I must have tricked myself thinking that I could escape the system and accept TRP truth. Boy am I fucking wrong and I need help.

Lost massive excess weight, had surgeries for lose skin, worked very hard to overcome social isolation and stop being a autistic sperg around people. I started lifting weights, found a dress style that I likes, started making friends and learned how to talk to women. I am filled with confidence to the point where my ego is a little delusional. My apartment still smells like the girl I had over last night. She overtly told me between kissing that she can see that I am a man that likes women and she doesn't mind not being the only one.

If you knew me 5 years ago, you wouldn't recognize me on the street or even in a text message because I changed so much (physically and mentally).

Sounds awesome, right? This is an awesome humble brag post about how fucking amazing I am, right?

I feel fucking empty. There is a supposed to be a god shaped whole in every man, how the fuck do you fill it if religion doesn't make sense to you? All that shit was supposed to make me happy, to a degree I am happy but I feel like an imposter. A used car dealer trying to sell people a shitty car with new paint.

I am not even sure what to ask of you but damn it I need input.