I'm 24, still in college, jobless, broke, out of shape (ex-athlete), and apparently i'm boring to hang out with. My friends talk about me behind my back, and apparently I'm sometimes weird, and sometimes boring, but I can sometimes throw in good one-liners. I know they keep me around to laugh at me. None of them think I'm cool. And when I ask them about their opinion of me, they say "your a nice guy". I'm tired of being the "nice guy". I want to be the cool guy, the funny guy, the awesome guy.
My problems are all in my head, I know it, but I'm having serious trouble fixing them. I've been trying to better myself for the past year, but it seems like I've fallen back into a worse version of my former un-confident self.
I spend way too much time watching youtube videos and playing video games. I used to watch a lot of porn, but I quit watching porn and masturbating 3 weeks ago. I thought my porn addiction was the cause of my lack of confidence, but I find myself still nervous around girls, still quiet around a new group of people, and still uninteresting/weird in conversation.
I had a decent corporate job at a big company, and things were working out, but I found myself hating my manager and feeling way too much stress and pressure from a very simple and menial job. I wasn't making friends at work either for some reason, even though I was regularly being approached by my coworkers. For some reason I couldn't keep their attention and I would usually seem awkward in conversation. The biggest thing I hate about myself is that I'm sometimes awkward in conversation because I let my nerves get to me and I can't think clearly for an appropriate/funny response, so I kinda quiet down and end the conversation awkwardly. Anyway, I quit my old job because I couldn't handle feeling so awkward all the time.
I know I have a "people person" hidden somewhere inside of me, but I am struggling to break out of my shell.
How does one regain confidence after taking so many huge hits to their self-esteem?