Before I start a flame war or people saying "blah blah excuses blah blah..please hear me out". I DO agree that looks is only ONE of the many components of success with women, but I think its importance is underrated and you need to at least pass a certain threshold (which most guys can reach), depending on the women, otherwise you will be fighting an uphill battle.

A little background on myself: I am a young professional with condo in a large metropolitan area. got my dream job, make ~100,000 a year. Good circle of friends - but most are tied down/married. Been Lifting since I was 22, currently at 175 pounds 10% bodyfat and keep trying to push my weightlifting goals. Play in a local band. I'm comfortable in my own skin, comfortable starting conversations with random people etc..elevator/grocery store whatever.

Main Problem: I think my looks are holding me back from attracting girls that are somewhat cute. I can attract overweight women no problem. However, if the girl is in shape and has a somewhat cute face, my success plummets.

I have no problems conversing/doing witty banter/escalating/eye contact etc. I have to do this for my job so some of these have become habits.

here is what happens, from my point of view: Women give me nothing to "work with" when I converse with them. What I mean, is that I don't really receive what I call positive feedback, in terms of sexual interest. Flirting is a two way street. If a women is sexually interested in you, she will throw out hints/laugh at you more/etc, put you in the frame to "lead". It's subtle sometimes. It never happens to me...I am starting to think the way I look (in the face) is my main issue. Women acknowledge me, laugh at me, I can hold a good convo, but they don't show signs that they would be sexually interested in me.

Here is an example of what typically happens: Yesterday I was out to lunch with a few coworkers and non-coworkers(outside of work) I knew and a few that were new. There were two new girls in the group. I converse with the guys, shoot the shit, get some good laughs, etc. Then I introduce myself to the new people, including the girls. They are friendly, but don't really smile or hold eye contact the way a girl who is interested holds eye contact. Its subtle. then my other coworker (who is better looking than me) talks to them and says pretty much the same thing I said and the girls light up, smile more. A few minutes later the girl glances back at him again, asks another question, touches him lightly on the shoulder. The girls don't give me anything to "work with". If I keep the conversation going and eventually ask for their number, they usually give it out to me, but it ends up with one date with them saying "sorry..you seem like a nice guy but you are not my type", or them not even meeting up with me and saying something like "we can meet up with a group?". It's like they don't want me to lead them. this happens on a regular basis, but ONLY if the girls are unattractive, which is one of my main points.

What I think my main issue is: -I look extremely young for my age, but just in face. I am 31, but look like I am around 23. I am not joking here. I have absolutely no masculinity to my face. can't grow facial hair. No square cut jaw etc etc. I have tried wearing more mature clothes, getting a more mature haircut, but It doesn't change much, it is almost like the face is the primary determinant of physical masculinity. I just look like a young guy that is strangely muscular for his age, wears nice clothes, and has a good haircut, not a mature guy with those qualities.

Other Points:

  • I have never been giving indicators of interest by a girl that I know of, unless she is fat or older
  • Girls have never offered to set me up with their friends
  • Never been called hot/cute etc. -I'm 5'10"

So where do I go from here? I'm not sure there is much I can improve physically without getting plastic surgery, which there is no way I am doing. I am also not going to only date overweight women since I can't even get it up with them. I already have decent game - I'm not some super charismatic guy but I have no problems talking to women, eye contact, asking for their number etc.

I have been thinking of some options:

  • Hone my game further so I can leverage that
  • Focus on women that are 20-22 instead of women in their late twenties. Women in their late twenties think that they are too old for me.