Frame: I'm reading, applying yet failing

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September 19, 2018
4 upvotes

One of the biggest pieces to get my head around was Frame. I've read many threads and posts, chosen different things to apply but I tend to keep falling short in holding frame.

I've been given advise and I've tried to implement yet, the results are not helping and I seem to keep breaking frame.

What are your thoughts on main failures of failing to hold frame? Any practical advise from experience which has helped you in taking the necessary steps? Any turning points or "aha" moments of how you discovered holding frame?

Edit: As r/redhawke pointed out I'm going to give a bit more context. Situations where I break frame varies from my office environment and peers, also includes friend circles (close friends)


Post Information
Title Frame: I'm reading, applying yet failing
Author SoulRedemption
Upvotes 4
Comments 22
Date 19 September 2018 10:29 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/133373
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9h3z5u/frame_im_reading_applying_yet_failing/
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Comments

[–]1redhawkes13 points14 points  (7 children) | Copy

Put yourself first. You didn't provide any useful context, so I'll answer as vague as I can.

The most important thing to holding frame is confidence.

When you're confident int yourself, you hold frame naturally.

Second, frame is about not letting people to define you, but the validation needs to come from yourself. That's whats called IDGAF/OI.

Lastly, you need to keep doing to internalize it, not just mentally masturbate. That's why is called holding frame.

To quote Bruce Lee:

"As you think, so shall you become."

[–]clausternn1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

IDGAF/OI

OI?

[–]1redhawkes2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Outcome Independence.

[–]SoulRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I believe my IDGAF is very low. Thanks for pointing this out. Will need to work on this more as I pay too much attention to how other people are feeling or perceiving me.

Also I will edit the main post for more context.

[–]Musicgoon0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I wanted to add to this," Patrice O'Neal once said ,"the name of the game is my happiness". The rest of the games you don't play.

[–]SoulRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Does this mean I should stick to and participate in the things I want (makes me happy) and ignore the rest? (in terms of holding frame on situations).

[–]Musicgoon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I would say it's a sliding scale brother... If you're not horribly popped to something or indifferent. Go ahead. Just always put your wants as the priority then others suggestions after that. Be your own point of origin.

[–]SoulRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Gotchya.

[–]dandar46002 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

What are your thoughts on main failures of failing to hold frame?

Taking the easy way out. If you fuck around and your SO calls you out on it you're gonna have a hard time holding frame. If you are taking care of your shit and for some reason she's emotional and says you do this and that instead of something she wants you to do then holding frame is easy as you can be amused and tease her etc instead of getting defensive and buying into her frame.

Frame is a state of mind. State of confidence in yourself as a result of hard work. If you fuck around holding frame will naturally be difficult.

[–]SoulRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I buy into another frame too easily due to guilt or feeling bad. Any ideas on reading material for not being a defensive stuck up asshole when holding frame? (towards men/women)

[–]dandar46002 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

No more mr nice guy.

The subtle art of not giving a fuck.

The rational male.

If you're in a relationship, you can add:

When I say no I feel guilty.

Married man sex life primer.

[–]SoulRedemption[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, Ive read the top 3 but SANGF seemed a bit repetitive. I will definitely read the last 2, much appreciated

[–]Chad17382 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

When I learned what frame was it was an example from my college days: One day I had a test but I had prepared so well for it that I was completely confident that I would do well and score a high score. My study partner was anxious and stressed out because she wasn’t as prepared and tried to make me nervous with her attitude. Any type of anxiety, stress or nerves had disappeared because I had done the necessary work to succeed and I was sure of this. Same as in frame. Improve what you can to the best of your ability that you are so confident and sure in yourself that whatever types of “tests” or negativity people try to throw at you won’t matter or make a difference to you.

[–]SoulRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is quite an analogy. Any thoughts on how to stop second guessing yourself?

[–]Chad17381 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

practice. the more you put yourself in situations that are new or uncomfortable to you, the more confident you will become. go out and try random shit for the sake of the experience and then go out and do it again. read the sidebar and go out and try out what it says, then analyze how it worked or how you fucked up and do it again. the sidebar and posts have all the tools you need to succeed. read and apply, read and apply, etc.

[–]Musicgoon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Keep applying. It's hard to break blue pill tendencies. It like lifting, it gets easier over time...

But you will find yourself slipping.. Try to notice it and learn.. Patience will pay off. It's a simple answer.

[–]SoulRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I keep slipping alot, and you are right about the BP tendencies. This happens alot wiv me. I read a post on Frame, apply for a few days and lose it afterwards. Gud point, need to make a more conscious effort. Will do.

[–]DVidojkovic0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'm not sure, but understanding Frame was quite complicated for me. I'm yet unsure if I hold frame, and yes I've read threads about frame and how to maintain it. Maybe because English isn't my mother tongue and I had to concentrate a lot to BARELY understand it, and I still doubt I have understood the term frame and it's values.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3iix64/frame/

During an argument with my mom once I asked the question "Why can't I sleep at a friend's house?", I already knew the answer myself, but wanted to convince her that nothing would change whether I'd sleep at my friend's house or home, because I'd still go to school and everything would be fine. She constantly changed the subject and told me, and my brother, who also joined in on the argument and talked against me(which I didn't really care about, because the argument was between my mother and I) that how she's trying to be the best mom I can have, how people that sleep over at other people's houses are this and that. I reminded her two times, I think, to stop changing the subject and give me a concrete answer as to why I can't sleep, and once she did I just said alright and stopped talking about it. I didn't really care about it, and went into detail about the argument hoping I'd give you a bit insight on what Frame is(or maybe isn't, I don't even know at this point tbqh).

[–]SoulRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I have to admit, I wasnt quite sure whay exactly you may have meant in terms of holding frame (how rather) with the example you gave. But I think I get the gist of it. Thanks for taking the time to explain.

Also, I've read the post you linked already and have to agree, it's a great post on frame.

[–]DVidojkovic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I was confused as hell the first time I read another post about frame. It didn't contain examples and I was quite confused, not sure what frame really is. The point is to construct frame on your own in your brain and hold it, hence why when I was explaining the situation with my mother and I, I noted that I wasn't sure if that's really frame. But since you get the gist of it, you should continue reading and you'll start understanding it better.

[–]revaforce-5 points-4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Step 1: Read Sidebar

Step 2: Just stop bein a lil bitch

[–]SoulRedemption[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very insightful, thanks.



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