[UPDATE] Just discovered my fiance has a very promiscuous past and I have thoughts of ending it. Am I being too rash?

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April 1, 2018
167 upvotes

Backstory: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/886imz/just_discovered_my_fiance_has_a_very_promiscuous/

So a few of you have messaged asking for an update. I wasn't sure I was going to put one at first since the last thread was apparently so controversial, but I wanted to thank a few of you at the very least and give some closure to this.

I heard a lot of impassioned arguments on both sides of the spectrum, though at the end of the day I would like to especially thank the mod of this sub /u/eganist for their comment upon locking the last thread, especially when he/she said "if you're not feeling it, don't think you ever will, and realistically can't see a reason why you should change your mind and make it work out, walk away." Gave me a lot to think about, and boiled the whole thing down to the sum of its parts, so thank you.

With that said, I didn't think I could find a way to get over it. I was torn because I felt like I should talk to her about it, but I also didn't want to make a bigger mess, so I waited a bit. Eventually she could tell something was bothering me because I wasn't speaking much and I asked her to sit down at the table so we could talk. I told her about the other night, who we ran into, and what I found out. She didn't react much at first either way. I told her that I had no clue about this part of her, and now looking back I felt like she had been actively trying to hide it. She said she didn't think it mattered and never saw a reason to talk about it, but that she felt terrible about me having to deal with that when I was on a night out. I told her that to me it DID matter, or else I would never have asked and that I was beginning to think it was a big mistake just letting it go so easily.

At this point all of the feelings I had been building up kind of unloaded. I didn't yell or anything like that, but I told her that I feel like this has been building to a head for awhile now and that I already sat by more than I was comfortable with with the fact the she used to sleep with one of her friends (and before anyone jumps down my throat, if it was the other way around I'd totally understand her point and would act accordingly) and that he was still around. It bothered me, and if she hadn't noticed I hadn't exactly gone out of my way to be best buds with him. I don't treat him like an asshole or anything, just keep interaction with him to a minimum. But then I go out and find this out, and now it feels like I can't even go anywhere without some people silently snickering that they've been with my future-wife! To me it felt like I was being put into some kind of power play and had no defense against it, especially when I wasn't even aware of it in the first place... And that over the days I spent stewing on this I felt like my frustration had boiled over.

She teared up a bit and was apologetic, but she said that none of that matters. That we're a team now and that since me, it's just been us going forward and that's what it always will be. Which just pissed me off because it felt like she completely missed my point.

This part sucked, but I told her that I've done a lot of thinking and listened to a lot of perspectives on the matter and this was the kind of stuff that was giving me serious thought to if we were meant to be ready. She got very upset when I said that and basically asked if I was being fucking serious. I told her I'm dead serious, and she said that this is the stupidest reason she could think of. I told her "Ah okay, diminish my feelings on the entire matter then, that definitely changed my mind! All good now! So if I had a criminal history that I avoided telling you about and you found out similarly to how I did, you wouldn't be upset because it's no big deal, I don't steal anymore, that was in the past?" and she got even more angry but then really sad, which just made me feel like shit. She took off her engagement ring and slid it across the table to me and asked if I was happy now. I told her none of this makes me happy, neither the shitty conversation we were having or the thought of me building resentment over the years because of one sticking point.

Ultimately I told her that I want an indefinite, and that we definitely need to table the engagement for now. She was unhappy and pleaded with me to really consider what I was doing here and to not act hastily and I told her I've been thinking about this for days and that I apologized for springing it on her so quickly like this, but I had to hold firm on this decision. I talked to my best friend afterward and went over to his place and he was super supportive. I asked him for his blunt honesty, and that it would forever stay between us and that I wanted his 100% honest-to-god opinion. He was hesitant at first but told me he supported my decision 1000% and if it was him, he would hope he would have had the strength to do the same thing. But he was never going to say anything because it's my life and (was) my fiance, so whatever made me happy was cool with him. But for him personally, it would have been a dealbreaker. I felt 100x better after that, and we ended up having a fun evening.

I don't feel fantastic now, but I don't feel as shitty as I thought I was going to. The break has only just started but I'm about 100% sure it's going to end between us. I'm giving her time to process this and mentally prepare for it like I had and then we'll reconvene. I hate being an Indian giver with the engagement ring, but I also remember that it was given originally under false pretenses so whatever. That's where things are now.

TL;DR Talked to fiance. Predictably didn't go well

Special note to ArkTRP. Have never heard of you guys, and honestly a few of you were a little too gung ho with assumptions that weren't correct, but some of the best discourse and well rationalized arguments came from many members of this community. You were invaluable in my time of need and I really appreciate it. You all also weren't afraid to be as blunt as possible. The little voice in the back of my head was being soft spoken, and you all were like the much needed Megaphone to get it to speak the fuck up. I wish you all the best!


Post Information
Title [UPDATE] Just discovered my fiance has a very promiscuous past and I have thoughts of ending it. Am I being too rash?
Author fyouIgotthis
Upvotes 167
Comments 133
Date 01 April 2018 06:58 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/126953
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/88t40m/update_just_discovered_my_fiance_has_a_very/
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Comments

[–]ModTheRedPike[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (3 children) | Copy

So what is this post asking?

[–]XCKCX 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

/r/relationships BTFO yet again.

You made the right call but the hard part (sticking to your decision) is yet to come. That will be the true test of whether or not you can do this.

[–]pridebrah10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

Indeed. Pulling the trigger is easier than sticking to it.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 23 points24 points  (3 children) | Copy

Consider it stuck really. She can't unfuck all of those dicks, and I'd never look at her the same way again. There's really nowhere to go. I'm more just doing this to get some breathing time for myself and for her to process everything so moving forward can be done as cleanly as possible.

[–]hawkeaglejesus42 points43 points  (1 child) | Copy

for her to process everything so moving forward can be done as cleanly as possible.

I'm giving it a 50/50 chance it'll go the opposite way. You're expecting an emotional woman to act in a rational way.

A break like this is going to be talked about in both of your social circles and there is no way in hell she's going to come out to her friends and family and say "he dumped me because I fucked too many guys"

As much as I'd like to believe in humanity, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". Be prepared for the following accusations:

"He was abusive/manipulative" - people in the other subreddit made these accusations without even KNOWING you

"He hit me"

"He raises his voice all the time"

"He made me feel trapped in our relationship"

"You guys don't realize, even though he seems like a good guy, behind closed doors he's a total monster"

Simultaneously "I LOVE him, why would he do this to me?" and "I haven't loved him for a long time, he's no longer the same person as when we met"

One thing that'll never happen is her taking responsibility for her actions. She's going to use any and all means at her disposal to make herself look like the victim in order to draw support from everyone around her, even if it means throwing you under the bus

EDIT: I'd recommend taking this time to at least talk to your friends/family and let them know your side of the story before she gets to them first. Once they hear her side of things there is nothing you'll be able to do to change their minds

For a lot of men it's not the breakup/divorce itself that's the hardest part. It's the social isolation induced by their vengeful SO as a means of punishing you.

Shit, there's stories of a guy's ex-wife taking his dog away just to have it put down. Don't underestimate how quickly her sadness will turn into hatred.

[–]rmlaway10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shit man... you really covered them all, huh?

Yeah the spin she'll probably create on why they broke up is gonna have it's own gravitational field... I hope OP can pull thru all that in the coming weeks.

[–]pridebrah5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

My man.

[–]ModTheRedPike[M] -3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No hotlinking other subs.

[–]StrongAffordance 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Welcome to the rest of your life man. You made the right call.

[–]AfterC10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bingo, good luck pal.

Give it time, you'll notice a day where it all starts to fall into place.

[–]LiftOrGTF050 points51 points  (12 children) | Copy

I'm giving her time to process this

Have fun waiting because there is absolutely nothing to process for her. It's all in the past now and it all "just happened" to her.

Your relationship was over when you heard all the stuff the others said about her. These thoughts are like a parasite in your head and they will never, NEVER go away as long as you stay with this girl. I know that all of this is insanely hard for you but you have to make the right decision and finish it now - once and for all. Nothing will get better at this point, especially after the talk you had. Otherwise, go ahead, hamster some shit up, marry her and get divorce raped at one point. The choice is yours.

Also, stay away from r/relationshit_advice because of stuff like this.

[–]Speedracer111117 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy

Deleted to prevent doxing

[–]Ramp_Up_Then_Dump11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

That place is not totaly hopeless. There are a few helpfull comments among beta gibberish.

[–]Psycholephant6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I checked the OPs thread a few days ago and many of the top comments were telling OP there was nothing wrong with how he felt. Also many of the comments trying to normalize sluttiness were being down voted.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 15 points16 points  (6 children) | Copy

Yeah dude, not sure how tf that is the top rated comment in the thread. Wtf is wrong with people? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

[–]lIIlllIIlIIllIlllIIl 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Those commenters were either women or beta men that put women on a pedestal. Remember: you are the prize. You had legitimate concerns with your relationship and you did something about it. Don't let anyone tell you it was wrong to trust your own gut.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 25 points26 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah someone in my first thread in there told me that her problems were my fucking PRIVILEGE. And that I was lucky that out of all of those guys, she chose to spend her life with me.

[–]Gozsayin6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dude chances are those guys dumped her just like u did after realizing she was slutting around

[–]_the_shape_3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Chances are they knew she wasn't worth keeping around for the long term, only a warm hole to use for self-gratification until extreme boredom kicked in and/or another warm, more inviting hole became available

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Or, even worse, for something about which OP knows nothing. Yet.

[–]KBeer012 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Physical pain reading this. Dude, congrats on dodging all those crazy bullets.

[–]TrueSplendor35 points36 points  (1 child) | Copy

I hope that I have as much strength as you do one day.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

You probably do, it's amazing how much mindset can fuel you to do amazing things. Really shocked still that I actually did it tbh.

[–]Heathcliff-- 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

You made the right decision, but this post has got me empathising with the girl a little bit.

Imagine thinking everything is going well with your current partner, and you've finally found someone you really want to commit to, when, like an unwanted old relative, your past creeps up on your life and ruins it again.

And imagine you truly regret this past. You realise it was all fucking stupid and you were an idiot person, but it's set in stone now. You can't change it. All you can do is learn from it and never behave that way again. We all have experienced this, no?

But now, it's wormed its way back into your happy life and taken away the one thing you loved. This time, you didn't even do anything wrong, you were very well behaved, but you're being abandoned again due to mistakes you can't unmake.

The despair! Happiness snatched from your grasp once again. And you can't even really blame your partner, deep down you understand he is being reasonable and is only looking out for himself. You would probably think the same.

No, the only person you can blame is yourself. You fucked up your own chances at real happiness when you were a kid, and it wil follow you around forever.

No wonder they lie about it.


Regardless, there's still no way you can stay with this girl. Like you said, no one likes to be sniggered at behind their back, and no man wants to be the man with the slut girlfriend.

While I feel for her pain and suffering, she brought this on herself. Firstly, for being a whore...which she gets a bit of a pass on, because all women are whores if their feminine imperative is allowed to operate unchecked. She was tricked as well however, being told from a young age that she can whore about and have fun and no one will judge her. She didn't realise that was a lie until to late... like now.

But more importantly, she lied by omission about it to you from the beginning, which is the true grave offence. The fact she didn't mention it shows that she knows it's something that would bother you, else she would have mentioned it. Hiding it from you means that she was wilfully manipulating you so you don't leave her. A marriage built on the manipulation of one or both parties is no marriage at all.

So yes, while, if you look at it from her solipsism, her lying is totally justified; you still need to look out for what's best for you, always. It is painful for her, and it will be very painful for you to watch yourself do it to her (the guilt and second-guessing will hit you hard, and her powers of emotional manipulation are about to ramp up to 115%, don't buckle) but hey, pain is unavoidable in this wild and twisted modern sexual marketplace. Love is war after all.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 60 points61 points  (15 children) | Copy

God what a roller coaster of a post. Yeah the 1st part is basically exactly what I've thought about a million times over and over now. But like the 2nd part says, I'm not going to be that guy. The other thread clearly demonstrates that women don't understand this feeling, but for guys, well all know what it is. The dumbass who bought the cow when it was passing the milk out for free. Fuck that.

[–]pridebrah41 points42 points  (8 children) | Copy

Yep. Nothing makes a man feel like more of a fucking idiot than the idea of having to invest himself financially and emotionally into a woman that was freely passing her ass around to guys that only had to invest a little bit of game for a night.

Women will never get this.

[–]rmlaway17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy

Women will never get this.

An extremely rare few do... there was a documentary I watched a while back about this woman (lesbian I think) who dressed as a guy and lived as guy for quite a few months. She even joined manly clubs and stuff. She said women have no idea what men have to go thru. (Shocker.) And that if given the choice she would chose to be woman. I wish I had the link handy...

[–]NJA4242 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

If you find anything please let me know

[–]LethalShade4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Think this is it.

[–]LethalShade2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I did a bit of Googling and I'm assuming this is what you're talking about.

Thanks for the recommendation, I'll give it a watch.

[–]Gozsayin1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I keep reading about this documentary if u get the link I would love to watch it

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Women will never get this.

I suspect that they ALL get it; they just don't let on for the sake of the chumps.

[–]empatheticapathetic4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

They get it. They just hamster it away. There's a reason they die with their reputation.

[–]Heathcliff-- 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Women find it very hard to understand anything in general. They do not systematise the way we do. As men, this is what we do, this is our nature, we find patterns in the chaos and construct predictions and theory, then use these to navigate the world more successfully. This is what we're good at, and we've done it for millennia. It's brought us science, and music, and agriculture, architecture and politics, hunting, art.

What happens when you apply this rigorous autism-level systematising analysis to women and the sexual marketplace?

You get The Red Pill.

Welcome, read the parent sub sidebar, you'll quickly come to accept whether you belong here or not.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 22 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wow. I like the way you think. I'll give it a read through and see what's up.

[–]ReefaShark11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

One of us! One of us!

[–]menial_optimist6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

gooble gobble

[–]nofilmynofucky5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn't feel too bad if I were you. She could have been honest, she chose instead to hide the truth from you, it didn't work out for her.

Pretty simple really. Sure it's a shitty situation but it's literally her own doing.

[–]juliusstreicher2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

To me, it's not so much the past as the future. The archaic term "damaged goods" is still relevant now, in re a hosebag, even though it's politically incorrect. All of our past actions create who we are. Hers just created a woman that cannot be on the same wavelength that you are on. You did the correct thing.

[–]rmlaway16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

being told from a young age that she can whore about and have fun and no one will judge her. She didn't realise that was a lie until to late... like now

I've heard girls say this to other girls, verbatim: "Don't worry you can be a slut now, then settle down and have a happy marriage later."

I was pretty floored when I first witnessed it first hand... so blatantly out there for all to see.

[–]Gozsayin13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude try having a religious background and finding out in highschool that by 11 grade most girls were already fucking. College was eye opening

[–]hawkeaglejesus6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

As my old boss used to say, mistakes are forgivable, lying is not.

[–]menial_optimist7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

My friends now-wife was the same as the gf in OPs post, except add a cocaine addicted, drug-dealer-datin' bad girl slutwhore who couldn't wait to find a big dick once the drinks started flowing. She founded jesus, got clean and not too long after met my beta best friend. She slowly revealed her past and he accepted it. Not to mention she told him no sex until marriage from the beginning. From the very beginning she framed the entire relationship it seems, though he puffs his chest out now and again and is "alpha" but it feels more like she voluntarily lets him get his way when she could totally manipulate him if she wanted to.

I got strange slut vibes from her from the beginning and just thought "maybe she has grown as a person" until one night she's giving me the "fuck me now" gaze, holding my hands etc and then later on (after I get away from her) she's groping herself with our other friends hand biting her lips.

At that point I knew my friend had fucked up big time, that she hasn't changed all that much. When the drinks start flowing its a ticking time bomb for circumstances to line up and for a chad to be in the right place at the right time and I completely believe she'll be begging to relive her wild younger days.

My friend is one of those kind of arrogant betas who thinks he's alpha etc.

He also claims shit like he taught her almost everything she knows about sex but I find that hard to believe. It begs the question will women fake innocence, virgin-like behavior and lack of experience in if she believes it will be more pleasing to her mate? I think yes.

I love my friend but he's one of those beta "Whatever, fuck it" kinda guys. "Whatever, fuck it" kind of guys are really saying "I lack the self respect and dignity to say no or take action" kind of people.

[–]11-Eleven-116 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're forgetting the part where she was still hanging around with someone she slept without telling OP. She deserves no sympathy.

[–]Gozsayin4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you, I would bet my arm and leg your docile in the bed girlfriend was probably still sleeping with this friend.

[–]juliusstreicher2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This has my vote. If she wasn't, (which she probably was) she would most def do it in the week leading up to the wedding, or bachelorette party night, or whenever he chose to smirk at her about getting married.

Now, I'm suspecting that, even though she thinks that OP is just 'going through a phase' and will get back with her, she is fucking that dude right now.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I thought that OP knew about it?

[–]systemshock8694 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

The real part that probably has most guys' stomachs churning is the fact that she put on a conservative front in the bedroom. As someone who has witnessed this first hand, I struggle to have an ounce of sympathy for a bitch who suppresses her sex drive to hide her past. That's like making a used car twice as expensive so that it doesn't seem to be used. It may seem a little harsh because it snuck up on her like that, but shit. She's like a ticking time bomb of slut and the new 'love of her life' doesn't even get to enjoy the fruits of all her slut labor. Dishonest to the core. She gave her best and now it's time for a good boye to settle down and give her his best for the rest of his life, whether she decides to fuck him or not. No fucking thanks. NEXT

[–]empatheticapathetic4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's the ultimate disrespect.

[–]Charrington842 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is just another child victim of the Marxist feminism poison present in society today.

And yet actions still have consequences.

[–]KBeer0114 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's going to still suck for a while man. But you did something incredibly noble in staying true to yourself. A lot of us (maybe just me?) had years of suppressing our emotions and not dealing with life etc.

By the time I realized that I need to grab life by the balls, I was already unhappily married, so I had to go through the entire divorce process to get to where I am today. Believe me, you just saved yourself a ton of more heartache and drama.

We empathize and simultaneously guarantee you that life again gets awesome. Keep your friends close in this time and this community is not not going anywhere.

[–]Lamond-Sciutto 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Just think how close you came to giving half your shit away to sombody that you didn't even know, that would have fucking sucked.

She'd already put you in the " nice guy box" looks like you dodged a built this time, read up and you'll know next time.

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She'd already put you in the " nice guy box"

This is illuminating...good catch.

[–]sjdfhskdjfh 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Hey man, I've never been engaged, but I've found out things about my serious ex-LTR's past that made me sick to my stomach every time I looked at her. I couldn't believe that all these guys got to fuck her when she was younger, better looking, and and more enthusiastic, and I'm the guy "paying" for the sex by being in a relationship with her. Ultimately it bred a lot of contempt and it made me miserable. We broke up and a huge weight fell from my shoulders. Now I don't even consider getting with a girl who has a higher n-count than me, which has made dating a lot less stressful. Stay strong in your decision.

[–]lastlaugh10010 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck same thing happened to me. My ex GF showed me pics of what she looked like just a year before she met me and she looked like she was 120 lbs. She was 135 when she met me, still a good weight for being 5'7. Three years later and she's like 155 and feels like I'm fucking a grandma (she is 38 and I'm 33).

I couldn't let go in my mind that she fucked other dudes when she was 120 lbs and younger with a youthful glow. Here I am fucking her when she's 155 lbs, more wrinkles and age 38.

It felt like she didn't respect me enough to stay at 135 lbs or even 120 lbs. Meanwhile I'm in even better shape than when I met her.

I had the same feelings as you- contempt. Why do I get to fuck the fatter older version when other guys got to fuck for free? Just pissed me off internally.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (6 children) | Copy

What a blessing you discovered this before you got married. You dont want to tie down a broken woman. Better to break up now then have this marriage blow up in your face later on down the road. 'Divorce rape' is the term they call it in TRP. She knows her worth and unconsciously, she was trying to tie you down for your valuable and precious resources. YOU are the prize.

She has to take personal responsibility for her actions. Partner count does matter (when it comes to marriage). You know it, you felt it in your gut. SHE knows it too.

You are free now- lets face it- its over between you two. If you are at a stage of life where you are behaving like a man and are truly ready for marriage, find a beautiful virgin.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

I really don't want a virgin. Never taken a virginity before and don't want to deal with all of that. But yeah I think it'll be a LOOOONNG fucking while before I think about marriage to anyone again.

[–]frogNews7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Teach. Teaching is the fundamental basics of becoming a man. You master your skills, and you pass it on, maybe. Virgins are like clean slates. If you mess up chiseling the pristine marble, own up to it.

[–]The__Tren__Train2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

never marry

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Obviously you aren't ready for marriage.

Hang around trp long enough and you will agree with me in time.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you always trust your gut.

[–]pridebrah5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

find a beautiful virgin.

eh I actually did this and still left before marriage. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Sex life is much better with a girl that has had some partners (and no I don't mean some chick that has been with 40 dudes). Like most things in life, there is a happy medium inbetween virgin and whore.

[–]Big_Red_suppository13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

Check out the return policy is on that ring asap. Hopefully you can at least trade it in for a nice watch.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is terrible but I lol'd hard at the stark contrast between the other 2 update comments I got vs seeing this one in my inbox. I just bought it this year, so I'm in the clear there.

[–]juliusstreicher2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think that OP is going to get quite a fucking on this deal. He may be able to get a great Casio out of the deal, tho.

[–]nastynickdr8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

The thing is: everyone is free to make their choices in life. But our choices have consequences.

Women are free to choose to slut around or not, for their own reasons. You are free to accept to commit to a woman who has whored around or not, for your own reasons.

Women entitlement/feminism make them belive that you are fucking obligated to accept that shes had 10 entire footballs teams inside of her, and when shes done "having fun" she will have prince charming waiting for her for her disney marriage. That they can do whatever they want with zero consequences. She CHOSE to hide this from you/lie, you were never obligated to accept it from the beggining. Instead, she could have been honest since the beginning and if you didnt accept it, she could have gone find someone more compatible with her, and the same applies to you.

In the end, its your choice. You either accept it or you dont, its entirely up to you. I wouldnt.

[–]le_king_falcon11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Way to stick to your guns.

I'm surprised by the number of posters saying "all girls have a past" and other such shit. Whilst true it misses the mark.

What matters is the deal you are getting. And 99 times out of 100 the promiscuous girls aren't putting out the same quality lays for the guy they marry.

It's one thing marrying the town bike and her rocking your fucking world day in day out.

It's something very different to marry the town bike and only get mediocre rationed sex.

And from reading the rest of your posts it sounds like you were on path number 2. So bullet dodged. You'd never ever have respected her again because you know she's never valued you enough to be the slut for you.

When you inevitably have some doubts just remember this: She fucked dozen of randos better than she'd fuck you, her fiance. And she knew 100% what she was doing, and knew 100% that she had to hide it from you. So she's been a deceitful, disrespectful bitch who wanted you to sign your life away for her fucking C- game.

[–]creating_my_life10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Congrats on making a decision FOR YOU. Feels good, doesn't it?

I didn't read your other post. But here's a guess. The other guys she fucked were fun, tall, and well-built. I'm guessing you're stable, emotionally grounded, probably 20 lbs overweight, not ugly, but not hawt. You probably have a stable job.

You're the beta bucks. You're who she's settling for to pay her bills.

This is just how women are. Don't hate the player, but know the game.

YOU WILL BE FINE.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Probably should have read the other post lol. But no, I'm not overweight, and I think I'm decently attractive. I am definitely stable, emotionally grounded and have a good job though. However I was with her before I got this job, so idk if that counts.

[–]Ramesses_5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You just need to read through the sidebar on the main sub and you'll get it. The rest will fall into place pretty quickly. Start with Rollo's book The Rational Male. That's most of the theory covered. From there it's just about doing what is prescribed.

[–]pridebrah5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

u/fyouigotthis , you SON OF A BITCH!

I didn't think you'd actually do it, but you're apparently an exception to a lot of the guys that come asking for advice and either never use it or get defensive. Good job, and trust me, you'll be happier in the long run without the mental burden.

Stay strong and hold your ground my dude.

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the update.

Don't believe that she's changed a bit.

She's a manipulator, and if you don't want to play the role she's created for you, she'll show zero sympathy or understanding. Your reasons are stupid and you're on her team now so just do what she says and don't think about it.

Note that she doesn't know anything about being a team player, and the word team is just a big shit test. she'll swing branches when it's convenient.

If you want to know what your future with her will be like, look at her male friend and ex-fuckbuddy. He got discarded into the orbiter pile along with all the other tools she no longer has an urgent need for, but would prefer not to lose for the sake of insurance. Only, if you get married, she'll have a crippling level of access to your time, finances, and lifestyle.

[–]AshyBoneVR42 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

... but she said that none of that matters. That we're a team now and that since me, it's just been us going forward and that's what it always will be.

No offense to you OP, but I legitimately laughed at this. She knew didn't want to share her past with you for 2 reasons.

  1. She knew you wouldn't look at her the same. She built the way you looked at her exactly how she wanted. You saw her as she wanted to see you. And her past went against everything she wanted.

  2. You would expect that level of sex from her.

You made the right choice. Also, fuck all those other subs who were telling you to ignore her past.

Edit

Oh yeah, one more thing....

I'm giving her time to process this and mentally prepare for it like I had and then we'll reconvene.

Be prepared if she decides to break up with you before you break up with her. It's her last power move option to make herself feel like she can "retain her dignity"

Also, have you seen all other threads exactly like yours? Your situation is in no way rare. Sluts do this shit. They spend their time on the cock carousel, then when getting laid starts to become work, they decide it's time to settle down. Even better for them is if the dude takes care of them and doesn't expect the world from her. So they find themselves a "nice" guy and play the part of a sweet innocent "nice" girl.

If you haven't seen it, you should take a look at this thread.

[–]hawkeaglejesus9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I hate being an Indian giver with the engagement ring, but I also remember that it was given originally under false pretenses so whatever.

Don't feel bad about this. Using your example of criminality. If had a criminal history and got hired at a bank because I didn't disclose it, if they then found out they'd have perfect grounds for dismissal.

She was unhappy and pleaded with me to really consider what I was doing here and to not act hastily

I don't know, did anyone tell her not to act hastily with the amount of guys she fucked and take a second to consider how this would affect her future husband?

[–]Zanford18 points19 points  (9 children) | Copy

She said she didn't think it mattered and never saw a reason to talk about it, but that she felt terrible about me having to deal with that when I was on a night out.

A thinly veined way of saying 'I wish you hadn't found out'

and that he was still around

big red flag if she keeps old fuckbuddies around

She teared up a bit and was apologetic, but she said that none of that matters. That we're a team now and that since me, it's just been us going forward and that's what it always will be. Which just pissed me off because it felt like she completely missed my point.

Correct. She didn't really care about your feelings except insofar as they put her payday (you wifeing her up) at risk.

She took off her engagement ring and slid it across the table to me and asked if I was happy now.

Great, now you can pawn it back for half of what you bought it for. Or keep it around as a NEVER AGAIN reminder.

I apologized for springing it on her so quickly like thi

Why the fuck are you apologizing for anything

Overall, your post shows that are you are way too emotional, like a woman, and are you way too, well, 'nice' and easily guilt tripped. You clearly have adopted her frame that you are the bad guy. You aren't. You have every right to break up with someone if you just don't find them unattractive anymore.

If you want, demote her to fuckbuddy or whatever (if it's easier than making a clean break and/or you want the sex spigot to stay on for awhile). Maybe see this as an opportunity to see how far you can go in term of her being willing to do anal, BDSM, whatever you wanted to do (given how beta you sound - sorry bro - I'm guessing you weren't 100% sexually satisfied by her ).

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 19 points20 points  (7 children) | Copy

Man I swear nothing is good enough for a few of you guys, jesus christ.

[–]shr3dthegnarbrah21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

Remember that alot of advice we give passionately to others is an unsuccessful attempt to give advice to our past selves. The things I tell young men are things that I wish had been said to me.

Not only is it (1) not as much of a personal attack as it comes across, but (2) he's loving you the way he wants to be loved.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Huh, interesting way of framing it. I'll keep that in mind!

[–]FUCK_YEA_GLITTER11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

The point he is bluntly making is to be a fucking man bro. Own your shit. Don't appologize for having standards. Don't rationalize your decisions. Don't let other people's opinions and thoughts sway your own. Do what makes you happy, not what makes you comfortable. Jesus Christ dude... People are on here giving you good and honest advice. Some of this reads like a drama and it's cringe worthy. It's clear to everyone here you bend to the emotional manipulation. Owning your shit and being a masculine man will make you more attractive in the long run.

[–]empatheticapathetic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you haven't been hurt enough yet.

She still thinks there's a chance to reconcile so she never went full psycho.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey, if you wanna run with the big dogs...

[–]daveofmars0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Some guys here think that being honest gives them the justification to be a hard ass. Don't spend too much time on them.

I feel for you. I'd never want to be in your position, but I think you made the right choice. It would have been more damaging to go through with the marriage and try to suppress your feelings rather than do what you did - live honestly. I don't think this path will be easier, but it will be better.

[–]XT3M30 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

he's not wrong tho as pointed out tho

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She said she didn't think it mattered and never saw a reason to talk about it, but that she felt terrible about me having to deal with that when I was on a night out.

A thinly veined way of saying 'I wish you hadn't found out'

Further, it was a big fat lie, since she knew that it mattered, since he had asked her, and, she knowing, refused to answer him.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

My friend. It’s not about her partner count. It’s not about your insecurities with the amount of men she’s slept with.

It’s about the way she went about hiding it like it was “no big deal” followed by her lack of apology for hiding it. Did she apologize and was she sincere about not revealing it? From your description it sounds like she was more sorry she was caught.

If a girls upfront about it before securing the commitment then sure I’ll make the decision before a contract is made. If it was truly just a mistake because you never talked about it then at the very least I would be looking for a sincere sorry and realization that it wasn’t ok, that this kind of thing will not be kept away in the future. Doesn’t sound like either of these things happened.

People can definitely be forgiven for their past transgressions, but it’s hard to forgive something that’s been kept hidden.

If this is something that she’s kept hidden, and when confronted she “justifies” it by saying “it just never came up” instead of profusely apologizing, imagine what else she’s capable of hiding. If she cheats will she justify it by saying “oh it never came up”

Look at her future actions from this point on. Does she jump on the next penis that comes to her rescue from the big bad ex that broke her heart?

Or does she actually show remorse and go out of her way to show you she’s changed and it won’t happen in the future?

Remember, her actions, not her words are important.

Gooodluck

[–]ThatKassiusGuy2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Not sure if you answered this in the other post but what was her history? Number?

[–]XT3M32 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

it wasn't but I wanted to know too

[–]juliusstreicher2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She never even bothered to lie to him. She just told OP that she didn't want to discuss it. He caved.

[–]Speedracer11112 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Deleted to prevent doxing

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well done for having the strength to do this, it's 100% the right call.

As another guy said, I really do empathize with the girl here. She was fooled by society into thinking it was ok to slut around when she was young. The reality is that no self-respecting man is going to wife up a slutty girl. It's not something many men will be comfortable with. Actions have consequences and this is an unbelievably brutal lesson for this girl. The worst part is that there isn't much she can do about it. She fucked up. Her past will follow her wherever she goes and her only real hope is being honest from the very start and hoping a guy will be able to look past it.

[–]XT3M32 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

glad to see you made the right choice. the sucky feeling will be tgere for a while. and that's okay. but major props for standing your ground. most guys would have backed off after she started firing back. but you stood your ground and took it and swung back.

as for her. she hopefully will learn here to be upfront about somethings now after going thru this wuth you. she almost got what she wanted till a flash from the past showed up. and now to aviod being in this spot ever again she will either be more upfront or work harder in hiding it. by doing this to her you low key saved another guy possibly from going thru thiswith her. so be happy and lift**

[–]NolanKnowstheTruth2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I read an article once that said, in relation to promiscuous women; imagine how she would react if you told her that the engagement ring you gave her, you also have to 15 other girls....and that is just a ring.

Women want to compete with men in every aspect of life and what they don't understand is... they can't.

[–]Gozsayin2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just catching up to the thread. Nice job man, if u would've marriages her u would've had no piece of mind. Plus how would you feel knowing your wife was slutting for other guys hotter and docile for her husband (sex don't increase with marriage). If she really wanted u she would've never taken off that ring

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If she really wanted u she would've never taken off that ring

Yeah, I'm surprised that she ponied it up so quickly. Perhaps it was also a bluff, to try and shame him into reversing himself.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

God bless you you beatiful bastard. That bitch has done things with men she never planned on doing with you. She wanted you to give up your commitment for a dead bedroom. She wanted you to live with the embarassment of being married to a slut without even enjoying this slut on bed,the only thing she was actually worth for. She didn't care about you and your feelings at all,she cared about your commitment. You are the only one who has the right to decide how your life is going to be and if your wife is going to be an actual conservative person who only had sex for commitment or a trashy slut. Good luck on everything you do man

[–]mravek1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Watch Black Mirror, season 1, episode 3

You dodged a bullet and that episode is going to enlighten you even more.

[–]systemshock8691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man it's generally useless to try to ascertain a woman's motives but it would be really difficult for me to refrain from asking her why she was conservative in the bedroom. Knowing men, knowing what they want and being a very sexual being herself, she was literally starving you out and she fully fucking knows it. To me, that shows an utter lack of love and respect. She gave enough carrot to keep her horse (you) going in the right direction, but not too much because at the end of the day she just isn't really turned on by you and didn't actually love you enough to overcome her lack of attraction. Fuck that.

Edit: like, fuck. If she was fucking you like a porn star, you might not have even cared that much. I think that's the crux of the whole thing. Finding out she was a completely different person before and that she is actively suppressing the part of herself that you want the most is like a woman finding out that her husband has a second family somewhere.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRian_Stone1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Which just pissed me off because it felt like she completely missed my point.

Do you know your point?

She went from tears, to apologies, to anger, to shame. Ask yourself, is this real remorse?

Realize, you thought you were having a negotiation. Why you thought this was anyones guess. I assume you were begging her to give you some magic words to make this all go away. Those words don't exist, they never have, and never will. Maybe some weird power fantasy, where you lord this over her, and she begs for forgiveness. Ain't gonna happen. She'd rather give the ring back than accept culpability for the lies of omission. This is a lesson, and I hope you've learned it. You didn't when the phrase 'a girls reputation is everything to her' comes up in the various redpill sidebar materials.

And you know this. Had you not made this an issue, she would have never told you. Is it a big deal? Who cares, it's a big deal to you, even if it's the most childish, unreasonable reason, it's your reason, and if you can live with it, thats all that matters. Going forward, the only thing you know, is that she will withhold as much from you as you let her. I don't see how the constant checking up on her to keep her honest is a worthwhile chore for you. Frankly, a lot of girls are like this now, but a lot of girls aren't. They may have their own separate and distinct issues, but you know this one is a dealbreaker, you'll deal with the others as they come up.

You really need to start accepting women are gonna be what they are gonna be.

[–]Rudeyyyy3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

You best bet since you two are on a "break" she's going to go out and will most likely start sleeping around again. And then she'll try to justify it somehow like she just did with you.

None of that matters now

Yeah mhm ok, like you said about you're criminal analogy. You'd want to know. She'll try to play it off as you're insecure because you can't handle a woman's N count or some other bullshit way of trying to make herself feel better. And she'll most likely get the support from her friends and get justified that way as well. You're friend was 100% supportive of you.

You may feel like shit but remember you saved yourself from divorce rape, possible alimony, lawyer fees, and all the other shit.

I think some of the stuff said here is a bit outdated because of the oldschool redpillers, as i'm a young 20 year old and more in touch with today's social media and stuff but the majority of information on this sub is right. Took me out of the nice guy mentality a year ago and i've never felt better. We also don't sugar coat things.

You will heal, and it will get better.

[–]pridebrah0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I think some of the stuff said here is a bit outdated because of the oldschool redpillers

Such as?

[–]Rudeyyyy1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

When it comes to social media and text game. Logistics yes, I agree with don’t be a needy insecure nice guy. But telling her you had a good time the next day is not beta. Also when it comes to social media they say Snapchat is useless when in reality on tinder a girl usually has her snap in her bio. Sure it’s probably for validation and followers but at the same time it’s for you as well. Same with Instagram. It can benefit you if you have a large following.

[–]pridebrah1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same with Instagram. It can benefit you if you have a large following.

Agreed. Social proof.

[–]PhaedrusHunt2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good for you. My only advice: don't be so sympathetic for her. She's a lying slut.

Say it to yourself slowly, many times.

She's a lying little slut.

You just dodged a bullet from a crazy bitch.

Complete the breakup, separate all your stuff. If you live together, move out. Now. If not, return her key, and change your locks (don't bother asking for your key back, she probably has more than one copy). Delete her number, block her from all social media. Never speak to her again.

You'll be over this faster than you think, but the cleaner and faster the break, the easier. You owe her no further explanations.

And to make it easier for you, I'll tell you something else you may not want to hear. She probably cheated on you at some point. Chew on that and tell me if you feel bad about dumping her.

[–]TheLegionnaire000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great decision brother. Now start reading the sidebar and start changing your life. Trust me, after one year of TRP I went from a broke beta with oneitis for a bitch who didn't talked to me anymore to someone who's only concern is what New wrist watch or suit to buy this month or if I should buy a BMW or a Mercedes-Benz. Trust me. In a year from now your life will be a lot more different.

[–]18idlwk1920dc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for coming to the community. It sounds like you handled it well.

[–]HarbourView0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It was about more than finding out he would be paying with the rest of his life to get something that she handed out liberally for free. If you go to his original post it was also about the quality. He wasn’t getting her best. Game over.

[–]earthmother92[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Next the bitch.

[–]gmger60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Proud of you, bro. Good call

[–]justicecantakeanap0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You made a good call, but the relationship is over. The "wait up time" for her is completely pointless, won't matter.

Get back on the field, live your life. Don't put it on hold because of hers.

Onwards and upwards

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

the fact the she used to sleep with one of her friends... and that he was still around.

Going forward, you need to put stuff like this in the original postings. This would be an extreme red flag, and could have given a much better foundation for your sub to advise you.

[–]PatnarDannesman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No. You can't wife a hoe. A slut will always be a slut.

[–]Shredderick4200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I truly think you did the right thing. I had an ex who also hid the past from me, the same way in little incriments i got to knos her past. I even knew several dudes sho she has been with. She lied about her n count and with time it got bigger and bigger. It was really creeping in my mind. And in the end she ran to a new guy because i was the bad ex who.broke her heart lol. I have my fingers crossed for you that the best is yet to come.

[–]128bitworm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What is "an Indian giver with the engagement ring"?

[–]throwitdownman1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I’m sure the comments in your old post did not tell you to puke your emotions and insecurities onto her. No wonder she slid her ring across (personally, I would break off with her due to that alone, that’s disrespectful).

If you want back rub, it’s not happening. Stay around this sub-reddit, apply the sidebar for a month or two, then reread this post and laugh about how you handled it.

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hey man, sometimes it's about the destination, not the journey. So far the only one criticizing is you, sorry I didn't do it according to YOUR standards...

[–]willowhawk10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude you just broke up with the women you thought you where going to spend the rest of your life with. Plus you've just discovered the Red Pill, fuck that guy.

You had the strength to do it. Power to you.

[–]PhaedrusHunt2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ignore the trolls man. You handled it OK. Perfectly? No. But you had just been blindsided.

[–]Juxtapointer-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]CC_ee 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Do you even read TRP dumbass....

[–]fyouIgotthis[S] 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you even read? Literally said I had never heard of you guys before in the post, but I appreciated the advice I was getting.

[–]rainbowstalin12345 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

one thing you gotta learn is to ignore people like cc-ee., your time is much more valuable to waste on someone who cant decide to talk to another human being properly.

apply the sidebar, lift, eat better, dress better and within a year or two your life will change. ignore the peanut gallery.

[–]tenXten1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP: read what /u/rainbowstalin1234 said. Save it. Re-read often.

[–]ModTheRedPike[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't be an ass. If you think the post is junk, report it and move on. Sometimes, shit and run comments are worse than mediocre posts.



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