This is a word for word transcript of a recent conversation I had with a long time plate of mine--and by long term I mean 6 years. As you will see, I handle things like my hero(rip) patrice o'neal: I don't give an inch. I call em out and let em hang themselves when they trap themselves in their own heads. She is the first person speaking and the conversation follows fluidly after that.

*For security purposes from the crazy folks that still stalk my posts, I have removed the names but kept the time and date.

Can I ask you a question? At what point in your life do you think you'll fall in love with a girl?

5/21, 9:38pm When it happens You have this charming idea in your head that love is like this great job im refusing to apply for

5/21, 9:46pm Hahahaha No I just feel like you aren't open to it And Really maybe it's just that I don't get how you don't love me Gosh which sounds so pompous

5/21, 9:49pm So since I dont love you im clearly not open to it

5/21, 9:49pm No it's not that But it's kinda like the stars align for us and if that doesn't work for you, what will??

5/21, 9:50pm There are no stars the universe is indifferent

5/21, 9:50pm I'm not even offended anymore that you don't love me Shoot sometimes I'm shocked you still like me as a person haha I can't wait until we grow up and to see where we both end up in life. It'll be interesting I think

5/21, 9:55pm Youre always in such a rush for the destination Smell the roses little dove

5/21, 10:00pm No no I'm all about smelling roses just one day I'm excited to see how it all unfolded

5/21, 10:02pm Even when I catch you in yiur own ridiculousness you find a way to rationalize it. Its so familiar its scary

5/21, 10:13pm I accept a lot about what you say to me This is what happens when you only text people- times get mixed up

5/21, 10:28pm This is gonna sound so girly of me to say and sorry you have to hear it haha But I'm excited to fall in love with someone! The emotions and the giddiness of it all, I just can't way!

5/21, 10:35pm You already have You often do this where you try and rationalize it away because ive never said it back And you think you're convincing but youre not

5/21, 10:38pm It's not even because you haven't said it back to me. It's just not ideal. I mean you and I aren't

5/21, 10:50pm Just an hour ago you were talkin about stars Now its not ideal

5/21, 10:52pm Okay okay I'm crazy No no you and I are just not ideal. Love for me is though Love for you is as well. We just aren't ideal. This just isn't. I can't wait until I meet the right guy where it is ideal and the right circumstances

5/21, 11:12pm Okay okay I'm crazy. I can't help it. I can't hide it. I'm not entirely sure what to do about it anymore And this is another question for you I have You act like because I've told you I love you, I won't ever have those feelings with another guy. You can love more than one person

The hamster is real my niggas. The hamster is so fuckin real. Notice 4 things:

1.She talks way more than I do. Multiple sentences because rationalization is loquacious, it needs room to explain itself, while logic is laconic and sharp.

2.The narcissism of women, especially modern women. This girl is by all rights a keeper. She has her head on straight, doesn't fuck around, none of that. Still she assumes that because I don't love her that I don't love at all. The solipsism is hard to fathom sometimes. Also notice that I've trained her well enough to notice her own pomposity.

3.She tries to rationalize not loving me. She talks about how the stars aligned for us--this is girl talk for we were in the same place at the same time in the same group of friends and she wanted to fuck me--and then turns around and says we're not ideal. I NEVER let women slide on this. EVER. The key is using their own words against them. Remember when your mother told you listening was the key to women? She was right, but she didn't realize how right she was.

4.Lastly, notice that when I tell her, succinctly and swiftly, that she loves me with complete confidence, that the battle is won and she finally admits her crazy but not before one last hail mary hamstering. The key was to not respond to her first crazy statement and let her outthink herself.

The lesson as always: Women will rationalize anything if you just give them enough time and reason to do so.