662,612 posts

Arguing with women

by wanderer779 | June 05, 2015 | askTRP

8 upvotes

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So tonight I got in an argument with my girlfriend, which started when she suggested we buy a house together. Currently we have 1 child together, and I live in her house and pay her for my share of the bills. I decided not to put my name on the house or get any joint accounts. She has tried to convince me to do both, to no avail.

So today she is talking about getting a house in a better school district and wants us both to put money down on it. First of all this is a ridiculous subject since she has no money, but she wants to discuss it. I told her if I buy a house, I'm paying cash and putting my name on it only. She gets upset, asks why, I tell her because I don't want to put myself in a position where I can get kicked out of my own house. I'm not even sure that is possible since we aren't married, but I've ceased being surprised at the ways women can legally fuck you over.

Of course instead of taking a step back to consider things from my POV and coming to an understanding why I had these views, and most importantly dropping the subject, she persists. I can't remember what all was said, shaming tactics and irrelevant and illogical statements were flying at me so fast I think I got a little disoriented. It was a problem with me that I have no trust, she would never do that to me, it isn't like that in all states, for example illinois is better (we don't even live in IL and we personally know men who were eviscerated in family court there, but whatever), and on and on.

I was getting tired of all this bullshit and really just wanted her to drop it so I could get back to watching Norm Macdonald videos, but she was not letting up. Finally she says that she thinks I should talk to somebody about my "problem". I tell her I don't have a problem, and anyway I don't need to talk to anyone, I've seen enough divorces to know what the score is. Finally she tells me that I just need to become a men's rights activist. At this point I was pretty annoyed, so I tell her she needs to get it out of her system that she needs to be figuring out what I need to be doing, and to worry about herself. Cue tears/silent treatment.

So, yeah, totally ridiculous and par for the course when arguing with women. I think my main mistake was taking the shit so seriously. I probably should have just made a joke out of it and refused to discuss it seriously.

Or maybe I didn't make any mistake, I don't know.


Post Information
Title Arguing with women
Author wanderer779
Upvotes 8
Comments 22
Date 05 June 2015 02:00 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/149708
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/38lxet/arguing_with_women/
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Comments

[–]justskatedude11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

You were too emotional. You should have been like "I'll think about it" and start kino and change the subject. Never let your intentions be known if the other person won't like to hear them.

[–]ThrowingMyslfOutther10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

So tonight I got in an argument with my girlfriend, which started when she suggested we buy a house together.

My ex insisted on a house. I unfortunately had BP'd in a relationship at this point. Got a house, got married.

Economy tanks, she divorces me of course cause I'm not bringing in big bucks anymore. She tries to take the house all "good n clean" since "she bought it before we married".

I loved the look on her lawyer's face when I produced tens of thousands of dollars of receipts of my down payment, closing costs, inspections, etc, etc, that I TOO had spent from my own personal money before marriage.

I wonder how many times that lawyer lost that badly.

She was bankrupt a year later.

[–]RemyPrice1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That story made me grin. Good on ya'.

[–]wanderer779[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

interesting. I always figured it was a foregone conclusion that I'd get the boot if things went south which is why I just opted to live in her house and pay her rent.

[–]imgonnabethegreatest3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Don't argue with them, ever.

[–]wanderer779[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

this is something I agree with wholeheartedly - when I have a clear head. I guess the issue I have is that I get hotheaded when people keep pressing and pressing on something.

Still, that advice is only telling you what not to do, which still leaves the question of what to do. Without arguing you are kind of left with what? Making jokes? Silence?

[–]imgonnabethegreatest1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

What would you do if a child tried to argue with you?

[–]wanderer779[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It's actually not unlike some interactions I've had with bratty kids. They annoy you, you tell them to stop, they keep going, finally you tell them in a serious tone that they are out of line and they sulk off and cry for a while. Later on you can explain why their behavior wasn't acceptable. Obviously not ideal and I don't want to give the impression that that is my typical interaction with kids. I actually love kids and get along great with them, but there have been a few instances where it basically went down like that.

after cooling off I think 99% of the problem in this whole ordeal is that I cared. Once I got back to my Norm videos I quit caring.

[–]Endorsed Contributorstickfiguresk1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

A stranger's kid walks up to you in a park and pulls some shit like this. What do you do then? Their parents are 50 ft away and clearly don't give a flying fuck.

[–]wanderer779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yeah then I would just walk away. The thing is I am trapped here so I need other ways to defuse. I suppose I could have gone to a bar or something but I was just kind of winding down getting ready to go to sleep in a half hour or so.

I think humor probably was in order. As is often the case with women the argument was totally pointless. It is funny, at work you might argue with a guy over something that has implications worth thousands or even millions of dollars and you'll both be over it in 20 minutes, but an argument in a relationship about a hypothetical situation with no implications at all leads to people not talking to each other all weekend.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"I'm not having this conversation" or "i'm not going to argue about this with you" (in a completely calm tone) - there will be a silence subject change

she maybe gets another chance or a joke blow off if she brings it up again but after a bit you just have to remove yourself from the situation, let her go silent on you or whatever - just don't defend your position or try to give logical answers to convince her of anything, you told her your position and you even told her WHY, just say you're not talking about it anymore

[–]khanistan3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Arguing with a women is like arguing with a baby. All you hear is a bunch of random shit and you never win.

[–]RemyPrice2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bill Burr on Arguing with a Woman

[–]khanistan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Watched this a while ago, exactly where I got my above statement from.

[–]RemyPrice0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

[–]favours_of_the_moon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hahaha, she's trying to get financial leverage on you.

Kind of a shit test, maybe more of a comfort test. But you just never know. She could be trying to lock you down before she goes for the extreme personal mindrape/branch swing.

[–]favours_of_the_moon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If you agree to buy a house with her or give her financial leverage in any way, consult a lawyer. Make sure there is a stipulation that if the relationship goes badly, that you have an OUT.

This will not only prevent her from having financial leverage against you for extreme personal mindrape purposes, but it will help give YOU leverage in the dread department.

[–]wanderer779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm assuming you're not a lawyer but I'll ask anyway - do you think it is even advisable to buy a house solely in my name and let her live in it? It seems pretty ironclad on paper, but rights have a way of flying out the window when you involve women and children.

I've seen enough carnage that I'm definitely not doing joint anything. I've even considered buying a house nearby and just coming over a lot, but keeping my house female unfriendly so she doesn't try to set up shop. I don't even really know why I need to live with the woman. It wouldn't surprise me if we got along better that way.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol. Don't spend on the house, man. Let her shame you and do whatever.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

What's wrong with being an MRA?

[–]wanderer779[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nothing. It was more that I was just tired of hearing her talk about what I needed to do about some problem that doesn't even exist to begin with.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, given that you have a kid with her I imagine you have to try to keep the peace?



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