Who would have thought that one day I would be posting this, but here I am. This is a lot of personal information that I don’t share with anyone, even my close decade old friends.

Some background about myself:

I belong to a country that has a lot of opportunity and culture, and is growing at blitzkrieg pace.

By education, I’m a Chemical Engineer, I graduated in 2009. I worked top class jobs in top class companies for 3 years, till I realised that being in a job is not for me. I belong to a family of serial entrepreneurs, businessmen and opportunists. They all do well for themselves and they pretty much prosper anywhere they put their hands in. Most of my extended family own multiple homes all over the country and even abroad, multiple businesses and luxury cars.

After quitting my job, I started a video gaming website, ran it for 7 years, it did so-so, not too great but not too bad either. Then came the time when online media businesses took a deep dive and they weren’t as profitable as they used to be. I still ran the website, and along with that assisted my dad in his business. He runs a nationwide plastic business. His business is good, but is under a lot of debt. Why? Where do I even start? My dad and mom got divorced when I was 4. She burnt herself right (yes, on fire) before my eyes, and blamed my dad, grandma and grandad for it. She poured kerosene on herself and lit herself on fire. Crazy. Imagine the impact of a 4 year old witnessing this. Anyway. My dad, grandma and grandad spent some jail time. My aunts and uncles were alleged too, and they had to go in hiding. In the papers, the headlines read “Man burns wife because she wasn’t giving them dowry.” Anyway, my family had lost all the wealth they gathered. We lost our ancestral estate. The only positive was that me and my sister’s custody was with my dad, and he raised us really well, along with my grandma.

My hardworking family built wealth over the years after this incident, bought a new house after living 10 years in rent, and my dad decided to marry again. In between, he dated a lot of beautiful women, some even models, beauty pageant winners etc. He has dated a handful of notable mid-tier celebs too. Because of my disturbed home situation, me and my sister were sent to a boarding school very early of our lives (I was 6 and my sister was 4.5 years old). I still remember how the teachers used to look at my dad, especially when he visited us with a gorgeous looking female. They all got jealous, and whispered comments to each other. Then they asked me questions about who the lady was. My dad was a handsome, high SMV individual. He has a loud voice, is very sociable and very witty. He is a powerful individual, having powerful friends in the highest political seats. He was a successful self made businessman, he made his millions between 18-22 years of age. I even remember once, he had come to pick us up for our summer vacations (our boarding school was 8 hours away from the city). He somehow managed to game the principal's daughter, who was maybe 19 or 20 at that time. My dad must have been 40. She was with us when we were driving back to our home city from our boarding school haha. She hid her head in the car as we were heading out of our school area so that nobody could see her. She stayed in our home for 3 days!!! I made sense of all of this very recently. What a player my dad was.

Anyway, the year is 1999, and my dad decided to marry again. This women was drop dead gorgeous, and 10 dot years younger than him. She had a daughter from her previous marriage. I never liked the woman, there was something about her that didn’t sit right with me. After some months of marriage, this woman demanded a separate home for herself and her daughter (obviously paid by my dad), which separated my dad from us. Me and my sister always treated the bitch's daughter like our own sister. My dad still used to visit us everyday. Fast forward a few years, this woman slaps a false rape case on my dad. This woman was after my dad’s money. AWALT all the way. The rape laws in my country are shit. Without proof, men are sent to jail. Women in my country misuse and abuse dowry and rape laws in insane numbers!! My dad spend 40 days in jail (this happened 2 years back). Those days were the worst for me and my sister, we did everything we could to get him out, but in the end, we succeeded in getting him an early bail. This didnt come cheap though. When I used to visit him in jail, I was mindfucked with the number of innocent men doing jail time since years due to false rape cases, and having exhausted all of their monies trying to defend themselves. All this stuff caused my family a lot of stress, and our debts started to rise. That woman and my dad are divorced now. And we made sure she didn’t get shit. But still, the courts, the bails, the cops etc, cost our family a lot of money.

Now, this is where I fit in. After my dad got out of jail, I decided to leave his business and start something of my own, again because I realised what a mess his business was in. I was always playing poker on the side, that was a nice little side income I had, with which I managed my expenses. I've been entrepreneurial always, I’ve been making money since I was in school: from burning music CDs to organising house parties. I was looking for something new. I had a friend and we decided to start a business in importing and selling vapes. This was exactly an year back. Me, my friend, and his friend (an alcohol business mogul in the Northern region of my country with high net worth) decided to partner up for this business. The deal was, I do all the work, they do all the investment, I get a small cut of the profits and I get a salary. It was a decent deal. In 5 months, my friend and his friend had an altercation so he departed. So it was just me and this other guy in this business now. I was making good money from my salary, I invested most of my money in poker and multiplied my wealth. I was doing good. I will still a little stupid because I spent almost as fast as I earned on luxuries, foreign trips etc.

I was also in an LTR since October 2014. Here is where the twist begins. This was a very fucked up relationship. While during my teenage and early twenties I was pretty red pill in the way I dealt with women (spun plates, DGAF, I had sex with a lot of women when I was in university). I travelled around the world a lot, for business and pleasure, and always was lucky enough to find a partner to lay. Some of my encounters were like actual fantasies. 3-4 days of non stop fucking. Anyway, when I met my LTR, I transformed into a complete cuckholding blue pill Beta pussy pedestalisor. She left me in April this year (I mean, I kind of drove her to leave me. I kinda wanted her to leave me too, I was too conflicted. Just that, she was too hot and I didnt want to let that piece of ass go!! We even had our wedding dates fixed!! I’m so glad that its over now. I went on a solo trip in April and posted pictures with a lot of babes. She never went with me, even when I asked her multiple times on multiple occasions. That was the nail in the coffin to our relationship) Anyway, I was pretty devastated and broken after the breakup. The post breakup months of May and June, I was doing pretty bad. It was my all time low. It was the most painful time of my life. I wasnt eating, sleeping well. I was back to my pot smoking ways. I lost all of the money I had saved in poker, down to 0 savings. Yeah it was stupid of me to play at that time. I was too emotional to really perform at my peak at poker games. Even my concentration in my business was plummeting. It was still OK though. I have a decent running income from my salary, so no problem. I went Monk Mode in May and slowly started to build myself back. I started painting and sketching. My art got decent recognition on my Instagram page too. My work started doing OK, poker started to get better, and I was feeling better. My body is much healthier. Women have started to notice me and flirt with me.

Our vaping company’s financial sheet shows that we have broken even in just an year. I was pretty proud at myself, that I pulled the business off by myself, something I always feared I couldn’t do. Breaking even means, from now on, everything we earn will be a profit. A week back, when me and my employees were celebrating our One Year Anniversary, my business partner drops a bomb on me. He says, I either cut my stake to half and keep my salary, and I keep my stake and cut my salary. I had kind of seen this coming, and I pre-mentally prepared myself to walk away if such a thing happened. You see, I had a back up plan, which was, to focus on poker and assist my dad in his business. My dad has been planning some large scaled expansions too.

Yesterday, I told my dad that this was what I had in mind. He says, that I should lower my stake and keep the salary, because it is not guaranteed that my company will make a big ass profit, and my partner has the control over the accountants, they can always show a loss on the Financial Reports. My dad says, you salary is what you’re getting right away, and thats where the value is. I told him that still I would like to quit because I want to focus on building something (poker and his business) and not just waiting it out. He says, that his business is not ready for me at the moment, and that he’s under lot of debt, although in 3-4 months his position we be better. (His "3-4 months" means an year atleast)

Now, I’m in a fix. At first I was fearless and ready to walk away, because I had backup options. Now I dont. Only poker is my backup option but I dont want to make that a full time thing. I want a main business and poker as a side. And, I dont want to continue with my partner because he isn’t keeping up on his promises of increasing investments and this is hurting our turnover, and makes my share of the pie really really small. So it makes no sense that I continue with this business. I wanna move on, rediscover myself and start something new.

I’m considering career options. I almost certainly don’t want a job in a big company, that’s not the life I want to lead. It won’t be difficult for me getting a good job at a good post because I have friends all over, but its just a path that I dont want to take. I wanna do something of my own. I don’t have money to invest, but I do have enough money to survive on my own for a couple of months. I have started to get pretty good at painting and sketching.

What are my options here? What all can I explore to rediscover myself and start a new, fresh career? I want to elevate my SMV considerably. I might be a 5 at most in the financial or social status department. In looks, I think I’ll be a 7 or an 8. I have a lean, muscular body that is sculpted really well (I’ve been into fitness since many, many years. A regular Ashtanga yoga practitioner and I run a handful of half marathons every year) The only thing missing is my social status and financials, and that is my main focus.

I have some bad habits that I want to let go too, like smoking cigarettes and pot. I am working on that as I am still in Monk Mode. My only concern is which direction should I take my life in. I am not interested in any girls at the moment, and almost certainly don’t have any intention to get married (like I did with my LTR)

Should I just focus on my fitness, lift, play poker and create art (paintings and sketches), as these are the only options I have right now, and see what pans out? This seems OK but I don’t think this is heading towards financial empowerment. I can’t join my dad’s business because, again, it wont benefit me financially. What can I do to expose myself to decent career options? I cant join my family business because of its uncertain nature and high debts. I need to build myself up financially, and be a high valued individual.