Now I'm the asshole of my "friend" circle.

psyflux · 2016-07-21T10:17:38+00:00

none of us have interest in each other

Not true because:

he was putting half of the total bill

Warrior_For_Hire · 2016-07-21T04:07:43+00:00

Man what a shitty thing to do, not you but the girls. I would bet that she had the money but thought she was entitled to a free meal.

inspiron3000 · 2016-07-21T11:18:35+00:00

"we gentlemen aren't going to let the ladies pay are we?"

Eh, you're not members of the landed gentry.
Are you in listed in Burke's?

If they were gentlemen they wouldn't so much as sniffed at the bill. It would be change to them.

Pretentious betas are not your friends.

awalt_cupcake · 2016-07-21T11:10:27+00:00

lol good job to you for standing your ground man

You did nothing wrong, but you do have shitty and entitled friends

RichieFinn · 2016-07-21T04:08:53+00:00

Wtf?! Did she really cry or are you exaggerating? It's seems like the most meaningless, most impulsive thing she could do. A simple explanation followed by borrowing some money would suffice I guess.

HumanSockPuppet · 2016-07-21T16:53:02+00:00

Well done. You are on the way to earning your full Shitlord Membership Card.

Next milestone: tell a bitch to pay for you, and she pays.

RPShitlord · 2016-07-21T10:54:27+00:00

That's why you don't do group dates with women. Next time carry a limited amount of cash. "I didn't expect to be paying for anybody else."

TheRedStoic · 2016-07-21T17:51:37+00:00

She probably had the cash. I've actually noticed plenty of girls do these days, because as our men begin waking up the ditch strategy (duck from the bathroom) becomes more common.

A few of the worst still don't, but most of them have plenty of dosh, you did right.

PantsonFire1234 · 2016-07-22T15:31:40+00:00

"we gentlemen aren't going to let the ladies pay are we?"

Fucking hell. That's the moment I would gone up and left without saying a word. Then again, I wouldn't socialize with weak cucks like that.

brooklynisburnin · 2016-07-21T15:11:26+00:00

Now I'm the asshole of my "friend" circle.

Reframe, you friend circle is full of bitches. Time for a purge.

AlfredApple · 2016-07-21T04:22:09+00:00

Tough break mate.

Whilst you were in the right, sometimes you need to cop one on the chin for the bigger picture. It's all well and good for us on TRP to tell people that the way society is currently functioning is wrong but that's just not how it works in practice sometimes.

Imagine you are at a friend's place and they ask you to say grace before a formal meal and you're an atheist. Is it worth making a big deal in front of the parents or do you just bow your head and say thanks for the food and company, amen.

Your situation meant you got burnt financially but paying would have solved the situation at hand. Then in the future you know that with this particular group of friends, you need to clarify bill splitting before the restaurant choice.

Yes, what I am saying is probably not popular with die hard TRPers but life isn't straight forward and social circles are important.

One of the "ladies" started to cry telling she doesn't have that much money, I said you should've have said it first so we would choose a more suitable place but now there isn't much I can do.

One of the "ladies" started to cry telling she doesn't have that much money, I said you should've have said it first so we would choose a more suitable place. We'll cover it this time but you girls can't be relying on us just because we are rich, successful men! (jokingly)

Fnaut3187 · 2016-07-21T06:31:52+00:00

India? India

0kool74 · 2016-07-21T14:07:00+00:00

"we gentlemen aren't going to let the ladies pay are we?".

Soon as I read this I wanted to throat punch the dude and kick him in the nuts. Classic beta poon chasing behavior.

I said its 2016, woman are equals to us and should be independent

MASTER!!!!!!!

One of the "ladies" started to cry telling she doesn't have that much money

You know, one of these days it's gonna get to the point where people no longer give a shit about tears from women unless they're a) giving birth or b) on their death bed.

TL;DR: I'm the selfish prick of my friend group. AMA!

Sometimes a win is........a win! :-)

[deleted] · 2016-07-21T14:41:16+00:00

I'm the selfish prick of my friend group. AMA!

Congratulations, want a pat on the back and internet points? Gods the circle jerk is strong in this thread

[deleted] · 2016-07-21T05:35:27+00:00

No sympathy. You dont owe these people shit. If they don't want to be friends with you anymore, forget them. If they invite you to hang out, act like nothing happenend.

LaRedPill · 2016-07-21T11:39:15+00:00

Sorry I didnt bring more money than this.

ronsoness · 2016-07-21T13:33:04+00:00

being the asshole is never always bad. esp if "asshole" means assertive and not excessively offensive and crude.
it's important to set precedents.
learn how to divide up a bill properly and manage people. it's a pain in the ass, but it needs to be done in those cases. or just make separate bills next time. or just make a separate bill for yourself and let everyone else deal with the split.
look for friends who are accountable w/ money. maybe someone was trying skimp you and hide behind crowd anonymity. and crying b/c she doesn't have much money? then don't go out to eat wtf! i have poor and rich friends -- all of them pay their share. or we treat each other. none of them skip the bill or try to shortchange people. that's how friends should be.
take mental notes of who the cheapskates are and avoid accordingly. i say this as a recovering cheapskate myself, who at times, was a bit hard to bear.

TheProspecter · 2016-07-21T18:32:29+00:00

honestly how does one even respond to a beta financially shaming you like that? "we gentlemen aren't going to let the ladies pay" Legit question what is response to that type of bullshit?

Nergaal · 2016-07-21T19:11:19+00:00

If you value their opinion at all, you could have budged in after being more delicate IMO. If you don't, don't worry about it.

Remember, in life you have to know when to go Beta, not just 100% alpha.

Genericusername30939 · 2016-07-21T20:10:26+00:00

Female: you're not a dick, she should have paid her fair share. That's how equality works. I order within my means plus tip when I'm out with friends and when my husband pays for dinner when we are out I always say "thank you for dinner, it was lovely" because appreciation.

[deleted] · 2016-07-22T02:59:12+00:00

Have you considered buying everyone Hootie & The Blowfish concert tickets?

shassamyak · 2016-07-22T12:35:51+00:00

Good for you. You treated them as equals. The problem is you were not subtle. Your "group" must have met several times earlier and are on regular chatting,how this topic never came up? How did your "friends" never knew about your gender equality role assertions? Did you transformed overnight? Generally people share their feeling,thoughts,visions and things what they perceive as right or wrong among their social circles or "friends", did you ever presented them with what you thought about the division of power or what you perceive as equality. You are now an asshole because you definitely are one. Did it never occur to you once that a sudden news of your new found equality update should not be a breaking news? What did you guys ever talk about when met earlier?

I really dislike people who shit on their culture and traditions and believe the dollar country is more up to date. Every culture has its own problem and american culture is not separate from this situation. Your mentality towards your tradition defines that you are not confident of who you are and wants to ape and fit in. It is not healthy.

nuesuh · 2016-07-21T12:17:54+00:00

Chivalry has been dead for hundreds of years.

p3n15h34d · 2016-07-21T14:00:27+00:00

you need better friends

redolas · 2016-07-21T14:15:09+00:00

Welcome to the red pill. It's going to get worse. She's going to booty call you soon.

Well, probably not. But, you made it through. You only got this much drama because they knew you as a nice little beta. Once you get new friends who know you to be the "asshole", they will make a joke at most.

Still, I can't believe the cheek! A girlfriend, yes, she may make a scene. But a friend? That's way too much.

FatGirlsInPartyHats · 2016-07-21T16:18:42+00:00

Don't eat with a chick you haven't already fucked and do not wish to fuck again. Don't let it even become a topic of consideration.

Two things usually happen in this situation, realistically. You either a: pay for her food and drinks and hope to god she's gonna fuck b. dont pay for her shit and she gets pissed.

Example: I was on a 2nd date with this chick and she said she wanted pizza. I told her I wasn't hungry and she could order some if she wanted. She asked for my card. I told her no. She got very upset saying I don't take her needs seriously. I kicked her out of my house. She texted and apologized and stuff but it's a major red flag.

TL;DR: If she ain't fuckin' I ain't payin'.

endBEAT · 2016-07-21T16:29:58+00:00

stuck between traditional and modern third world country

So pretty much your country and countrymen continue to oppress women. Didn't your President call women who work 'half persons'? But I guess it's okay to bilk your female friends. Next time don't go out for a celebration without giving a heads up that you're only paying for yourself.

endBEAT · 2016-07-21T16:32:46+00:00

"Let's show women how weak and hypocritical they are by reminding them they are a long way from independence!"

blackedoutfast · 2016-07-21T17:01:50+00:00

you are right about how the bill should have been split between friends, but in terms of social interaction the money is irrelevant. you lost because you allowed the other dude to control the frame. that's why you are the outcast asshole of the group right now instead of the red pill alpha male leader.

he framed the situation as "a true gentlemen would pay for the ladies in this situation. therefore all the other dudes who think women should pay their fair share are ungentlemanly assholes." instead of taking control by attacking his dumb blue pill premise, you passively accepted the way he framed the scene and started going after hypocritical feminism. in the real world, you are right. but inside his framing of that particular slice of reality, you stepped into the role of one of those asshole dudes. you simply proved his point.

what you should have done was completely reframe the situation. point out that the real reason he wants to pay is because he is a thirsty little fuck who is too much of a pussy to ask these girls on a real romantic date but is still trying to impress them by flashing money. put him on the defensive while maintaining your calm confidence and it's much more likely that everyone would have chosen to view reality through your frame.

Title	Now I'm the asshole of my "friend" circle.
Author	AtLastBackToWar
Upvotes	57
Comments	66
Date	21 July 2016 03:52 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	askTRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/108644
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4tv4iz/now_im_the_asshole_of_my_friend_circle/