While this may not be the most active community of like-mindedguys I'm gonna take a shot. I can't believe my only resource for matters of the heart so far has been realjock.com which is not helpful
Being the only different type of guy in my family/workplace and life has been a challenging journey.
I came out at 26 still a virgin and have spent 4 years "fucking up" it seems.
My #1 mistake i feel is becoming/being "too available" which is based on seeking that comfort/validation that I feel by having someone that seems unobtainable "love" me.
It probably is a false belief and hope, and is actually more like drug that my psychology craves to have.
So once again, after I sent the last guy away in a kick em' to the curb method after cheating, a year later I meet a similar type and repeat the same mistakes.
-Seeking Validation thru text
-Opening up about feelings/my heart
-Expressing my desire for that special someone
-Letting them top, or playing into when they ask me if I've ever bottomed.
-Not being ok with him bailing on date plans, but still talking to them or rescheduling because "he totally spaced a birthday party" where in reality he probably wanted to bail so he could go party and drink.
Quintessentially allowing every single aspect as my role of being the stronger Oak tree be reversed. Why would I do this if everything that is attractive about me being a tall, muscled, obviously handsome guy becomes discredited?
I'd really like a clean slate where I can stop doing these things. And think to myself "well atleast this current younger boy, has now become more of a sacrificial lamb" to every negative behavior social dynamics I'd like to change.
So I started going out solo this week, because I want to stop thinking about him. I want to overcome scarcity. I'm at the club Friday approaching and talking to people. When all the sudden he's right infront of me. He's there drunk and with his friends. They have no way back home, he asks me for a hour ride back home. My feelings and "pushover/niceness/sweet" qualities make it okay for me do drive them home.
I completely got sick again with my "pretend bF" disease. And spent the rest of my night in that role. I allowed him and his ridiculousness to control the rest of my night.
And the worst kicker is I didn't seize the opportunity to focus on an ever cuter boy, that approached me and danced with me for a minute because I fell into that "pretend bF" role. I allowed the cuter boy I was more interested in to slip away without getting his # because all the sudden I'm at the club with this guy that hasn't made hardly any effort to be with me. I hate that this happened and I became the ultimate loser of the night by experiencing an awful drive 2 hours out of my way, one hour being extremely dark and lonely when I originally intended to go out that night to WIN.
I want to change.