This isn't really a question, but it's more a question than a FR, so I'll let sharper minds have a look.

Background:

I am in the middle of a divorce. Great plate knows this, and she's loving every second we spend together. She is sketchy as fuck for an LTR, but she has fallen for me pretty bad. I really think she's great, but thanks to about 3 months of TRP, I know better than to commit, even if I feel great about her.

I was going to break it off with her and pursue a different career, so I told her, and she freaked out, but understood. Something changed legally and it meant I could keep seeing her and keep my current line of work (geographic location). She calmed down.

One of her red flags is she needs validation from men at a near constant pace, and she goes out to seek it, (has verbally stated it, "I want to go out to a bar with friends, get drunk, and get hit on." I've kept frame on the matter, and she knows I'm mostly alpha; she knows there are consequences for her actions, but she's very young, just 21.

Major red flag: she has also told me she wants to go to an outdoor event, lasts several days, and that she might be flashing people at it. Huge fucking shit test, I know, but sad part is I don't think she's lying about it, unlike other types of shit tests where you pass and life continues normal and slightly better.

I considered confronting her and laying some boundaries. I even set her up for it over online chat. She tries very hard to read into what I say and asked if everything was okay with us, I told her we would talk. And when it came time, I told her:

Me: I'll be back in time to chat some more if you're still around.

Her: I will be. Are you okay? Her: With Me?

  • I go out to run some errands before the night winds down. Didn't respond, knowing it would be better to have time to think on it while I was out. Just feigned having left before having a chance to read it. I had decided she was intelligent enough for a direct approach, and she handled it as well as could be expected last time I was going to bring up serious stuff.

Me: I do have a question for you, since you asked. I wasn't going to bring it up, because I've been pretty busy and I'd rather keep things simple when I can.

Her: What's up?

  • I had already thought about how to ask, what to ask. Basically, I wanted her to know what I expected and wanted to know what she was thinking (whether she told the truth or not, I can read past the bullshit, so I don't mind asking women direct questions).

Me: I need to know how you make grilled cheese.

Her: Seriously?? Hahaha

I realized that there was just no point in letting her handle anything important. And the way I set this up into something that made her relieved and have positive feelings about (she gave me the full recipe and expects photos). I'm thinking this is how to have "serious" conversations with women. If you have a serious conversation with women, then their emotions will always be a wild card. I sort of came to the conclusion that it's not really about laying down an iron fist with rules to follow (at least in this situation), it's about giving her every reason to behave by playing a little dread and rewarding her fear with positive emotions and relief while laughing about it.

I consider this a marginal success, and I welcome any criticisms, but I have some real questions.

Do women ever deserve to know if we have reasonable emotional misgivings about their behavior? I get that there should be boundaries in place, but keeping them in check by constantly giving them tingles seems like a better way than direct approach to problems. Is this right?

I don't think I fucked up, I think I almost fucked up badly by challenging her shit tests head on, so I would like some input on that.

tl;dr: Plate clearly has all kinds of LTR flags, but should I ever lay down the law, or is that more for LTRs?