To preface this, yes, I know I made my own bed and I am prepared to lie in it.

I’m the only person she’s ever slept with, she’s pretty young, we reside in the same home, she does anything and everything in the book sexually as well as cooking and cleaning and works.

I started getting restless fucking one girl as I used to spin 2-3 at a time, so I suggested opening up. She cried, fought back, but eventually agreed if it made me happy. I even said she could sleep with someone first.

She went out with some guy last night, came home soon after and said she isn’t attracted to him and just wanted to be with me the whole night. Said she wasn’t even going to try again.

Flash forward to today, she texts me asking if she can go meet some guy for lunch. I said sure. Texts me back 20 minutes later saying how I was such a catch. I said I know. She said drove to his house, took her clothes off and fucked him, and left. It was his first time, he didn’t last 5 minutes, and he was some nerd who messaged her on bumble.

I feel like throwing up. I can’t even look at her, thinking about having sex with her makes me want to throw up. Yes, I know I told her too. Yes, I know she asked permission. Yes, I know it’s my fault and I can’t be mad at her.

I don’t want to touch her, I don’t want her to sleep in the bed I pay for, I don’t want to kiss the lips she sucked off some random beta male with.

I don’t feel cheated or like I’ve been taken advantage of, I just feel... grossed out.