Alpha-widowed is a term we see often on TRP that refers to a woman who met her male alpha match and can't have him back and won't take anything lower (and for alpha widows that becomes, "won't take anyone else"). Maybe he was a one night stand, maybe an ex. These women are considered damaged goods by the community.
Gay men infatuated with a masculine superior who no longer gives him any notice have a vantage point that women don't however. They can make the man of their dreams out of themselves. Not just in a feel-good way ("Well Dan isn't answering my texts anymore, but check my new mile-running time!") but actually feel his love for that masculinity go towards himself as he becomes it, and the bygone alpha-Dan becomes objectively substandard to his new self. He doesn't have to miss moaning under the Masculine; he can be the Masculine in even better form, channeling it better than Dan.
Straight RP men actually have the same solution. Making yourself an alpha male draws all your pheromones to think you are really, really awesome, that the guy in the mirror is really, really awesome, and bitches become a fun occasional side gig, girlfriend included, an inferior priority to the god that is YOU. We preach this on TRP all the time.
Gay men though, have the whole masc/fem, bottom/top thing going on so masculinity can be a little more complicated. Anal semantics aside (literally and figuratively), my whole schpeal regarding gay sex/dating is and has been that masculine/feminine polarization is just as an important dynamic sexually between straight partners and gay partners. One is the player providing masculine value, the other is the screening playful more-feminine one looking for Mr Guy. An initiator and a receptor. Otherwise it's two dudes planning a mutual wank playing who can get their tongue down further the other's throat, or two drag queens planning a Lady Gaga shasay into the ground.
Being a feminine receptor to a straight-guy-type is fun because you are going mostly off of your looks (you don't necessarily have to lift), the other guy initiates if you're lucky ("he wants me, oh my!" is a familiar and fun feminine endorphin) and the guy, if you're lucky, is muscular, taller, and actually likes that you are easier to handle/carry and boss around. It's also fun because you will probably deal with less catty gays and instead guys who just act more like guys. Less drama, more interesting conversation, and, if you're into missionary, chizeled abs going thump-thump right above your pelvis. I accept.
But I've found that moments where I catch myself at my most masculine offset a joy I didn't know I had. So when a twinkier, cute, light-haired guy shows interest in me and I'm basically down despite him not being Captain America, I follow the push and pull, and practice being the oak tree that the bottom-monkey climbs on and feeds off of.
It only sucks because in the position of the masculine, you're more likely going to be with more ostentatiously feminine guys (or go through the trouble of screening them out if you're on a mission for a masculine submissive), you deal with shit tests, which are hard -- basically, they're not expecting to buy you a drink (but they do, if you let them). Being the guy is so much eeeasier than being the girl, right?!
I had a plate who was cute and an insider into our industry, which I found very interesting, so the conversation was mostly that. He did text a lot though so I kept him at a distance and ignored his empty openers ("you're cute"; "hi"). When we were among others and he wasn't worried about concentrating on conversation that fancied me, I couldn't help noticing the similarities between being a girl and being a feminine gay bottom type. I mostly am a gay/skinny(toned)/feminine guy to be honest, but I like to think I'm more grounded and curious than this generic type I'm about to elaborate on:
I noticed that when he was talking to others, he would always go on about himself without exception. His tone was always gossip-y and whenever he talked about others' actions, it was always with a "wow! can't believe they went there!" because someone else would certainly judge that, the status quo had been clear to him but not to the dissenter in question, or something else had set the rules and garlfriend wasn't following! Scandal! Judgment decries them! Moments alone for this girl-fellow were an instantaneous flight to Instagram where, with an almost somber expression, he would Like almost everything on it; he was therefore one with the group and 'with it.' More sad are the femme gays who I have actually seen get off to some kind of 'empowerment' by double-tapping Insta posts by celebrities who have never heard of them and who will never notice their 1 second Like-contribution. What all of these have in common is that the Instagram, the gossip, even the hair-tossing (for whom?), all swirl and dance around a phallic symbol, like a big wide open vagina worshipping a Penis so deep inside of it that it can't see it: the Penis, a based protagonist, a rule-setting, phallic beast that is the rule, the status quo, the man. And when Penis says "WHAT is this!" or anything goes against Order/Rules/Society (i.e. Penis) and Penis's silence echoes the dissonance between the offense and It, social media and chicks go "ohh..my...gawsh. Oh no they didn't. Literally can't. Hashtag not doing what everyone else is doing even though Big Phallic Center Of Gravity says to and we all follow it. Also that dress? What will people (Penis) think? Also, the other day Louise ignored Michelle in front of everyone when she said hi [expecting huge reaction from person she is telling]. (Penis says to try to be nice, as we all know, and this is a violation of Penis.)" "That's nothing: Matt said something racist." (She couldn't give less of a shit about hurt feelings or discrimination; Penis says it's bad though and that makes all the girls go "oh! ohh Penis!") These peter pan girly gay boys are putting on a show for an invisible judgmental distant man all the time. They are the true Charlie's Angels.
The craziest part was when this other guy was talking about another guy like "oh he's showing interest in me!" soullessly like a little whaddya know status show instead of any kind of connection, and his girlfriends would be like "ahmaga good job." My only inner response was, wait, seriously? That's something to be proud of? It was obvious that for this particular guy the only thing going through Mr Chad's mind was "sure I'll stick my dick in that." (This was the Instagram one btw.) I never thought TRP would make me laugh at a chick/bottom's self-congratulation of being with a worthy guy, but that's the thing -- the guy is the worthy one. Not this leech.
For the truly and pathetically femme gay men, power is always by proxy. Tagging Beyonce in tweets, showing off that they saw Cher on the street -- it's one thing to do something like this occasionally and in good taste or humor, but for many gays this is life as they know it, and settling for anything else is a [RuPaul pun regarding the word "no"]. Including with the manly men they seek -- a manly man is power and status for them, these gays have made luxury items1 of themselves. Feminine people need validation, need to put someone down, and this all depends on someone else's judgment/decisions/values, the status quo of their society, the firm regulations that are like a holy book that fall hard on a surface and make the feminine person go "oh!" (in both acquiescence and pleasure).
Be the status quo. Be the rule. Make your own values. It applies to relationships too: gay men don't have to revel in the cat lady status that women so often do once Chad sees their expiration date is up. They can be men.
And now for something uncanny:
The Pervert's Guide to Cinema talks about, among MANY things, this phenomenon of a figure not being able to leave your life; it comes out either in your imagination, or an impression you do. This phenomenon has come up a lot in movies as a creepy Other that sometimes becomes you. In almost all cases it is the person, or an untapped energy inside the person that the person refuses to dig into. A very interesting and humorously made documentary for its own sake. Are you ignoring your masculinity and projecting it onto other inferior boys?
Man up :]
1 Linked because of this quote: "There is one great advantage which women have over men: they have a choice – a choice between the life of a man and the life of a dimwitted, parasitic luxury item. There are too few women who would not select the latter." Funny that gay men have this choice too, and too often select the latter.
Edit #343234575: I noticed that I only dealt with oneitis towards more masculine/dominant guys. I guess becoming more alpha is still the answer, as it is with TRP, even if your oneitis was more submissive/feminine. Bitches ain't shit, and oneitis is feminine anyway; it depends on the other person etc. Become the rule.