TL;DR - I was in a relationship for 2 and a half years. In that time my girlfriend broke up with me 3 times. She came crawling back twice. After the second time this had eroded my trust in her. I always had it in the back of my mind that she would leave again if things got rough and doubted her and never opened up to her again. We had stupid fights and she did leave me again. Was I wrong it taking in back each time? The problem is that I still miss her and think of her

Hello everyone. A brief introduction about me. I started studying game a few years ago and I have been a long time reader of Heartiste. I have lurked over on TheRedPill a bit but haven't posted too much. My relationship ended about 6 months ago with my LTR. We were together in one way or another for close to 2 and a half years. I have been trying to not think of her and put it all behind me but it is hard and I do think of her quite a bit. This morning I was typing a name into facebook and I guess it was similar to hers and her name popped up in the search bar and all these feelings came back and I feel upset all over again. I would like advise on what I did wrong in the relationship and things I could have done differently so in the future I can learn from this. I know this post is long, but I would greatly appreciate any feedback you could give me on this

In the 2 and a half years that we were together, she has broken up with me 3 times and she has crawled back to me twice. Each split and makeup she initiated, I always said I wanted us to stay together.

The first split was in November 2014. She said I made her feel insecure and we fight too much.

When we first met I told her someone who takes care of themselves is very important to me, someone that works out and eats healthy, etc. She would workout regularly and send me snapchats, etc of herself working out, etc. She was very religious with working out for the first year and a half. Then she quit and started eating crappy food again (was a huge fast food person before we met). She gained 25-30 lbs. She also has hypothyroidism and she would refuse to take her meds. I would get onto her about it, that she needs to take them. She would take them for a few weeks here and there but she never stuck to it. She would rather spend on money on drinks at the bar than the meds that she needed. I asked her what was going on and tried to get her to do workouts and stuff with me, but she would just get mad at me and say I was too controlling. Seemed all she wanted to do was watch tv in her free time during the week and drink on the weekends. Her day would be to work in an office all day, come home and watch netflix all night and repeat during the week. Friday add in going to the bar at night and sleeping a hangover off during saturday and sunday. I tried to get her to go on walks or bike rides with me, but she hated it. This bothered me a lot because it is important to me to take care of yourself and want a girl who does as well.

The first split lasted about 2 weeks and she came back on my birthday, saying she wanted to work things out. We were together again from November until February. During this time our biggest problem was that she never brought me out with her friends after the first split and I told her it bothered me, but she still didn't. She would act weird and act like she didn't want me there, not invite me to stuff or say we can hangout, then later say its girl's night. She said I always blew her phone up when I was mad, she didn't know I was such a clinger, we don't have to do everything together, they're her friends not mine. Every time she would do this I try to talk to her about it, but she would just say she doesn't feel like dealing with this right now. I may have gotten needy a few times then, but she made me feel insecure about our relationship and I didn't feel that is how a girlfriend of close to 2 years should treat me. She eventually broke up with me again and said just isn't feeling the relationship. She doesn't see a future with me, she did a few months ago, but not now.

She was a bit rude here. Wanted to know when we could exchange things. This was very hard for me and I was crushed. I went and spent a few days with one of my best friends who is a natural. I told her we could exchange things in a few days I would let her know, but I can't right now. She accused me of making this harder than it is and I am just dragging this out on purpose. I told her this is hard for me and give me time. She said fine. A couple days later she texts me again and asks if I am going to respond to her or what. I told her give me a few days and she got all mad again and said fine. This was a huge eye opener for me about how girls personality can change so much. My natural friend told me that when I go and meet her, not to be upset and not to show emotion. Tell her that I enjoyed the time we had together, that I was glad that we met, it is unfortunate things didn't work out, but I would always cherish what we had and to wish her luck. If she ever needed anything feel free to give me a call. Pretty much be aloof and don't let it show how much she is hurting you. I met her at a starbucks and exchanged things. I sat her down and asked her how she was doing and how she was taking the breakup. She said fine and shook her head and had a tone of voice that suggested it didn't bother her and why would I even wonder if it bothered her. I then told her what my friend told me to say and I saw a look of surprise/shock come over her. She said I don't know what you expect me to say. I told her I don't expect you to say anything, I just wanted to tell you how I felt. I then hugged her and left. On the way home she texted me and said she is sorry she didn't say more, she wanted to but I caught her off guard with what I said. She is sorry things can't be different and she can't give me what I want. That I was her best friend for 2 years and that she is going to miss that and thank you for bringing my stuff. I told my buddy what happened and he said I played it perfectly. Now it is time that I went and had some fun, she will comeback to you one day and then you can decide if you want her back, but in the mean time go out and chase pussy.

There is a friend that is a girl I have known longer than I knew this girl I was dating. My girlfriend was always jealous of this girl and thought we had a past together, but we never did. When we dated she said she would prefer that I not hang out with this girl without her there. After we split we were still friends on facebook. I took a group pic with my friend and a few days later took a pic of a beer on the patio. A girl was in the background and my ex gf assumed it was my friend. She calls me and says she doesn't like seeing me with this other girl and that she would like to be friends with me. I agree to being friends with her. About a week later my friend checks us into a bar on facebook, my ex sees it the next day and flips out. Sends me multiple texts saying fuck you, you barely talk to her when we are dating, yet when we break up you are with her all the time. I knew there was something there, I told you how I felt about it and you still hang out with her. I can't believe I still feel like shit. You called out the one person I always had a problem with, good, if you want to be with her I hope you get a fucking STD. She later apologized for her reaction and we hung out once as friends, but I told her I after that I had too many feeling for her to be just friends and to contact me if she ever wanted to date again.

A month later she contacts me and says she didn't give us a fair chance. I took her back again and we dated a bit over 3 months. Everything was great until the last 3 weeks (she was angry and in a bad mood at the end and didn't know why). In the end she complained that I wasn't texting her/trying to hang out enough, it seemed like she was doing all the work and that I just don’t care (we hung out at least twice a week). I was trying not to be as needy as I was the last time. she did start bringing me out with her friends so that was not an issue anymore. She went out of town for a week with her girlfriend. When she was there she got upset that I wasn't texting her enough on her trip. I told her I was not ignoring her, just letting her enjoy her trip, but I didn't mind talking to her. She then got mad that I liked one of her friends photo on facebook (it was just her friend and another girl, not in a bikini or anything. Honestly didn't think it was that big of a deal). Asked why I did that and what my motivation was, they are her friends and not mine. Now she is going to ask her why I liked it and she has to explain why. I told her I bet her friend won't say anything and its not a big deal. She got back in town and was short and in a bad mood. I kept telling her to drop it and lets have fun, but she stayed mad.

We got in a drunken argument one night over text from her being so cranky and she said we were done. What she felt before she feels again. We aren’t happy together. I'm sick of her dumping me so I delete her on all social media. The next day she says you deleted me....cool. I say you told me you don't want me in your life. She says she said we would talk tomorrow and that I always just go and delete her. A few days pass and she asks if we are just going to stop talking or if we are going to talk about things. I tell her I want to talk about it and make it work. She then says she doesn't think talking will make a difference. We're too back and fourth, she doesn’t want to be in a relationship where we always break up and it is just going to keep happening. I finally got her to say why she had been upset, she said I should make her feel pretty and special. I make her feel like a shitty person, that I think she is fat and my friends do as well and I give her judgy looks (I did try and motivate her to workout again, but she asked me to help her lose weight. Maybe I said the wrong thing at some point, but I never meant to be mean, just to help her out) I told her I loved her, I didn't think that, and if I did I wouldn’t be with her. She said that may not be what you think, but you don’t try and make me feel better about myself when I tell you that you say or do something that I don't like. I tell her I want to make this work and be together, if I said something mean that I am sorry. She said yes, you said hurtful things, but this is more than that. She says she knows I want to work on things but she cant feel like she is forcing a relationship to work. Shes sick of fighting and things never change. We just dont work together. It isn't easy, it makes it even harder knowing that I am hurting, but she knows this is what is right, we are different people now. Maybe one day you will realize we don't have a healthy relationship.

  • Almost all of the above interactions with her were via text. She pretty much only communicated with me over text. She didn't really talk about our issues in person or sit down and say what she wanted to change in person. She would shoot me 4, 5, or 6 page long text messages at a time about what was bothering her. Every time she broke up with me and came back was over text, not even over a phone call. I think our most important conversations were over text. I think this contributed to her getting so angry because everything just built up to a point. I guess I should have tried to sit her down and talk things out in person when we were on the rocks, but at the same time she only seemed to want to text everything. I talked to her a couple times about things and she barely talks, then a couple hours later sends me what she feels in a text
  • She says she is sick of breaking up and we are too back and forth but she is always leaving me then coming back. If things are bad why does she come back? Am I messing up each time?
  • I may have gotten onto her about her weight, but she gained close to 30 lbs and didn't take care about herself. Crappy food, no exercise, and not taking her thyroid meds. It seemed like she didn't care and I want a girl that takes care of herself. She would rather get drunk than take her meds. I feel like it is disrespectful to your partner to just give up in such a way
  • She complains about me being clingy and needy, that we don't have to do everything together. Then after we break up and get back together she says I don't show her enough attention or make enough effort, she has to do all the work. This was 3 months into us dating again, I feel like she needed to earn my attention back
  • I know that many reading this will think this was a horrible relationship. But we had many amazing times in that first year and a half. And I still miss her and think about her to this day. The truth is if she came back today I don't know what I would do, and I hate that. I know I need to stay away from her, but I am having a hard time getting over her. I have hooked up and went on a date with a few girls since the split, but none in the looks range as this girl, and honestly this breakup has hurt my inner game and it isn't easy meeting new women when you are stuck on an ex.

I know not to chase her, my buddy told me never chase after being dumped and it will just push her away more. This post isn't about how to get her back because I know I probably can't, I would like to know what I should have done differently over the course of the relationship to have made it work and what was out of my control. I have cut all ties with her and am trying to move on one day at a time.