarely gets what he wants, rarely gets laid, does not feel strong and confident, probably sucks at hunting, and rarely feels the conquering emotion. Who wants to be around that guy, much less vicariously experience his reality? Of course, the short, scrawny, poor guy might have an awesome emotional experience and he may feel the conquering emotion all the time, but he faces a much more difficult uphill climb to convince women of that fact.
Secondary characteristics like height, status, and looks, however, are less important than the actual emotional experience created as a result of venturing into the unknown to pursue desirable goals. Women get bored with rich, tall, famous, good looking guys all the time because nothing material you can ever give a woman will satisfy her. You can have all the money, looks, and status in the world and women will eventually get bored and want more, not because they are greedy or evil, but because humans evolved to seek transcendence. We are inherently hopeful beings that look into the future and wish for something better, and the moment we achieve something we immediately look to the next thing we can achieve. The pleasure of imagining the transcendent future and moving towards it is stronger than any other pleasure that you can enjoy.
Scientific studies have even shown that women prefer a man who can defeat challenges but has no money over a guy who is useless but has lots of money - it is not the money that women want most, but the feeling of moving towards a better future. Men who are rich in the secondary characteristics (looks, height, money, status) but are not pursuing an attractive purpose will catch womens’ attention for at least some time (sometimes that time is only a few minutes), but women usually become bored when they realize the man has the weaponry to pursue desirable purposes but refuses to use it.
Nevertheless, you must still fulfill at least some of the woman’s lower desires. If you look like shit, live in a shitty apartment, and have nothing to show for your hard work, women will not be attracted to you no matter how awesome your emotional experience is. Also, no matter how awesome your life is, you will not be able to produce journey pleasure every second of the day, so in those boring times she will need some other emotion to fall back on. But even when pursuing your lower purposes, you must venture into the unknown. A casual conversation at a party could turn into a deep conversation about the nature of the universe; a coffee date may turn into a game where you guess the life stories of each person in the coffee shop, a trip to a music festival may turn into an exciting exploration of the festival grounds, etc…. You can be at the fanciest mansion with the most alcohol and the most important celebrities, but the moment the party feels boring and mundane, you must take her to the next stage of the adventure. When planning dates, you should find activities that are quirky, off the beaten path, and most importantly, genuinely fun for the both of you. If a woman wants to talk about something boring and mundane, you must elevate the conversation into something that you and her both find genuinely interesting, challenging, and important.
Insecurity and Acceptance
The fundamental motivating emotion for betas is insecurity. I define insecurity here as the fear, well-founded or not, that one will be rejected from the tribe. Insecurity is a foundational emotion for betas because rejection meant disaster for our evolutionary ancestors: one who was rejected from the tribe would be cut off from all of the tribe’s resources and left in the jungle to fend for themselves. Both men and women can feel insecure, but insecurity is more predominant in women because they are physically easier to kick out of the tribe and less able to fend for themselves in the jungle without male physical protection. Much of womens’ seemingly bizarre behavior can be explained by their insecurity and their attempts to alleviate that insecurity.
For a beta to obtain access to any valuable resource (such as food, sex, love, affection, and an enjoyable adventure into the unknown), they need to be accepted by the tribe first, which is why the beta’s desire to be accepted is their strongest emotion. Oftentimes the kind of clothes people wear, the music they like, and even their moral and religious beliefs are dictated by the tribe, because acceptance by a powerful tribe is more important than whether you listen to this or that music, wear this or that clothes, or believe this or that moral theory. Aside from meeting our most basic needs, most everything humans do is for acceptance and status and most of our psychological trauma is a result of somebody who made us feel rejected at some point.
This need for acceptance drives conformity in humans. Even if a beta cannot consciously identify a particular person or thing as the “alpha male” their subconscious mind will still push them to do things that will conform to the dictates of whatever group of people they feel is most desirable and most likely to accept them. This is why even “nonconformist” people like goths and punks all end up looking, acting, and talking the same – their subconscious mind has identified “the goth community” as the desirable tribe, and pushes them to do whatever it thinks will bring them acceptance and status within that tribe. In women, all the slutty outfits, bitchiness, and efforts to be cool are all pleas for acceptance and status. And a woman wearing high heels or make up is subconsciously begging for acceptance by the alpha male.
Insecurity creates a powerful evolutionary drive in betas to battle each other for status. In the absence of a clear alpha male to lay down the law, betas engage in heated, sometimes violent status wars until a clear, undisputable winner emerges. You can see this dynamic in a middle-school lunch room, Twitter, or lawless desert in Afghanistan. This eternal war for status is why children bully each other, why old ladies gossip, and why beta and insecure people are so much worse to work for than alphas. Of course, there are plenty of rational reasons for a person to be unpleasant to another person, but attacks for status are often completely irrational and only exist to obtain a higher rank in a hypothetical dominance hierarchy that only exists in people’s heads.
This status battle is essentially a clash of purposes – whoever can cause the other party to deviate from their purposes “wins” the status battle and feels higher in the dominance hierarchy (and the loser feels lower in the dominance hierarchy). But as we have seen, your purposes create your reality and your reality creates your emotional experience, so you “win” a status battle by showing that the challenger cannot affect your purposes, reality, or emotional experience. The alpha male does not, however engage in these status battles because there is no danger that he could ever be rejected from the tribe – he IS the tribe. A beta attacking the alpha male for status is like a 2 year old kicking a grown man in the shin – all the grown man can do is laugh because the threat is so insignificant. Furthermore, the alpha’s thoughts and emotions are simply not focused on gaining acceptance – he is instead focused on venturing into the unknown to create a superior future reality for the tribe. Insulting the alpha male is like a preacher reading a math textbook at a Justin Bieber concert – it just does not register emotionally to him.
The best way to “win” a status battle is to not play at all. By engaging in any kind of status battle with anybody, you are admitting that you are just another beta fighting for a place in the tribe, rather than the alpha who transcends the tribe. This is why women are turned off by men who brag and who get butthurt when they are insulted – those guys are still playing the “game.” The alpha male doesn’t give a fuck what you think about him at all, which is why he “wins” the status game. If you go to nightclubs, for example, you see tons of guys competing for status – some of them are winning, some of them are losing – but all of them are experiencing a sub-par emotional experience because they are worried about whether the next guy will overtake them in the status game. The guy who is dressed in a ridiculous outfit and who is spending the most money to look cool is less attractive to women than the guy who is just having a fun time.
Betas do not just want acceptance from any old tribe – they want acceptance from the strongest tribe that is led by the strongest alpha male. Humans evolved an intense fear of “outsiders” so if a beta feels like there is a stronger tribe out there, they will want to either beat them or join them. Because insecure people perpetually feel like they are left at the fringes of the tribe, they are often the shittiest, most disloyal people. They rarely feel loyalty to any tribe because they rarely feel like any tribe has actually accepted them. A person can only really be compassionate if they are firmly secure in a tribe and have access to the tribe’s resources to distribute. An insecure person must worry about saving their own ass and joining a tribe first because they can even think about being compassionate to others. This is why relying on insecure people for compassion or pity is always a fool’s errand.
Imagine you are a beautiful woman. Ideally, the man who is clearly the alpha male from the strongest tribe will roll out the red carpet for you and joyfully accept you. In the real world, however, it is not clear who the alpha male is – instead, you see a confusing mess. Some men have some alpha traits but are missing others, some men act alpha at some times and beta at others, and some men seem like they might be alpha but won’t give you the time of day. All you know is most men are beta because, evolutionary speaking, there is only one alpha and many betas. When men supplicate to you and deviate from their purposes for you (which becomes more frequent the hotter you are), you will feel paradoxically feel more insecure because you will subconsciously feel that those men are not the alpha male and therefore cannot “accept” you into the tribe. Your insecurity will therefore drive you to irrationally attack every man you interact with. This “bitchiness” has an evolutionary purpose: if you win the attack you get a small status boost in the tribe, and if you “lose” the attack, then you have found the alpha male and you now know who YOU need to supplicate to for acceptance. Counter-intuitively, women prefer to lose because if they “win” they have not received much: they are still not accepted by the boss, they are just slightly higher in the dominance hierarchy than some random guy.
Most men do not understand this dynamic so when women irrationally attack them they lash out in anger, get anxious, get butthurt, do something creepy, react passive aggressively, or run away. These responses are wrong because they indicate to the woman that she successfully perturbed your emotional experience, and therefore you are not the alpha male. The right reaction to a shit test is to maintain your joyful emotional experience and act like a 2 year old kicked you in a shin. If you approach a woman or group of women and they say something humiliating or mean to you, your best reaction is to act like they magically disappeared and ceased to exist but you didn’t even notice. Your body language, facial expression, and general demeanor and happiness should not change at all; you should just act like something else caught your eye. I know that sounds like a strange way to behave in the real world, but from an evolutionary perspective you are demonstrating to her that her attempt at “rejecting” you actually caused her to be instantly rejected. Remember, no matter how hot or rich or famous or bitchy or cool or popular or well-connected or snazzily dressed a women is, from an evolutionary standpoint she is not the gatekeeper of the tribe – YOU ARE, and just by virtue of being a man. Most men, unfortunately, fail to understand or exercise this potential power they have.
Of course, women will not fall in love with you just because you passed one shit test. For a woman to accept a man as an alpha male she needs a lot of “evidence” because, from an evolutionary standpoint, the alpha male acts consistently over a long term, not just in short spurts. But the longer you can stay in her presence and show that you react like the alpha male would the more emotional investment she will build in you and the more likely she is to accept you as the alpha male. This time period can last from a few minutes to a few hours to years. Normally, I tell guys that if a woman is still not coming around after a reasonable period of time, it probably ain’t gonna happen and you should move on.
To deal with insecure people, you must understand their psychology. Insecure people are haunted by a constant paranoia that they will be rejected by those who matter, so they need stay constantly on their toes to secure acceptance. People often become insecure when they are repeatedly rejected by the people they care about, so their subconscious mind constantly feels like they are at the fringe of the tribe. Men are often shocked by womens’ cruelty and cold-heartedness because they fail to realize that women view the world as a scary place governed by power. In this nightmarish landscape, womens’ strongest imperative is to seek the most powerful man’s protection, but the most powerful man can change in an instant. This is why women need constant validation and attention to confirm their acceptance, which gives rise to symbolic things like weddings and Valentine’s Day. But even when they achieve acceptance, they are still not fulfilled because they assume they will just get rejected again – which is why so many insecure people cheat on their partners and constantly seek attention from every high status person they meet. Insecure people never feel the calm and warmth that comes from knowing they are permanently part of the tribe, they are surrounded by good people who love them, and that they can get anything they could ever want or need from the tribe or themselves.
Evolution wants people to stay in their place, so insecure, low-status individuals start to feel “comfortable” on the bottom rungs on the tribe, which causes them to feel uncomfortable and anxiety when somebody treats them like they are high status and firmly accepted. This is why some people have imposter syndrome or are “afraid of success.” Their conscious mind wants to succeed, but their mind subconsciously tries to sabotage their success so they go back to their lower rank where their mind thinks they are “supposed” to be.
Some men target insecure women because they think that insecure women are “easy.” But insecure women actually have a stronger desire for the alpha male because their desire for acceptance by a strong tribe is never satiated, so they need to keep feeding that desire. Insecure women are also more likely to act up and shit test the alpha male because they are used to being rejected and feel uncomfortable when things are going well. Finally, insecure women often bounce from man to man because they have no loyalty towards any tribe because they do not feel like any tribe is loyal to them. As you can see, human psychology is extremely weird and counterintuitive, which is why almost nobody understands it.
To deal with insecure people, you must hold iron frame. You must make clear that they must fight for their acceptance and you will reject them the moment they act up. Most men do the opposite – when a woman expresses insecurity, they supplicate to her to reassure her that she is accepted. But this kind of supplication actually increases her insecurity because it demonstrates to her that the man is weak, his tribe is weak, and she should look elsewhere for acceptance. Humans evolved to see the alpha male as a hardass who rejects people who are not performing, so if a man tells a woman that she will not be rejected no matter what she does, she will subconsciously think either 1) he is not the alpha male or 2) he is lying. Either way, she is still insecure. Again, this is extremely counterintuitive, which is why so many men fail at this.
Modern society has created an insecurity crisis within women because it teaches women that their primary value comes from their appearance. This lie causes insecurity in women for two reasons: 1) appearance is a temporary, fleeting thing that literally changes based on what you wore, ate, and painted your face with that day, and 2) women evolved to feel accepted after they contribute to the tribe, not just for being hot. As we will learn, being hot contributes to the alpha male’s emotional experience, but only slightly – most of her value comes from her assistance to his purposes. A woman who only focuses her time and energy on being hot, like so many modern women do, will never really feel accepted by any man because the deepest depths of her subconscious mind will let her know that she is still worthless.
Men can also be insecure, and unfortunately, many men get into picking up women to cure their insecurity – they subconsciously feel like they can become “alpha” and get women, they will rise in the dominance hierarchy and be more “secure” in their position in the tribe. These guys often grew up around people who harshly rejected them and people who made them feel like their value as a man depended on how many women they could get. But trying to feel alpha by getting women always fails because they become dependent on women for that feeling, which makes them wanty, which ends up repelling women and making them feel even more insecure. You need to feel alpha first, and THEN get women, not vice versa.
Because insecure people are desperately trying to convince others and themselves that they are members in good standing of the tribe, they often project a fake hyper-confidence and obsession with status. They often try to “imitate” the alpha by acting distant or aloof, as if their thoughts and emotions were focused on something much more important. They also often irrationally attack others to assert and demonstrate their place in the dominance hierarchy (something a real alpha would never do). Unfortunately, many men fail fall for these false projections by women and actually believe that these women are better than them or unwilling to enter their frame. But real alphas do not irrationally attack or ignore people, so people that act shitty are often frightened betas worrying about their place in the dominance hierarchy. The insecure people that act shittiest often act the most debased and supplicatory when they encounter an actual alpha male, because the whole purpose of the assholishness by these insecure people was to be accepted by this alpha that they have finally found.
The Unknown and the Madman Theory
In a perfect world where you were the archetypal alpha male women would never get bored or tired of you because you would be constantly venturing into the unknown every single second of the day. In the real world, however, you spend much of your time doing mundane things and not venturing into the unknown: tying your shoes, brushing your teeth, going to dinner, etc… Therefore, even if you live a pretty cool life, women in the real world will be bored of you much of the time. Furthermore, women cannot read your mind, so even if your thoughts and emotions were constantly focused on the unknown, it would still appear to them superficially that you were boring.
The solution to this dilemma is that you must not only venture into the unknown, but you must also yourself feel like the unknown to her. A woman, therefore, explores the unknown in two ways; vicariously through the alpha male, and directly by trying to get the alpha male. You do this by acting somewhat unpredictably within the Golden Window. I hate to tell men to “play games” like this, but unfortunately the human desire for the unknown is extremely powerful, irrational, and constantly present.
You can fail if you act predictably, even if you are in the Golden Window. For example, if you always text her back exactly 20 minutes after she texts you, you may still be technically complying with the alpha male quid pro quo and acting within the Golden Window, but in a predictable and boring way. But even if you act unpredictably, you must remain in the Golden Window. It is pretty “unpredictable” to disappear for three months on your girlfriend, but most girls would dump you after that. Similarly, it would be unpredictable to buy a woman you just started dating a Ferrari, but that would be beta. Your unpredictability must remain within the Golden Window.
I cannot teach you how to be unpredictable because, well, that would make you predictable. Just like understanding the sweet spot requires emotional intelligence, understanding the scope of acceptable unpredictable behavior also requires emotional intelligence. Some women want more unknown than others, and some types of unpredictable behavior are too much for some women to handle.
The fucked up thing about a man or woman’s desire for the unknown is that there does not need to be anything interesting or valuable behind the illusion for the illusion to work. The attraction to the unknown is a self-contained desire – it need not be supplanted by any real prize that lies in the unknown. By definition, a person attracted to a path through the unknown does not have enough information to know what is at the end of that path. Therefore, it is possible to be an uninteresting loser and still create this illusion for women, at least for a short time.
Because it is hard to fake being the alpha male, pick up artists have traditionally focused making women feel they represent the unknown. Negging, push-pull, peacocking, “dread game,” strategic texting, and routines are essentially ways to make men “feel” mysterious. And unfortunately, it works. The desire for the unknown is such a primal, strong desire that women will often reject an actual high-status, good-looking guy in favor of a mysterious loser.
This is a serious problem for women. Women systematically miss out on guys they would otherwise really like because the high value guy acts slightly too emotionally invested and the loser successfully “games” her by being challenging, distant, and “unknown”. It is obviously rational to want to avoid creepy, annoying, stalkers who are way too emotionally invested, but it is not rational to reject an otherwise attractive guy only because he is slightly too emotionally invested.
When I first started gaming, I would sometimes have long, great conversations with women who seemed genuinely interested, only to blow it by acting slightly too interested or emotionally invested later. I was not being creepy or pushy at all, I was just being a little too interested and nice. Later, sometimes that night or sometimes a different night, I would see the same woman with a guy who was worse than me in every way: shorter, uglier, clearly lower status, etc… I later realized that the real victim was the woman – she rejected the objectively superior and more desirable guy (me) for a lower-status guy, solely because the lower value guy “felt” more mysterious at that moment. And of course, this low-status guy had no idea what he was doing: he “got lucky” by acting the right way on accident, and he would usually blow it later by acting overly emotionally invested. Women jump from guy to guy partly because most guys cannot consistently project the illusion of the unknown, especially if they get emotionally invested, which causes women to lose interest and look for somebody else.
On the flipside, once I understood women’s attraction to the unknown, I started batting out of my league. Women would choose me over guys who had objectively higher value than me, simply because those guys acted a little too emotionally invested or interested. Furthermore, because I understood what I was doing, I was able to project this illusion on a consistent basis whereas other guys would do it on accident for a little while and then go back to messing it up. I was even able to go back to those women that had rejected me previously and get them back by acting mysterious and unknown.
By realizing that womens’ desire for the unknown is a separate, self-contained desire that had nothing to do with a man’s actual value, I was able to create an illusion for myself that was way more impressive than what I actually was.
The alpha male quid pro quo and women’s desire for the unknown mean that a man should always remain a “maybe” to the woman. If a man says or does anything to indicate that he is “all in” on a woman, she will lose attraction because unconditional commitment communicates that 1) the man will continue to do things for her even if she does nothing for him, 2) the man can be distracted from his purpose, and 3) the man lacks options.
Many men in the manosphere say things like “women don’t care about your struggle, they just want a man who has crossed the finish line and is already successful.” That statement is both true and false.
First, it is true that women do not care about your struggle. Betas naturally do not care about anybody else’s struggle because they are more worried about their own. If you are in the jungle fighting with other betas for limited resources, you simply do not have the time or emotional energy to care about somebody else having a tough time, especially if that other person is an alpha. Betas are almost incapable of feeling pity for the alpha. A single mother working two shitty jobs may say she feels bad for Lebron James, but on the deepest emotional level, she does not and cannot feel bad for him. Nor are women interested in struggles – a struggle implies negative emotions, and women want none of that. Even when on a difficult adventure, women want a man who is confidently and joyfully pursuing his purpose, not “struggling.” This is not because women are evil or heartless, but because negative emotions register much deeper with women. A man can handle negative emotions because he feels hope (powered by testosterone) that he can defeat whatever threat is in his way and make it to some better place eventually. Because women have higher anxiety and less testosterone, they have less hope, which is why they seek the positive emotions offered by the alpha male. But if the alpha male is also drowning in negative emotions with no hope to escape, he is nothing but a burden to women.
That said, a man who has stacked up a ton of money and Ferraris but now spends his day watching TV and chasing women is not attractive. Sure, he will probably get some hot babes that want to quit their job and spend all day by his swimming pool, but they will not feel emotionally attracted to him. Men who think “women just want money” completely misunderstand womens’ desire for an adventure.
All that said, in reality high-quality women often do end up with rich and successful men, for several reasons. First, the best indicator that a man that can, will, and will continue to pursue desirable purposes is evidence that he has succeeded in the past. A man who says “I know I have failed at everything I have tried to do so far, but I promise that now I am on a fun adventure pursuing desirable purposes” is not very persuasive to women or anybody else. Second, journey pleasure is a rare and delicate flower, and it is difficult to consistently produce this emotion for yourself and others. When this emotion disappears, women come back to their rational senses, and at that point they need to rationally decide whether to stick with a guy, and if the guy has nothing to offer from a rational point she will move on. I have known several drug dealers, pimps, and rappers that can often attract very beautiful women, but those relationships are often very unstable because the women eventually figure out that there is nothing behind the illusion.
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|Title||The Purpose Series (Part 2 of 3) - How Women are Attracted to Men with Attractive Purposes|
|Date||December 15, 2019 5:36 PM UTC (1 year ago)|
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