My Fiancee Wants to "Open" our Relationship. WTF.

cheeky_throwaway101 · 2015-11-01T05:22:18+00:00

This exact scenario happened to me. And many others in this subreddit I might add.

She's already cheated on you dude. She wants to hamster her guilt away by having the threesome with you, or by having you sleep with other women.

Here is the advice I can give you. Run. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

She is a selfish and manipulative cunt. Whilst you were working she was blowing someone else and swallowing his cum. She liked the taste of it and wants to continue doing it.

"Oh my perfect princess wouldn't do that!"

She already has.

If you want certain evidence for proof or for non existent 'closure.' Put 'Find my iPhone' on her smartphone, and install a key logger. But seriously dude wtf is the point.

'A smart man learns from his mistakes, a wise man learns from others.'

Please learn from me, I was BP when this happened to me, I tried logic to make her understand how much of a catch I was, how much she'd be throwing away by opening up the relationship. What I should have done is moved all her stuff into the car lot, changed the locks and blocked her on my phone. This bitch was telling me how much she loved me and couldn't wait to start the next chapter with me bla bla. The next week she is asking for an open relationship and smoking someone else's pole.

Please dude, gain the strength, be a bad ass bastard, kick her to the curb in a confident, stoic, alpha way. And guaranteed she'll be coming back sniffing around in 6 months time, which at that point you can (against my advice) fuck her as a plate and only as a plate.

RancidTurnip · 2015-11-01T05:28:11+00:00

It's one of two things, either she's already fucked some other dude and wants to set you up with her unattractive friend to absolve her guilt, or she has a hot guy she wants to fuck and will set you up with her unattractive friend so she won't feel guilty about taking his load while you're at work.

Either way your relationship is pretty much fucked, I'd run, but if you want to maintain the relationship your only real choice is to start implementing dread game. If you can pull a girl hotter than your fiance for a threesome then you can watch the hamster wheel spin faster than ever before..

It's funny to me that literally as soon as she has you sitting in her beta bucks seat, she's pulling up a chair for her alpha fucks to sit down. It's really amazing how brazen women have become now that it's socially unacceptable to call them out on their shit.

Archwinger · 2015-11-01T13:25:59+00:00

Women don't ask for an open relationship out of the blue, due to mild curiosity. She knows who she wants to fuck and already has it lined up. She's been flirting and getting this set behind your back. She's probably even already fucked him, but if you agree to this, she'll have the opportunity to be a little hazy about dates and timing and not admit to cheating.

But even if she really was just a curious girl, the very fact that she thought it was okay to ask tells you where her heart is. You're the husband, not the lover.

cocaine_face · 2015-11-01T08:40:07+00:00

The question nobody is questioning you on, but I will is - why the fuck are you getting married?

You know it's a bad strategy. You know it won't make a girl more likely to be loyal (as evidenced by your situation), you know she can take your money and your kids from you.

Who cares if she hinted she wanted to get married? After only 2 years of vetting on your part? Why does she get this great gift from you? What has she done to deserve it?

I once had a girl that had just bought a house with her fiancé and moved in together tell me "maybe a little bit of sex wouldn't be that wrong". This is the reality on the ground. Girls, even ones you have major commitments with cheat and lose interest, and they do it when you invest too strongly in them/leave them in control.

It sounds like she's leading the relationship and you're going along with it - up until the point when she tries to pull her coup de grace AF/BB move.

She has probably fucked someone else already. If she hasn't, she has the guy in mind.

She may give you a threesome (to get rid of her guilt about fucking another guy), but rest assured, if you start actively gaming girls after that, you're going to see her hamster freak out.

You need to drop her. Anything less than dropping her will lead to misery for you in the future, and possibly years of additional payments levied on top of your income. Do you want that? If not, leave. There's no other option that will lead to a good ending for you.

innergametrumpsall · 2015-11-01T13:10:17+00:00

1) Two and a half years is not long enough to get married. She's probably just coming out of the honeymoon phase.

2) You are lucky this is happening now, this means one of two things. She is either has terrible impulse control, which is a bad sign, or she's already cheated which is the worst sign.

3) There are is literally no one in this thread saying stay together.

How to handle this?

Your woman keeps her engagement ring in the box or whatever at night and before she showers.

You treat this like a normal breakup, but in this case you need to do it in turbo mode. The first thing you do is box up your essentials (computer, laptop, financial docs etc) discretely. The next thing you do is grab your engagement ring and then you leave.

The following day you return with friends and move out. If you have a lease, you pay it if you care about your credit, but she will need to find someone to sublet to. Search for roommates for her so if you have to, you can sue her for the balance (she must search for a replacement in most states and if she refuses then she is on the hook for the whole lease).

The most important things to take from this.

1) Get out NOW

2) There is nothing to talk about, this is over and has been over.

3) DON'T TALK ABOUT THIS. YOUR GOAL IS TO RECLAIM THE RING WITHOUT ISSUE.

machimus · 2015-11-01T05:37:49+00:00

sigh

Well at least you're not married. I'd probably drop the engagement, what's the point of getting married if you only get the downsides?

spooky-clinic · 2015-11-01T12:09:35+00:00

Two years? That's nothing, dude. Go over to https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/ and start reading. Some guys there are married for over 10 years (!) without any sex, while the bitches are fucking left and right. And the best part: a divorce would bankrupt them.

Do you live with her? If so, put money on the side and make some bullshit excuses why you can't marry yet (work reasons, health reason, money reasons, anything). Don't sleep with her unless you want some nice STD like HPV, she probably cheated on you already a few times like cheeky_throwaway101 said. Go try to make a blood donation. They will test you for free on every major known STD and you will help somebody in need.

If you have enough money, RUN!!! If you don't live with her, end it now. Like, right now! Don't try to 'rescue' this relationship, please, for the love of god, don't be THAT guy. It's over, she lost every respect she had for you, you can't and shouldn't try to rebuild this respect. That would be a waste of time.

You are 25, consider yourself lucky, most guys getting force feed the redpill when they are much older and divorceraped.

RacialRealism · 2015-11-01T06:01:04+00:00

She's already been messing around with a guy and wants to open up the relationship so she can retroactively change the past and say she got with him after the relationship was open.

Threesome =/= Open Relationship. An Open Relationship gives her permission to fuck other guys without you being around (or even knowing about it).

Either way, if you do anything other than dump this chick you are a fucking idiot.

Planner_Hammish · 2015-11-01T17:52:27+00:00

Here's how:

Say "babe, I want you to be happy. If fucking other dudes is going to do that for you, that's great!"

She gets a sparkle in her eye. Says "really?"

Then you say "yeah, really. But that is not going to do it for me, so have a nice life".

Que hamster overdrive. "what?"

"i have already packed your things and arranged for you to stay at your mother's. Give me the key to the apartment."

Apexk9 · 2015-11-01T05:14:12+00:00

Get a threesome then close the relationship.

There is a chance she has already cheated or she really wants to fuck some guy with no guilt attached.

loddfavne · 2015-11-01T14:17:20+00:00

The thing is a relationship usually means that men have a financial obligation to make the girls situation better. Usually the guy is the one who earns the most in a household, and many times it will be the girl that spends the most.

What does a man get out of this deal? Sexual fidelity. But, if you are required to work 12-hour day and she won't have any sexual obligations. That ain't fair.

An open relationship could be a good idea. An by open, I mean that she moves out and becomes a plate. Because it makes no sense that you should have financial obligations towards her, if she has none of those towards you.

le_king_falcon · 2015-11-01T09:43:50+00:00

Bail bail bail.

Cancel your engagement.

The only way this will work is if both partners are 100% into it and both have relatively similar access to partners otherwise jealousy and inadequacy after the likely feelings.

As others have said she's probably already cheated and just wants guilt free permission to continue.

[deleted] · 2015-11-01T05:38:51+00:00

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minoc_uo · 2015-11-01T06:21:51+00:00

You knew before submitting this what the right response is. Maybe you just needed to hear others say it.

stickfiguresk · 2015-11-01T06:26:14+00:00

We all have to learn the hard way how this works, and this is that moment for you. I wish there was something else I can tell you--like how not all women are like that, or that this is just a phase, or anything else that would make marrige viable, but it's just not. I really, really want to be wrong, but TRP is truth. She's a whore, and you need to split before splitting becomes even more painful.

Good luck, man. Keep your head up: spinning plates can be nice.

absolucion · 2015-11-01T14:02:32+00:00

You know the answer to this one. It's time to check your chute for any holes and jump off that plane.

Whenever I've read one of these stories, typically the woman asks for an open relationship because there is someone getting her panties moist that she wants a guilt-free pass to pursue. Reddit has plenty of first person accounts of this happening. Eventually, she'll neglect you because whatever she's getting from outside the relationship is more fulfilling than what she's getting from you and you'll realize that you were played.

Bail now before things get ugly for you.

Leastohm · 2015-11-01T17:44:01+00:00

Good news, she made this play BEFORE you got married. Bad news, your relationship is unsalvageable.

Your not her alpha, and she can't overrule her nature enough to even try to respect you as a man. There is no winning here, hard next is your only play. And be thankful you're not financially tied to her.

Learn from these last two years, and remember this can happen again. If you want to go down the rout of marriage one day, remember that the switch can turn any day, and you'll no longer be her man, but her meal ticket.

Glennus626 · 2015-11-01T07:31:53+00:00

Just to add to what everyone else has suggested -- you work 12 hours a day, so it's not like you have a great relationship to begin with. In that time you're away, the mice have begun to play.

I would use amused mastery to fish the trickle truth out of her. Don't even waste time agreeing to a 3some you already know you won't enjoy.

Main thing that sucks is that it'll be tough spinning (let alone banging) multiple plates with that work schedule.

[deleted] · Sun Nov 1 13:25:07 2015 UTC

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[deleted] · Sun Nov 1 13:51:12 2015 UTC

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ben0wn4g3 · 2015-11-01T10:06:04+00:00

Well obviously you're not interested in an open relationship. If you say no she's going to take the cock anyway. She obviously wants her cake and to eat it too.

Take the threesome then just GTFO

berryfarmer · 2015-11-01T16:19:50+00:00

Next.

jeff_vii · 2015-11-01T13:47:28+00:00

You're being BETA as fuck, and I don't mean that in any derogatory way, nearly all of us have been here at one point including me.

Ditch the girl now. If you don't have any self-respect no one else will respect you. Non negotiable. Plentiful mindset vs scarcity, your currently in scarcity and holding on to this out of neediness and fear of loss
Form a self improvement plan. Look at areas of your life that need strengthening. Social circle, body image, style etc Take a look at what needs improving, or what the ideal version of yourself looks like and create an action plan for how to achieve that in small steps
More male time. Fill your spare time doing proactive positive activities with other male friends, who are positive role models. This will strengthen your character , and avoid you having too much time alone to think of toxic thoughts.
Spin plates. Many Plates. A short time into self improvement, make an effort to meet several new women. Download tinder, or hit some bars after a successful week of self improvement. The more you have the less you think of one.
Form some self respect and standards for yourself. The one who's stronger in any relationship is the one who needs the other person less. Be that person

dabayer · 2015-11-01T16:20:57+00:00

If you have a younger brother you might know this. You fought and hit himm too hard and he is crying. You tell him to not tell mommy and he can hit you hard as well. That is exactly what happened here. She cheated on you and wants to make up for it by offering the threesome.

Or if she did not cheat: Would you marry a women that plans to sleep with other guys? Fuck no! GTFO!!!

topdog82 · 2015-11-01T05:24:49+00:00

I want you to think and figure out if you think that this is a smart idea, but I would say confront her hardcore. IMO if my girl said that I would be pissed as fuck for her even suggesting it. When someone is about to get married and the girl is thinking about fantasies, it is a sign that she is thinking of other dicks most likely. I could be wrong, but IMO that is not okay by my standards. If you are open to the idea, go for it. I am just speaking from personal experience

Umop3psidn · 2015-11-01T06:28:56+00:00

If you stay, this will NEVER be forgotten and will always be in the background. After you fuck her, after fancy restaurants, anniversary dates, etc. just leave the damn slut.

sabinmightyfist · 2015-11-01T18:56:49+00:00

She's already cheated on you and is using the open relationship thing to continue fucking the other guy. It really sucks but you need to pull the plug while you can still exit painlessly. She is going to fuck other guys regardless of what you chose to do exit now while she doesn't have all the power

The-Ban-Hammer · 2015-11-01T20:31:26+00:00

She has cheated or is on the brink. The best way to minimize it being "cheating" is to open things up.

"Open" is just a euphemism for "I'm letting you know I AM cheating on you at some point."

[deleted] · 2015-11-01T14:48:46+00:00

Count your lucky stars she did this before tying the knot. Now get out of there and don't look back.

[deleted] · 2015-11-01T16:08:08+00:00

Leave this woman, she already cheated.

[deleted] · 2015-11-01T16:12:21+00:00

Please for the love of your life break up with her. Dude. You have no idea the world of pain you are in for if you get married to her. Trust me, I have personal experience as I married someone like this and after 5 years, of which I can say only 2 were enjoyable, the heartache and pain of divorce will damn near kill you.

Save yourself, brother. Rip the bandaid off. Don't be weak in this crucial point in your life. Don't waste 5 years of your life like I did.

[deleted] · 2015-11-01T17:03:55+00:00

You're lucky she said this shit before you got married. I would break up with her ASAP. She probably has a guy already in mind.

KumonRoguing · 2015-11-01T17:55:11+00:00

Abort mission.

Tiway22 · 2015-11-01T20:01:38+00:00

You HAVE to break up with her. She is a dirty cheating slut. Get the threesome then dump her!

[deleted] · 2015-11-01T21:18:56+00:00

Be forever thankful that she was dumb enough to tell you this before getting married.

allfunkedout · 2015-11-01T23:02:09+00:00

Another reason why getting engaged in your 20's is stupid. Your 20's are supposed to be about meeting new people and fucking them....not being tied down to one person.

exit_sandman · 2015-11-02T13:56:51+00:00

You know, I want to suggest something to you: go and ask that question at the relationships-sub. Yes, I'm serious.

And do you know what the most upvoted comment will say to you? I'll tell you: "flee, you fool! run and never look back!"

You know you're about to screw up terribly (or already have) when the guys at relationships tell you the same like the guys at TRP.

blimp11 · 2015-11-01T13:59:31+00:00

Dont marry

favours_of_the_moon · 2015-11-01T15:22:03+00:00

NEXT.

Don't ever talk to this skank again.

[deleted] · 2015-11-01T18:10:56+00:00

I'm sorry this happened to you man, you should get the fuck out of there as soon as possible.

IVIaskerade · 2015-11-01T23:19:44+00:00

You should absolutely open up the relationship! It's a great idea!

Just remember, you want to really open it up - push yourself out of your comfort zone. And after all, what's more open than agreeing to see other people exclusively?

Yeah, it's over. Hard next.

I'm going to end with a quote from Maya Angelou:

"When people show you who they are, believe them."

[deleted] · 2015-11-01T23:26:08+00:00

Leave her.

Incubus130 · 2015-11-02T03:13:08+00:00

This situation, right here, is why you never get married. I know 107 people already told your ass to run but here is one more. FUCKING RUNNN!!

SlothOnRoids · 2015-11-02T08:18:12+00:00

I'm going to agree with all the guys yelling to partake in the threesome.

I know you love this chick, but hey you have to accept the truth that your chick isn't the one you want to walk down that aisle with.

Ride this shit out for a little longer and fuck one of her friends in the threesome. You might as well have a little fun before dropping her.

Mudmen12 · 2015-11-11T22:06:25+00:00

Please tell me you have dropped her by now. Update

ioncehadsexinapool · 2015-11-01T07:08:35+00:00

Op I disagree with most people here. I don't think she wants to open the relationship because she cheated. I think she wants to cheat but wants permission from you so that she doesn't feel guilty about it. If she was honest enough to be open to you about it I think there's at least a little merit in that.

Regardless, it's not much different imo either way. Just wanted to point it out for you.

Bottom line, if this is something you aren't into. Leave. If you aren't opposed to it and are curious, try it out. But be aware that you'll likely regret it given she probably already has a line waiting, while you don't even have time to date since you're at work all day :(

Sucks man I know. I wouldn't call myself a rp master by any means. But I'm more then happy to give more advice if you want to pm me

vicious_armbar · 2015-11-01T20:44:36+00:00

Ok my advice may be a little out of the norm here but:

1 - Don't get married stupid! That's a basic tenant of TRP.

2 - Agree to open your relationship but only to other women, and only if you both get to sleep with them. I'm assuming your woman is bi since she suggested a 3-way with another woman. You're too busy to chase down chicks, and she's the one that wants new partners. So institute the "one penis rule". She doesn't get to sleep with any other man but you. No matter the circumstances. She also doesn't get to sleep with a woman unless it's a 3some and you can have your fun with the new chick as well.

3 - Check up on her to see if she's cheating on you. Obviously.

I'd start positioning yourself to find a new girl. You don't want to get married, and she'll never accept not marrying you now that you've promised it to her. Your relationship is doomed. The only question is what you can get out of it in the meantime, and what you can do to manage the transition. You say you're working 12 hour days. So you might want to put the break up off until after the busy season is over.

Title	My Fiancee Wants to "Open" our Relationship. WTF.
Author	SiriusDoubts
Upvotes	73
Comments	110
Date	01 November 2015 05:01 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	askTRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/129
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3r1u87/my_fiancee_wants_to_open_our_relationship_wtf/