Also, I have no idea how to tell you the story without making starting from the beginning and making it a fucking novel. Let's just jump directly into the last chapter (EDIT : skipped 90% of the story yet this still ended up as a long post, FFS).

Let's just say I have mild feelings for her (she's 22, I'm 26) but she has none for me (she used to, but back then IDGAF about her). We don't live in the same country (I'm the expatriate one). We're bound to see each other one day or another when I get back there for a wedding or something because she's a distant cousin.

Three weeks ago, I spent a week at her parent's house (where she lives) and I hadn't seen her for 4 years before that (because she broke my heart the last time by seducing me then telling me LJBF). There was some mild flirting (though she'd deny it, but it was) and awkward moments (moments where you should go for the kiss but Islamic background prevents you from it).

She was planning a trip to Europe (Bratislava) for her first time but was gonna be pretty much by herself. I suggested I could join (I live in Paris for the time being) to make up for good company. She was happy with the idea and pushed for it. I kept going back and forth with it (I was scared of developing strong feelings again and going home heartbroken). She kept asking me to come even when I told her I wasn't coming.

I ended up going (because I wanted to put this story to a definitive end : either "yes, we're in a relationship" or "no, LJBF") and I spent this last week with her where we lived at a common relative's place. Again, some flirting, much kino but mostly initiated by me (and none directly sexual) and a lot of laughing. But still, LJBF.

Given the answer, I want her out of my life so I can focus on something else. But she's not letting me go, she craves male attention and mine too. I left the city one day after her. The day she left, I turned the page the moment the goodbye hug was over. 24h after (yesterday) and she's texting me "Why haven't you asked if I was OK ?".

I have no answer to these questions. I don't want to answer them. But I can't just ignore it because she would then ask "Why are you ignoring me ?". I told her "I didn't need to ask, I know you are OK". She said "I'm missing Bratislava", "Already", "You don't ?", "Nop".

Today, she sent "how was your trip ?" a few hours ago. I ignored it. I don't wanna play HER game anymore. She has many dudes she's talking to, and one in particular that she likes. I won't be one blinking conversation between two others.

Right at this moment, while I was typing this, she called me through Facebook (she noticed that I saw yet ignored her message). I didn't pick up.

I don't want to talk to her anymore. I just don't know how to go about it. Ignoring her completely feels like a weak move on my part (the last time, when she broke my heart, I blocked her out of my Facebook for months). Especially since we parted on good terms. And I don't see any other option. So, what to do ? I really need to refocus on myself (I'm currently jobless (with a strong option being in the pipeline), homeless (will come with the job) and fitless (no excuse)).

On a related note : how do I kill the part of me that still believes there might be a chance down the line ? She signed the last cigarette in my pack (we both very casually smoke and we shared a few cigarettes on this trip) : "thank you asshole" (I have pissed her two or three times by being cold as fuck when she was too distant, or when she overtly behaved in full "LJBF" mode). I can't bring myself to smoke it.