All the men on this subreddit have made their own calculations about the best way to approach the opposite sex. Most, at least, choosing to cautiously strategize the best way to approach women so that men get more of what they want (sexual release, equitable sharing of resources, having more fun) and less of what they don’t (being disrespected, ripped off financially, or otherwise manipulated). Each of us has to make their own calculation based on the cards that we’re dealt like money, attractiveness, natural charisma, etc. I would like to address those of us, rarely spoken for, who based on our own unfavorable hand desire to reject “the game” altogether.

Now I know there is something superficially masculine about refusing to give up, even when you’re playing hand after hand and losing your shirt. But what are you really trying to gain from a relationship with a woman: Sexual release? Love? These are weaknesses, a lacking within yourself that fosters dependence, chasing them like a drug. You will find a wealth of literature on how sexual release and feelings of love provoke the same brain response as powerfully addictive drugs like cocaine or prescription pain relievers. Women will always have the upper hand in negotiating the terms of the relationship (unless she’s dealing with a man of much higher attractiveness and status) because no matter how clean a man lives his life he is born with these innate addictions. She is his dealer. And like any drug dealer she knows that you are willing to pay a heavy price for the product because you don’t just want it, you NEED it. Maybe not now, but eventually you’ll have to give in.

That calculation will work for ~99.5% of men who do not see any alternative to 'the game'. But consider for a moment what happens when you reject the premise that you ‘need’ a woman. A fog lifts. It is as if you see for the first time that you were chasing a bum deal. A deal in which a chase for sexual release and emotional validation, which is inevitably rewarded with diminishing returns, carries short term costs of wasted time and money and likely emotional pain (from some form of withdrawal to the ‘drug’) and also long-term: major financial commitments (children, a house or car she wants, etc) sacrificing goals, dreams and precious time. Add to that the fact that we are talking about men dealt a bad hand who can, at best, hope for an ugly woman, an old woman, a single mother, a woman so mean no one else will have her, or some dreadful combination of these.

The alternative is not easy. It is a balancing act where you must continually foster an enormous well of self-pride and independence within yourself sufficient to avoid falling into a pit of self-pity, bitterness, or indeed, relapsing into another cycle of dependence. I believe this is best approached as a life of asceticism, rejecting outside sources as a primary means of happiness or fulfillment, fulfilling myself as purely as possible with things that I achieve like physical fitness, developing skills, or fulfilling a dream (Mine is going off-the-grid in a beachside locale) rather than things which can be bought to give myself a quick dopamine rush like drugs, alcohol, a new car, clothes, a prostitute etc. Surely this path is not for everyone but may be for a select breed of proud, fiercely independent, will-powered and motivated men who are willing to reject the expectations of society and forge their own path.